Re Elliot Rodger's manifesto - Is there a single DUer who can recall details

[malaise]

of their childhood by age, school class, friends and hanging out with the 'cool kids'.
I never wondered about 'cool kids'.
This young man was obsessed with material things and had very low self esteem, but he had one hell of a memory about seemingly trivial things.

[PeaceNikki]

1. He was 21 or 22 when he started writing the manifesto. And he said he kept a diary.

I remember vivid details of 10-15 years ago pretty well.

[shenmue]

2. I remember some things from that time

Mostly good memories.

[malaise]

4. I remember things from I was three years old

and like you most of my memories are wonderful, but I don't even know who were the 'cool kids' in any single class or what was popular. We never cared - we were so happy in our group. Maybe I grew up in a very different time.

[Downwinder]

3. I have found that I remember as i want to remember.

I remember quite a bit from 1940's grade school.

[BuelahWitch]

5. Never wanted to be part of "the cool kids"

Almost 40 years ago, but yes, I do remember. Loved being a choir geek and taking French when everyone else was taking Spanish. Too bad people can't embrace who they are, instead of wishing to be like "the crowd."

[malaise]

8. I left school 48 years ago and I remember things when we start talking about them

or if there was something particularly funny or worth remembering. Like you we really weren't in to the 'in crowd'. We didn't know or care about them. You're right - it is about embracing who you are.

[surrealAmerican]

6. At his age I think I did.

I remembered the "cool kids" because they were the ones who were teasing me.

[Hekate]

7. I remember not fitting in, in Jr Hi. Very painful, but did not make me want to murder anyone.

Low self-esteem, too -- still never wanted to murder people.

[malaise]

11. I guess I was part of the 'safety in numbers' group

We were one of the large families in the school so it would have taken a brave person to bully one of us.

[bettyellen]

19. my family was large, and I got the "not another one of you" thing from teachers...

and I was like "I swear, I'm different!" Being the youngest ain't always easy.

[Generic Other]

35. That was the first I ever heard of the cool kids

Jr. High. The most class conscious place in America.

[bravenak]

9. I remember everything.

It is a curse and affects my mental wellbeing. Fortunately i wasn't weird, i knew the 'cool kids' but i found them boring. My cousin used to bring all of the glitter girls home with her, make me get dressed and go clubbing and party. So glad thats over, i found it boring and overstimulating at the same time.

It sound like this kid was overly self aware in a narcissistic way. He couldn't see outside himself with out it being distorted. And he was not hitting those markers, not growing up as fast as his peers. He sounded like a fourteen year old boy, wanting everything but not wanting to work for it. Feeling like he deserved what they had, magnifying every slight against him and overanalyzing everything. He seemed lonely and hard to be around. I wonder if he was an only child who never had to share.

[malaise]

21. School days were great for me

so I can't begin to understand having bad memories from those days.

Narcissistic doesn't begin to explain this kid. He had a sister and he did say he was jealous and envious. It really was all about him.

[bravenak]

27. I am surprised he didn't try to kill her.

He sound messed up enough to do it. I couldn't even get all the way through his manifesto, it was too fucked up. I see clearly why he died a virgin. He's the type that would get turned down by any self respecting human.
He's the type of kid my mother would have sent outside to the garden to dig holes, and trim hedges, for the whole neighborhood until he learned some humility. He had an easy life and was horribly spoiled. A bmw? I got a 1988 acura integra that i had to pay for myself from working at a burger place. No time to dwell on bullshit, just school, work, sleep. He needed that. He needed to grow up.
If he were my kid he would have had a bus pass and a job. And i would have told him some harsh truths. Like, nobody likes a creepy asshole, get your shit together.

[malaise]

28. My nieces and nephews all got cars that were at least 15 years old

to take to college. We had to share a 20 year old VW Bug.

He did say he wanted to kill his father and stepmother.
Yes the mother in particular indulged him way too much - he really fell in love with wealth and privilege.
Sometimes we do more harm to kids by not telling them some truths early in life - and then it's too late.

