Beat your wife on Friday go to work on Monday....

[one_voice]

Last edited Thu Jan 3, 2013, 01:11 AM - Edit history (1)

well that's how it seems anyway. I'm tired, I'm wrung out, I'm spent. But not nearly as tired as my neighbor who came to my door this morning with her face burned.

This wasn't the first time her husband had hurt her. He'd beat her many times before. Blacked her eyes, broken bones, he even stabbed her. I watched him handcuffed and put in back of the police car and driven off. Only to come back within a week. He was one once for 2 months--wow, big whoppie shit.

This woman had to wake her children up in the middle of the night and load them in the car and sleep in rest areas because she was terrified. He told her she wasn't allowed to talk to me. He knew I was trouble for him.

She came to me so many times crying and afraid. I told her she had to get away, he was going to kill her. He was afraid she'd take their youngest daughter--his biologically--away, I asked her if she ever thought of what he'd do to make sure she never did that. She'd never thought about that.

The nights, oh, lord the nights, and the days she cried, she didn't know what to do. She had no real family to speak of. Her sister is a drug addict, her mother old and suffering from some dementia and her dad is in Florida.

Today, was the end for her--thank God she was alive to get away. He threw hot grease in her face. It happened a few days ago. She started going down the list I made for to get away. She'd made most of the arrangements without his knowledge. Everything very carefully planned, but quick.

When I saw her face I thought he used it for an ashtray. the grease splattered when it hit her so it looked as though someone had put cigarettes out on her face. I usually can hold it together, but I couldn't this morning. Her girls have played in my yard with my dogs, they've hung out and talked to me about books, or visited after school. I've gotten to know Barbara pretty well. When her daughter was being bullied we got it worked out at school. So the tears flowed.

She gave me all of her new contact information. She went and got the U-Haul and we got her ass out of there. She will be safe now. Her girls won't see their mother beaten anymore. They won't spend anymore nights at rest stops.

I only pray, that she has the strength to stay gone.

How a human being can do this to another is beyond me, but as God is my witness, I would have taken my baseball bat to him had he crossed my path today. I would have gladly done the time.

My heart hurts so badly tonight for the scars those girls will bear. My mother was an abused woman. I know.

Then I see this shit and I want to who's looking out for people like Barbara and her girls.

House GOP Lets Violence Against Women Act Passed By Senate Die Without A Vote

WASHINGTON -- Despite a late-stage intervention by Vice President Joe Biden, House Republican leaders failed to advance the Senate's 2012 reauthorization of the Violence Against Women Act, an embattled bill that would have extended domestic violence protections to 30 million LGBT individuals, undocumented immigrants and Native American women.

"The House leadership would not bring it up, just like they wouldn't bring up funding for Sandy [hurricane damage] last night," said Sen. Patty Murray (D-Wash.), a key backer of the Senate version of the bill, in an interview with HuffPost. "I think they are still so kowtowing to the extreme on the right that they're not even listening to the moderates, and particularly the women, in their caucus who are saying they support this."

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/01/02/violence-against-women-act-_n_2398553.html


edited for spelling mistakes. there are probably some I still missed.

Also wanted to add Barbara's plan is to go to Florida with her dad. It will give the kids and her a fresh start far away from that asshole. He won't go that far to get to her. His business is here and he won't risk losing it...we hope.

[cally]

1. I thank you for helping your neighbor

You helped save her and her family. I do worry about your safety, though. Maybe you could go spend the night at a friends for a few days so you aren't a target when the man comes home and finds out his wife and kids are gone. I worry he will go after you and try to force you to say where his wife is. stay safe

[benld74]

2. ANY so called man who does this to ANY woman is no MAN.

He is a coward.

[Mnemosyne]

3. ...

[rosesaylavee]

4. God dammit

[Tutonic]

5. Rihanna could learn from something like this. Poor girl is setting herself up for Round #2.

[HipChick]

10. Rihanna has access to resources...she is also a drug addict, many of these woman do not..

have resources to get gone,and stay gone...

[TreasonousBastard]

6. You're looking out for one of them, and it's a good thing you are, but...

yes, this is our responsibility as a society and legislators who blow it off are worse than useless.

[freshwest]

7. As I was reading your story, the GOP vote against the VAWA act came to mind. It was the footnote...

The party that says rape is what God intended; who cut food stamps, medical care for women and children, stigmatized the homeless and the poor, said that women should stay married to such men, cut money for battered women's care and call the single mothers who have escaped abuse foul names.

Some say tbere is no difference between the parties. In the face of such terror being meted out to women and children, there should be no diffefence, but there is.

Thank you for what you did, be careful. His rage will now be directed at whoever he thinks wronged him. And the support he got from lenient judges and others is still there. I've seen this myself and a woman learns when she leaves there are few friends to help. Even families don't help, and as you say, hers will probably not be much help. We need to move back to a society that cares for such as she and her children. Bless you.

[ProfessionalLeftist]

8. Thank you for helping her. Two words for her regarding him:

NO. CONTACT.

This is vitally important. I know they have kids together but he is dangerous. She should only see him from a distance to deliver and pick them up for visitation when it comes to that. No conversation. No emails. No texts. No phone calls. NOTHING. She should get others (esp a lawyer or courts) to communicate with him for her. Or, a friend such as yourself who just delivers practical info (from a safe distance also). The minute he can talk to her using any method, he'll be begging her sympathy and trying to manipulate or threaten her to return.

[NRA_SUCKS]

16. But will she?

I weep at the number of times women i've known who have let their abusive men back into their life... ok not men. boy. no Man would do this kind of shit.

