Is my kid the only non-genius?

[RandySF]

After years of talking to other parents, I feel like mine is the only kid who hasn't read War and Peace and written a math textbook by the end of first grade. Ever get that feeling?

[Fresh_Start]

1. Oh, I know quite a few that are being recruited for pro sports

even though they are only 15 years old.
Then there are the ones who have agents because of their entertainment or modelling careers.

So its not only academic genius out here....

[loli phabay]

2. lol its funny cause its true. im happy mine are not in jail. yet

[jberryhill]

3. What? No Nobel prize?

I got one who will in all likelihood qualify for a Darwin Award.

[msanthrope]

4. It just seems that way. I'm guessing this is a pre-teen boy? nt

[jberryhill]

6. Naw, he's 18 lol

[msanthrope]

11. Well, then you are almost at the point where you cannot be blamed for his choices! nt

[loli phabay]

13. yup your just the co signer on hhis bond.

[Bettie]

60. I've got one of those

I've got my oldest who is really bright, but very locked into rules to the point where he's having social problems. He's 11.

My second son (10) is the one who is likely to get the Darwin Award. He's got zero impulse control and thinks rules are there as loose guidelines.

He's also the one who spends a lot of time making fart noises in his armpit.

My third boy (yeah, three boys), is 4 and still a force of nature. He has more impulse control than boy #2 but less than #1. Then again, I have less impulse control than #1. I worry about that child.

They are bright, but then, I guess I would think that.

Every kid has a "thing" that they will excel at, but sometimes finding it is hard.

[southernyankeebelle]

5. My granddaughter is in first grade. I think she is a normal first grader. She does bring

homework home. Not alot but she does. My goodness even spelling words. Yes even in kindergarten she had spelling words. Also they have computer day and library day. I think its a little pressuring for kids today.

[RandySF]

7. Our first grade teacher is brutal.

Yesterday they went on a field trip that involved a lot of walking and play. When they got back, they had a VERY packed final two hours of work. And after PE day, I can feel the dried sweat on his skin. But yeah, he's a normal kid who is pretty bright in math. Maybe it's because we live in San Francisco, but all I ever hear is how far ahead their kids are compared to their peers.

[southernyankeebelle]

10. Yep, hell lets make sure we put these kids in a pressure cooker. Good knows they are already

under enough pressure. It's just me. I want my granddaughter to enjoy school. Her first grade teacher gets on her for her handwriting (printing). She is having alittle problem but my daugther-in-law is going to hold off. This teacher taught the 4th last year and now she is teaching 1st grade. My granddaughter likes her and the teacher seems to like her.

[loli phabay]

9. i think you would be surprised at what they learn

My kids are amazing at languages my five year old daughter is pretty fluent in four and now shes picking up french and amazingly some japanese from tv. But she still does dumb stuff that makes me shudder.

[Igel]

19. All little kids are great at picking up languages.

It's what they do.

TV as your primary source of language is just bad. What you learn is usually skewed stylistically, you don't get feedback on pronunciation and grammar, and what you produce may be intelligible but is far from acceptable.

[loli phabay]

21. i think the japanese is just so she can watch the shows so im not to bothered

But both them can pretty much converse across all their languages and switch between them without thinking about it.

[southernyankeebelle]

48. Your right on that. My husband speaks german and I speak the dialect of Italain and my

granddaughter has a snack for languages. She understands what I say to her. I think learning another language is a good idea.

[Jennicut]

15. The spelling words start early.

Mine are in 2nd and 3rd and have pretty big packets of homework per week. Nothing impossible but a lot.
I always laugh when people say kids are not educated enough today. Back in the 80's we did not have this amount of homework, did we? Plus a lot of after school stuff with piano, gymnastics and girl scouts.

