NY freshman murdered by boyfriend (trigger warning!!)

[lapislzi]

http://www.uticaod.com/news/x1931755804/SUNY-Brockport-victim-s-name-not-yet-being-released?zc_p=0

One in four women will be subject to partner violence in their lifetimes. If you know four women, chances are, one of them is suffering some form of abuse.

And it's not always obvious, and it's not always what you think. I am a domestic violence survivor, and I have counseled domestic violence victims. As I often say, "nobody gets punched in the nose on the first date. Otherwise, there'd be no second dates."

And physical harm is just the tip of the iceberg.

http://www.loveisrespect.org/is-this-abuse/is-this-abuse?gclid=CJHM-djx5LICFQSe4AodnXwAZw

Please educate your daughters. And your sons. Man-on-woman is not the only type of partner violence.

Edited to clarify gender issues. This can happen to anybody.

[catbyte]

1. Good advice, lapislzi. My dad was a cop & the most important lesson he drummed into me

from a very early age was "Don't be afraid to hurt someone who's trying to hurt you." I've never been the victim of domestic violence and I think that has to do with how you project yourself. If you carry yourself with confidence you don't attract the scumbags--at least I didn't. I've been married for 28 years to my best friend. Abusers can sense weakness in women, so we must teach our daughters to be strong, capable and know they are valuable. If they do get involved with someone who hits them, NEVER let it happen again. No amount of apologizing, candy, flowers, or gifts will make up for it. They WILL do it again. Run. Prosecute. Never again.

Stand up for yourselves. Respect yourselves. If you do, others will respect you.

[Raster]

4. Abusers can sense weakness and fear in people. Period.

Abusers come in all sexes, creeds and colors.

[lapislzi]

6. Yup.

They can sniff out low self-esteem like a tomcat can sniff out a lady cat in heat.

[lapislzi]

2. Control, control, control

I never met an abuser who did not have massive control issues. Unfortunately, my low-level superpower is abuse detection. If I meet the woman, I am right 90% of the time. If I meet the man, that goes up to close to 100%. I just know.

The worst, and most insidious, is when they couch it in terms of lovingness. "Oh, honey. Those girls aren't your friends. Stay home with me." "You don't need to go out to work. I'll take care of you."

The next thing you know (and this happened to me), you're on the edge of the continent with no friends and your nearest neighbor a mile away.

[lapislzi]

3. Asking DUers to keep this kicked.

October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month...a cause dear to my heart.

[GrantDem]

5. K&R

[magical thyme]

7. K&R nt

[riderinthestorm]

8. K&R!! nt

[Mnemosyne]

9. K&R! nt

[Jim Lane]

10. The odds are even a bit worse than what you said.

You write:

One in four women will be subject to partner violence in their lifetimes. If you know four women, chances are, one of them is suffering some form of abuse.

Actually, if you know three women, the odds are (57.8% chance, making certain simplifying assumptions) that at least one of them is suffering, or has suffered, or will suffer some form of abuse.