American Airlines To Phase Out Complimentary Cabin Pressurization

[flamingdem]

* The 1% at work

FT. WORTH, TX—Explaining that the costs of the service have grown too high in recent years, American Airlines announced Tuesday that it will no longer offer free cabin pressurization to passengers starting March 15. “Unfortunately, to stay competitive as a legacy carrier in today’s air travel market, it no longer makes economic sense for us to provide breathable air at altitude,” said American Airlines CEO Doug Parker, noting that despite the cutbacks, air pressurization would still be available to first- and business-class travelers as well as those willing to pay an additional fee. “While we regret any altitude sickness, blood problems, dimmed vision, or hyperventilation that may result from air pressure less than a third normal levels, we remind our customers that such effects will diminish as soon as the aircraft descends below 10,000 feet.” Parker added that the company is also planning to discontinue complimentary landing gear on flights under four hours.

?7067


http://www.theonion.com/articles/american-airlines-to-phase-out-complimentary-cabin,35367/

[Hekate]

1. The Onion, again

[flamingdem]

2. To kick off the holiday

April 1st

[CaliforniaPeggy]

3. I was going to say, omigod the Onion!

They are so clever, you almost believe it.

[flamingdem]

4. I know, was thinking hmm how could they charge for

.. what!! pressurization of the cabin is an option now uhhh

[LibDemAlways]

5. Still satire, but 25 years ago when I

worked as a travel agent, food was included in the cost of a ticket, as was checked luggage, and no one paid a premium to board first, get a seat assignment, or sit in a specific row in coach. The way things are going, I'm confident pay toilets are next followed by fees for cabin pressurization. Any way the suits can think of to squeeze an extra buck out of the traveller is fair game.

[Art_from_Ark]

6. The bean counters have certainly taken over

[blueamy66]

11. The events on September 11th had a bit to do with it as well.

nt

[davidpdx]

8. I have seen pay toilets on a flight here in Asia

I can't remember which one though. Fortunately I had change. What happens when you don't have a quarter the buck fifty? Go in your pants.

[11 Bravo]

10. How about right in the middle of the aisle? That might led to a re-thinking of the policy.

[davidpdx]

12. I think peeing right in to a can and handing it to a flight attendant might do it.

Granted that would be cruel to the flight attendant.

[Cha]

9. Use to be fun to fly and we dressed up too.. that crazy part is nice that

we don't anymore.

[flamingdem]

13. And real silverware in coach!

I remember that from the 60s as well as wearing my best clothes.

[Cha]

14. I don't remember the real silverware but do remember

the dress up with the hosiery.

[Divernan]

7. "First Class passengers quietly informed where REAL emergency exits are" (Onion also)

http://www.theonion.com/articles/flight-attendant-quietly-informs-first-class-passe,35661/

MIAMI—While passengers in the economy cabin watched the standard preflight safety video Monday, United Airlines flight attendant Kim Walters quietly informed first-class ticket holders aboard Flight 1173 of the location of the plane’s actual emergency exits, sources confirmed. “Ladies and gentlemen, if you’ll please give me your attention for a brief and important announcement about the first-class-only safety features of our Boeing 757 aircraft,” Walters reportedly said in a voice just above a whisper, explaining that in an emergency, the airline’s most valued customers should ignore the escape path lighting along the aisle and instead follow the green lighting on the first-class seatbacks to a secret hatch just behind the forward lavatory. “For your convenience, in the event of an emergency, a bulkhead will automatically close and seal off the first-class cabin from the economy cabin, giving you ample legroom while deplaning. In addition, should we experience a sudden loss of cabin pressure, ignore the oxygen masks that drop from above and instead use the real ones located underneath your seat, right next to your emergency parachute.” According to reports, Walters then showed each passenger how to use their personal flotation raft, which she said comes with two weeks of gourmet rations, over 120 movies and TV shows, and is “[theirs] to keep” in the event of a water landing.

[trof]

15. So I wasn't the only April Fooler here. See my post:

http://www.democraticunderground.com/10024763453

[Warren DeMontague]

16. Best part of this story is, everyone accepts that it's not that far off.

Flying SUCKS, now. The humane thing would be to put the passengers in deep sedation and stack them in the cargo hold. It has gotten extremely unpleasant.

[idendoit]

17. The Onion always makes me want to cry.