Man lured ex-girlfriend online with 50 Shades of Grey bondage fantasy before raping her

[BainsBane]

Given the disagreements over interpretations of the Fifty Shades book, I did a search on rape and the title and this incident came up.
No, this is not a call to ban the book.

The 48-year-old father-of-three, who cannot be named for legal reasons, was yesterday jailed for creating a fake Facebook profile to manipulate the woman into an anonymous bondage fantasy that he thought would win her back.

Judge Geoffrey Chettle said, while the womn was consenting in the sexual acts, that consent was induced by a “calculating and deceptive” fraud. . .

In sentencing the man to 5½ years yesterday, Judge Chettle said the man had seriously damaged the life of the woman he professed to love, leaving her “humiliated, traumatised and physically and emotionally violated”.

He said the woman had made it “abundantly clear” she wanted nothing to do with her ex-partner before he acted in December 2012.
. . .

Judge Chettle said the man, acting as Paxton, then confided in the woman a made-up “mirror” of the situation she was going through to gain her trust.

Using another false identity of Paul Condor, the man emailed the woman saying her ex-partner had died, days after Paxton had posted saying his fictitious girlfriend had died.

“He prayed on her weaknesses,” Judge Chettle said.

While Paxton counselled the woman about the death of her ex-partner, they began talking over Facebook about their fantasies and desires and the woman agreed to leave her front door open for Paxton.

http://www.geelongadvertiser.com.au/news/geelong/man-lured-exgirlfriend-online-with-50-shades-of-grey-bondage-fantasy-before-raping-her/story-fnjuhovy-1226880620264

[LexVegas]

1. It's just a book.

Or at least, so I've been told here today.

[BainsBane]

5. While yesterday commenting on characters in that book

amounted to criticizing people's private sex lives.

The central point seems to be all sex is good. All criticism of sex is bad, even when critics believe that "sex" to be at least in part non-consensual.

[LexVegas]

8. I have been asked several times why I want to ban books.

When I have never said anything about banning the book.

[MannyGoldstein]

2. Is your point that the book was partially responsible for this tragedy?

If not, why write a post about this incident?

[BainsBane]

10. The court says the rapist sought to emulate the book

in order to win back the affections of his ex-girlfriend.

[MannyGoldstein]

16. I don't see that, not that it would matter much.

Where, specifically, does it say that?

Sounds like a very, very different situation.

[BainsBane]

18. In the article linked in the OP

[MannyGoldstein]

20. I don't see it there.

Perhaps you could quote the specific passage?

Again, it sounds like a very different scenario.

[BainsBane]

23. Actually it was the victim

A WOMAN has warned of the dangers of the book 50 Shades of Grey after her ex-partner used it to lure her into a “nightmare” rape ordeal.

The 48-year-old father-of-three, who cannot be named for legal reasons, was yesterday jailed for creating a fake Facebook profile to manipulate the woman into an anonymous bondage fantasy that he thought would win her back. . .

Outside court, the victim told the Geelong Advertiser she hoped her story could help others avoid the “roller-coaster” of pain and suffering she’d been through.

“Fifty Shades of Grey may have liberated a lot of women into trying things they wouldn’t normally but it does open the door to predators to take advantage,” she said.

“There’s a clear message (in this) to be careful.”

She said women should never let embarrassment, shame or guilty stop them from seeking justice. . .

[MannyGoldstein]

24. She didn't say what you're claiming, either

The crime was not due to a reenactment. It was made easier due to a reenactment, but that's very different.

Perhaps you should update your OP.

[BainsBane]

29. My OP is text from the article

and a note about how I happened upon it. Nothing is inaccurate, unless the article itself is inaccurate.

And your argument makes no sense:

The crime was not due to a reenactment. It was made easier due to a reenactment, but that's very different.

[MannyGoldstein]

34. Did you happen to make some changes in your OP?

Second, my argument makes perfect sense, I can't fathom that you don't understand that. If you'd like, we can do a DU poll and see if others think it makes sense.

