MONSTER PORN: Amazon’s Crackdown On America’s Latest Sex Fantasy

[xchrom]

http://www.businessinsider.com/monster-porn-amazon-crackdown-sex-fantasy-bigfoot-2013-12



Author Virginia Wade's fiction debut follows a group of women who embark on a week-long camping trip to Mt. Hood National Forest. There, in the shadow of Oregon’s highest mountain, they are kidnapped and sexually assaulted by a mysterious woodland creature. "What the hell is that thing?" asks one protagonist.

“‘It's f---ing Bigfoot,’ hissed Shelly. ‘He's real, for f---'s sake.’ Horror filled her eyes. ‘With a huge c---.’”

The book, with the decidedly un-PG title Cum For Bigfoot, is just the first of 16 fiction ebooks that Wade (a pen name) has written about the legendary beast sometimes known as Sasquatch, each detailing a series of graphic and often violent sexual encounters between the apelike creature and his female human lovers. Wade has made an exceptional living writing these stories.

It began in December of 2011. A stay-at-home mother from Parker, Colorado, Wade had no ambition to be a published author and no real writing experience other than a few attempts at historical romance in the mid-90s. But then, she says, "I got this crazy idea for a story." So she sat down and wrote the entire book — more of a novella, at just 12,000 words — in a matter of weeks. She never even considered trying to sell it to a mainstream publisher. Instead, she went directly to Amazon's Kindle Direct Publishing, an online platform for self-publishing with a 70% royalty rate for authors. (The average royalty percentage for authors with mainstream publishers is between 8 and 15%.)

Read more: http://www.businessinsider.com/monster-porn-amazon-crackdown-sex-fantasy-bigfoot-2013-12#ixzz2o7HkqRQa


***AND TO THINK -- I DIDN'T/DON'T UNDERSTAND FURRIES -- AND NOW THIS.

Read more: http://www.businessinsider.com/monster-porn-amazon-crackdown-sex-fantasy-bigfoot-2013-12#ixzz2o7He6pDb

[WinkyDink]

1. Amazon needs a purging.

[xchrom]

3. there's a pRon for that. nt

[Aerows]

41. Yeah, ill choice of words

:shudder:

[WinkyDink]

68. Not "an ill choice of words," except in certain minds.

[Guy Whitey Corngood]

2. I would've gone with a really hairy Fabio for the cover. But that's just me

I guess.

[Berlum]

4. "You rang?" - Fabio Claus

[uppityperson]

13. Old Old Spice guy is better. eom

[A HERETIC I AM]

62. You mean this one?

A guy who "Comes home from the sea" in a 12' dingy?

[bobclark86]

101. Also, what is she really saying?

"You smell like fish! Take a shower and slather THIS on so I can stand to be in the same room with you!"

[LeftyMom]

5. Somebody posted an article a few months back about dinosaur erotica.

I couldn't really figure out how that works, because reptile/bird bits and people bits? Are not the same bits.

At least Bigfoot's a mammal.

[anneboleyn]

11. You may not want to know this...but "octopus porn" or "tentacle porn" is very big in Japan

Last edited Sat Dec 21, 2013, 12:04 PM - Edit history (1)

It dates back (at least) to the early nineteenth century (there is a famous painting, "The Dream of the Fisherman's Wife," (1814) of a Japanese woman with two octopi in an erotic situation -- the painting I believe was inspired by a poem). So it seems pretty much every sort of creature inspires some type of "porn..." I didn't know there was dinosaur porn. Now I will think of T.Rex in a whole new way...and Jurassic Park becomes a different sort of film...

[LeftyMom]

28. Japan is a funny case. Normal, vanilla, P in V porn can't be shown,

so they innovate all sorts of weird new porn that doesn't involve Ps in Vs to get around obscenity rules. Because you have to pixelate two consenting adults doin' it, but you can show an underage girl being raped by a demon, or twelve dudes jerking off into a glass and then a woman drinking it.

Prudery often goes horribly wrong, but I don't think it's ever taken such a dramatic turn for the weird.

[redqueen]

52. Tentacle porn is a result of "prudery"?

How do you explain Shunga?

And now that we have rosebud porn, abuse porn, and rape porn, I hardly think bigfoot porn could be considered a reaponse to "prudery" either.

