This message was self-deleted by its author

[Denninmi]

This message was self-deleted by its author (Denninmi) on Sat Aug 24, 2013, 08:39 AM. When the original post in a discussion thread is self-deleted, the entire discussion thread is automatically locked so new replies cannot be posted.

[Fire Walk With Me]

1. Hadn't seen you posting and was worried. Very glad to hear that you're doing well

and that you're getting proper treatment for the actual cause of your suffering. I pray for the day you are perfectly healed.

Regards!

[Denninmi]

2. I mostly hang in the Lounge.

I'm still here. Mostly keep it light. Thanks for asking.

[Wait Wut]

3. This is excellent advice.

A good friend of mine had been misdiagnosed for years. When he finally received the treatment he needed, it was too late. The cracks had become canyons.

Keep it up, D. You're one of the best here. That's coming from someone who isn't real fond of people. Your honesty and courage is an inspiration. I've watched you go through some difficult times that would have gotten the best of most of us. You occasionally sell yourself short, I think. You're much stronger than you believe.

[Yooperman]

4. Hugs from the Great White North Country...

Just remember that which does not kill us makes us stronger.

You are not alone my friend... and if you ever want to get away from the rat race of the city.... you have a place to stay for a few days here in da U.P.

Peace

YM

[pnwmom]

5. I'm so glad you found the help you needed. Not every counselor is equally skilled,

as you have had to learn.

Hang in there -- you're worth it!

[BainsBane]

6. Bipolar isn't a death sentence

Many people with that condition live productive lives. Misdiagnosis is common is psychiatry. I am glad you got a proper diagnosis and the help you needed, but I think it is unfortunate to characterize bipolar as a death sentence. There are doubtless dozens of people on this site who are bipolar. I doubt they see themselves as dying, and I fear your comment is stigmatizing to them.

Once again, I'm very happy that you're doing better.

[mimi85]

11. Very true

I am not only bipolar, I have leukemia, Sjogren's Syndrome (I don't think I'd wish this on Sarah Palin - maybe), acoustic neuroma, meningioma that I had to have emergency brain surgery for last year, deaf in one year, Barrett's Esophagus and other stuff I can't think of now. I have a disabled placard for the car and people look at me like "she looks fine." Never judge, you have no idea what's going on inside.

My best wishes to you, if you ever want to chat and bring each other down just PM me. I lost a very good friend to PTSD years after he went to Vietnam. Always the life of the party (and we sure as hell knew how to party back in the day) but I knew what was really going on. I just wish I could have somehow saved him. He just wouldn't talk about it, which is a huge key to getting better. When I reached under his pillow and felt the gun there, I knew he was almost off the precipice. I miss him.

Don't let the people that love you end up feeling like I did (and still do). Know you are loved, especially by yourself. Everyone has something to offer and I know you have a lot to give. Be well, my friend.

[Denninmi]

29. Been down this road before, ad nauseum, I know. Sorry.

I really don't want to do to anyone else what I thought would be done to me. I did use the past tense, believed, because I have learned a lot about the involved issues since then.

Why? Partially medical -- Bipolar was presented to me as a chronic illness with no cure. Treatable but with a significant chance or relapse, and with the likelyhood that a relapse would be worse than the original episode. Treated with drugs that can be quite dangerous, especially lithium. That is was a disease with a very high mortality rate, like 25%, among those untreated, and still high among those with treatment relative the general rate in the population. Finally, that it could be degenerative and end in dementia.

That wasn't a pretty picture.

The other reason, bigger in my mind, was stigam and self-stigma especially. Which I know is an irony, like a snake eating it's own tail, going around in circles and causing a self-reinforcing feedback loop in my mind.

I hope anyone and everyone afflicted with such a horrible disease can get effective treatment that will allow them to be happy. I know it's hard for people who have it, really rough.

[BainsBane]

32. PTSD is also tough

So keep talking care of yourself. I know you're working hard on that.

[Hekate]

7. All the best to you, and know this: someone else will be helped by your story

Life IS a work in progress, and you are working very well.

Peace and love to you.

[Bennyboy]

8. glad you found your way.... For me it was the same thing...

A five minute diagnosis, take these pills (Zoloft) wait six weeks. Went back after 8, told the doc I hated them and he told me to double the dose. Six weeks later my life was OVER. 40 bucks and car that ran five miles.