Perhaps you should read things twice and contemplate a bit more before making outrageous charges.

[BainsBane]

44. No, I didn't make changes

It says what it did when you first responded.

What outrageous charges are you talking about? And have you ever read your own threads?

[Blue_Adept]

19. Emulation is usually the sign of someone without a firm grasp in reality...

in a situation like this.

Adults were afraid kids were going to emulate what they saw in comic books with the horror and violent content of mystery, crime and occult comics. So they were banned.

Parents went into a tizzy over Dungeons and Dragons in the 80's that kids would become satanists over it.

Your basic superheroes got grief as well because some kid would want to be like the Human Torch and lit himself on fire.

You can probably find someone who was trying to emulate something in most popular things that would produce bad results.

[BainsBane]

21. Or, as in your first analogy,

The Bible.

[Blue_Adept]

22. Sure

And I've provided other examples as well.

So what's the point? What's the discussion item here? Some people will do stupid or evil things based on a book, movie, poem or the voices in their head.

[BainsBane]

25. The point

Is that the connection between the book and rape are not as far-fetched as some seem to think.

A secondary point is that Australia's justice system would appear to be superior to our own in prosecuting sexual assault, at least in this particular case. I can't see this being prosecuted or resulting in a conviction in the US. I would like to be wrong about that.

[Logical]

3. Really, you blame the book for this? So violent movies are to blame for murders? n-t

[BainsBane]

6. The court blamed the book.

Not me. I'm posting the story.

[Raine1967]

39. That's a rather lame defense.

and, ironically -- or not, a bit passive aggressive.


You posted the the story, don;t act like you do not have an opinion.

[BainsBane]

49. I stated my point

1) That the connection between the book and rape is not as far-fetched as some claim. 2) Australia appears to be better at dealing with these crimes than the US.

Moirah's point below, which echoes the victim's own cautionary to the public, is a good one: People need to be careful.

[MannyGoldstein]

51. The court did not blame the book.

Cut it out.

[Eleanors38]

56. I tried to emulate Cary Grant once.

[whistler162]

70. Should have tried emulating Archibald Leech!

[pnwmom]

60. Marketers use ads to influence people. Why pretend that movies can't influence people?

Or are all the marketers throwing their money away?


Or think about it another way. Many people, myself included, think that television shows like Will and Grace, and Ellen, helped pave the way for civil rights for gay people, including marriage equality.

If positive shows like that, over years, can help influence the public in a positive way, why can't violent shows also influence the public -- in a negative way?

[Bluenorthwest]

72. Your question, rephrased:

'If a film can make you laugh and cry, why can't it make you pick up a skillet and smash your baby's brains out?'
When people experience empathy with a fictional character, it can encourage recognition of common ground with real life others.
What emotional process do you contend causes a negative influence that would be carried out in real life? Be specific. You ask 'why can't it'? And I'm asking you this: How exactly would it do so?

If Michael Moore can make successful and entertaining documentaries from a liberal point of view, why can't some Republican make successful and entertaining documentaries from a conservative point of view?
If Jon Stewart can be so funny with politics as a liberal, why can't Dennis Miller do the same as a conservative?

There are things that can be done and things that can not be done. Explain how to do what you claim can be done. Or alternatively explain why Dennis Miller isn't funny.

[Comrade Grumpy]

4. Oh, come on! I just deleted like umpteen of these threads, and here your are again. Bye again.

[Blue_Adept]

7. Man uses bible to kill hundreds of thousands, rape and pillage across continents

I know which book I'd rather ban first.

[BainsBane]

11. Intersting anaology

One I've seen countless times here.

[bluestateguy]

9. And,

I hope he received the maximum punishment allowed by the law.

[BainsBane]

13. This is Australia

I don't think he would have been prosecuted in the US.

[bluedigger]

12. It's the internet's fault.

Let's get rid of it.

[Tetris_Iguana]

14. Why are you so interested in this book?

Methink this is a case of thou dost protest too much.