Be it physical or psychological, no one should put up with repeated abuse. then they have a moment of clarity, tell their abusive partner to go to hell, call the cops, or whatever, then days, maybe even weeks (fucking rare) said asshole is back in their life!

here in the twin cities there are ads for the abuse centers. It's good such things exist here, and can afford to post ads on the radio. I cringe for the poor people in areas where not only do the resources not exist, but as I think the OP noted, it's simply accepted.

I truly hope this person stays away from their ex.... and even better gets a fucking lawyer!

[Sarah Ibarruri]

22. I'm a woman, and I don't understand why some women stay with the perpetrator. nt

[chazunit]

9. Thank goodness

for you and what you are doing and have done.

Use your baseball bat and swing for the fence if the bastard shows up. Take his fucking head off!

[longship]

11. You ought to mail that story to every congress critter who voted against VAMA.

Really! You have a way with words. Use it to help make change. Help DUers everywhere bring these issues forward.

I know you will. Thank you for your post.

R&

[LuckyLib]

12. +1,000! Connect with members of congress and get them to read your first person

account of the life of a friend in trouble. They need to see this reality.

[jillan]

14. Yes!! Agreed they should hear this story from you... you made me feel as if I knew this woman.

Republicans have become the party of hate and death.

[Brigid]

13. It's because the GOP . . .

Doesn't give a shit about people like Barbara and her girls. It really is that simple. In helping Barbara and the girls, you put them all to shame.

[NRA_SUCKS]

15. I would have lost it and hunted that scum down

there is no excuse for a human being to do that to their partner. none. certainly not repeatedly!

I'm afraid that the VAWA would not have helped your friend.
the problem seems to be that she wasn't willing to press charges and fight to make them stick!
I'm sorry if this sounds like blaming the victim... but she kept NOT pressing charges.
Her second place to go SHOULD have been the police station and then a lawyer to press charges, then STICK to those charges, and make damned sure he could never come within a COUNTY of her and her kids.

this may sound harsh but I KNOW PEOPLE LIKE THIS... and it breaks my heart.
they R E F U S E to file standing charges, it drives me crazy.

Where, state, abouts are you?
do you live in such a backwater area that the local police don't have a fucking clue as to protect her?
there should be LOCAL laws, let alone the federal ones, that should have this asshole in jail on multiple felony charges!

Again, i'm sorry if this sounds harsh... but all the laws in the world mean DICK if your friend isn't willing to press hard charges, and then KEEP those charges pressed well past prosecution!

[one_voice]

25. This is much easier said than done...

women stay in abusive relationships for all sorts of reasons. The one I've had the most experience with is fear. They're afraid and often times rightfully so. The laws for abused woman are pathetically watered down. The title of my thread is sadly accurate.

Women that are older and lived where domestic violence wasn't a big deal are even harder to help. The cops would come have hubby walk around the block and cool off. Try convincing them times have changed.

For many women it's an uphill battle. They have no one to help them, no family, no friends. The men have made sure of that. They're isolated. Completely alone and terrified.

I know it's heartbreaking to see the women return, but until you've walked a mile, opened your door, your heart or given your time, try not to be so hard on these women, they are victims after all.

[NRA_SUCKS]

17. As an afterthought... some anonymous person should make a very public OP that he BEATS his wife

Perhaps when she is safely away.
Ruin the asshole... after she's divorced him and taken as much as possible!
I hope there are pictures. she can take him or every penny that worthless scumbag has, and strand him there if he doesnt get jail time.

[1620rock]

18. Why in the hell isn't this monster in prison after the hot grease assult???

[bettyellen]

27. because she'd be endangering her life much more by sticking around for a trial....

a trail that likely would;t put him away long enough.
and likely as not he's back on the streets before the trial takes place, with an even bigger motive to hurt her.

[ReRe]

19. Thanks so much for helping her when she reached out....

...you was her only hope. Literally. Her family was not there...they had too much baggage, needed help themselves. Men like that pick women like this, who don't have family to come to their rescue, once he starts his abuse. I pray that she is indeed getting professional help, like at a women's shelter. It truly is sad when women get into these kinds of marriages.

(For the sake of any young (or old) woman out there reading this... if a man ever lays a hand on you for any reason: get away from him ASAP. If he harms you once, he will do it again, and again, and again. It will not stop. Love is a wonderful thing, but that is the kind of "love" you don't need. If he harms you, he DOES NOT love you.)

I was very disheartened by the House not passing the VAWA Bill. Looks to me like they could do that tomorrow along with voting on the Hurricane Sandy Bill. Those idiots do not know what the Hell they are doing running the House of Representatives. None of those Republicans have ever worked a day in their lives. Sometimes I think they haven't done anything for 2 years because they are simply lost with the complexity of it all. So much suffering all over the country because they don't know what the hell they are doing. Shame on the American People for putting them back in charge of the House for two more long years. Not passing the VAWA is nothing but a green light for these abusive SOBs all over the country.

[WCGreen]

20. One of the most rewarding part of my political experience was serve on the board of

one of the local Battered Women shelter.

We raised a lot of money and spent a lot as well. It's a heart wrenching experience and nobody wants to get involved. It's not a cause that draws the big donors and the media attention.

But it's there and it is very important and I am so glad I was able to give of my time for a couple of years.

[raccoon]

21. "Men like that pick women like this, who don't have family to come to their rescue" --that's so true

Predators can sense easy prey.

[Brigid]

23. Very true.

Just like a cougar singling out a deer with an injured leg. They know.

[robinlynne]

24. pls put her information away, out of your house. in the safe dpeosit box, something like that.

[PeaceNikki]

26. Thank you for helping her.

I hope she and her kids are safe and that she can heal physically and emotionally.