It wasn't depression at all, it was PTSD, from when some punks tried to kill me in a dope deal gone bad, that was all my step child's doing. For me, wrong place, wrong time. easily the worst experience of my life and I didn't know what was wrong with me but something was. I went to counseling but only to a therapist, not a prescribing physch, so he could not give me the right prescription. But he knew, all I talked about was that event, and the bunchabullshit that ensued due to it and the fact that the same kid still did the same shit, with the same kids, that caused the thing in the first place. I was afraid to leave my house for fear it would be over run with teenagers again. I was freaking out.

So I went to the doctor and he gave me a two minute diagnosis and take this and stop smoking pot.

After my divorce i could no longer afford the meds (I still took them hoping things would work out even though I hated them, but I was so afraid of suicide at that time that I held onto hope that they were helping me) but eventually I could not afford them so I stopped. And went back to smoking pot. And guess what? no problems. I've gotten past it now and had so many other things happen that it seems a long time in the past (ten years since the 'shootout", 9 since the lawsuit (the guy who tried to shoot me, in my own home, sued me for two million dollars... yeah that's right)and nine (9 years today I think actually was the last time i slept in the house).

Simply a misdiagnosis.

[mimi85]

13. Shit!

What a story! We all have one to tell I suppose. You could sell the movie rights. Be well.

[niyad]

9. thank you for posting this--who knows how many people may benefit. so glad to know that you

are doing better, and that you have hope for the future. you are one very strong, very courageous individual, and we are glad that you are here.

[snappyturtle]

10. So happy for you! nt

[malaise]

12. Thanks for your post

[Liberal_in_LA]

14. I'm so glad you got the diagnosis corrected.

[mstinamotorcity2]

15. You are doing just fine!!!!

don't be ashamed of seeking out Professional help. Its what we send our children to school for. to get educated in all phases of science. so that those who are like you may receive good quality care. Contrary to popular repug rhetoric, its okay to be smart. It is how we help each other. And I consider you a very smart individual. You had the intelligence to know you were spinning out of control. You took the initiative to do something about it. And when you were not satisfied with the results you kept on until you found a doctor who could diagnose your condition and treat it effectively. That is very Smart. We had a Doctor here who treated Cancer patients with chemo drugs after they no longer had cancer. He also misdiagnosed several patients and gave them the wrong cancer therapy. He has also bilked Medicare/Medicaid out of millions. http://www.clickondetroit.com/news/Inside-Dr-Farid-Fata-health-care-fraud-investigation/-/1719418/21491126/-/favud0/-/index.html

[Denninmi]

22. Yeah, right in Rochester.

I saw that tonight on Channel 7. Sad he would do that to vulnerable people.

[mstinamotorcity2]

36. money changes people

the doctor saw the gravy train and utilized it to his benefit. yes its sad. But when you are sick you put yourself at the mercy of a physician. You are truly doing well. Don't let anyone around you who doesn't support you. keep your head up. And if you need to talk I am here. I am proud of you. Takes a big person to admit when they need help. And it takes a bigger person not to judge. got your back. Mstinamotorcity.

[KT2000]

16. all excellent advice

and I am so glad you got the right kind of help.

[Th1onein]

17. Bi-polar is the "in" diagnosis right now. You'll notice it's popular because they have new drugs

for it. They're in it to make money, honey.

[grasswire]

18. thank you for speaking out about C-PTSD

A family member of mine who also suffers from this condition has been through hell and back. I hope awareness will grow. C-PTSD can take root because of childhood abuse, and the sufferer can be re-traumatized through spousal abuse, poverty, homelessness, or other affecting situations.

[distantearlywarning]

19. I was also traumatized and misdiagnosed by a therapist

Also, like you, figured out eventually on my own that I actually had PTSD (from an old abusive relationship).

I no longer trust the mental health profession at all, and have been taking care of my own mental health needs for 10 years. Still functional, still going about my daily life as I always did, not on any "happy" pills, do not expose myself to any clinical psychologists or their ideas about how I or anyone else should feel or be, just being a human being with all that entails (good and bad).

[Le Taz Hot]

20. Welcome to the club!

Another CPTSD patient here, though psychiatry was DISASTEROUS for me, I eventually did a Physician Heal Thyself kinda thing (after DECADES of trying to figure it all out).

Congratulations on the correct diagnosis. Your world will completely change now. Watch!

[Festivito]

21. This is why I never take anything too seriously.

Glad to hear things are looking good. I love some of the new methods developed under the realization of brain plasticity.