(I think it's ok if you enjoy the book. No judgement from me. )

[BainsBane]

15. No

I'm assiduously avoiding dealing with the Gaza conflict, as well as the mess in my house.

[Tetris_Iguana]

17. Well, still to each their own.

[LittleBlue]

26. That's an article from April

You're googling negative articles about 50 Shades and posting it here in general

[BainsBane]

27. Is there something in the SOP Of GD that prohibits discussion of crimes

and verdicts from three months ago?

[LittleBlue]

28. No, but it's kind of embarrassing that we're having a debate about 50 Shades

and you're posting a 3 month old article with an inflammatory headline blaming a rape on it.

Exploiting a real rape to make a point about the book... yuck. It would have seemed genuine had you posted it at the time rather than in the midst of a 50 Shades discussion.

[BainsBane]

33. "Exploiting a real rape"

Sounds a lot like the gunner arguments that commenting on gun deaths is "exploiting" them. What it really means is events that don't promote the speaker's agenda should not be mentioned.


I suggest if you find reading such threads so embarrassing, you take advantage of the trash by keyword function available to members.

[hrmjustin]

30. results.

AUTOMATED MESSAGE: Results of your Jury Service
On Sun Jul 27, 2014, 07:23 PM an alert was sent on the following post:

Man lured ex-girlfriend online with 50 Shades of Grey bondage fantasy before raping her
http://www.democraticunderground.com/10025300083

REASON FOR ALERT

This post is disruptive, hurtful, rude, insensitive, over-the-top, or otherwise inappropriate.

ALERTER'S COMMENTS

Simply looking to add some flame to the topic. Inappropriate, imo.

You served on a randomly-selected Jury of DU members which reviewed this post. The review was completed at Sun Jul 27, 2014, 07:27 PM, and the Jury voted 1-6 to LEAVE IT.

Juror #1 voted to HIDE IT
Explanation: This has no more place in GD than Paris Hilton's driving record. HIDE IT.

Juror #2 voted to LEAVE IT ALONE
Explanation: Half this board is flamebait.
Juror #3 voted to LEAVE IT ALONE
Explanation: Unless the alerter is suggesting they have proof this is not a true story (which apparently they are not), then their alert is absolutely without merit.
Juror #4 voted to LEAVE IT ALONE
Explanation: Eh.
Juror #5 voted to LEAVE IT ALONE
Explanation: Oh, please...
Juror #6 voted to LEAVE IT ALONE
Explanation: Can't see how this is different from half the posts on controversial subjects on DU.
Juror #7 voted to LEAVE IT ALONE
Explanation: Get over it.

[BainsBane]

31. Thanks, Justin

A good jury.

[hrmjustin]

32. Your welcome and agreed.

[avebury]

35. What the man did was horrid to say the least.

It also sounds like the woman was not the brightest bulb in the room either which does not justify what he did to her.

I don't have a lot of patience for people who are so free with the personal information that they put out on Facebook. There was a guy who was on The View I believe and he demonstrated how easy it was for people to steal your identity just using the information that people put out on Facebook. I use Facebook all the time to learn about people. You can tell a lot about a person's personality by what they put out on Facebook. I have used information gained with determining how to deal with people I know in the workplace.

[moriah]

36. Holy unsafe sex, Batman...

.... this woman left the door open for a person she thought was a stranger to come in and "rape" her.

Do they not have Craigslist in Australia, enough for people to have read why doing that kind of thing is crazy? If you're the woman, you're putting yourself into an extremely dangerous situation that I pray does not turn into actual rape, like this one did. For the man, for all you know it wasn't the woman posting at all, but their partner setting them up!

I'm glad this was posted as a cautionary tale for women and men alike. Anonymous sex may not be so anonymous.

[BainsBane]

37. I wouldn't let someone from online pick me up at home for a first date

Let alone leave a door unlocked.

[moriah]

40. I had like 3 safecalls set up for my most recent first date...

.... since it lasted far longer than most. I was sort of embarrassed but when I explained why people were calling to check up on me, he heartily approved of the practice.

