I understand why a lot of women knee jerked on this one. I have been (at various times) a stay at home (against my will, but that's another story) mom and a working single mom. Yes. Being a mother is work. No doubt about it. But...when you are a stay at home mom you don't have the same stresses (you have other ones) you do when you work outside the home. I've done both and I know what I'm talking about.
When you are supporting yourself working at an outside job you have things to think about that you don't when you have a husband (good, bad or indifferent) supporting you. You have to be on time whether the baby sitter shows up or not. You have to be out of touch with your children to one extent or another. You simply cannot pay attention to your children the same way you would if you were there. That doesn't mean you can't be a good mother. On the contrary. You are modeling an amazing role of breadwinner and supporter. You are showing your children that they can take care of themselves and their families even when it isn't easy. You are showing that mothers are capable of more. There are remarkable advantages either way. Good moms are important but they are not all alike. Please understand me - whether stay at home or go to work, a good mother is vital to the growth and development of children. And whether stay at home or go to work, not all mothers make the grade. It is about dedication to one's child and there are stay at home moms who don't cut it and go to work moms who are not doing it either. THAT isn't the deciding factor. It's about the mother's effort and success in mothering.
When you are a stay at home mom you do work hard but usually you don't have to worry about work stuff - is your job going to be downsized? Are you going to be eliminated? Are you going to have to work extra hours on the weekend? Are they going to ask you to go out of town for a meeting? Is there a group at work who are trying to get rid of you? Can you line something up for the school break?
I, personally, think that raising children is more valuable - more fundamentally important - than just about any outside job you can do. That is my opinion. The trouble is that it usually isn't a choice - one or the other. Most of us have to do both one way or the other. We have to juggle a job and raising our kids.
But if you have children and don't have a job or a supporter (like a rich husband) you have a HUGE problem. WAY more stress. You are going to be on welfare or something and that isn't ideal. Many, many women find themselves having to do both. THAT is what was at issue in that statement that started this whole discussion. Ann Romney has NEVER faced that. She has always been married to someone with money. And as valuable as her work to raise her sons is, she can not know what it is like to decide which bill to pay or how to afford basic health care and buy food at the same time. She didn't buy her children's clothes at yard sales like I did. She didn't have to wonder whether they would be able to go to college. That was the point. How can she be the adviser to a potential president about economic issues for women when she has never faced most of them?
I understand why that original statement was made - that she never worked a day in her life. I wish it had been phrased differently. Ann Romney has worked. But she has worked within the sweet security of financial plenty. That isn't how I did it and it isn't how a lot of women do. Romney isn't going to help women like us. WE are the ones he is out of touch with. And I hope he isn't able to talk this up and pit one woman against another to gain advantage by playing on our conflicts.
This is an old discussion - I got into it with a letter to the editor of the local paper way back in the 70's when society was leaning toward "working women". What has always struck me about this argument is that women need to hang together. We have to support each other's right to choose. Some women can choose to stay home and raise their children without the outside job. That's great. Some women must or choose to work outside the home and that is great too. There are pros and cons on both sides and the important thing is that women should be able to choose. And they should be respected for what they do - whether inside or outside - so long as they make the all out effort to raise their children wisely and well.
I think Romney is trying to drive a wedge between stay at home moms and moms who work outside the home. And he is doing it to further his political goals. It isn't for women. It isn't going to help US. Please think about why he is making this argument before you vote. He can yell about the insult to his wife but what is he proposing to do to help women - all women?
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