[southernyankeebelle]

47. You sound a lot younger then me. I am almost 65 and I remember starting first grade.

I was scared to death and I wanted my momma. I didn't want to be there. We didn't have kindergarten. My dad took me and my twin sister the first day of school. He took us to our room and I started crying. I'd never been separated from my momma. He came over and hugged me and said he would be back. When he didn't come right back I kept crying until the teacher sent me to the principal's office. (LOL) Oh my it was tramatic for me. But 1st grade way back when I went was like kindgarten. We never had homework and I don't remember spelling words. I think there is way to much homework. I would give them an assignment to read a book (all reading the same book) and maybe 5 to 8 spelling words at a time. Then make them practice writing. I think in the early grades writing is a must to be practiced. Education should be fun at all levels. But we have lost our way. I wish they just get back to the basics of reading, writing and math. Spend the morning doing those classes and the afternoons helping kids working on these skills. Also give them time to go outside and play what they want to play.

[Jennicut]

49. I am 36. Even I did not have this much pressure in school.

I remember 1st grade (1981 or so) as just starting to read and maybe some spelling tests with 5 words. My girls have 20 words a week. We did not switch for reading and math until 4th grade. Now they start it at 2nd grade in my girls' school. And the homework is like 7 pages a week. Plus reading logs. They have to read 20 minutes per night. My mom is 65 too and said they did not have any of this kind of pressure back then. Preschool and kindergarten were more play time. My girls had to spell their name by the end of preschool and were writing letters. That was kindergarten for me.

I agree, they need more time to just be kids.

[southernyankeebelle]

52. I remember my brother-in-law practicing spelling words and what they call site words at

the age of 2. He had the patience with them. Of course he had more time with the twins. One of the twins had water on the brain. In Maryland when there is a handicapped child at home they bring in some type of teacher who starts working with them early. I seem to remember her coming at 6 months old. She would let both twins in the room together to see how she did with her twin. What a miracle she is. One is going to be a dentist and she will graduate in 2 yrs and the other wants to teach dental hygiene. She is the one with water on the brain. She also got married on Friday last week.

Yes my granddaughter was learning to write ABCs and even worked on computer study. She is lucky the school is in a rural area and the classes go from K - 8th grade. My grandson is in 5th grade and they are changing classes for the first time. The school has 2 floors 5 - 8 are upstairs. K - 4th grade are downstairs. You know I want my granddaughter to read more. I have to find a prize that if she reads so many pages then I will reward her. She was having problems with her spelling but the deal is if she gets an A or B then she can pick what she wants to do. Skating,movie or bowling. That works pretty good.

I think once my granddaughter hits high school I pray my daughter-in-law will home school her. My daughter-in-law's sister was home schooled for high school. It worked really good for her.

[Nevernose]

44. The terrible secret behind homework:

Most studies show it's totally unproductive. Most secondary teachers simply refuse to believe this and continue to give it; many elementary teachers tell me that the only reason they give it is because the parents expect it.

What profession will these children grow up to work in, in which they are given homework (except ironically teaching)?

And math homework especially irks me: I'd they don't know how to do it, why would doing it without a teacher at hime be helpful? And if they DO know how to work their math problems, why the hell are they doing it again?

[southernyankeebelle]

45. Oh,tell me about it. I hated math. My 5th grade grandson brings home math that I'd never

seen before. Unbelievable. My husband has a college degree and he doesn't understand it. Most of the time we just can't help him with math. It is frustrating because you don't know who to turn to.

[snooper2]

54. "Yes even in kindergarten she had spelling words."

I always find comedy in threads about education LOL

[southernyankeebelle]

56. Yes I find it a tragic comedy. Our education system is being dismantled before our eyes.

The teachers are suppose to be the bad guys. My grandkids teachers are really nice and try their best under terrible conditions. My grandson's teacher in 5th grade worked full time with me before she became a teacher. She is made to be a teacher. She works very hard. I had another young lady working with me started teaching this year. These young women worked very hard to get their education. What do the get in turn. Republcans wanted to cut their pay and pensions.

[Marrah_G]

8. They are just glossing over the bad stuff :)

[XemaSab]

12. "My kid smoked out your honors student"

[TeamPooka]

55. lmao :)

[ellisonz]

58. lol

[JVS]

14. Parents tend to exaggerate their children's accomplishments.

[eppur_se_muova]

65. NO!!!!!!!

Seriously, I think your one post answered the question in the OP.