[LeftyMom]

54. In Japan's case? I just explained why.

They can't show bog standard piv sex. But they can show penetration by tentacles. So they do that. It's a loophole in the censorship.

I think the whole dinosaur/bigfoot/alien/whatever erotica thing is a. an attempt to cash in on the next vampire/zombie craze and b. an attempt to sell women erotica that is mildly transgressive but weird enough that it can be laughed off as a joke or novelty if discovered. I think it's totally fascinating how much of the e-reader market is driven by women who want to read smutty books without being seen reading smutty books. Reminds me a bit of how the early home video market was driven by people wanting to see porn without going to some sketchy porno theater, or the same for the growth of the internet for that matter. Hell, a surprising amount of smut came off the early printing presses of Europe. (As soon as printing presses existed they were used for smut and fights about theology. Gotta love humans.)

I bet a part of the motivation for horror erotica is also partner jealousy as well. Dudes who might object to their SO fantasizing about fictional men might not care if she reads alien abduction wank fiction.

[redqueen]

56. The timing doesn't bear that out. Shunga shows piv, and it came before tentacle porn.

I know their laws have changed, and that that's used to rationalize a lot of sick shit, but I don't buy it.

[HoneychildMooseMoss]

88. Shunga dates from the Edo Period

before Matthew Perry opened up Japan to Westerners and their Victorian ideas about sex and modesty.

[redqueen]

133. Tentacle porn is also from the Edo period. Hence, "prudery" is not the cause of perverted sexuality.

Thank you for reinforcing my point.

[HoneychildMooseMoss]

135. Actually, if you want uncensored Japanese porn,

that is, standard man-woman porn, you can easily find it on the Internet.

[Warpy]

102. Wow, I never knew the reason for such intensely weird porn in Japan

I just remember the stuff my ex brought home after a stopover at Nerita grossed him out, "And they all seemed like such reasonable people!"

[redqueen]

134. "Prudery" isn't the cause of the weird porn. See the earlier subthread.

Tentacle erotica, as it is often referred to, was around at the same time as Shunga, which depicts PIV.

[Niceguy1]

6. the first book is free right

Now

[uppityperson]

105. ok, I looked at it and good grief. It makes Twilight look almost literary.

Kidnap, rape teen girls who have orgasms while being raped and thereby decide it isn't really so bad. But wait. They decide to escape, even though it waa the best sex they've ever had only to (spoiler) get recaptured and distributed to 3 different bigfoots to impregnate rather than the one with the omg huge penis how will it fit that feels so good he isn't reqlly so bad one that originally kidnapped them. And a weird human bigfoot mother who likes to watch and "help".

Sorry but drowning in semen just doesn't do it for me either.

Delete from library.

Amazon has the right to decide what to carry and if they decide to not have these or have them show up, no loss to the world.

[Niceguy1]

109. ,yeah it was pretty horrible

,that was a fast delete good thing it was free

[HappyMe]

7. I'm all out of outrage.

[Glassunion]

26. You can usually substitute with two teaspoons of indignation.

[HappyMe]

29. lol!

Only about 1/8 teaspoon of that left, and I'm saving it.

How about a slightly cranky 'harrumph'?

[Glassunion]

34. I'd save that for Christmas morning.

I'm usually 3 eggnogs in by 11am, and when I open our annual aunt Margret fruitcake, is when I let out mine. I think she bakes them in Feb. A good soak in scotch makes them tolerable.

[HappyMe]

36. So you soak the cake in scotch

or yourself? Maybe give it a soak in some Sailor Jerry rum.

I'm lucky, somehow the circle of fruitcake has been broken in the family.

My dad used to let out a loud 'Oh come on' when the fruitcake from somebody got opened. If it was Christmas Eve my Uncle Ray was more a 'Aaw God' man. It was all meant in good fun.

[Aerows]

42. You can also use

a pinch of WTF? if the recipe doesn't call for too much outrage.

[Warren DeMontague]

81. This sort of sick filth enables the oppression of indigenous Sasquatch-Americans

it is a carnival of heteronormative male gaze human-centric objectifimicating follicular-phallopressive othering dithering dothering wuthering, not to mention rife with glaringly problematic sizeist stereotypes ("big" compared to whom, hmmmmmmmmm?)

