These can be easily changed to fit any situation including my watching Longmire.
End of an affair:
Both sides can agree that our love affair is now over. It is in the context of this mutual understanding that I express my sincere regrets and share your friends' and parents' sorrow at your current discomfort. If, in your opinion, your sensibilities have been injured -- despite my having made every possible effort to provide adequate forewarning -- I believe that the prompt return of my Michael Bolton CD collection will bring closure to both sides and help begin the healing process.
Parking ticket:
Nobody is sorrier than me that the police officer had to spend his valuable time writing out a parking ticket on my car. Though from my personal standpoint I know for a certainty that the meter had not yet expired, please accept my expression of deep regret at this unfortunate incident. It is hoped that your dismissal of this ticket will mark both an end and a new beginning for both parties, marked by a mutual resolve to avoid such regrettable situations in future.
Late term paper:
I am deeply sorry that you have decided that my term paper was not submitted in time, even if the fact that my watch had stopped would, as you know, hold up in any legitimate court of law. Nonetheless, I wish to express my heartfelt sympathy for the university's distress in believing that its rules have been violated, and trust that as a token of your equal good will my term paper will be accepted.
Return of an advance:
We are very sorry that your manuscript has been pronounced by our scrupulously objective editorial board to be unfit for publication at this time, necessitating the request for the return of our advance. This is in no way intended as an insult, but could understandably be so construed, in which case we would express our deep regrets, while possibly not using such specific phrases as ''an illiterate scrawl'' if we had it to do over.
Social gaffe:
While firmly believing that, for the sake of fairness, this event should in no way be linked with my application to the country club of which you are membership chairman, I wish to say how very sorry I am if you thought you overheard me describing your wife as ''that frumpy old windbag.'' I am aware that such a description, if it had actually been uttered, could possibly cause the subject some emotion distress, and would not wish this on anybody even if -- as is the case here, of course -- it cannot be proven beyond a reasonable doubt that I ever said or would say such a thing. If I had, you could interpret this as my apology.
http://www.nytimes.com/2001/04/22/weekinreview/the-perfect-non-apology-apology.html
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