[Laffy Kat]

50. In his "manifesto" he said he found most jobs "beneath" him.

He refused to work in the service industry because it was too demeaning. It's obvious reading his manifesto that this guy never gave a thought about anyone but himself. It didn't read like a schizophrenic rambling diatribe, just extreme narcissism.

[bravenak]

53. I think so too.

If he had said any of the stuff he wrote out loud to me, i would have probably been his first victim.
I can't help myself. The part where he decided that he was the only one smart enough to figure it all out... That women needed to be killed. No wonder he didn't have anyone.

[Demit]

10. He grew up in a painfully status-conscious milieu.

Los Angeles, the film industry, wealthy families. It all mattered to him; they were all signifiers of worth: where he went to school, what neighborhood his mother moved to (and she moved a LOT), whose parties and premieres his parents got invites to.

But to answer your question: Yes, even in my very different milieu, even where I grew up, cool kids were a thing. There were always kids who were cooler, and therefore had higher status.

[malaise]

12. I think you nailed it

He grew up in a painfully status-conscious milieu.
Los Angeles, the film industry, wealthy families. It all mattered to him; they were all signifiers of worth: where he went to school, what neighborhood his mother moved to (and she moved a LOT), whose parties and premieres his parents got invites to.

[Shandris]

13. It doesn't strike me as -overly- odd. A bit unusual for a lot of people perhaps...

...but, being someone who has long played roleplaying games, I know of several people, both other women and some men, who can remember details of games from 20+ years ago.

I find the more emotions something invokes, the easier it is to remember. I'll never remember the States Song (you know, where you name all 50 states?) but I'll never forget the power of Wuthering Heights, the horror of Mary Shelley, or even the cold loneliness of Edgar Allen Poe (all things I learned in or at the same time I was in school).

[malaise]

15. I remember specific moments

and every now and then a classmate reminds me of something that went on.

I remember class pranks against teachers and I remember things our best teachers said or did, but I couldn't write anything in the sort of details he presented in that manifesto.

And yes I remember books and authors. I can still recite poems from school days - but I can't tell you who were the cool kids - that never mattered to us.

[bettyellen]

23. it struck me too- he was a bit into reciting names of people places and things in great detail....

and this reminded me (as well as quite a few other things) very much of someone I am concerned about. I know exactly what you mean. I could kind of remember cool kids, but not the full names of anyone really- unless my family had somehow mentioned them much later.

[malaise]

25. I read your OP

and feel your pain.

Yes - he sure recited details. I

[bettyellen]

42. yeah, I can't say a lot. It was the child I thought of first when reading that.

deleting

[malaise]

44. I had a brilliant cousin

He and his brother stayed with us and a paternal aunt for about 18 months before they joined their parents in England. They were both brilliant - never came second in their lives. The older one received First Class Honours from Cambridge and he began the Masters. After he submitted his proposal, there was this meeting with his supervisor and two others. They suggested that he should make some changes to the proposal.
He went silent. He never said another word to anyone for the rest of his life. No one had ever criticized his work - it was always perfect. He could not handle it. All of the issues of the separation from his parents and the move to a strange society at a critical age came crashing down. He self-destructed.
He moved in to an assisted living facility and his family visited him often - never said a word even to his brother.
He died of a heart attack back in 2005 in the middle of cooking a meal - a month after our youngest sister died.
He cried like a child when he heard of her death. We were all close and it was heartbreaking - particularly for his parents and brother, but that was that.

There are so many different shades of mental illness that I'll never understand the issues. We can only try and provide support.

[BeyondGeography]

14. I remember everything

But there were no cool kids. It was the early- to mid-70s. There were four main groups where I was: Greasers (guys who loved cars and girls who thought they were cool); Jocks; Freaks (stoners, raises hand) and Nerds. No one cut across all those groups; big differences on the surface, even though we were all checking each other out...