[sense]

16. I think we, as parents,

should admit the bad as well as the good when we talk with other parents about our kids. We should share what we learn, what works and doesn't in our struggles to raise decent human beings. A friend and I recently had a conversation about this very topic. We should all be more honest with each other about what's really going on in our lives with our kids, all of it, not just the triumphs. We could probably be more effective parents and at least not feel so alone and frightened when the really challenging things arise.

I'll start.

I have two kids. One is extremely intelligent, academically. He also really struggles with understanding people and probably is on the autism spectrum, with some form of aspergers (undiagnosed). I have done the english to english translation for him since before he was two to try to help him understand and relate to other people. It will be a lifelong struggle.

My other child, while being very bright (sorry, it's the truth), is also extremely manipulative and has been lying since he could speak. He's certain that everything should come easily to him, with next to no effort, and that's what he normally puts into most of his endeavors. We've caught him lying, cheating, stealing and dealing drugs.

Anyone with suggestions, please chime in!

[GreenPartyVoter]

17. Oh. My. God. We have the same kids! (Well, mine hasn't

dealt drugs but man, spot on in so many other ways...)

My eldest is academically very strong and has pervasive developmental disorder (but alright with interpersonal skills,) the younger is also brilliant w/ ADHD and a mood disorder and will only do what interests him and what comes easily. If it doesn't, he can't be bothered to try. (He has a deep fear of failing in front of people, although he blusters his way through it and pretends otherwise.) He _is_ Calvin from "Calvin and Hobbes."

[sense]

25. Twins!

I will hold a good thought that your younger one doesn't follow mine. I'm hopeful that my son's venture into what he would term entrepreneurship is over, but I don't want to be the last to know if I'm wrong. If he's going to get arrested I'd rather it be as a juvenile, but I would prefer that he pulled his head out before that happens.

[GreenPartyVoter]

31. Thanks! I hope yours channels that energy into something else. :^)

[riderinthestorm]

59. While my oldest girl is bright, ambitious, successful and happy, my youngest is troubled as well

Can I join you all in the "honesty is the best policy" group?

My youngest is also bright but she's completely wild - prostituting herself for drugs by the time she was 14, dealing by the time she was 15. Running away, sneaking out, taking vehicles in the middle of the night to go to underage drinking parties. She just turned 16 so at least she's legally able to take vehicles (which she can't since we pull the keys from everything every night and hide them).

Like you, I sometimes think she's going to have to get arrested to knock some sense into her. And if its going to happen, I almost wish that would come when she's a juvenile. She just finished almost 10 months sober from the rehab when I found her two nights ago high as a kite in her room. Won't tell me what the drug was....

Back on the merry go round....

[sense]

67. It's so, so frustrating when they

continue to do things that could so easily make their path in life so much more difficult than it has to be. So many bad things can happen to them when they get involved with the wrong people in their pursuit of whatever it is they're looking for. Diseases, pregnancy, assaults, accidents..... You just never know and there is really so little that we wind up having any control over once they reach a certain age. It doesn't seem to matter with some of them what you say or do, the examples you set, the insights you try to give them, the way you live your lives. They just blow through whatever you've tried to teach them seemingly without a thought on some bizarre (at least to us) agenda.

Their brains are not fully developed until they're in their twenties, late twenties for boys. It's so scary to watch. I'm convinced that nature has far more influence over them than nurture. I've always tried to emphasize the attributes I thought would help them and mitigate the negatives as much I could. They (at least mine) really are who they were from the day they were born. I'm trying to learn to let go of the things I can't control (not that I always know or am realistic about what those things are) and also my own expectations for their lives. I think I thought I'd have a little more time.....

[Egalitarian Thug]

33. The fact that you struggle "to raise decent human beings" puts you in the minority as far as I've

seen. Nary a day goes by that I don't see some nitwit ignore or defend some egregious behavior on the part of their offspring. Just yesterday I was in Costco and some 7 or 8 year old brat just runs up to one of the workers and hits her out of the blue. In reaction, Ms, Ohsowhitesuburbanmom gets snotty with the worker and was preparing to make life hard for her (the worker) for daring to be offended at the actions of her miscreant-in-training. She was working up to "calling the manager" when I stepped in.

It might just be that your kid #2 is merely observant and has correctly concluded that that is the behavior that is rewarded in this world.

How does one teach empathy?