[hfojvt]

8. "America's" latest fantasy

100,000 in sales in a nation of 310,000,000 isn't really representative of more than 1% of America, or even 0.1% of America.

And this award winning work of fiction apparently has been translated into German as well. Priced only at 99 cents, it is also very affordable.

But at least people are reading, instead of watching the idiot box.

Oh wait.

[mainer]

14. 100,000 sales of a hardcover novel would be a NYT bestseller

So in NY publishing eyes, that's a big figure.

[hfojvt]

19. really? Because "Gone Girl" is now #25 on the list

and it has sold over two million copies. And it costs $14.60 for a hardcover or 6.49 for a kindle. 100,000 is barely 5% of that, for a much lower priced item.

[seabeyond]

20. this is how these trash misogynist writings gain ground. they promote it as a

fav of women convincing the dumb shits it is something cool, hip, desirable. and it is lousy writing, lousy story, full of shit. tattoo girl, and 50 shades. both failures until PR took over. they both continued to be poor writing and story telling but convinced people how good they were.

fad

pet rock

[6000eliot]

143. Well, thankfully they have you to define "misogyny" for them.

Couldn't have them doing foolish things like making their own choices? What kind of feminists would they be then?

[mainer]

22. GONE GIRL is a phenomenon, and that 2 million copies was sold over many months.

I'm in publishing, and I can tell you that a one-week sale of, say, 20,000 copies of a hardcover novel will likely get you onto the NYT bestseller list that week. The list is week-to-week, and what matters is velocity of sales for one particular week.

[hfojvt]

31. the 100,000 took many months

I was in bookselling myself.

But know nothing about Gone Girl, just picked the one that was #25 on a list of 25. Has it sold more than #24?

This "book" did not sell 100,000 copies in a week. If it had, it would have sold over a million in a year. The 100,000 was for approximate total sales.

So, it may be a fantasy of some 100,000 Americans, but that's not representative of the other 309,900,000 of us. And how many of those people who purchased that book thought "wow, that was awesome" at the end of reading it versus those who said "well, there's a dollar down the drain"?

[mainer]

33. Holy Cow, GONE GIRL was #1 on the list for months and months

It may well have sold over 100,000 in just one week early in its release.

Most NYT bestsellers have a sales arc, where they peak in weeks 1 and 2 and rapidly fall off in the weeks after that. If you sell 100,000 copies over the lifespan of a hardcover, you are indeed in bestseller territory. I've seen books hit the NYT list (albeit, maybe at only #15) with sales of 10,000 in that week. It's very month-dependent. You have to sell more than that to get on the list in September, but you might be able to get on the list with 10,000 in the month of February.

Any title that over a year has sold 100,000 would make a publisher's eyes light up because they're probably wondering if they can reproduce that in hardcover.

There are other factors too -- 100,000 hardcover is huge. 100,000 in paperback is merely OK. I was just pointing out that the number 100,000 is still a significant number in publishing.

(I have inside access to real numbers in publishing, and the numbers are very very interesting.)

[mainer]

23. Remember, too, NYT now has a combined E and Print list as well

and you'll often find titles on that combined list that make you scratch your head and wonder, "where did this title come from?" Because some of those bestsellers are self-published e-books.

[anneboleyn]

9. Sasquatch porn seems very 70s. That aside, I am all for writers making use of self-publishing

and to earn royalties outside of the brutal publishing system.

[Prophet 451]

79. Most of us wouldn't make it in the *real* publishing system n/t

[Warren DeMontague]

82. I remember 70s porn

and it was ALL sasquatch.

[Evidentnew]

10. Awesome post

Hey,this post is awesome.But you should have given a real porn picture.

[Poll_Blind]

12. What the actual fuck?

PB

[mainer]

16. Beauty and the Beast combined with rape fantasies

nowadays, it's all a matter of combining tropes and you've got a hit.

[MrScorpio]

17. Once they've read monster porn it's hard to go back to the farm. nt

[hughee99]

21. Yes, but does he fix the cable? n/t

[Feral Child]

45. "Logjammers"?

'Cause he's a nihilist; he believes in nothing...


