Why a 17-year-old might not report a rape (even if it's not Bill Cosby)

[Wella]

There has been a lot of discussion about why Cosby's accusers didn't report the rapes or report them right away. Some of the alleged victims are very young--at least two were underage (15 and 17). (That's statutory rape even in the unlikely event that the sexual activity was consensual.)

As of yet, there has not been a criminal case against Cosby, and the civil case from 2006 was settled financially. A financial settlement does not necessarily mean guilt, since stars often settle "nuisance" suits to make people go away. On the other hand, over a dozen women were represented in that suit.

In the meantime, let's take the Barbara Bowman case: Bowman was 17 at the time of the alleged rapes, which, according to Bowman, involved her being drugged by Cosby. She was uncertain at first what had happened. But even after you're certain, why might you not report it? (Remember Bowman did go to a lawyer and they laughed at her).

An Open Letter to Whoopi Goldberg
Here’s why women often don’t immediately report sexual assault, let alone get rape kits.

http://www.phillymag.com/news/2014/11/18/open-letter-whoopi-goldberg/

I was raped at 17. My rapist was not a powerful celebrity. He was a nobody. But I didn't go to the police. I didn't go to a hospital.

Why don’t we tell, Whoopi? Because our skin burns with shame. I thought my body would never get clean, not only from him but from my own stupidity and weakness. The minute after it ended I felt like I was being torn into pieces, like I was on fire, and I just wanted to shower. I felt crazy, confused, angry, beaten, lost, like I had a zipper running from throat to naval. I felt more alone than I’ve ever felt before or since. I felt like the severed pieces of my body were floating in darkness. I felt savaged. I felt terrified.

Here’s what I did not feel: capable of calmly picking up the phone. Capable of walking to the hospital and talking to one functionary after another. Capable of filling out paperwork. Capable of being touched by another person without exploding into flames. Capable of functioning at all like a human being because I wasn’t a human being. I felt like if I even went outside of my room my organs would explode out of my body. How would I explain that to the cops?

Ultimately, I told one person who I swore to secrecy. Had I allowed him to tell others, my rapist would perhaps be serving time rather than serving sandwiches in a vegetarian restaurant in the Bronx where, last I heard, he was a manager*. But I believed I was to blame.

Months passed before I told someone else, but they did not take appropriate action, and he remained free. Years passed before I went into detail about it — in a cover story for a newspaper, no less — and I didn't use his name. Even now I allow him to have a family, a business, a good life, from what I hear, because I think to myself: Well, he was young. Maybe he’s changed. We contain multitudes. It’s complicated.

Why don't I tell? Deep down, I still feel like that terrible girl who made something bad happen. I think about confronting him, sure. But I do nothing. I will do nothing. If he were a celebrity, however, you bet your fucking ass I’d tell my story.

Read more at http://www.phillymag.com/news/2014/11/18/open-letter-whoopi-goldberg/#2UIWkBAg9djbEiUG.99

[Wella]

1. kick

.

[Le Taz Hot]

2. After I was raped (at age 29)

I was very close to not telling anyone. I had known this person, had invited him into my house (where the crime occurred) and did some blow with him. Because it was fairly early on a Sunday morning, I still had my nightgown on with a robe over it. I didn't bother to get dressed. I took all that into consideration and had decided I wasn't going to tell anyone. But I needed to tell someone so I called my best friend who was also a friend of the rapist. She INSISTED I call the police and said if I didn't she was going to. So I reported it. They caught up with him the next day at his house and arrested him. Later that day I got a call from his wife asking me why I was telling these lies about her husband and why was I trying to break up their family. That was the first 48 hours. I'm a strong, strong woman but after all that I was a basket case. The trial (where he threatened my life IN the courtroom in front of the judge) was another matter. I got to testify in detail about what he did to me. There were complete strangers in that courtroom and I can't tell you how mortifying that was to have to do. The outcome? He got 6 months in a drug rehabilitation center where he got violent again, they gave him another 6 months when they finally released him. Within a year, there was another victim. He almost killed her he beat her so bad. She had a broken jaw, broken ribs and swelling of the brain. Plus he raped her. Now, I can't begin to tell you what that was like to go through. And because I've walked a mile in these women's shoes, I NEVER question a rape victim's reluctance to tell someone. And the people who assume a woman is lying just because she decides to brave it after several years of hiding The Secret, I say, "You have no soul."

[Wella]

3. Powerful words.

Thank you for that.

What's amazing is that he only got 6 months for a drug issue in rehab. Had he been put away for rape, that second victim might never have been. People's prejudices about rape victims feed the confidence of rapists.

[Le Taz Hot]

4. The D.A. plea bargained it

and dropped 2 of the 4 counts, including the "assault with a deadly weapon" (he had a razor blade to my throat) WITHOUT my consent. I was told afterwards it was a done deal. I blame the D.A.'s office for that. There should have NEVER been another victim. He ended up dying in prison, btw. The world is a better place the day he died. I only wished I believed in hell.

[Wella]

7. A razor blade?

And they still made a deal for 6 months?

I don't even want to know how they justified that.

[rhett o rick]

8. The deal got it off the prosecutor's calendar. nm

[Erich Bloodaxe BSN]

5. Another thing?

People are asking 'Why didn't they...' based on what goes on TODAY.

Many of these rapes are 2-3 decades old - when even FEWER rapes got reported, and far more of them were simply brushed off as 'boys being boys', when it was even harder to be taken seriously as a victim.