[Codeine]

36. Our 8-year-old daughter lies like a rug.

Seriously, she lies every time she speaks, and steals any candy, cookies, or other sweets that we don't lock down.

The 4-year-old is the biggest crybaby that ever lived. Non-stop tears from that one, and anything you say to him is "bein' mean at me!"

OTOH, they're both smart as whips, and the older one reads at a 6th grade level in the 3rd grade; I hope to have her reading at 8th grade level by the end of this school year. She also loves math and science, or what passes for them in her grade.

[Iris]

18. Do parents ever brag about how happy their kids are?

just wondering....

[Igel]

20. No. Well, I guess so, if they're otherwise failures.

And that's probably a good thing.

Look at it this way: We put kids in pressure cookers to make them study and learn and work.

Now let's making "being happy 24/7" their goal. You see the problem?

Better to raise a kid who's got character and a good moral center than to try to raise a "happy" kid. Kids where the rearing focuses on "happy" tend to be more unhappy than kids who are raised to be "good." They're more resilient and tend to make fewer mistakes that lead to misery.

[ejpoeta]

32. one of the problems i see is too many parents trying to make their kids happy

and be their friends. my thinking is it is not my job to be your friend. and my job to get you to an adult and able to function in the world. happiness? that's up to you.

[Iris]

61. I have good character, a moral center, and am resilient. I've also made mistakes.

I'm also happy, too. I don't think it's an either/or thing and I do see a problem with a culture that focuses so much on material possessions, attainment, and putting people into pressure cookers. You don't have to be in a pressure cooker to study and learn and work.

[loli phabay]

22. depends define happy. my daughter would be happier to fish everyday

But she goes to school which she likes but fishing makes ber very happy and her heart smile. Sometimes we as parents have to make our kids sad or all tbey will do is play lego tbe wii and fish

[Scootaloo]

27. "Happiness" is not a measurement that counts under "Protestant Work Ethic"

And since that's basically what American society is based on, it just doesn't factor.

Same reason we consider the stock market a better measure of how well we're doing, rather than incarceration rates or homelessness

[gkhouston]

66. No, that's something other parents say about your kid.

I've been told by many people that my daughter always has such an agreeable, sunny disposition. I always tell them that they haven't seen her at home, when her head rotates 360 degrees.

[Iris]

68. hahah! Yeah. I was THAT kid!

[alcibiades_mystery]

23. ROFL...nobody's kid is 1) not that smart; 2) misbehaved on airplanes or in restaurants, 3) a bully

Nobody!

These kids - the dumb bullies misbehaving in restaurants are OTHER PEOPLE's KIDS, not my precious! In fact, it's even better if my kid is the autistic savant math-history genius who is bullied by others! That's righteous, yo.

[Codeine]

37. It's odd that internet culture has made being bullied or victimized a badge of honor.

And it must drive actual autistic people up the fucking wall to hear everyone and his brother claim to be "on the autistic spectrum" in order to excuse shitty social skills or just gain pity points.

[alcibiades_mystery]

39. + 1 trillion

[jackbenimble]

24. Yes,

I did feel that way a few times when my son was younger and sometimes still I see myself headed in that direction. However, I would say don't worry too much about it. Someday you'll see one of those geniuses in action for yourself and you will have no doubt your kid is thankfully average. No need for a kid to peak too early in life.

[kickysnana]

26. In Scandinavia such expectations are considered bad things....

[Victor_c3]

28. I read a while back that 80% of parents think their kid is above average

I read an article with that statistic quite a while back, so I don't remember where to reference that number.

However, I'm guilty of being in that 80% club. But I have good reason! My kid really is smart, just like me. Honest!

This was touched on above briefly. I think that we place way too much emphasis on overachieving at a young age. "Your child is 4 and she can't spell her name?" Geeze, when you were 4 could you spell your name? Is it even reasonable to push our kids so much at an early age?

Why are we in such a hurry for our kids to grow up? I just don't get it. I would rather my kids be happy well-adjusted middle of the road sort of people like me than a bunch of overachieving miserable weirdos (like my neighbors) when they grow up. Everyone I know with kids is obsessed with watching for all of developmental milestones and making sure that their kid hits them before everyone else.

