The Fappy the anti-Masturbation Dolphin Mascot Appreciation thread

[underpants]

http://nationalreport.net/fappy-the-dolphin-arrested-for-public-masturbation/


Fappy The Anti-Masturbation Dolphin seen here at Westview Elementary School in Apple Valley, Minnesota while on his 31-city nationwide anti-masturbation school tour.
Phoenix, AZ — In an ironic twist of a fate, a mascot for a Christian anti-masturbation group was arrested Sunday for masturbating in public. The organization recently finished a federally funded 31-city nationwide school tour which it says focused on educating both children and parents about the dangerous consequences of masturbation.

Fappy The Anti-Masturbation Dolphin, whose real name is 35-year-old Paul Horner, was arrested on Sunday at Metta Yoga in Phoenix after employees notified police about a man with no pants on peering through office windows.

Tom Downey with the Phoenix Police Department, who took Horner into custody, spoke with Arizona news station ABC 15 about the arrest. “We thought at first he was possibly intoxicated or mentally unstable, ya know, talking about children and how deadly it is for them to masturbate. Telling us he was in town with a Christian organization aimed at talking with children about the dangers of masturbation. Saying things like, ‘They need to stop playing on the Devil’s playground, stop pounding their Devil stick or ringing the Devil’s doorbell’,” Downey said. “Things got very odd when Horner broke down crying in the back of my cruiser and began making noises, kind of like a fish, saying that he believed himself to be an actual dolphin. It was really strange.”

[uppityperson]

1. "Fappy"???

[sakabatou]

117. Hehehe

I know, the internet corrupts all.

[Arkansas Granny]

3. Yeah, yeah. It just popped up on spell check, right?

[underpants]

5. Well don't that beat all

Editing a headline in an iPhone is really tough. Gotta have quick hands.

[Warren DeMontague]

11. Sorry. I'll self-delete.

Although I hear it can make me go blind.

[MADem]

14. I gather the purpose of this mascot is to stop that sort of thing!!

[gvstn]

9. You guys are obviously very familiar with this word

But here is a tip for underpants on setting Firefox to spell-check the DU topic subject line. http://www.democraticunderground.com/10953138

[Warren DeMontague]

13. Holy fuck a duck, THANKS!

Not that I know anything about that, either.

[underpants]

16. I do get spellcheck but I was just so excited and in a hurry to finish

I pulled the trigger too fast on that one

[lovemydog]

88. much like Fappy

[cyberswede]

20. Well, that's cool as hell.

Thanks!

[pinboy3niner]

4. I'm pulling for him to get off

Oh, wait...that may have come out wrong...

[Arugula Latte]

6. Please watch the nonsense you're spouting.

[LadyHawkAZ]

10. Do you have a personal best for number of puns in one post?

Three in two sentences seems pretty impressive.

[pinboy3niner]

27. I don't keep track, but Orrex posted a great one like that just hours ago

Someone else may remember which thread that was posted in.

[dickthegrouch]

56. Pinboy is awesome

He should be a national treasure: a punneate laureate.

[catchnrelease]

64. He is the king!

[pinboy3niner]

99. Please

"Papa Doc Pinboy, Pun Emperor for Life" is sufficient. I'm but a humble man, after all.

[catchnrelease]

114. +1,000,000

[Guy Whitey Corngood]

148. He is a "magnificent bastard". :-)

[underpants]

18. Yeah hopefully he knows some lawyers who can help with his briefs

If I were him I'd go ahead and pull the trigger and get some good legal pull behind him.

[pinboy3niner]

22. Yeah, I hope he lawyers up before he spills the beans. nt

[jberryhill]

78. His lawyers all work pro boner

[pinboy3niner]

98. His last lawyer said he was just her style

[Arugula Latte]

7. Maybe he got arrested on porpoise.

[pinboy3niner]

116. !!!

[catbyte]

8. OK, why are federal funds used for this religious BS?!?

[underpants]

15. .

I think it is satire

[pinboy3niner]

24. The satire's author is just yanking our chain. nt

[RKP5637]

49. I'll yank my own chain, thank you!

[catbyte]

84. I should have known better, but what with religious crap running rampant, it

seemed plausible, LOL

[Jamastiene]

134. It really does.

I think the name, Fappy, is the giveaway though. Then against, Teabaggers using the name they are using is kind of ironic too. So, I can see thinking it is real.

[Scootaloo]

12. ...Oh thank GOD

it's a satire site

Damn shame that it's so hard to tell anymore

[Laffy Kat]

104. I immediately thought it was from the Onion.

Although I admit it's hard (no pun intended) to tell these days.

