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Related: Editorials & Other Articles, Issue Forums, Alliance Forums, Region ForumsRecord for Worst Congress of All Time So Close Boehner Can Taste It- Observed by Andy Borowitz
WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)With six fingers of Johnnie Walker swirling in his favorite tumbler, John Boehner speaks with the quiet assurance of a man on the brink of something big.
Just three workdays remain until Congress packs it in for 2013, and the House that Boehner presides over is about to set the record for the least productive year in its historya quixotic goal that the tawny Ohioan set for himself when he arrived in Washington, in 1991.
Like most of us, I came to this town hoping to make history, he says, refilling his tumbler. And, damn it, thats what Im about to do.
Downing his glass in one gulp, he reflects upon all the little things that had to go right to make the year of epic underachievement possible.
There were the Benghazi hearings, of course, and all the votes to repeal Obamacare, he says. But when we shut down the government in the fall, I started thinking, Jesus, the recordit could happen.
During those heady shutdown days, Boehner didnt dare speak about the record he had long dreamed of settingdidnt want to jinx anythingbut with Congresss work year set to end on Friday, he now admits, Im so close I can taste it.
Yesterday, when members of his caucus came up with a bipartisan budget deal, Boehner had a little come-to-Jesus meeting with them, he says. I told them, Ive worked too long and hard for this record, damn it. Dont mess it up at the last minute by accomplishing something.
So with the record for worst Congress seemingly in the bagI can cross that off my bucket list, he sayswhat does John Boehner do for an encore?
Its going to be tough to make next years Congress even worse, he says, pouring himself another tall one. But its going to be fun trying.
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Record for Worst Congress of All Time So Close Boehner Can Taste It- Observed by Andy Borowitz (Original Post)
Mira
Dec 2013
OP
longship
(40,416 posts)1. Borowitz nails it again! R&K nt
DetlefK
(16,423 posts)2. Six fingers of Whisky in one gulp? That's the tell-tale sign that it's satire.
Mira
(22,380 posts)3. Well, it's Borowitz
but then.....
he is talking about Boehner.
DetlefK
(16,423 posts)5. It sounded so convincing. It was the bit about the whisky that made it seem unreal.
Mira
(22,380 posts)6. Is it the two of us again? Hi DetlefK
You do know that Boner is drunk most of the time, don't you?
That does not come from small amounts of whiskey.
Keine Fingerhüte oder stamperl voll mit Schnapps.
(thimble fulls for the non-German readers)
DetlefK
(16,423 posts)8. Lieber Schnapps aus dem Wasserglas als Wasser aus dem Schnappsglas.
Ikonoklast
(23,973 posts)4. For Congressman Boehner, that's called 'breakfast'.
Yo_Mama_Been_Loggin
(108,167 posts)7. Boehner drunkenly slurred
And they thought I'd never amount to anything.
excellent