[Capt. Obvious]

29. Just tell the other parents that your child is an Indigo

[malaise]

30. Parents lie about their kids

all the time.
Just encourage your kid to find out what she/he does best.

[mstinamotorcity2]

34. Oh we know your Pain!!!

If your child loves art,music,plumbing,carpentry,or any of that hands on stuff, they just are not with the mainstream corporate business mantra that is trying to invalidate the rest of the citizens of this Country because they choose not to do so. Oh how Dare they enjoy that type of life.

[Codeine]

35. MY eight-year-old just walked into a wall.

And the four-year-old managed to punch himself in his own junk a few days back. I'm feelin' ya.

[clyrc]

38. My kids are very smart, but not geniuses

I love them dearly, but I can tell you every one of their faults, some of which they got from me. I am their friend and their parent, I want them to be happy, but also decent and capable of doing what needs to be done even if they don't like doing it.

I get very angry when people try to tell me I can't be their friend (it's worked for me so far) or that I never discipline them because I'm not an authoritarian parent. I hate it when other people have unrealistic expectations for children, and act like buttheads themselves because of it. As a parent, I realize both that life is unpredictable ( I almost died as a kid and both my girls spent time in the hospital when we didn't know if they would live) so you should try to enjoy it while you can, and that I can't teach them that life is all about having fun. My girls are usually polite in school or public, and I've at least tried to teach them to be compassionate.

I worry about my oldest and her stubborn idealism, and my youngest and her jealous nature. Both of those things are going to cause them problems in life, and I don't know what to do about them. They are also very messy, and I've put up a terrible example by not being much of a cleaner myself. I'm not perfect, they aren't perfect. I try to point out to them that no one is perfect but it's a good idea to try to be better.

I am, though, so proud of the good things about them that I can't help but brag every once in a while. I love that they make me laugh. Neither of them make terrific grades, but they have a sly knowingness that surprises me and makes me laugh. Both of them have so much potential, and I hope they live up to it more than I ever did.

[revolution breeze]

40. Literature and writing, my daughter is near genius.

Math, not so much. Now that they have a teacher who is very hands-on, her science grades are gettiing better.

[porphyrian]

41. Paul Ryan says he's a genius; all of your kids are stupid.

[mikeytherat]

42. Every infant is in the "90th percentile" for everything.

Weight. Height. Dexterity. Vision. Hearing. You name it, and that infant is in the "90th percentile" for that category. At least, that's what I hear from every single new parent I know.

I often think these things are like the whole "Who's Who" scam.

mikey_the_rat

[slackmaster]

43. I grew up in a community where all the children were above average

And it wasn't Lake Wobegone, Minnesota.

[yellowcanine]

46. Some of the educational goals have gotten a little skewed with all of the testing crap.

The first grade teacher of my youngest daughter was horrified that my daughter and several of her classmates from the same kindergarten could not read. The reason was the K teacher at my daughter's school had been trained to get children in K ready to read by focusing on basic skills like organizing things and developing concentration and listening skills. There were 5 kids in that group and by Christmas all 5 were at the top of the class in reading and reading comprehension. All of the phonics stuff may get kids reading but it doesn't necessarily mean that they know what it is they are reading.

[whistler162]

50. trying grasp the idea of a kid who

hasn't read War and Peace in the original Russian by the age of 5. BAD PARENT........ FOR SHAME FOR SHAME!,!! you have obviously severely stunted your child's academic growth.

[Odin2005]

51. The Lake Wobegon effect.

[JCMach1]

53. Meet them in-person and find out they are mouth breathers....

[Drahthaardogs]

57. My first grader did not read War and Peace,

in TRANSLATION.

[treestar]

62. Hehe I remember a colleague telling me his kid was a genius

"All parents say that," I said.

"I know," he said. "But my kid really is gifted."

[LittlestStar]

63. I have one genius and one very dramatic creature who can sing like Adele at 7.

She is so dramatic and emotional I am never sure what goes on in her head. She struggles mightily with math. But I have decided that its not just genes, because nobody in either of our families has ever been able to sing before. So don't feel bad.

[Rosa Luxemburg]

64. I hear you