It's still a tough thing to do today, but back then? And to make those charges against someone so beloved by the general public?

That would have been an incredibly tough thing to ask of anyone.

[Wella]

6. Good point.

Thanks!

[TNNurse]

23. excellent point, when I was 17 (in the 60s)

I would not have known if anyone I knew had been raped. It was not a public conversation.

[teach1st]

9. I was raped when I was 16 or 17

He was a well-known musician. I was hitching around New England alone. I escaped from his van and spent the night in the rainy Vermont woods. Worst night of my life, but there is no way I could have told anybody.

[Gormy Cuss]

15. And that's a common story, namely someone with more power raping someone with less.

They know that it's unlikely to be reported, they know that even if it is they have the resources to make the charge go away.

I am so sorry that you went through that.

[teach1st]

19. Thanks, Gormy

As a young hippie, I think my feeling was that even if I had the guts to report same-sex rape, nobody would believe or care about a wandering, penniless young longhair. After all, I accepted the ride and when he pulled over to sleep because the storm was too much to drive in, I stayed in the van.

[rhett o rick]

10. On edit I found what Whoopi said. I am disappointed but not really surprised.

I think people like her want to deny this like it's terrible CT. It's essentially blaming the victim. "Why do these women have to speak up and interrupt our comfortable denial bubbles?"

[Wella]

13. More on Whoopi and this case

http://www.nydailynews.com/entertainment/tv/whoopi-goldberg-rosie-o-donnell-brawl-backstage-view-article-1.2019743

A backstage brawl at “The View” Wednesday left co-host Rosie Perez in tears while panelists Whoopi Goldberg and Rosie O’Donnell battled over how to cover the latest allegations against Bill Cosby and the racially charged upheaval in Ferguson, Mo., sources said.

O’Donnell believed the show — now overseen by ABC News — needed to delve deeper into both controversial subjects, while Goldberg wanted to steer clear of the topics altogether.

Ultimately, both news stories were discussed at length on the air by the panel.

“There’s terrible frustration and there are problems,” a source close to the show told the Daily News. “Whoopi didn’t want to talk about Cosby and Ferguson, Rosie (O’Donnell) did — how could you not? These are topics that are uncomfortable for everyone, but it’s ‘The View’ and it’s their job to talk about topics that might make some people tense.”

[rhett o rick]

18. A lot of people make fun of "The View" but it's one of the only Corp-Meda shows

that pits right wing nitwits against left wing thinkers. That's how you learn. Hear both sides.

[Orsino]

26. The richer Whoopi gets, the less I like her. n/t

[Hissyspit]

14. Whoopi knows better.

[Gormy Cuss]

16. Whoopi has an issue with rape.

I won't speculate on what brought her to this point, where she feels the need to dismiss or diminish rape allegations, but it's a pattern.

[Wella]

24. You think?

I thought she was trying to avoid taking a stand.

[bigdarryl]

28. Whoopi wouldn't believe Cosby raped a woman if she saw a video

Of him doing the crime.She's that STUPID!!

[Gormy Cuss]

30. I don't think it's stupidity. I think it's denial.

Just like when she characterized the Polanski child rape as not "rape rape."

[Wella]

17. And this:

[noiretextatique]

25. i think Whoopi

is projecting because of something in her past. one way not to deal with your own shit is the claim it never happened...to anyone. i bet she is repressing some memories...or trying very hard to.

[uppityperson]

11. I was 19 and 21 and never reported them

It was a time when you didn't report such things, even less than now. And besides, I had been making out with the first so so what if he forced me to have sex? It was my own damn fault for putting myself in that situation and there is no way I could report it and ruin his life.

And the second I had lived with and we all know that once you have sex with someone, especially if you live together, you can never say no. Right? And yes, I was stupid for not leaving sooner, so that made it my fault also.

Right?

[Wella]

12. Most women don't report them

especially when they know the guy. The police are still not up to speed on that and universities--they've been the slowest to understand.

[rhett o rick]

20. I am terribly sorry you had to go thru that. I appreciate that you speak out about it.

We must learn that these things are happening and yet I understand (as much as a male can) how hard it is for the victim to speak out. Society doesn't want to know these things because it upsets their comfortable denial bubbles.

Nietzsche said "That which doesn't kill you, makes you stronger." Well uppity I hope you are stronger, but recognize that Nietzsche was a man, so what does he know."

[pnwmom]

29. Thanks, uppity. The women I know who have been raped never reported it either,

and could only, painfully, talk about it years later.
'
I found what Whoopi said -- echoed by some others here -- to be shocking.

[Paula Sims]

21. I didn't report my rape because I knew I'd be victimized over and over and over again

It's easy to say "why not" when it's not you. Here's my story. It actually helps to heal more and more as I keep reading it: http://www.democraticunderground.com/10025586427

Thanks for the DU lovin' and support.

[Wella]

22. Thank you. I read your post at the link you provided.

I am so sorry.

[bravenak]

27. The police laughed at me and refused to file a report because of my job.

I told the mans friend and he brought the guy back to me a few hours later all beat up and bloody. His homies had disciplined him and then we put him on a Greyhound back home to Texas. His baby mama started calling and tgreatening me, but I just kept repeating, 'Your man is a rapist!'
She eventually broke down and confessed that he had raped her sister too and she had not believed her. Sad. I hope she made up with her sister.