Be well, up there just to my north.

[liberal_at_heart]

23. PTSD is what my husband was diagnosed with when he told his doctor about his past and about

how his past was disrupting his life today. He was told he was also borderline bipolar because he did exhibit extreme swings of mania and depression, but it was the reason behind the mood instability and the very specific problems it was causing him in his everyday life that caused the doctor to say he was PTSD. Why did you think bipolar was a death sentence? People are diagnosed with bipolar everyday, get treated and are okay. It is important to get the proper diagnosis for you, but whether it is PTSD or bipolar the important thing is to get the proper treatment. My husband was put on a mood stabilizer that bipolar people are often prescribed and it helped immensely.

[Denninmi]

30. See Reply #6/Post # 29.

I think it will address your comment/question as well.

[dionysus]

24. i have bad anxiety\panic disorder and meeting the right doctor saved my life. nt

[idwiyo]

25. Hugs

[defacto7]

26. Thank you for the post...

No need to say why, just thanks for being there with your story. People need to hear it. I'm glad you are doing well!

[Dark n Stormy Knight]

27. There is so much wrong with mental health treatmentin general. Great to hear that

you've found something helpful.

[Babel_17]

28. Thank you for posting that

I'm glad you found a good physician. I sympathize with you not finding a good one at first especially as you were struggling with so much at the time.

Now that you have the right diagnosis and are getting the right treatment I expect you'll begin to enjoy a happy recovery. Don't skip on eating healthy food and getting proper rest!

Best wishes

[freedom fighter jh]

31. Happy to hear that you're feeling better, Denninmi. nt

[TxDemChem]

33. Thank you so much for sharing your story

I think many people who try to get help for mental issues (or even chronic migraines as it turns out) are automatically assumed to be messed up in the head or even psychotic. PTSD is real and I hope others will take the brave step of seeking help and fighting for proper medical care. You are an inspiration to many who have suffered silently.

[Denninmi]

34. Honestly, I felt very "messed up" in some ways.

I was a mess, that's for sure. Pretty much needed to be scraped off the floor. But, I never lost touch with reality, I knew exactly who, what, where I was at all times. Which honestly, in some ways, was unfortunate. Don't get me wrong, I know it would be a lot worse had I lost my grip on reality, but part of me thinks it would have been a kindness to temporarily go to a happier place where I was oblivious.

[TxDemChem]

38. Reality keeps us grounded.

I've had a couple of breakdowns and after both episodes, I discovered I'd lost memories. I learned later that my mind probably shut itself off from the traumatic events that caused the breakdowns, but a couple of years ago I realized I don't remember most of my sophomore year of college and worse, I still don't remember watching my daughter take her first steps. I'm in the video footage where she takes her steps, but I don't remember it. I also don't remember the next year or so of her life. My memories of my one and only child are missing from about the age of one until just about a month before she turned 3. And I have all of my college notes and papers from my sophomore year, but I don't remember the people I met or my professors or any of the classes.

I always thought it was fortunate that I have no memories of my trauma, but in my 30s I have come to realize I missed out on a lot of good memories too.

I wish I could have had those moments in my memory, but I don't. So I make everything count now. I never know when my next episode will occur (as far as anyone knows, they are similar to mini-strokes, in that they only temporarily affect my memory, movement and speech, but worse because temporary for me seems to be 1-2 years of stroke-like after effects).

Don't ever regret reality. Later on, you may want to remember the good times after you've worked through problems from the bad times.

Take care of yourself.

[Denninmi]

39. Remembering the good times.

True. I have a strange, kind of dark, sense of humor, but it's very strong. That helped a lot. And in the middle of this, I could still find little humorous things to get me through.

One of my favorite moments. "Relaxation Therapy" which I personally believed was so much new age mambo jumbo which was a tremendous rip-off of Blue Cross. I had this really bad attitude going in - my strategy, act like a POW in the hands of hostile forces and do everything possible to resist. So in I this one session she was playing some really hokey cd instructing to "relax your toes" etc. I was just sitting there stewing, totally trying to ignore. The cd got to a point it talked about relaxing the buttocks, and I guess I scowled and shook my head or something, she noticed and kind of challenged me. Asked me if I didn't like the tape, if it wasn't helping me relax.

I just looked at her, with a rare-at-that-time smile and said "if you want me to relax, you'll play some Bon Jovi really loud".

She was not amused.

