Nation Horrified To Learn About War in Afghanistan While Reading Up on Petraeus Sex Scandal

[Hissyspit]

Last edited Tue Nov 13, 2012, 07:08 PM - Edit history (1)

http://www.theonion.com/articles/nation-horrified-to-learn-about-war-in-afghanistan,30367/

Nation Horrified To Learn About War In Afghanistan While Reading Up On Petraeus Sex Scandal
NOVEMBER 13, 2012 | ISSUE 48•46

Sources: Petraeus Knew About Affair For More Than A Year
WASHINGTON—As they scoured the Internet for more juicy details about former CIA director David Petraeus’ affair with biographer Paula Broadwell, Americans were reportedly horrified today upon learning that a protracted, bloody war involving U.S. forces is currently raging in the nation of Afghanistan. “Oh my God, this is terrible,” Allie Lipscomb, 29, said after accidentally stumbling on an article about the war while she tried to ascertain details about what specific sexual acts Petraeus and Broadwell might have engaged in. “According to this, 2,000 American troops have died, 18,000 have been wounded, and more than 20,000 civilians have been killed. Jesus Christ. And it’s been happening for, like, 11 years.” Sources confirmed that after reading a few paragraphs about the brutal war, the nation quickly became distracted by a headline about Elmo puppeteer Kevin Clash’s alleged sexual abuse of a 16-year-old boy.

[flamingdem]

1. Part of the free stuff package we're getting from Obama

should include plane tickets to the middle east, americans are way too cloistered!

[leftstreet]

2. LOL

[alcibiades_mystery]

3. So real it hurts

[Poll_Blind]

4. +1

PB

[joeybee12]

5. Closer to the truth than is comfortable! KNR

[Tx4obama]

6. *** The ONION - The ONION - The ONION

[rhett o rick]

7. What? There is a war in Afghanistan? nm

[FailureToCommunicate]

8. Ouch!

[defacto7]

9. Onion or not

it's a pretty good exposé on war, apathy and titillating bull shit.

[geckosfeet]

10. does not belong in the onion,,, cause it could happen in anywtown USA

[madinmaryland]

16. This was from January 2001...

http://www.theonion.com/articles/bush-our-long-national-nightmare-of-peace-and-pros,464/

Nailed it, before the disaster had even started.

[Hissyspit]

18. I am still amazed every time I see that.

[Scalded Nun]

23. First I laughed

when I read that way back when. Now I just cry whenever I see it.

Never before has satire so painfully and accurately foreseen the future.

[Selatius]

31. That article was so prophetic. It's as if Bush-Cheney used it as a blueprint for America. nt

[Blue_Tires]

33. +1000

that was when I started to take the onion "seriously", instead of simply seeing it as the equivalent of a mock student-run paper

[azurnoir]

11. sometimes parody is so on the money

kudo's to the Onion

[AnotherMcIntosh]

12. Under the Petraeus doctrine, the press is to be squelched and we're not supposed to know about this.

[Stryder]

13. Well...

Ya gotta have your priorities.

Besides I hear Lady Gaga is planning a wardrobe malfunction
on a special edition of American Idol set to air on anniversary of the
Balloon Boy near national tragedy.

[SpartanDem]

14. We're at war?

[nadinbrzezinski]

15. The onion is where actual news happens at times.

[rudycantfail]

17. Perfect.

[libdem4life]

19. Remember the Court Jester...the only person who could speak truth to power...and of course,

he had to prove himself daffy to get the job. Comedy Central...Colbert and Stewart.

[lunatica]

21. Kinda like when Clint told Mitt to go f^^k himself and had everyone convinced

that a chair said it. LOL!

[Hissyspit]

20. Morning kick nt

[Hissyspit]

22. People keep rec'ing this, so I'm gonna keep kicking it. :-)

[navarth]

24. now you've done it!!!

I just spent the better part of an hour giggling at the onion.

[russspeakeasy]

25. Thanks...

[OnyxCollie]

26. I thought Afghanistan recently voted to become our 51st state. nt

[Liberal_in_LA]

27. kick

[Scruffy Rumbler]

28. Miss USA Georgia had it right!

Maybe more US Americans need more maps and math.... or something!

Love the Onion and spot on!

[Jim__]

29. Touche'!

[Puregonzo1188]

30. Is this even satire anymore? I can't tell.

[Blue_Tires]

32. lol...brilliant