Women Post Awful Tales of Workplace Harassment on Secret Sharing Site

[Starry Messenger]

http://jezebel.com/women-post-awful-tales-of-workplace-harassment-on-secre-1601929462?utm_campaign=socialflow_jezebel_facebook&utm_source=jezebel_facebook&utm_medium=socialflow

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Anonymous secret-sharing social network Whisper isn't just for people who have peed in their office percolator and want to giggle about it with cubedwelling strangers, or cheated on their wives with Very Famous Male Celebrities, or who secretly hate their kids. It's become a repository for stories told by people who feel like they have no one to talk to about the sort of creepy, predatory garbage person shit that goes down every day in offices headed by folks who think that being the boss means having free rein over their employees' bodies.

Whisper is depressingly rife with stories of people — often women — who have found themselves on the receiving end of unwanted sexual attention from a coworker or superior. In some cases, they did the "right" thing after the harassment and reported what happened to them to a superior.

Results? Mixed.

Like many cases of women who remain silent after being raped by college athletes, women who are victimized by predatory bosses and coworkers often remain silent because economic cost of coming forward seems too high to be worth it.

The best case scenario for many victims of workplace harassment is that, at the very least, the offending coworker faces some sort of consequences and learns from the experience. Worst case? Ostracization, demonization, demotion, termination for the victim of the harassment. None of those scenarios are ethical and and some are blatantly illegal but, then again, most people aren't stupid enough to believe that HR exists for any other reason than to protect a company from lawsuits/get rid of troublemakers.

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For those who are bored of the Hobby Lobby threads, just imagine facing the shit women face everyday in the workplace. You want to talk about bored? I'm bored of living in a misogynistic society.

[Starry Messenger]

1. I'm going to self-kick.

[calimary]

19. And I'm gonna add a kick!

[Starry Messenger]

21. Thank you!

And thank you to others who have kicked this.

[Liberal_in_LA]

24. me too. kick!

[Curmudgeoness]

2. I believe that if you speak to any woman,

especially women of a certain age, and you will find that most of them have stories to tell. I am glad that there is a place where women who are dealing with this can discuss it.

Some of my stories:

Fired because I would not sleep with the boss---I was young and there weren't laws to protect women at the time, or if there were, we didn't know about them. And like today, they will find other reasons for your firing. So I just moved on.

Constantly cornered in the supply room or at my desk by an over-amorous boss. I took it to the top boss, who "talked to him about it". It didn't stop. I let the top boss know it had not stopped, he said to just find a way to deal with it and he would "do what he could". I put a knee in his crotch the next time it happened in the supply room. That ended it.

I have to give my boss a kiss every week to get my paycheck......today. I am close to retirement and count the days. I cannot afford to leave. And since he owns the company, there is no place to go over his head--not that I have seen that help in the past.

I also watch the young women in the office being ogled and hear the men discussing them. Sadly, this is still happening every day, and I know that the women feel helpless to do anything about it without having major repercussions----and they are right.

[Starry Messenger]

3. Ugh, your boss.

Having to do that every week to get your paycheck just kind of sums it all up. I'm so sorry. I hope your retirement is long and filled with fun, you deserve it. (hug)

[Curmudgeoness]

12. This is going to sound terrible

but all I can think is that it is a small price to pay to survive....considering.

At least I realize this is just a power play on his part. I figure he has a lot of inadequacies that he is not willing to admit....and I am comfortable with myself. But I still hate that power play and wish I could do something about it.

[Starry Messenger]

13. No, I get it.

Some things you just have to survive and hope the other party gets a comeuppance in some form someday.

[LittleGirl]

10. been there, done that, seen that

the stories I could tell are just as disgusting. Hugs

[Ilsa]

4. I've concluded that frequently, the only way to stop it is to threaten

Physical violence or threaten to tell his wife, if married. I'm thinking a really tough attitude is the best way to end it quickly, but there still might repercussions.

There aren't any easy answers as getting justice for repercussions takes forever if it is even possible.

[Starry Messenger]

9. There aren't any easy answers. True.

People often say victims should sue or go to HR, but there aren't any protections if the victim get labelled the troublemaker.

[Ilsa]

11. I keep thinking that these bullying male types

Only respect a show of strength.

