Conversations With A Friend, Who Believes I Need To Get Out More. I Am Living In Fear!!!

[usedtobedemgurl]

A liberal friend keeps pressuring me to eat out and not live in fear. Here is one of our conversationsL

Him: You are very smart. And you do your own research!!! Which most people are to lazy to do!! You check out what others say!!! That is very important. The republicans and trump and trumpism would be gone if most people would check out most things!!! But living in such fear as you do; it’s not living! It’s Just existing!!!!! No Joy in life! Worse than getting covid!! Plus you must drive others crazy! No!!! Don’t get mad! Or offended!! I understand your fear!!! The only really safe place is the Grave!!! Which comes to us all! Sooner or later! But why rush that??? By livinging in fear! LIVE!!! Don’t just exist!!! I am very fat!! It’s really effecting me now! I am trying to balance enjoying eating foods that i like; with eating better! For weight loss! And eating healthy! Plus doing some things is very hard or impossible being so fat! But also I must enjoy life!!! But my weight is a real problem!! So there must be balance!!!! But doing that is very hard! And I cannot do it yet! But I’m trying!

Here is my response: My dear ______, I worry for you. It would seem we are both afflicted with the same thing. You tell me how being at home, or mask wearing indoors means I live my life in fear. It made me so sad to realize you do the same. I see you are dieting, eating healthier. May I inquire as to the reason why? Eating healthy and not eating whatever you please, for health reasons, is just living your life in fear. BE HAPPY!! Don't live your life in fear of something that could happen. Eat whatever you want, for every single meal/snack, _____!! To do otherwise is to let fear rule your life!! Oh, wait, are you telling me you are doing this because it is a common-sense way to live a healthier life? That this is the precaution you are taking, because it contributes to your wellbeing? That eating in the manner you are - healthy, is to make sure you do not have a heart attack, stroke, or even die? Hmmm...now that it is phrased that way, I get it. Maybe it is like if a pandemic happened and turned into an endemic. That 1 in 5 people who get covid will get long covid. That it can give people so many different problems, that doctors are sometimes not even acknowledging or know how to treat patients. And studies proved that wearing a mask protects a person, so i wear a mask and I avoid people, because of transmission and TRYING TO STAY HEALTHY!!! So, I hope you come around to truly believe what you said about measures you take to stay healthy, because it either means you are trying to be smart, or you are living in fear. Whichever you decide for yourself, is the one you assign to me, for I am doing the things I do, to remain healthy.

I usually do not use caps or a bunch of exclamation points, I just wanted to mirror back what he said to me. He wrote back, simply stating he understands. But does he really? We will see, if he pressures me, once again, to go out and not live in fear. I told him, today, it feels like pressure, the kind guys exert on people for sex. I told him his pressuring me is non-consensual. Thanks for letting me vent.

[Earth-shine]

1. Exlamation points lose their meaning when every sentence (fragment) has one.

He's passing judgment on you to justify his own lifestyle.

Often, I really enjoy being away from people.

[usedtobedemgurl]

5. I totally agree with enjoying being away from people!

And, yes, he may be justifying his choices by criticizing mine.

[hlthe2b]

2. Eating out is expensive. If you don't feel comfortable doing so, why should you?

[usedtobedemgurl]

6. Yes, I am not sure why he cares that I do not ....

Want to go out. It is expensive. I used to do restaurant mystery shops, before Covid, so I could afford to go out. Now? I have a brain injury, so even with takeout shops, I don’t think I could remember all the things I would need to.

[CrispyQ]

3. Tell your friend to watch a season of Bar Rescue.

We were never much for eating out mostly cuz I'm a picky eater, but watch a season of Bar Rescue & you'll wonder with every bite what the restaurant's kitchen looks like. That said, your friend is being judgmental with his living in fear comments & should be more understanding of your desire to not get sick. Do what you feel comfortable with & don't let others pressure you. I tell my friends, "I know they say everyone's going to get this, but I'm going to be the last one." And I always mask up.

[usedtobedemgurl]

8. Thank you for the more than kind words.

The world would be better, if everyone was kinder. ❤️

[SWBTATTReg]

4. I suspect that Living is all in the mind of the beholder, and not those who proclaim that others

should live the way they perceive it. If you are living, and you are, for the most part, happy, aren't you 'living'? Not in fear, but in good ol' fashioned living. So what if you don't go out? It is expensive to go out but that is not really the 100% reason why some don't go out, it's that they are, for the most part, happy being at home, living there, already doing things that they enjoy. Some people have a very full life being at home, and aren't beating the doors down to be elsewhere. Live YOUR life, not others. I liked your write-up.

