Monsanto Harvest-Resistant Corn Now Engulfing Most Of Midwest
SPRINGFIELD, IL—Wreaking untold environmental and economic devastation throughout the region, a strain of harvest-resistant corn engineered by the agrochemical company Monsanto is now engulfing most of the Midwest, officials confirmed Monday.
According to the U.S. Department of Agriculture, the genetically modified crop, which Monsanto originally enhanced with traits to provide resistance from pests, diseases, and environmental conditions such as drought and frost, has become completely impervious to industrial reaping machinery and has spread uncontrollably across 700,000 square miles of land. With the unharvestable corn growing through asphalt roadways and airport tarmacs all over the Midwest, FEMA has been leading efforts to evacuate millions of residents before the plants obstruct all travel in the central United States.
“This particular strain of Monsanto corn is advancing at an alarming rate, and all efforts to contain the aggressive infestation have thus far been unsuccessful,” said Deputy Secretary of Agriculture Krysta Harden, who confirmed that the bioengineered crop thrives even in inhospitable environments and threatens entire ecosystems through rapid colonization and domination of native vegetation. “At this rate, we are facing a catastrophic level of growth. The corn has spread quickly from farms, overwhelming small towns and suburban neighborhoods, and is now starting to encroach upon highly populated cities.”
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At press time, the Monsanto Company had announced plans to bring legal action against the 65 million people of the Midwest for growing patented genetic material without paying the company’s seed premium.
THE REST:
http://www.theonion.com/articles/monsanto-harvestresistant-corn-now-engulfing-most,37223/
= new reply since forum marked as read
but this article is satire. I know, it is getting harder to tell these days 
Well, you got me. 