"The Big Lebowski"

[hughee99]

50. Yes. A Carl Hungus classic. n/t

[Warren DeMontague]

53. ****in' with Sasquatch.

You know what they say about Bigfeet, ladies.

[mainer]

18. Continually amazed by the human imagination

What an ingenious species we are.

[K.O. Stradivarius]

32. Google for the E.T. porno if you really want to see...

how the human mind works and thinks (and I don't mean the one that's on YouTube).

[Scootaloo]

35. Do not do this. Ever.

Why would you tell people to do this? Have you SEEN that thing? No. No. NO.

No.

[geek tragedy]

24. What next, Duck Dynasty porn? nt

[neverforget]

65. I had to Google it and sure enough there is one

Duck DyNasty XXX Porn Parody

[geek tragedy]

118. I'm not a big fan of pr0n in general, but a Duck Dynasty spoof in the bear genre would

provide some amusement

[geek tragedy]

122. I bet some of them are. nt

[geek tragedy]

124. Don't be so literal, obviously what's underneath the beards

would be more appealing in the adaptation.

[geek tragedy]

126. no, bears aren't loathsome redneck wingnuts nt

[geek tragedy]

129. In fairness, this discussion is about something

inherently contradictory.

But you know a lot of DD fans are not as heterosexual as they think they are.

[LostOne4Ever]

71. Rule 34... (nt)

[K.O. Stradivarius]

25. Now we just need a thread where the Vaginal Knitting woman...

use skeins of yarn made from Bigfoot hair and the circle of WTF will be complete.

[mainer]

27. Am I jaded? I think this is a hilarious example of can-do capitalism

The author put her kids through college with this weirdness! She found a market and came up with a product.

[JHB]

30. Frankly, sex fantasies that are clearly in fantasy-land don't bother me

People's minds can go anywhere, especially when they're, shall we say, being self-indulgent. It's how they act toward people in real-life that I care about more.

Boffing Bigfoot's not a problem in the real world, whereas much of sexual violence occurs when someone tries to impose their own "more mundane" fantasies on someone else.

[Feral Child]

46. Valid post

but i hope you don't stir them up...

[sibelian]

48. Very much so.

It's the imposition that's the key thing.

[redqueen]

55. " much of sexual violence occurs when someone tries to impose their own "more mundane" fantasies

on someone else"

True.

[politichew]

37. Three cheers for making a living freely expressing yourself.

Doesn't get much better than that.

[LittleBlue]

38. Sorry, I can't support book banning

The argument of protecting children doesn't work, either. Any teen can walk into a library and read everything from Lolita to Fifty Shades.

[nomorenomore08]

47. Seems like it at least started with good intentions - removing father-daughter incest titles etc. -

but then became an indiscriminate crackdown on all self-published erotica. Which is a shame.

[Prophet 451]

80. Amazon does this from time-to-time

There was a big crackdown a couple of years back on incest and rape stories but I wasn't around for that one. Then there was a crackdown last year on "fauxcest" (stories involving step-relatives and similar "not really incest but close enough to get a thrill" books) and dub-con (stuff where the consent is questionable). Then we had a big panic when Amazon began adult-flagging all erotica (which sounds ok but means we don't show up on most searches) and just recently, we've had the monster-sex purge. Two of my stories got pulled in that last one and I'll have to rework the titles and keywords to get them back on sale.

Needless to say, the standards they apply to us are never applied to books published in the traditional way. You can still find numerous traditionally published works that feature incest (Flowers In The Attic), rape (take your pick), fauxcest (Lolita), dub-con (again, take your pick) and monster-sex (Twilight and the Anita Blake books). That's what pisses us off the most; that they're clearly using different standards for us because we don't have a publisher to fight for us.

[LeftyMom]

95. Oh god, the Anita Blake books.

I have no idea how that woman manages to write sex scenes that aggressively unsexy.

The first few books, the ones that were essentially supernatural detective stories with a love triangle subplot, were fun. When they turned into stories about group sex with supernaturals who were all smuggling a whiffle ball bat around in their pants, which would abruptly and confusingly climax* in some new scary thing trying to killfuck everyone, they became unreadable self-parody.

*totally using that word deliberately, fyi

[Prophet 451]

103. Well put!

I had the misfortune of reading my brother's copies during an impromptu family gathering and came to much the same conclusion.