[tblue37]

147. Poe's Law in action. nt

[Mz Pip]

17. Like Sexual Harassment Panda ?

The mascot needs a video.

[smirkymonkey]

58. LOL! That's just what I was thinking.

This thread is too funny!

[Rex]

19. "Please keep Fappy in your prayers during this difficult time."

Remember what Fappy says kids! And please don't pound your Devil stick! Like Fappy did...in public.

[underpants]

21. Fappy was just trying to be Happy

But yes, he succumbed to the Devil's dirty hobby

[Rex]

26. The Devil has minions even among the dolphin community! Fappy was framed!

That dam Devil stick! Fappy was a good dolphin, swimming in blessed water, blowing water out of his blowhole in the shape of the Cross. Okay that ONE TIME Fappy got a little scrappy with that manta ray...but as we all know, mantra rays are the Devils flying fish so they are all hellbound anyway.

[underpants]

28. +

[pinboy3niner]

33. I knew it was a mistake to send Fappy to Band Camp!

[Rex]

40. "Only you can prevent forest fapping."

Smokey the Bear has a new gig since now Fappy has...ahem...'pulled' a Paul Ruben in public.

[Arugula Latte]

59. The devil will find work for idle hands to do.

Well, that's what Morrissey says, anyway.

[Ken Burch]

95. or idle flippers, in this case n/t.

[Arugula Latte]

120. What is that old English saying?

"When little nippers have idle flippers
Put them to work knitting some slippers
If they heed you not, they'll get no kippers."

[pinboy3niner]

121. Correction

They should have said, "If they heed you knot..." But I may just be too picky that way.

[Arugula Latte]

124. Thank you for that correction to this thread.

You have me in stitches!

[SwampG8r]

102. my favorite

be "ringing the devils doorbell"
omg im so using that

[Half-Century Man]

23. I don't know how to respond......

The hell this misguided attempt to brainwash children has collapsed so horrifically into, on both the actor and the group responsible, far exceeds anything I could come up with.

However, while researching for a snarky comment I found something I can't un-see. Why am I sharing? I'm guessing a severe character flaw, be forewarned.
http://en.wikifur.com/wiki/Dolphin

[underpants]

25. LOL

wikiFUR???



It is a satire story. Saw it on FB and just cracked up. Wasn't sure it was satire until I posted it

[Half-Century Man]

34. When wandering around the internet

Take torches and disinfectant.

Before I clicked on it, I knew it was a bad idea.

[Rex]

29. An anthro-dolphin in a speedo...

Yeah that image won't go away anytime soon. Hopefully he and that anthro-horse aren't about to go all gangbusters on the Devil's joystick.

WWFD?

[Half-Century Man]

39. Fappy Doo?

Must be Scrappy's brother.

[Rex]

42. He was on for one episode and I bet you can guess why

he got...ahem...'pulled' from production.

[Half-Century Man]

44. The theme song

Fappy, Fappy doo.....what the fuck!

[Rex]

47. "Hey gang, Fappy is in jail again for public masturbation."

"Ummm...Robin, I can see your Boy Wonder...just FYI."

[Half-Century Man]

50. Once again, the character flaw thing.

Isn't locking someone in with a captive audience for the crime of masturbating for an unwilling audience, counterproductive?

[pinboy3niner]

52. "If you believe in Fappy, kids, clap your hands."

"I said CLAP, Jimmy! C-L-A-P, CLAP! TWO HANDS!"

[betsuni]

74. What is the sound of one hand fapping?

[Rex]

30. underpants we need to make a new product line based on WWFD?!

Think of the fapping sales!

[underpants]

37. Let's see...

Step 1. Find a yoga spa

[Rex]

45. I was thinking Starbucks.

All new meaning to the word frappuccino.

[d_r]

31. this is all a joke

[underpants]

35. Yes satire

[jberryhill]

79. Not to Fappy

[RKP5637]

32. Fappy sounds like a real jerk off!

[underpants]

43. Yes he was pulled out of the Semenary

For buffing a Bishop

[pinboy3niner]

93. If not for that he mitre been a contender for the Fapacy. nt

[msanthrope]

109. That's just a sheer surplice of puns. nt

[pinboy3niner]

115. I Wholly See you're well-investmented in the subject

Well done!

[msanthrope]

128. I can barely cope keeping up with you. nt

[Gidney N Cloyd]

36. Every sperm whale is sacred...

[progressoid]

41. I'm reccing this with my left hand.

[RKP5637]

46. ... not the hairy right hand? I'm having trouble reading this, glasses

in puberty you know.