[usedtobedemgurl]

9. Yes, I am quite happy with the way I am living.

I love being in my home. Why? Because my car accident made my eyes extremely sensitive to light. Yesterday, there was too much light in one room. I had to leave the room, and had a headache for 8 hours afterwards. A lot of our rooms have a couple of layers of drapes, so I will feel comfortable. I seriously do not WANT to go out. In the light? Forget it.

[hunter]

7. I didn't get sick with anything in the peak of the covid crisis...

... not a single cold, nothing. Fully vaccinated too, as those vaccines came around. I still wear masks when I'm out and about.

At the end of November last year I got covid traveling through red state Trump flag waving California. The virus knocked me out for a little more than a week, and I passed the virus on to my wife as well, who suffered the same.

I should've kept driving, but I had to pee and was a little bit hungry.

[usedtobedemgurl]

11. You really can't help it, if you are on the road.

I am sorry you got sick. We have been lucky. So far, we have not gotten it. I am in contention with an above poster who wants to be the last to get Covid. I say I will be last, but wouldn’t it be great if people who have not gotten it are totally safe?

I used to get colds every cold and flu season. I, like you, have not been sick. Here’s to all of us remaining safe.

[Meowmee]

10. He or she needs to worry about their own health

And not tell you how to take care of yours/ live your life etc. If he is obese/ overweight even if fully vaxed he is at much higher risk for severe covid events. If he is unmasked everywhere he is putting all of us at risk especially those of us who are high risk.

Is he going to be there for you if you are dying from covid, or if you have life long damage/ problems from long covid? I guarantee you no. I would rather take these precautions to take care of myself, and my family than be murdered by covidiots.

I don’t think a friend would do this and they would no longer be my friend if it continued, actually right away for me, lol.

Re: light sensitivity. I have had this for years with migraines, and then even worse with vertigo- I found wearing sunglasses, the big wrap around ones over my glasses helped me a lot. Before needing glasses I used motorcycle goggles also for severe dry eye. For me artificial light is worse. I can tolerate sunlight at certain times of day much better usually.

[usedtobedemgurl]

13. I understand what you are saying.

And a few times I have thought of breaking away, but I know he is a liberal and maybe his thinking is not as complex as mine. I am pretty sure he has never read a single medical journal article I have sent him.

I worry. He had Covid once. I feel there may be a time when he catches it a lot more. I cannot stand thinking of him having trouble doing most anything, because he has lost his breath. I can see him being alone and lonely. Not even realizing all this could happen to him, because as far as he knows, nothing really bad happened to him the first time. We all know that even if does not know anything bad happened, it could be in his system, just waiting to attack him.

If he were a Trump supporter, I could cut ties. I foresee him being all by himself, in his misery. If nothing else, he has been extremely emotionally supportive since my car accident. For example, I have memory problems, but he is always proping me up, telling me how smart I am, and how great it is, I remember the things I do. He has been one of my staunchest supporters.

[FakeNoose]

12. If you are vaccinated (and boosted) you really have very little reason to be fearful

The lockdown has been over for quite some time, and people are out again. Whoever wants to wear a mask can do so, and has no reason to feel uncomfortable about it. We all recognize that each of us has a choice to mask or not.

I'm fully vaccinated and even so I caught a very mild case of Covid last fall - from my nephew at Thanksgiving. It was so mild that I didn't even know I had it until I lost my senses of taste and smell for 4 or 5 days. I had no temperature, no cough or cold, no sore throat, just some mild hoarseness. I quarantined at home for 14 days, and that was it. (I took the Covid home test and it showed negative, so it is possible to have a false negative, but not a false positive.)

Otherwise I'm in good health and in my early 70's.

[usedtobedemgurl]

14. Do we really recognize everyone has a choice about masking?

I mean, my friend has never said, “I will leave you alone, because it is your choice.” No, he has stated I am living in fear. He uses seatbelts, no doubt. I doubt he puts a radio on the side of his tub. He is eating healthier. It never crossed my mind, to say he is living in fear.