And anybody who didn't, well, it'd be a clue that maybe they weren't right for me...

[BainsBane]

41. Wow. You're careful

I just stick to a public place like a coffee shop.

[moriah]

45. It was a *very* long first date.... we hit it off. ;)

There was the call while we were having lunch which was basically the "if the date sucks, here's a reason to head out", then the call set up for a few hours later (when we were walking through the park), which would have been pre-empted had I ended the date early. Afterward we decided to do dinner and a movie. So the third friend who knew to expect dish from me about my date called during dinner -- wasn't quite scheduled, but worked out as a safe call.

[BainsBane]

46. The "if the date sucks"

Is one of many reasons why I prefer a brief cup of coffee for a first date.

I'm glad it worked out well for you.

[d_r]

76. she didn't just leave the door unlocked

she left the door unlocked thinking that someone she never met before who told her "he would blindfold her, gag her and not speak as he carried out the sexual acts."

Look - don't anyone think I'm blaming the victim here or justifying this - that's not what I'm saying and he took advantage of her and deserved to be punished. I'm just saying that this should be a warning label for internet connected devices.

[MannyGoldstein]

38. But it's the book's fault.

No?

[moriah]

42. Eh, I'm trying to back off a bit on the book discussion.

Since I haven't read the thing, and my side of the argument has been quite different, if you'd been reading the other threads.

That's why I addressed this without even mentioning the book. Guess you noticed that part, just might not have gathered why.

[BainsBane]

43. No, the fault lies with the rapist.

The book provided his inspiration.

[MannyGoldstein]

50. It does not say that in your linked article.

At all.

At all.

[BainsBane]

53. What do you think the references to the book in that article mean?

[MannyGoldstein]

57. The book was used as a pretext.

Candy used to entice a child into a car to be kidnapped is a *lure* not an *inspiration*.

Do you really not know that?

[BainsBane]

61. He didn't use the book as lure

He used ideas from the book as lure. The key difference is lost on you.

[MannyGoldstein]

62. It makes no difference.

Ot was a *lure* not an *inspiration*.

[BainsBane]

71. It nullifies your anaology

Ideas are not candy. The ideas came from the book. You have no idea what inspired him.

[djean111]

54. No. The WOMAN referred to the book, saying it might put ideas into WOMEN'S heads.

Someone lent me the books, I opened one up randomly, snickered, and returned the books.
First, if a book goes heavily into describing the designer, color, type of fabric, etc. of articles of clothing, when doing so does not advance the plot - the book is full of meaningless drivel.
Second, if the page I opened to stated that a woman's brain laughed - then WTF?
Sexy writing is writing that makes you use your imagination and experiences to fill in the blanks. Read The Story of O, or something, not a parody of a Harlequin book.

[BainsBane]

55. So you think the woman knows nothing about what was done to her?

I fail to see how you think means the book had no influence on the rapist.

[djean111]

59. Sounds like reenacting scenes for 50 Shades was consensual.

Do you honestly think 50 Shades invented bondage? Really?
Do you think "FetLife" did not exist before 50 Shades?
That's where he CONTACTED her. Sounds like the woman, at least, was interested in bondage well before 50 Shades was published.

[BainsBane]

66. No, it didn't invent it, nor does it depict it

Last edited Mon Jul 28, 2014, 05:59 AM - Edit history (3)

Not according to articles written by those involved in the BDSM community.

I knew someone would deny this assault was rape. The man is convicted. True, it was in Australia and not in this land where too many believe women's rights to control their own bodies to be incidental. Your confusion about the event could be cleared up by reading the news article, something you claim to have done but of which your response suggests uncertainty.

[MannyGoldstein]

58. Bingo. nt

[The Straight Story]

47. Ok...so 1 person out of the millions who read the book...and what is this supposed to show anyway?

That a book will induce people to rape? I am not following what it is your actual issue is with the books, this story, etc.

[BainsBane]

48. It's just the straight story,

The Straight Story. Make of it what you will.