Sounds potentially awful but it was pretty harmless, especially compared with the present. This was the northern NY suburbs. No big money. Houses that cost $25k and everyone's grandparents were working class. It was pre-designer jeans, too. Nobody gave a shit about brands; the marketers weren't into kids yet. And, obviously, no technology fanning the flames of resentment.

[malaise]

17. LOL at stoners

Looks like this cool kids business is relatively new.
It sure didn't exist in my day.

And we sure didn't judge people by their homes or neighborhoods.

[Blue_Tires]

16. I can...Some people's minds are just wired differently

I can recall countless random memories and other inane facts or statistics, but I'm also the type who can't even remember the names of my co-workers...

[malaise]

18. One of my siblings remembers every name of every one in class

Like you I have random memories of specific moments and I remember some hilarious stuff like stoning a mango tree and a June plum tree for ripe fruit until the nuns came and gave us all a detention.

[polly7]

20. We never really had a 'cool kids' group.

We all seemed to get along, from grade school to high school - not large schools though by any means, so maybe that was why. There were groups of friends, but I don't remember any one of them being seen as more special or cool or unfriendly to anyone, we all got along and had fun doing things and partying with people from every group. Kids that came from troubled homes or were very poor or shy, we just seemed to take care of and make sure to include. I honestly don't remember anyone being purposefully left out to feel like an outcast or unwanted.

There was some bullying, but not by any group - just individuals, who soon found out the person they were bullying had pretty much a whole school behind him/her. I got into fistfights in grade school helping kids, there were a lot of us who would jump in and stop it.

I can remember every person in every grade and know I'd be very happy to be able to meet up with any one of them ... well, except for a few that did bully. I'll stop now, sorry ... I'm on some pain meds that make me a bit goofy!

[malaise]

22. Sound like my school and my group of friends

We were very inclusive.

[snot]

24. I remember tons of stuff going back 50+ years, good and bad.

And I thought it was common knowledge that some of us tend to remember our childhoods better than we remember the more recent past.

[malaise]

26. But could you recite all those names

and know all 'the cool kids' in such detail?
I could tell you who was in the Chemistry class or cooking class more than I could tell you about 'cool kids'

[snot]

31. Sorry, I didn't see/read the details about what the guy remembers. But

I can remember full names and other details about at least some kids from each grade going all the way back to kindergarten.

[malaise]

37. At age three the teacher in our school

hit me on my knuckles with a ruler - I remember that because the scream I let out brought my oldest sister into the class and she called our parents. No teacher ever hit one of us again after that -that was a moment one does not forget.

Like you I remember certain people from every class but my memories are more about moments and specific goings on in our school.

[bluestateguy]

29. I actually do have a good memory of those things

The good and the bad. Some folks, myself included, just have really good memories, and it is not a sign of mental illness.

Also, remember this kid grew up in an age of texts, emails, social networking sites and blogs. All that stuff makes it very easy to document events and commit them to memory.

[malaise]

32. I agree with you that having a good memory

is not a sign of mental illness but I am still fascinated with the details of his memories.

[Cali_Democrat]

30. What I'm surprised by is how clearly he remembered elementary school in such detail

...he remembered who sat next to him in class etc...

He remembered so many names.

Very creepy.

Clearly school was torturous for him.

[malaise]

34. That's what amazed me

I cannot remember who sat next to me in the majority of my classes.

[Scootaloo]

33. I remember most stuff starting around age 3

I'm not sure how much is accurately remembered... but yeah, some people have pretty long and clear memories.

[vankuria]

36. I can remember way back

to nursery school, have a great memory. I was an awkward, insecure kid, got teased a lot and my relationship with boys/men was nothing to write home about either. In fact I had my heart broke alot but it never made me want to go out and murder or torture people. Even the so called "cool" kids have there insecurities, part of growing up I guess.