[toddwv]

48. Does a hairless mammal costume count as a "Furry?"

Ah screw it, I'm fapping anyways.

[RKP5637]

51. We need a DU Flapper Group!

[pinboy3niner]

90. I don't think fappers are into Roaring '20s dance crazes

But then again, what do I know?

[betsuni]

92. Fappy is definitely not proinhibition

[Kaleva]

53. If the NFL paid the mascots enough, they wouldn't have to do this kind of work in the offseason

[RKP5637]

54. Well, after reading all of this, I'm now all Flapped Out!

[littlemissmartypants]

55. What was the auto correct error?

Do tell? I love you underpants. I knew that it was satire when I say the poster.
And it is hilarious.

Now let us in on the private joke. Pretty please.

Love, Peace and Shelter. Lmsp

[underpants]

71. Misspelled masturbation

iPhone - not used working with only one thumb. I'm a male.

[littlemissmartypants]

73. Lol.nt

[jberryhill]

132. as what?

[littlemissmartypants]

57. The entire thread is hilarious, actually. Thanks for the laughs. nt

[betsuni]

60. But what did Flipper say about Fappy?

[MrMickeysMom]

61. Flipper, do you have an opinion about the anti-masterbation dolphin?

[WCLinolVir]

62. This reads like a page from Carl Hiaasen.

Thanks for the post. What will they tell the children?

[Moonwalk]

63. PLEASE let us know if something is Satire!

Honestly, it's impossible to tell anymore, and I don't want to end up sending this as NEWS if it's satire.

[eggplant]

65. I would have thought that the name Fappy should have been enough of a clue. n/t

[Moonwalk]

83. You mean, like Joe the Plumber?

Or Benedict Cumberbatch? Googie Withers? Imogen Poots? Those all sound like they're jokes and can't possible be real, don't they?

But they are. So why is "Flappy," a cartoonish-character for kids, such a dead giveaway?

[eggplant]

85. It's Fappy, not Flappy.

This might help.

http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=fappy

http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=fap

[Moonwalk]

123. That does help. And I might have suspected if I knew that slang...

Just how common a term is it and among what groups and ages? Because if anyone is outside of that, then, no, sorry, it's not a dead giveaway. Also, do we forget that the Tea Party originally called themselves "Tea Baggers" who were "tea-bagging" before it was pointed out to them what it meant? So, you're saying to me that I should have known right away that it was a fake story because no one would ever accidentally name their dolphin-mascot something that is also a sexual slang term? Try telling that to the Brits who saw "Free Willy."

[eggplant]

142. No, I get it.

Slang is tough when you aren't in the given demographic to know what it means.

As far as fapping is concerned, it was funny specifically because he was supposed to be an anti-fapping mascot. And if it rally was true, and they really had named him that, then it would just show how clueless they were in trying to spread their message.

I also agree that the site itself is really quite good at looking real. You have to watch the headlines scroll across the top for a bit just to be sure -- particularly in our given alternate universe these days. If someone had told me ten years ago that heavily armed assholes would be storming the local fast food joint and that they would all be legally justified in shooting each other, I would have said you were nuts. But nope, welcome to 2014.

[The Velveteen Ocelot]

66. I thought it was pretty obvious. The name "Fappy" should have been the first clue.

[Kaleva]

67. If this had been real, you would have sent it as news?

[jberryhill]

81. Well, shit

Then we'd have to find someone MAKE it real!

[pinboy3niner]

141. I would have RACED to be the fist one to post it in LBN

[jberryhill]

80. That ruins the whole thing

I went through that delicious moment of "Waitaminnit, is this for real?" and it actually takes quit a bit of Googling to get to the bottom of it.

The ENTIRE Fappy put-on is very well done. Have you seen his tour date schedule?

"If you'd like Fappy to come to your child's school, call..."

I mean, can you imagine the priceless telephone calls that may have gone to that line?

[pinboy3niner]

94. "Hello, You've reached the Fappy Hotline...

...this is Peggy..."

[Kaleva]

129. In the backgound, one can hear "slap! slap! slap! slap!"

[pinboy3niner]

68. Thank God that (as far as we know) Senhor Testiculo still has a spotless record

Meet Mr. Balls, Brazil’s Disturbing New Testicular Cancer Mascot
http://www.democraticunderground.com/10023921229

[steve2470]

70. They have to keep him away from blue dresses nt

[Rex]

82. The look on Scruffy McScrotumballs er face is disturbing.

Looks like he's been up 3 days coked out of his er mind staring at the strobe light at a rave.

