General Discussion
Related: Editorials & Other Articles, Issue Forums, Alliance Forums, Region ForumsWhen two people are getting started with exploring sexuality together,
Isn't some conversation typical? That's always been the case in every relationship I've been in. As soon as sexuality entered the relationship, and before clothing started getting removed, I always remember some sort of conversation. Things like, "This is fun. Where do you see it going?" Sometimes, the answer might be, "Well, let's fool around, but I don't want to take it beyond..." Or, "Well, let's explore this, but I don't want to have intercourse with you yet." So, that's what happened in those situations. Sometimes, the relationship never went beyond the fooling around stage, and sometimes, on some other occasion, it did. But for that particular time, there was a "No," in those comments, for me.
Then, there's also the "I don't know. Let's see where it goes" answer. In those situations, the decisions come later, with some additional conversation. Sometimes consent is conditional on how the two people feel about things as they explore. But consent needs to be not only acquiescence, but enthusiastic and clearly given, or it doesn't exist, as far as I'm concerned.
Don't people talk about what they're doing, at least a little? Maybe I'm weird, but sex has always involved the use of language for me, and some discussion about what was going on. It's also involved caring about what the other person wanted and didn't want. I can't imagine it any other way. I don't get it, really, I guess. Ethically, sex has to be a matter of mutual, enthusiastic consent, or the ethics aren't there, I believe.
Orrex
(63,212 posts)MineralMan
(146,308 posts)cali
(114,904 posts)I had a tendency to fall into bed and end up with relationships- that mostly didn't work out well. I was all for the one night stand, but the men always wanted something more....
MineralMan
(146,308 posts)Still, there was always some discussion at some point, that involved, "Yeah. Let's go for it" or something like that.
TransitJohn
(6,932 posts)Usually, in my case:
"Hey! Let's get butt naked and fuck!"
Followed by an enthusiastic:
"Okay!"
MineralMan
(146,308 posts)I've had a few conversations that were similar to that, too, usually with the woman making the first statement. The late 60s and early 70s were like that sometimes. They were rarer than I probably would have liked, though, in those days.
RKP5637
(67,108 posts)MineralMan
(146,308 posts)RKP5637
(67,108 posts)dialog started after we were in bed totally naked and ready to try something. I had a lot of fun back in those days! No details will be given! LOL
MineralMan
(146,308 posts)JustAnotherGen
(31,823 posts)A bit older than me . . . As noted by the 60's and 70's reference.
That means you never got to be young and beautiful and free in the 90's right?
Hook Up + Bill Clinton + X ='s no convo!
Gormy Cuss
(30,884 posts)Only later do words come into the picture, if ever.
Think in particular about teens.
MineralMan
(146,308 posts)What I remember was asking "Would it be OK if I...?"
Generally, the answer was, "Sure." Sometimes, though, it was "Not yet." The question always came first for me, though. I didn't let my hands wander until I knew it was OK. A few times, though, I remember my hand being moved somewhere new by the other person. That's enthusiastic consent.
FSogol
(45,485 posts)sex. Back when I traveled more and was getting ready for a big mountaineering trip, I had a short fling with a woman from some Scandinavian country. We couldn't understand a single word of each other's language, but had a wonderful few days together.
MineralMan
(146,308 posts)RKP5637
(67,108 posts)AngryAmish
(25,704 posts)Well done, Sir.
madinmaryland
(64,933 posts)NutmegYankee
(16,199 posts)One woman I dated in my mid-20s creeped me out a bit and she was was very aggressive and basically undressed me. Lucky for guys, if you just aren't into it, the hydraulics usually don't come online and that ends the encounter.
MineralMan
(146,308 posts)The Road Runner
(109 posts)It is quite possible to convey consent to one's partner non-verbally.
I'd also question the idea that consent must be "enthusiastic". This seems like a rather subjective term. Moreover, there are all kinds of situations where valid consent can be given unenthusiastically.
MineralMan
(146,308 posts)I believe that consent must be explicitly given, and that requires words. Relying on non-verbal clues easily leads to misunderstandings. I also stand by the "enthusiastic consent" rule. You might feel differently. I'm giving you my opinion in this thread.
Tikki
(14,557 posts)Just watched a really good movie on Netflix.."WEEKEND" all about words, deeds and vulnerability in a new relationship.
Tikki