G.O.P. Unveils Immigration Plan: “We Must Make America Somewhere No One Wants to Live”

[IDemo]

WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell unveiled his party’s long-awaited plan on immigration on Wednesday, telling reporters, “We must make America somewhere no one wants to live.”

Appearing with House Speaker John Boehner, McConnell said that, in contrast to President Obama’s “Band-Aid fixes,” the Republican plan would address “the root cause of immigration, which is that the United States is, for the most part, habitable.”

“For years, immigrants have looked to America as a place where their standard of living was bound to improve,” McConnell said. “We’re going to change that.”

Boehner said that the Republicans’ plan would reduce or eliminate “immigration magnets,” such as the social safety net, public education, clean air, and drinkable water.

http://www.newyorker.com/humor/borowitz-report/republicans-unveil-immigration-plan?mbid=nl_111914_Borowitz&CNDID=16449100&spMailingID=7298426&spUserID=NzA5MDgxNTQ3NDAS1&spJobID=562100463&spReportId=NTYyMTAwNDYzS0

[tridim]

1. I know this is satire, but is it really?

Kansas and Wisconsin are their models.

[elleng]

2. They're doing a good job of it.

If I didn't have new grandkids, I'd seriously consider leaving. NOT humorous.

[The Velveteen Ocelot]

3. Satire meets reality:

The GOPers really are doing their best to make America a place where nobody wants to live (unless you're a 1%er).

[GreatGazoo]

4. kick

too true