[emsimon33]

35. Peace and love to you! I am happy that you found your way through the darkness.

[Demoiselle]

37. My son is bi-polar.

He is 36 years old, happy, whole and productive. He takes medicine. He sees a psychiatrist very occasionally to keep tabs on things.
He had a happy, peaceful childhood. I am very sorry for the pain you have suffered in your life, and the doctor who misdiagnosed you sounds like a total idiot. That said, I'm afraid I read your account as incredibly stigmatizing to those who do, in fact, have bipolar disorder.

[Denninmi]

40. Sorry you feel that way.

I get sick of the argument. I feel the way I feel, and I have earned that right. Especially after facing the attitude that my feelings were wrong, or warped, or not real, as if I were somehow defective at the most basic level.

I am happy that some people are able to manage it. As with many conditions, I'm sure there are those more severely afflicted, those less. Sorry you feel my comments are stigmatizing, but the medical facts are the facts, and they are ugly.

Bottom line, it's a hideous diagnosis no matter what. Every thing about it terrifies me.

My therapist sprung her belief I had PTSD at the session a few days before Christmas and I was shell shocked but told her sincerely no one had ever done anything that had relieved my despair in that manner before, that it was probably the best Christmas present ever.

My psychiatrist made the same pronouncement to me on Good Friday. I left that office on a sunny beautiful afternoon, one of our first warm days, practically giddy. I was given a reprieve. I was given my future back.

I won't ever apologize for that.

[Denninmi]

42. Locking. Didn't post this to start a fight over who's MH stigmas are worse.

It always degenerates into an argument over stigmatization. So, I'm locking it. Posting the original below for reference:


At 3:10 PM on 08/22/2012, I was misdiagnosed by a psychiatrist as bipolar, and intimidated, more or less ordered against my will and in spite of going rapidly from stating my objections to pleading for this doctor to not do this to me. I "presented" with extreme anxiety, panic attacks, depression and insomnia. I stated clearly and truthfully on intake forms, which were cursory, that I had had suicidal thoughts at times, but also made it explicitly clear that I had no intent. And that I was there because I wanted help. I made this statement verbally - I can't live like this, I want to change my life for the better. I believe this doctor "heard" only the first half. I was given an ultimatum to comply within 36 hours. The "or else" was implicit involvement, threat of anyway", of the authorities.

I believed this was a death sentence. Because of the nature of the illness. Because I would lose my career in a nation of no real social net. Because of stigma, rejection by family, friends. Because of fear of those with a mental health condition. My mind, not in good shape to begin, ran wild with panic. I left there genuinely suicidal, wanting to die at my own hand before fate tortured me to death. I saw myself meeting my death homeless and alone in a Detroit alley.

I was diagnosed in less than 10 minutes, with almost no verbal input, with a short "sounds like bipolar to me". Sloppy medicine. I later learned that this doctor has a terrible reputation on online review sites, has had actions at the state licensing level, and, although I am kind of reading between the lines, I think lost admitting privileges at one hospital. I found this doctor through a physician referral site, I failed to check her out AT ALL. My bad, NEVER AGAIN. ALWAYS check out the reputation and license status of any physician prior to seeing them. ALWAYS, PLEASE! Take away one from my saga.

Not posting for sympathy. Not for support. I am posting this to raise awareness of something. I sought out a new, competent doctor. I checked her out extensively. She has a stellar online reputation. A clean license. Many years experience. Professional accolades and recognition. Admitting privileges at major hospitals. She has been everything I wanted, a kind and professional partner in healthcare who is genuinely concerned and who works with me to fix the damage.

Now, the REAL reason I post this - I was correctly diagnosed with Complex Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder. I would like to raise awareness of misdiagnosis of this disorder. Why did I lose it in the first place? Because, of my late father. I grew up in an atmosphere of domestic violence and abuse. I took the blows for my mom when I could. It left me more scarred than I knew. I was held at gunpoint several times as a teen by him while he berated me as the effiminate (he believed) bastard child of my mother's (non-existent) "lovers". Typical abuser. I ran from that model as I ran from the misdiagnosis. I am a good man, despite some problems. Then I was sent over the edge ladt year when I received death threats on the job. I lost it, and it was not pretty.

PTSD of both forms is often misdiagnosed as other things, and then not treated correctly. Always make sure you get a proper diagnosis, and proper treatment with any disease. If you have doubts, be your own best advocate.

I am doing dramatically better now. Still a work in progress, but I have life and hope for the future.

Peace and love to you.