General Discussion

kpete

(71,996 posts) Wed Oct 2, 2013, 04:26 PM Oct 2013

HELP ME!!!!!!!!!!! - By John Boehner, Speaker Of The House Of Representatives (The Onion)

Help Me
By John Boehner, Speaker Of The House Of Representatives

Help me. Please, God, help me. I’ve lost control and I need help.

.....................

I want to admit something: I’ve cried in my office every day for the last month. During this shutdown I’ve sat there, panicked and alone, scared to death about the next thing they’ll make me do. When they knock on my door, my heart stops. What are they going to make me say next? How are they going to force me to embarrass myself next? Did you know I was once known as a relatively moderate, shrewd politician? That was before 2010. Before the horror began.

They haunt my dreams at night. I have this one nightmare where I’m about to ask for a vote on a clean continuing resolution and then one of them—I think it’s Steve King from Iowa—looks at me with this eerie smile and says, “No, John. No you won’t.” And then the rest of them are suddenly standing behind him and they all chant in a chilling monotone, “No, John. No you won’t.” And then I wake up screaming, “No, John!!! No you won’t!!!” and I’m crying, and my wife is crying, and I’ve sweat through my sheets.

Help me. Help me make this end. Don’t reelect these people. Reelect good, normal people and I promise I’ll be a good speaker from now on. I won’t lie down for the president by any stretch of the imagination, but I’ll work with him if it makes sense and I’ll fight him when it makes sense. That’s how it should be. That’s how it will be if you help me destroy this menace.

I know I helped create this monster, and I apologize. I am so, so sorry. I thought I could control it, but I was wrong. I just need your help to defeat it. Will somebody please help me? Please? Please? Anyone?

HELP ME!!!!!!!!!!!
http://www.theonion.com/articles/the-republican-party-cannot-stand-by-and-let-obama,34074/