FINALLY: G.O.P. unveils immigration plan as told by Andy Borowitz
WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell unveiled his party’s long-awaited plan on immigration on Wednesday, telling reporters, “We must make America somewhere no one wants to live.”
Appearing with House Speaker John Boehner, McConnell said that, in contrast to President Obama’s “Band-Aid fixes,” the Republican plan would address “the root cause of immigration, which is that the United States is, for the most part, habitable.”
“For years, immigrants have looked to America as a place where their standard of living was bound to improve,” McConnell said. “We’re going to change that.”
Boehner said that the Republicans’ plan would reduce or eliminate “immigration magnets,” such as the social safety net, public education, clean air, and drinkable water.
The Speaker added that the plan would also include the repeal of Obamacare, calling healthcare “catnip for immigrants.”
Attempting, perhaps, to tamp down excitement about the plan, McConnell warned that turning America into a dystopian hellhole that repels immigrants “won’t happen overnight.”
“Our crumbling infrastructure and soaring gun violence are a good start, but much work still needs to be done,” he said. “When Americans start leaving the country, we’ll know that we’re on the right track.”
In closing, the two congressional leaders expressed pride in the immigration plan, noting that Republicans had been working to make it possible for the past thirty years.
www.borowitzreport.com
= new reply since forum marked as read
Thank you, Thank you to hypocrites
Touché Turtle (possible drug dealer connections)and the Drunk ( just a complete jerk) for telling the entire world that they want to turn this country into a pile of crap, they want to deport all Americans that don't believe in there right wing horse pa toouy, great, who's going to fight your illegal wars there buck, turn the country into a forth world power, get gas in our water, to hell with the money that we have individually put into our federal accounts, lower education that we can then rank below the Antarctica Ice shelf and finally listen to you two hypocrites with your profound judgment of absolute contempt of any moral consciousness to be a human being .
Let me see the Drunks hands are hidden behind the podium must be holding a bottle of alcohol and the other twerp has a hand in his pocket and must be doing what with all of his excitement on how to contemplate his agenda 
- K&R!