[Warpy]

38. I can recall the faces but few of the names

Once in a blue moon, a name will come to me and I'll look it up online. People I knew and liked all scattered on the wind after graduation, a few becoming well known and one or two infamous. People I disliked tended to stay in that same town. Other than that, no one turned out like they were expected to, especially me.

Anyone who expects high school to have that much of a bearing on adult life is not thinking clearly. Rodgers apparently could think of little else, considering himself to be rich, handsome, charming, and all good things and the rest of us all bad things.

If it hadn't been the rabid misogyny he was reading on MRA/PUA sites, it would have been something else. There are plenty of places for rage addicts to go these days.

It's too bad his parents were oblivious that he had some big problems. With all their money, they could have managed treatment and at least he'd have found out what he was so angry about.

[treestar]

39. I was vaguely aware of the cool kids

The idea was to be "popular." It sort of went away by high school though. It was more of a junior high thing. I was never one - too shy - but I had a group of other nerds. We were friends and had a good time. We didn't care about the popular kids.

[MineralMan]

40. Sure. I can replay conversations with people

From my childhood and teen years, over 50 years ago, word for word. Only for significant situations, but there are many of those.

[malaise]

46. My memories are more like yours

I can detail specific moments.

[MineralMan]

48. If I wrote down a lot of those, it might well sound like

I remember almost everything. Here's one: I played the leading man in my senior class play. At my 50th class reunion, the girl who played the leading female role walked into the room. I hit her with the cue from the climactic scene in the play, after not seeing her for half a century. There was a brief pause, and then we just played the scene.

It was a romantic comedy, so the scene ended with a kiss and clench moment. We got a round of applause. Neither of us missed a line or a piece of business. Funny how memories work.

[malaise]

51. That's lovely

[MineralMan]

52. It was a blast. She was a good friend

back then. It's just funny what things you remember. Of course we had worked hard all those years ago to learn those lines. Stuff sticks with you.

[malaise]

54. I still recite several poems including Wordsworth's The Daffodils and

Blake's Tyger.
We learned those at 11.

When my youngsters are gazing I look at them and say

I wandered lonely as a cloud
That floats on high o'er vales and hills

Laughter follows but they get the point.

[Enrique]

41. the part I read was more a memoir than a manifesto

and it actually was a pretty good one. If we didn't know what he ended up doing, I think he would have been considered a talented writer, based on what I read. I stopped reading at the part where he was maybe ten years old, i didn't feel like knowing how he handled puberty.

[malaise]

47. His writing isn't bad at all -

it's very good in parts.

[Boomer]

43. Details can be part of Asperger's as well

My mother had Asperger's and kept meticulous notes about everything she did, no matter how trivial. When I was cleaning out her apartment (in preparation for a move to assisted living), I found a stack of notepapers detailing every Christmas card she had received and reciprocated since the year she was first married over 40 years previously. There were stacks of daily notes of what she had eaten, what pills she'd taken, what phone calls she'd received. So the obsession with detail was probably part of this young man's Asperger's, not just a random quirk of personality.

[malaise]

45. Thanks for this

I know nothing about Asperger's.

[cali]

49. yes. I can.

I have a lint trap memory.

[defacto7]

55. I can remember almost everything

from 2 years on and plenty more back into the ones. I remember the phone numbers of babysitters I had when I was 2 to 3 years old, my dads work number, several friends numbers and I can recite them today 55 years later. I remember thousands of pages of piano scores of major composers I learned between 9 and 15 years old. I could possibly write them out now note for note. I just can't forget things that enter my long term memory. My short term is not quite as sharp but that's life.

[Tom Ripley]

56. I can remember it all, but I had a wonderful childhood.

There were lots of foolish, bone-headed, and astonishing events, but still wonderful.

[malaise]

57. Like you I had a wonderful childhood

I loved school - in and outside of the classrooms. Still I could not write a manifesto with all those names.

[bemildred]

58. I have images from when I was two, confirmed by siblings.

I never wanted to be one of the cool kids, I thought they were shallow people who I had nothing in common with. Which is not to say I didn't want friends.