My wife was murdered by a 'monster' – but most perpetrators of violence are normal men

[SaveOurDemocracy]

My wife, Jill Meagher, was murdered by a man who can easily be described as the sum of all evils – but we should not fall prey to the 'monster myth'



... By insulating myself with the intellectually evasive dismissal of violent men as psychotic or sociopathic aberrations, I self-comforted by avoiding a more terrifying concept: that violent men are socialised by the ingrained sexism and entrenched masculinity that permeates everything, from our daily interactions all the way up to our highest institutions. ...



... People did care about this, and for whatever reason people identified with this particular case, it was something that I hoped could be universalised – not localised to this case, but for every instance of men’s violence against women.

The major difficulties in mobilising this kind of outrage on a regular basis is that most cases of men’s violence against women:

• lack the ingredients of an archetypal villain and a relatable victim

• are perpetrated and suffered in silence, and

• are perpetrated by somebody known to the victim. ...




... The idea of the lurking monster is no doubt a useful myth, one we can use to defuse any fear of the women we love being hurt, without the need to examine ourselves or our male-dominated society. It is also an excuse to implement a set of rules on women on "how not to get raped", which is a strange cocktail of naiveté and cynicism. It is naive because it views rapists as a monolithic group of thigh-rubbing predators with a checklist rather than the bloke you just passed in the office, pub or gym, and cynical because these rules allow us to classify victims. If the victim was wearing X or drinking Y, well then of course the monster is going to attack – didn’t she read the rules? ...




... We cannot separate these cases from one another because doing so allows us to ignore the fact that all these crimes have exactly the same cause – violent men, and the silence of non-violent men. We can only move past violence when we recognise how it is enabled, and by attributing it to the mental illness of a singular human being, we ignore its prevalence, it root causes, and the self-examination required to end the cycle. The paradox, of course is that in our current narrow framework of masculinity, self-examination is almost universally discouraged.

Much more at link .. A really excellent, thoughtful examination of the issues. Highly recommended read.

http://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2014/apr/18/my-wife-was-murdered-by-a-monster-but-most-perpetrators-of-violence-are-normal-guys

[BainsBane]

1. I think there is a tie in between this and the idea of a war culture

Socializing men to be violent serves the needs of a society built on military might that must produce men willing to commit violence to maintain its empire. That is also related to a culture that sees 32,000 gun deaths a year as acceptable. While this is a British article about an Australian case, I think the issue of violent culture is even greater in the US.

[Sarah Ibarruri]

3. MUCH, much greater. You're right. nt

[Sarah Ibarruri]

2. Great post! This is an excellent example of how predators can look "normal" - look at this evil POS

http://www.heraldsun.com.au/news/law-order/jill-meaghers-accused-killer-adrian-ernest-bayley-watched-movies-after-attack-court-documents-show/story-fni0ffnk-1226595956235

No, they don't have horns, no, they don't have a pointy tail. They can have jobs, they can dress normally, they walk, talk, and speak with normal words.

Honestly, I think the sexual obsession, porn, and all the focus on sex has a great deal to do with that. I'm not saying that psychos will not exist if all this pushing of sexuality down our throats were not the case. Sure they would. But whatever you shove down the throats of psychos, is what they will also focus on most.

[Kurska]

11. Sex and Sexuality are good for the human condition and psyche.

Societies that repress sexuality and forbid open and frank discussion of it are far more violent than societies with more libertine views on sexual conduct. This is a repeated pattern throughout history and I have no idea how you could possibly argue otherwise in today's world.

The link between openness about sex and violence is a canard dreamed up by the religious right to try and create useful idiots on the left to do their moralist dirty work for them. Images of breasts do not cause people to murder other people.

[nomorenomore08]

4. I don't know why people (mostly men) do these things. I don't know how to stop them.

All I know is that I have to do my best to be a decent human being, and encourage others to do the same. But even that seems so useless in the face of all this.

[Sarah Ibarruri]

5. It's the culture. I turned on the TV yesterday, and as I channel surfed I saw crap and violence,

more crap and more violence.

I got my a sort of instant sociological study thrown in my face one day years ago when I walked into a Blockbuster on a Saturday afternoon, and it was packed with people. The women were all over the store. The men were congregated in 1 section (with the exception of a girlfriend who was with her guy), so I got really curious and went over to see what they were picking up to look at - movies of violence, all of them. Not 1 dude was looking at foreign movies, dramas, romantic nothing, historical nothing, zip. A couple then moved over to humor, but that's all. Violence. It's what men are suckled on from the time they're little, and they're never weaned from, from the unspoken messages from TV, ads, movies, books, fathers, brothers, friends, even women, who promote the sick, image of the violent male.

[nomorenomore08]

6. I think even that is too facile, though. Violent media is probably more of a symptom than

anything. Of course we should all critique the images we consume - that in itself is an important process. But it's wishful thinking to assume we can make all this go away through merely restricting violent imagery (voluntarily or otherwise).

[Sarah Ibarruri]

9. All of it is disgusting to me nt

[nomorenomore08]

10. This society, this world, does disgust me in many ways as well. Sometimes overwhelmingly so. n/t

[davidn3600]

7. Yep. We were living in a peaceful utopia before violent movies and video games

[Sarah Ibarruri]

8. We had no fairness in laws, but laws and a culture that encourages abuse of women,

are associated, but are not the same thing.