All of these threads on rape have got me thinking our society has a long way to go.

[white_wolf]

There really is something wrong with our society. I'm a 23 year old male at college and honestly I cannot fathom how anyone can think it is okay to have sex with someone without their clear willing consent. (Though as Leftstreet pointed out below, you really can't have sex with someone without consent. It is assault.) The picture of the young women holding the sign about teaching not to rape really has me disturbed. I'm distrusted that we actually have to teach guys this. What is wrong with out society that boys are being raised to think of women as sex objects and that raping them is some kind of game? My university has a really big problem about rapes at frat parties. It's a bit of open secret, everyone knows, but no one does anything. Even some of the women who are victims don't seem to view it as rape, they treat it like the guy was a total jerk, but not a criminal. I really can't comment if the women involved are really ignorant that it is or rape of if they simply ashamed of themselves for it, which is a whole other problem. Our society seems to want to blame the victim in these situations which makes it harder for them to seek help or justice.

Honestly, we can teach young men what rape is, but I don't think that will really solve the problem. The only way we will really solve this problem is by teaching boys from a young age to treat girls as equal. Our society really does not do that. Granted, most men will say they aren't sexist, but our society seems to have some unspoken rule that guys are supposed to be "tough" and that it's cool to have as much sex as they can. That teaches them to disrespect women, even if they don't realize what they are doing. Honestly, I've never been great with girls. I'm really shy in real life and I've never fit into the "tough guy" mold. I'm pretty sensitive and tend to wear my emotions on my sleeve. I don't really know if that has anything to do with my views on this issue or if that "tough guy" attitude really contributes to our rape culture, but I think it does.

So in my opinion, if we want to end this problem we need to do two things. 1. Most importantly teach boys from a young age that girls are equal to them and deserve their full respect. 2. And this one is merely my persona opinion, but I really do think getting rid of that "tough guy" encouraging men to have sex with as many women as possible attitude would help as well. A lot of guys seem to treat it as a game or sport and if it's just a game, well then what's the harm in bending the rules?

[Zoeisright]

1. No verbal, enthusiastic consent: It's rape.

It's very simple.

[white_wolf]

3. You would think that would be obvious.

I don't understand why we have to have this discussion in our society. It's sad that we do. It should be as clear as not murdering someone. No you don't kill someone and no you don't have sex without their consent.

[liberal_at_heart]

2. when we are not taught to respect we dehumanize other people

This is a problem not only with regard to sex but to everything. Look how easy it is to get religous people to hate each other and kill each other. You are absolutely right. It all comes down to educating people from a very young age that you are to treat all human beings with respect.

[leftstreet]

4. Check the language in your first sentence

I cannot fathom how anyone can think it is okay to have sex with someone without their clear willing consent.

You can't 'have sex' with someone who doesn't consent. It's called assault.


Good post all the same, though

[freshwest]

5. Very well said. Thanks for posting those thoughts and solutions. I think you understand very well.

[Warpy]

6. There are a couple of things at work

First, there's juvenile male culture that a lot of men never grow out of, that of seeing themselves as intrepid predators and somewhat less than human women as their prey.

Second, there's a huge amount of denial among parents of what their sons might really think. No one seems to want to ask their sons a few leading questions, like "If you buy dinner for a date, do you think she owes you sex?" and "Do you really think there's a point of no return, when a woman is no longer able to refuse sex because the man is too excited?" or "If a girl gets so drunk at a party she's not making any sense, is she fair game?"

I think a lot of parents of sons might be shocked at the answers to these and a few other questions.

"Boys will be boys" has been the age old excuse to avoid teaching young males about rape. The entire burden of being sex gatekeepers has been dumped on the shoulders of young girls and this is unfair.

Worst of all, it's not working.

[white_wolf]

8. I would like to think that the attitude of "boys will be boys" is changing, but it isn't.

It's a very harmful view both for the obvious reasons that it encourages and excuses rape and in the less obvious way that is is harmful to men. Raising boys to see themselves as "intrepid predators" makes it very difficult for them to form any real relationships not only with women, but with men. I sometimes wonder if the kind of guys who are part of that juvenile male culture have any real friends.

[renate]

7. I hope both my son and daughter meet friends like you in college

My son would feel the same way you do; my daughter would be safe with you. Also, you're a great guy.

[MineralMan]

9. Well said.

[redqueen]

10. "What is wrong with out society that boys are being raised to think of women as sex objects..."

And women to think of themselves that way, as well.

What, indeed.

K&R

[MineralMan]

11. +100

You're absolutely right.

[white_wolf]

12. You raised an important point that I left out of the OP.

How our society makes young women see themselves as well as how men see them. Looking at how the media portrays women it is a serious problem.

[smirkymonkey]

13. K&R!

Great post!