Does this sound bad to you "If he's jealous, he cares"

[Bay Boy]

It something I saw a young girl post on Facebook. I don't know how old she is, it's someone who 'friended' my daughter in law.

It seems like a red flare to me.

[orpupilofnature57]

1. Having an esoteric conversation in a public forum is

juvenile, which in this day and age isn't a clue to the posters age .

[Bay Boy]

21. Are you ridiculing me for posting this?

If so, why?

[orpupilofnature57]

30. Not at all !!!! A dangerous situation like that needs Personal,

Professional help, not Facebook. As far as You bringing it up for discussion on DU, I thought the subject and the comments were Spot On .

[Bay Boy]

33. Thank you...

...for clearing that up. I don't know the girl, wish I knew how to help her. My only contact is through Facebook through my daughter in law and she doesn't know her very well either.

[liberal_at_heart]

2. more like if he's jealous he's insecure. Same goes for women by the way.

I've been married for 19 years. It takes a lot of courage to trust somone especially if you've been hurt before but it can really lead to a fulfilling relationship if you will just be secure enough in yourself, your partner, and your relationship to not be jealous. Jealousy usually leads the other person to feel smothered and not trusted. This can lead to a break up.

[Scootaloo]

3. Someone needs to point out to her that jealousy is an expression of selfishness

That's not in and of itself a bad thing - everyone's selfish, everyone gets jealous, it's just the way we are. But it's not an expression of care, and if you convince yourself to read jealousy as caring, possessiveness as love.. .you're going to eventually get in a situation to be hurt.

[Gormy Cuss]

22. This.

Jealousy is not an expression of love, commitment, or anything else positive in a relationship.

[polichick]

4. Can be a red flag for control freak boyfriend...

who may or may not be a sociopath.

[JI7]

5. sounds like excuse for abuse to me

[Curmudgeoness]

6. If he's jealous, he doesn't trust you.

If he doesn't trust you, he will only get worse.

Red flags all over the place.

[bettyellen]

12. the man is knit out of reg flags!

Not necessarily, but I have been waiting for an excuse to say that, lol.

[Curmudgeoness]

15. LOL. Yeah, I met that guy once.

I lived with him for 4 years before I got out. Not that he was jealous. He was a sociopath.

[bettyellen]

17. I have known a few- very frightening once you see what they really are, huh?

Good for you!

[Le Taz Hot]

7. If he's jealous,

run, do not walk, to the nearest exit.

[narnian60]

10. +100 on that. nt

[Skittles]

8. that is not good

a certain amount of jealousy is normal but as is it an indication of how much someone cares? No.

[Brigid]

9. Sounds like a recipe for trouble to me.

Unfortunately, this girl/woman will probably learn the hard way.

[Luminous Animal]

11. Fully endorse respo see 2-8

And I recommend a casual conversation about the corrosive affects that jealousy has on a relationship. You have the right instincts. Perhaps you can do a little research about teens relationships and jealousy.

[winter is coming]

13. Jealousy is a sign he cares about you as a possession, not a person.

If jealousy is the way you know someone cares about you, he/she doesn't care about you.

[Throd]

14. "If he's jealous, he can justify beating the shit out of you".

[Paladin]

16. Sounds a lot like "He wouldn't beat me if he didn't love me." (nt)

[Bay Boy]

20. Then there is the...

..."When he's sober he's really nice to me".

[Paladin]

23. Yeah. Sad, sad, sad. (nt)

[etherealtruth]

18. "Red flags" always sound bad to me. n/t

[BainsBane]

19. That young girl is in for a world of abuse in life

I hope someone can help her figure things out.

[lapislzi]

24. YES.

You should be alarmed, very alarmed.

[Xyzse]

25. Depends on how young, degree and a lot of other things.

Jealousy is a mixed bag, particularly when young. When hormones are out of flux particularly adolescence, kids don't really know how to control their emotions well.

I'd give it a break particularly in High School, they are still trying to figure things out.
I don't need to add judgment in that too much.

As a guy, some jealousy is alright, but there must be trust. The ability to do activities and hanging with their friends beyond another person is important.

I'd have to question the degree of jealousy. If it is in any way violent or explosive, run, don't walk, RUN away... Far far away. This goes with any one, male or female.

I had this friend, who even at her 20s has explosive jealous rage. I am glad I never considered a relationship beyond friends with her, since even as a friend, I'd have to walk on egg shells around her sometimes. It is better to be the friend who got away, rather than the jerk-wad ex.

When older though, there is no reason to keep up with something like that. It just isn't worth it. Middle/High Schoolers get a slight pass on this one, since they are still learning, once out of school, there is no point.

[Nevernose]

32. Totally disagree about the high school thing

I've seen too many girls (it's usually girls who are victims at that age, although it happens to men more often than people realize) in high school in relationships every bit as dysfunctional and abusive as any woman in her forties.

I'm talking:
Threats of violence
Actual violence
Threats of suicide
An actual suicide
Stalking in dozens of ways
Explosive outbursts
Threats against family members
Sexual violence
Substance abuse
Restraining orders
A thousand other things on the warning lists

And always followed, naturally, with "I'm sorry, I love you, it will never happen again."

Granted, high school girls are still trying to figure things out and very rarely bother to think out the substance of something that initially seemed cute on Facebook. That having been said: shit like the OP needs to be set straight ASAP.

[dogknob]

26. Jealousy has no place in anything.

If I like you, it means I want happiness and good things for you... no matter what.

I am not part of that; what I get from my relationship with you is not important, but if I am getting hurt or taken advantage of, the relationship is over. Period.

Hard to grasp at 16... but not any less true.

[arcane1]

27. Jealousy is corrosive, and is not a sign of anything positive.

Whoever wrote that is an idiot to think that way.

[KurtNYC]

28. Yes a red flag but also probably a projection of her own emotional mode

Meaning that she believes jealousy is a component of a romantic relationship.

As adults, we see it as a lack of trust and perhaps a lack of real intimacy, but some younger people mistake such emotional fireworks for a relationship with depth.

[David__77]

29. I don't like jealousy, but have gotten into trouble for it!

My current boyfriend and past partners have not liked the fact that I am not a jealous person. They WANT and even try to provoke jealousy. I think it's emotionally corrosive. And it can also be dangerous.

[Lizzie Poppet]

31. If he's jealous, he cares...about losing something he thinks belongs to him.

Big, fat red flag...