I’m white, from an interracial family, and am having trouble (Trayvon related)

[Kber]

Background – my mother’s husband is black. His family is solidly middle class, well educated, originally from the south but relocated to the north east in the 1920s. For decades, we have been an integrated family, sharing holidays, celebrations and grief with our extended family. I am blessed to see eye to eye, politically and morally, with the majority of my family, black, white and Asian, (Jewish, Buddhist, Atheist, and Christian) and am further blessed that my white children have had the opportunity to grow up in a loving and supportive extended family network. We have been able to talk about race openly, with humor and anger, and it’s not a scary topic.

But yesterday my cousin, who is black, posted that she is frightened for her sons after the Zimmerman verdict, and, for the first time in a while, the stark contrast between what she fears for her boys and what I worry about for mine just hit me hard. I am afraid that there is a gulf, maybe unbridgeable, that I can’t fix. I can sympathize, and even agonize for her, but the hard truth is that my kid, by virtue of nothing more than his skin pigment, will never have to worry about things that her boys will live with for their whole lives and for the lives of their children. And our fears, as mothers of our boys, are so different that I’m afraid anything I say will seem disconnected and shallow by contrast.

Of course, I know these things are real, at least intellectually, but Trayvon was the same age as my son (and of her oldest), so this is hitting us both hard at an emotional level.

My heart is breaking for her and, for the first time ever, I don’t even know what to say. I can’t think of anything that would make this better.

[Scootaloo]

1. Sadly, there's nothing you can say to make it better

No phrase or words that will relieve her worry. Don't try to make some up, they'll just sound like tone-deaf platitudes. All you can really offer is your love and support and understanding, and whatever help she may ask for.

[Voice for Peace]

2. k& r

The only thing I can think of that helps is
what your family is already doing. Talk about
it, listen, brainstorm for a better world with
all of your sons and daughters.

I often think that generating good ideas,
imagining solutions -- even if we can't make
them come true -- it gets those ideas out into
the public domain. It affects the world and
it affects human evolution. Brainstorming,
creative. Be hopeful.

It's said that when a poisonous plant grows
in the forest, most of the time the antidote
to that poison is growing very near by.

I believe there are solutions to all of the
problems; & that we have in our own human
hearts and minds the brilliance to find them.

Let's encourage the young men not to become
victims, in any sense of the word. Stand up
bright and just say NO.

[avebury]

3. It is a tragedy that, in the 21st Century,

there are parents who truly have to be afraid for their children just based upon their race or skin color. As a civilization, this country is regressing instead of progressing.

I am so sorry for what your family is going through and frustrated because it seems like there is nothing that anybody can do about it and things will most likely get worse.

A lot of conservative white people are scared to death about the white race moving into minority status. They have not lived under the "do unto others as you would like done unto you." They (or their children or later generations) may find out that payback is a b*tch.

[Hell Hath No Fury]

4. A friend of mine from HS -

posted her fears on FB about her Latino 15 year old son. I do not have children, and if I did they might not face this challenge that hers are faced with anyway. All I could do was "witness" for her and affirm her reality.

Just acknowledging that you recognize there is a difference in how society treats your son and her son is the best, most honest thing you can do.