[Curmudgeoness]

15. That won't work in most instances.

You will just end up fired, and of course it will be for a "good" reason.

My thought is that the best way to handle it is to document it, take it to HR or a higher authority, and keep complaining as long as it doesn't stop. When you have enough documentation and written complaints, see a lawyer. You may still lose your job (or want to quit), but it will be much harder for them to do it.

And if you can, record any interactions on your cell phone so that you have indisputable proof that you are not making it up, or over-reacting.

Of course, all of us women should stick together and be willing to stand up for each other...although I do not see that happening until the threat of losing a job that you really need is gone.

[TBF]

5. There is no sexism or racism

On DU - this I learned today. Only serious men with differences in policy. So don't worry your pretty little head with any of this ....

[Starry Messenger]

6. One dingleberry on here last week-

Fortunately for him, I can't remember his name--said that women voters had fucked the working class by voting for bougie things like birth control, and electing social liberals who supported reproductive rights but are economic conservatives.

Birth control is like ice cream, I guess. We little girls always scream for dessert first.

It's not enough that we get fired if we don't fuck the boss, but now are singled out of the ACA for not having our legal benefits covered.

But hey, if we care too much about that, we aren't true progressives who care about important things.

[Gormy Cuss]

18. DU has standards.

We're not sure what they are, but we have community standards.

[WillyT]

7. K & R !!!

[Solly Mack]

8. K/R

[LittleGirl]

14. When companies started to have training sessions

for sensitivity training (what a way to word it, they were sexual harassment workshops)...most of that stuff stopped (for me or I got old and fat or something). But after that, it was more about co-workers and not bosses. The good bosses were happily married and kept their minds off boobs long enough to get some work done. I liked working for those guys.
The single nerds (and I knew many of them because I worked IT) were awful.
I warned my 20 yr old niece but I don't know if she's experienced that or not. Probably worse than I ever saw. Who knows.
I don't waste time thinking about it anymore. If it happens still, I ask, where did these men learn it from? tv? sigh?
Good old American values right?

[Starry Messenger]

16. I don't think it's gotten any better in IT.

I don't work in the industry, but living in Silicon Valley, you hear about stuff. Valleywag just covered a really terrible story:

http://valleywag.gawker.com/ex-vp-sues-tinder-alleging-coworker-called-her-a-whore-1598345367

[Curmudgeoness]

17. Boys will be boys?

I guess that I am lucky---the most respectful guys in our office are the IT guys. Maybe because they are the only other liberals in the office.

[DeSwiss]

20. K&R

[abelenkpe]

22. I have stories to add

Probably everyone does though. Don't you think?

[Starry Messenger]

25. Oh definitely.

I get harassed by male high school students. Many female teachers do, but getting anything done about it is almost impossible. I'm dreading going back in the fall, it was so bad this year.

[SylviaD]

23. Sexual harassment and assault knows no gender!

I would just like to add to this discussion. I was sexually harassed and assaulted by a past superior. This occurred over a 3-year period and I did NOT report it. I had seen what happened to another who complained. I would like to inform you that this boss was female.

It is the attitude of entitlement and privilege that is the cause of this behavior, not the gender of the perpetrator. My boss felt that she could do this simply because she had the power. No consequences.

I left that job and she is probably still acting this way.

[RebelOne]

26. I could write a book about all the sexual harassment

I had received in the work place. But I am not going to go into detail. When I was much younger (I am 75 now), I was extremely good-looking and was harassed by most of my male bosses. Somehow I was able to wiggle my way out of the tight spots. I may be blonde, but I was not dumb.

[CrispyQ]

27. I've worked mostly for women & I've enjoyed it.

My biggest pay gains were the years I worked for a 'difficult' woman CFO. Difficult? Well, she was very demanding, but she was fair & very appreciative. She's the one who said I'd be a good programmer & that little comment set me on a totally different path. She was hugely influential in my life.

Long before that I had a job where I worked as an exec admin for another woman CFO. She was very competent, but she always deferred to men, unlike the CFO above. When the company cut back, I ended up supporting her & some male VP who made some of the most disgusting comments to me. After the second week I told him, "Your comments are inappropriate & for what it's worth, I trust my attorney more than anyone in HR." Oh my, was he ever so respectful to me after that. Two weeks later the company found the budget for another admin just for him.