[panader0]

39. This reminds me of an old R. Crumb Zap Comic book

except the bigfoot was female and Whiteman was abducted to her cave. I think I still have that old comic somewhere.

[LeftyMom]

43. Let me guess, Ms. Sasquatch had a gigantic butt and big muscular thighs?

God love him, he's really not a big believer in women coming in many shapes and sizes, is he? I have his Book of Genesis and it's kind of hilarious because apparently ancient Mesopotamia and the Levant were populated exclusively by women who were built like speed skaters.

[panader0]

44. R. Crumb was a very eccentric guy.

I saw a documentary about him a while back. He had issues.

[cemaphonic]

49. Yeah, that was a disturbing film

Especially, because he was the most mentally stable of his family.

[mainer]

40. There is something odd about the numbers

I just checked her Amazon sales index for several of her Bigfoot titles, and for an author who's supposedly selling a lot of copies, her index is in the 400,000 - 900,000 range. That's not indicative of a lot of sales.

(For those unfamiliar with the Amazon sales index, the lower your number, the better your sales. An index of 1 means you're Amazon's current bestseller.)

[TeamPooka]

59. "It was a dark and stormy night....." nt

[lumberjack_jeff]

90. You're on to something.

"She strutted into my office wearing a dress that clung to her like Saran Wrap to a sloppily butchered pork knuckle, bone and sinew jutting and lurching asymmetrically beneath its folds, the tightness exaggerating the granularity of the suet and causing what little palatable meat there was to sweat, its transparency the thief of imagination."

... and bigfoot was there too, with his big ****.

[LeftyMom]

73. Seriously, I'm in the wrong business.

Now if you'll excuse me, I need to go write my highly lucrative 22 page masterpiece "Cassie Gets Cleveland Steamered by a Chupacabra"

[Warren DeMontague]

74. For The Win.

[lumberjack_jeff]

91. Heh. +1

[Initech]

57. Just when I thought I have seen everything...

This ranks about a 9 out of 10 on my WTF-o-meter.

[petronius]

58. According to this 'documentary' (possibly NSFW), it seems that

Ms. Sasquatch entered the porn industry a few years back. Seems that it didn't go all that smoothly...


** No nudity or sex, words bleeped, but still possibly NSFW (depending on where you work). **

[Jesus Malverde]

77. omg!

Got here three weeks ago from Nebraska

[MillennialDem]

61. Rule 34 strikes again

[Prophet 451]

63. Amazon have pulled several of mine too

I guess I'm lucky. Of the thirty-odd titles I have with Amazon, only three or four have been pulled but their guidelines are frustratingly vague and inconsistent.

[Jesus Malverde]

64. bump... nt

[Harmony Blue]

66. The Fury p0rn phenomena baffles me

but who am I to judge?

[Tyrs WolfDaemon]

69. How can anyone say no to one of these?

and for the girls:

[Jesus Malverde]

75. meow!..nt

[alcibiades_mystery]

67. "'It's f---ing Bigfoot,’ hissed Shelly. ‘He's real, for f---'s sake. With a huge c---.'"

Nah, he's just pumped up - bought some shit from the thrift shop.

[Warren DeMontague]

131. Of course,

She stole that line from Shakespeare.

[eShirl]

70. not my cup of tea, but harmless fun nonetheless

[LostOne4Ever]

72. Thing I don't get

Is why anyone would pay for something like that when there are probably half a dozen internet websites hosting erotic stories of that nature for free

[Prophet 451]

78. I don't get it either and I write the bloody stuff!

My SO got me into this and I initially had the same reaction as you: Why would anyone pay for porn when the web is full of it for free? But I wrote a couple of stories, posted them up and people actually paid for them. I wrote a few monster-sex stories mainly as a goof and to give me some relief from finding 100 different ways to write "insert Tab A into Slot B" but they're consistently my best sellers. I don't pretend to understand the attraction but people really do pay for porn stories and monster-sex especially. I've had three of my stories pulled from Amazon, one for being monster-sex but it's still selling on Smashwords.