"MR. BALLS SAYS SMALL BILLS KIDS! NOTHING ABOVE A 20! THE GUY BEHIND THE HANDY ANDY WON'T BREAK 50s!"

[betsuni]

91. Yeah, to me he looks nuts.

[underpants]

101. {*}{*}

[pinboy3niner]

105. Still hanging in there!

[underpants]

137. Wait....

yep. I'm good.

[Initech]

69. Epic fail!!!!

[WinkyDink]

72. It's really the anti-Monsanto Facebook:

https://www.facebook.com/fappythedolphin

[pinboy3niner]

75. ROFL! The OP story is "A smear campaign by Big Masturbation!"

[pinboy3niner]

76. Perhaps Christine O'Donnell is available to pick up the slack

[betsuni]

77. What's all this about anti-Mastication dolphins?

What have they got against chewing? We're supposed to just suck and swallow without masticating? I don't know... Those dolphins should mind their own business.

[Warren DeMontague]

87. have you ever been gummed by a dolphin?

... I have.

[betsuni]

89. No, but an Orca gave me a dirty look once.

I masticated some gummi bears today, but that's another story.

[troublesome_mind]

86. You just gotta love waking up to a thread like this!

[Ken Burch]

96. Fappy's on Facebook!

https://www.facebook.com/fappythedolphin

[pinboy3niner]

97. I think he's mostly on Handbook

[underpants]

100. Hilarious

I actually saw that when I was posting but I got all excited and in a hurry to finish

[pinboy3niner]

103. Yeah, a little birdie told us

[damnedifIknow]

106. Devil stick?

Should anyone even be able to have one of those?

[lunasun]

107. this real movie ? anyone see the MM film if it is ???

http://www.fappythemovie.com/
08-07-13

Hollywood, CA — Controversial filmmaker Michael Moore held a press conference to announce his new upcoming documentary that is being released in December simply titled "Fappy".

Moore talked with reporters and explained briefly what the documentary is about. "The story follows a religious anti-masturbation organization who travels around the country preaching to school children about the harmful effects of masturbation," Moore said. "They have a mascot who dresses in a dolphin costume that goes by the name of Fappy The Anti-Masturbation Dolphin. Fappy® along with his assistants visit various elementary schools

[pinboy3niner]

108. You got punk'd

It's all part of the satire.

[lunasun]

110. well flap me silly thanks - his cousin Floppy looks like more fun anyway

http://www.cafepress.com/fappy.809139937

[pinboy3niner]

111. Somebody should tell Floppy about Viagra

Maybe then he wouldn't have to drink.

[Octafish]

112. Sticky Flippers

[pinboy3niner]

113. I'm so sorry to hear that, Octafish. If it lasts more than 4 hours you should see your doctor.

[Arugula Latte]

119. ...or your marine biologist.

[Octafish]

122. Les McCann tells us a good story about a little bird...

[underpants]

136. Call a doctor ? Hell I'm calling my friends!!!

Old joke I know but still funny

[sakabatou]

118. I guess his flippers are hairy.

[Arugula Latte]

125. Fappy's obsession started early.

When he was just a young dolphin, still wet behind the ears, really, his mother caught him looking at a magazine that had close-up photos of blow holes.

[RKP5637]

126. Can Fappy come out and play with me?

[madinmaryland]

127. Ironic how this thread was started by someone with the screen name of "underpants"

[malaise]

130. This is hilarious

Strange does not describe it.

[pinboy3niner]

133. I was laughing so hard...

...I almost lost my grip. On reality. On reality! You know what I meant!

[Arugula Latte]

135. Maybe you just need a stiff one.

Errr, drink, that is ...

[malaise]

138. Well your puns on this thread are exceptional as usual

so I can see you 'losing your grip'

[Turbineguy]

131. Probably suffering from

low irony. Traveling and obsessing about not masturbating can do that.

[pinboy3niner]

139. Fappy the anti-Masturbation Dolphin just did it for the fin of it

[GreatCaesarsGhost]

140. but he was a good pubic speaker.

Always got a big hand from the audience.

[Ken Burch]

144. uh...WHICH hand?

[tabasco]

143. This has to be some kind of warped joke.

Fappy The Anti-Masturbation Dolphin and Stop Masturbation Now are federally funded programs designed to teach both children and adults about the dangers and consequences of masturbation. For more information or if you would like the group to visit your child’s school call [phone].

Your tax dollars at work.

[pinboy3niner]

145. It's satire

[tabasco]

146. Thank goodness.

These days it's hard to tell.