I am glad you made it past Covid, with no ill effects. It is a roulette wheel about whether anyone getting even a mild case, will get long haul. A lot of the effects of Covid also mirror the effects I already feel, having whiplash, a concussion, TBI (traumatic brain injury) severe PTSD and depression, all from being rear-ended. I have double vision, a sensitivity to light, headaches that last over 24 hours, dizziness and unrelenting 24/7 pain. Brain fog is a HUGE thing for me. I even have memory problems, but my therapist says I have three of the top reasons for memory problems. Don’t ask me what they are, cause I can’t remember. 🤣🤣🤣 I was suicidal for a while, because the pain was that bad. Legal edibles helped me. I went off of them once, and my therapist told me the pain was too much and I needed to resume the edibles. I could not deal with long haul, on top of everything I am already experiencing. I told several people, and now you (and, yes, my friend I quoted above) that if I were to get long haul, I would simply kill myself. It would just sink me. If there was a way to tell if you will get long haul, and I was not suffering as I am, I might just go out without a mask. Nah! I would always respect others and not pass anything on to someone who might die.

[FakeNoose]

16. People are excercizing their "choice" whether we like it or not

I go to the grocery store and I see about 80% of the customers walking in maskless. The ones who do wear a mask are mostly older, some are really elderly. Does that mean I can't go grocery shopping because people are in the stores not wearing masks?

Well I faced this question well over a year ago, and I gradually got over my fears. In the beginning I wore my mask all the time. But I slowly got over my fear and little by little, I refrained from wearing my mask. Now I hardly wear it at all. The only time that I was actually exposed to Covid (I told you the story above) a mask wouldn't have made a difference anyway.

If you continue to wear a mask all the time, then I say "more power to you."

[usedtobedemgurl]

17. I would argue that you were not facing fear.

All relevant medical weigh-ins state masks work. So, even though you may not be aware of it, maybe it was peer pressure or forgetting all the research. I would even argue perhaps when you got Covid, you got brain fog. Nothing about wearing a mask has to do with fear. It is being educated and caring that you may get it and give it to someone who may then die. The more educated people are, I contend, the more likely they are to see the societal value in wearing a mask. But as you point out, it is everyone’s choice.

I had to scroll up and read your original reply, because I thought it said everyone has a choice and it is their choice. (Just like everyone should have a choice in abortion). With my brain injury, I do not always immediately understand what is trying to be communicated to me. This is what you said: “Whoever wants to wear a mask can do so, and has no reason to feel uncomfortable about it. We all recognize that each of us has a choice to mask or not.” My friend did not recognize I had a choice. My friend has been hounding me (this is about the 5th time we have had this conversation, this me sending him a plethora of medical journal articles about Covid). I would not call him saying I live in fear to be accepting I have a choice.

Yes, “people are exercising their choice, whether we like it or not,” but my friend does not like it and keeps hounding me.

If Covid did not exist, I still would be staying at home. Whether I have a concussion (now post concussion syndrome), whiplash, a traumatic brain injury or severe PTSD and depression, or nothing at all, there are reasons I have spent a month at a time not leaving my house. This guy knows that. He knows I had suicidal ideations from the chronic, unrelenting pain. He knows I have severe memory problems. He knows a lot of things I have gone through. Too many to mention. If Covid never existed, I may not be wearing a mask, but I would be staying at home. It is my health (physical and mental), that made my mantra be “I feel so broken.” That is why in almost every communication he tells me how smart I am. He is reassuring me, when I am only half the woman I was, before my accident.

For him to know how I am, mentally and physically, but keep after me to go out, when my speech therapist, PTSD therapist and pain psychologist have not encouraged me to go out at any time. This just says the professionals I work with (which includes 6 more professionals than what I just listed) all agree me staying indoors, away from people, is what works well for me.

So there’s extra information about reasons he should not be telling me to get out and live my life. I am fine staying at home, with my light sensitivity, my over 24 hour headaches and my PTSD aversion to going anywhere in my car. (I have not driven in over a year)

[hunter]

15. That damned virus knocked my fully vaccinated "high risk" self on my ass for a week...

... and I passed it on to my wife who missed two weeks of work. She has one of those jobs where all the work she missed was still there when she returned so it wasn't any kind of vacation.

[usedtobedemgurl]

18. I am really sorry about your Covid experience.

I wish you were posting on a thread about not getting Covid. I wish you and your wife a long, healthy life.