[pitohui]

112. because the cost is minimal & its a way to encourage the creator

you never buy something you could get for free to tip the writer or musician?

i'm not into monster porn, the examples i've seen were boring & silly but i read other fan fic and i don't object to writers having a way for me to toss them a buck

[MisterP]

76. now with more Krampus!

http://www.cracked.com/blog/undeniable-proof-that-european-christmas-terrifying/

[gerogie2]

84. I'm sure Art Bell is reading every novel

[link:https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Art_Bell|

[yuiyoshida]

85. I <3 GODZILLA...

bUT... not that much!

[justiceischeap]

86. The thing I find amazingly shocking about this

Last edited Sun Dec 22, 2013, 10:19 PM - Edit history (1)

isn't the sexual content. It's the hypocrisy of the whole thing. If they are pulling monster "erotica" for content, then they really should be looking at mainstream paranormal romance novels. When it comes down to it, if your story has a vampire, the heroine is still f*cking a dead person and if the story contains a werewolf, your heroine is still f*cking a dog. The werewolf may not be in dog form when it's happening but you get my gist. Yet these books are a okay and no one is complaining about them. Could it be because they have major publishing houses behind them? I suspect so. Basically, it's easier to pick from the low-lying fruit on the tree--the self-publishers.

That said, I wonder if this is a way I could fund my trip to the UK next spring?

[Warren DeMontague]

89. I'm wondering if, after this Business Insider article, the market is going to experience a glut.

Because if you don't read this and go "Holy Fuck, $30K a month? I could do that!" ... you're doing it wrong.

[justiceischeap]

100. My friends and I were joking about this tonight.

Trying to figure out how the three of us could profit from this.

[Prophet 451]

110. Very, very easily

Write the story. Minimum of 3000 words and, as a general rule of thumb, at least 2/3 should be sex. Format it according to the Smashwords style guide (free from their site). Either use a photo or buy a stock image from a stock site (generally about $5) and put your title and pen name on it with basic image manipulation software (MSPaint will do). Go to Smashwords and Kindle Direct, create accounts with both. Upload to both (remembering to alter the copyright notice accordingly). Set a price (general rule of thumb: $2.99 for each 3-5k words). Smashwords will generally review and approve your work within 24 hours, KDP can take a couple of days. Wait for the money. Amazon pay monthly if you're above $100, Smashwords pay quarterly.

Seriously. That's all there is to it. And I don't mind telling you this because the market seems to be infinitely expandable. There seems to be no point at which the market gets over-saturated.

[Prophet 451]

108. The market doesn't get gluts

Seriously. I've been doing this for a couple of years now and there have been two major influxes: When Something Awful got involved and when Fifty Shades was published (since it was glorified fan-fic). Hundreds of new authors wrote stories, published them and we were confidently told there was going to be a glut. What we discovered is that it's impossible to create a glut of porn. The market is infinitely hungry. No matter how many writers do this, there will always be more readers hungry to buy the porn. Trends come and go, as they do in regular fiction, but there really doesn't seem to be any way of over-saturating the market.

That said, the ones making $30k a month are rare. They were lucky enough to hit on a theme that was just becoming hot or they built up a really loyal following for themselves. But there are plenty of people making $30-50k a year doing this and my SO knows several for whom it's now their full-time job.

[Prophet 451]

106. You got it in one

Everything that's been raised as objectionable about the self-published books, from incest to dub-con to monster-sex, are available in any number of titles still available on Amazon because they were published in the traditional manner.

And to answer your second question: Yes, you very well could. I only make a hundred bucks a month or so at this but there are numerous people who have made thousands or even hundreds of thousands. My SO knows several people for whom this is now their full-time job. As long as your writing is halfway decent and you're good with euphemisms, you can make money doing this. Word of advice: Pick a female pen name (they sell better) and, Satan's Name, do not use your real name.

[uppityperson]

107. Do those devote pages to descriptions of said creature's penis? I am curious. And here is a problem

about vampires. Their heart does not beat, blood does not flow, so how do they get an erection, or have one go away?

[justiceischeap]

113. I've read some paranormal romance (thinking it was urban fantasy)

and let me tell ya, the description of the "throbbing member" can go on and on... and on (especially for a lesbian like myself). However, I've not read any of the monster porn of which we speak, so I wouldn't know how to compare. The point is, it's the acts that a lot of people find objectionable and I'm saying, unequivocally that there ain't much difference between the two "genres".