[Warren DeMontague]

52. That's why all my exes know, if they want to construct an elaborate online literature-based ruse

with which to entrap me, they need to base it on the works of Pynchon, Joyce, or David Foster Wallace.

Yeah, and good luck with that.

[RiffRandell]

63. Hey, don't give anyone any ideas.

I've known/heard of some personal horror stories about people developing these bizarre online crushes. Seriously.

There are some desperate, obsessed people out there. Be careful!

[deutsey]

73. You have a Friend Request from Tyrone Slothrop

[Warren DeMontague]

74. I have to be brutally honest- I tried to read that book

...couldn't get through it all the way.

[deutsey]

75. It's tough...

I made it through once and have tried to give it a second read, but I haven't been able to do so.

It does have some of Pychon's best writing, imo, and I liked its overarching theme (at least as best as I can tell what it is, anyway), but it's definitely a challenge.

For some reason, I've never read The Crying of Lot 49, which apparently helps in understanding Gravity's Rainbow. I just ordered it last week, in fact, and plan to give it a whirl when it arrives (I hope today).

[Warren DeMontague]

77. "overarching theme"

[deutsey]

78. Yeah, I wrestled with that phrase

but I actually did find something of a thread weaving its way through the narrative (or maybe it was just my way of trying to make sense of the incomprehensible).

I won't write a PhD thesis here, but I basically think Pynchon is using the rubble of the old, pre-war world as a metaphor for the collapse of the old intellectual, social, religious, political, etc., structures that human society had developed to make sense of, give expression to, and even control to some extent that deep level of human consciousness that's "beyond the zero" (or the level of underlying consciousness beyond our conscious thought structures). "A lot of stuff prior to 1944 is getting blurry now." p. 21

The new, post-war society emerging from the actual and mental wreckage of the old world, being built by a "'They' embracing possibilities far far beyond Nazi Germany" p. 25, is one centered around scientifically manipulating and exploiting deep unconscious drives for profit and social control (check out "Century of Self" http://vimeo.com/67977038, which gave me something of a frame of reference for this approach by the ruling elites to manipulating and exploiting deep, unconscious drives). Pynchon also gives his unique take on the emergence of the Cold War and the origins of the drug culture.

At least I think he does, along with a whole lot more, of course.

That's probably all unintelligible, and I apologize. I could write something more involved, but I don't know that you'd be interested and I don't really have the time right now, anyway.

[philip.chinery]

64. And some people defend this sort of thing...

by claiming you have to read the book to know that it is bad.

[Warren DeMontague]

65. Man attempts to lure ex-girlfriend with promise of boring 40 page monologue on individualism

[msanthrope]

67. I have a new respect for your fucking brilliance. nt

[JesterCS]

68. The problem is

Some people do not know how to separate fiction from real life. I play violent video games where I shoot people, doesnt mean I'm gonna do it.

It's the mind of the person, not the content of the fiction

[eridani]

69. Anyone curious about BDSM ought to stay the fuck AWAY from online arrangements

The only real safeguard against situations like this is connecting with a face to face community that has information about local bad actors.

[Katashi_itto]

79. The OP's continued posts about this "dangerous" book

is rather Freudian.

[BainsBane]

81. Do we now need to censor news stories about rape

To make you feel better?

[Katashi_itto]

82. Really stretching aren't you?

I'm not the one obsessed with a certain book.

[BainsBane]

83. Oh I'd say many people here are obsessed with a certain book

If you think that is limited to me, you have very poor observational skills. Obviously you are interested enough to respond to this OP, lob a personal insult to make clear that you resent the posting of this article. Naturally you won't have done that to any of the others posting about this issue. Yet again, you think the most relevant issue is your antipathy toward me, as if that mattered to anyone but you. I can assure you it is of absolutely no consequence to me.

[Katashi_itto]

84. Lol, your Freud is seriously showing no matter how you rationalize it

[brooklynite]

80. If I can find an example of someone being raped after being invited to dinner...

Can we launch a campaign against all restaurants?