[uppityperson]

114. Even when I was a fertile hetero female, yes,

a penis on a fine person was also fine, but that was the least important bit as far as attraction and those descriptions? And looking at pictures? meh. Maybe I got jaded at a young age being a nurse learning to cath little old men?

OK, I am done now. Sorry.

[Prophet 451]

115. Depends on the writer

Personally, I try to avoid too much purple prose but often, you're stuck spending ages describing her boobs or his penis just to fill word count because there's only so many ways you can say "insert Tab A into Slot B".

As for vampires, if you're asking those kinds of questions, you're not the target audience

[uppityperson]

119. Aw, come on (oops). I live in Bigfoot/vampire country and have to say the sparkles are distracting

Wayyyy not the target audience for vampire fantasy.

[Warren DeMontague]

116. If Vampires didn't get hard-ons, True Blood wouldn't have a show.

Although, come to think of it, after they put in whatever writing team came up with "Marnie", it hasn't had much of one anyway.

[Lancero]

87. ...I just had a idea for a book.

Duck Gods's Revenge

It's a gay erotica novel, about a duck hunter (Named Phil) who starts a buisnuess selling duck calls. Eventually, Phil crafts a new duck call, unknowing that the wood it was crafted from came from a tree that grew over the grave of a african voodoo priest. When he tests the new duck call, it summons the Duck God who decides to take revenge against Phil for all of the ducks that his creations helped to kill.

You can guess what the Duck God decides to do to get his revenge.

[haele]

92. quack like you got a purty mouth...

Deliverance with. Voodoo Ducks strikes me as being far worse than some of the more uncomfortable scenes in the show Oz. And if you add geese -they have teeth.


Haele

[Prophet 451]

104. It would sell too n/t

[penultimate]

93. *face palm*

[Rex]

94. Dam...I hope they don't find out where Centar's come from!

Manticores, Cerebores, Homunculi, run if you meet a Satyr or Incubus! They'll make a cheap romance novel out of it and I'll see it standing in line at Wal-Mart!


I am a balrog and will eat your brain upon entry.

Disney'a new lineup - Beauty and the Baal. Snow White and the 9 Satyrs. I was Married to the Lochness Monster.

[Rex]

97. An entirely new lexicon for titles.

Okay, maybe not to Piers Anthony...but to all grocery store rubberneckers. It would be good compitition for BAT BOY! I mean, I always look at BAT BOY! when that picture is on a rag on the rack and I have more than 10 items.

I mean HOW could you not look at BAT BOY!

LOOK AT ME READ MY HEADLINES!

[opiate69]

98. ...

http://m.

[opiate69]

140. totally...

http://m.

[Prophet 451]

111. I actually wrote a centaur story

It's one of my best sellers.

[Warren DeMontague]

99. It's probably not hurt by Bigfoot's mild resemblance to Josh Brolin

Last edited Mon Dec 23, 2013, 05:51 AM - Edit history (1)

I always figured he looked more like Chewbacca, but YMMV.

[Orrex]

120. You know what they say about cryptoprimates with big feet.

[Locrian]

127. Peterotica? - wasn't that a "Family Guy" eposode?!

[In_The_Wind]

132. This is news to me.

[Dash87]

136. wtf?

[img][/img]

[yuiyoshida]

139. KAIJU make the worst sex partners...

When they get cranky... BRIDGES FALL

[Shoulders of Giants]

141. I'd rather Amazon keep these books.

These books are terrible. I don't know why anyone would read them, except for a laugh. But I've always liked how Amazon doesn't get involved in moral disputes in their books. They tend to let people read what they want to read. As a result, they have gotten in trouble for having books that promote terrible stuff, such as Nazism. However, now that they are eliminating books like this one, they can no longer use, we don't censor our books, as an excuse to sell Mein Kamph. However, once they start removing books, they may start removing other books. Tea partiers may claim a Michael Moore book is hateful and get Amazon to remove to remove it, if they go down this road. I'd prefer Amazon just allow all legal books, and let people decide what they want to buy or not, regardless of how terrible it is. Freedom starts with Bigfoot sex it appears.

[gulliver]

142. It big lie.

Me no like bald body female. Eeww. Send more Jack's Links.