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Related: Editorials & Other Articles, Issue Forums, Alliance Forums, Region ForumsFCC Sniper Takes Out Matthew McConaughey To Prevent Live Broadcast Of Profanity
?1997BEVERLY HILLS, CAHaving vowed an oath to enforce the government agencys strict decency standards, a Federal Communications Commission sniper positioned inside the Beverly Hilton Hotel successfully prevented the live broadcast of profanity Sunday night by firing a single fatal shot into Matthew McConaugheys left temple during the 72nd Golden Globe Awards.
All of our FCC marksmen are highly trained and authorized to neutralize any threat to public propriety, and in this instance, the real and imminent risk that an offensive word might be uttered on live airwaves necessitated the use of deadly force against film actor Matthew McConaughey, said FCC chairman Tom Wheeler, praising the camouflaged sharpshooter who took up a position among the A-list crowd and kept his rifles laser sight trained on the foreheads of whichever presenters and honorees were speaking onstage, as is customary at all live awards galas.
It is unfortunate whenever the FCC must fire a lethal head shot to ensure a broadcast remains family-friendly, but we are tasked with a grave responsibility to protect the vulnerable viewing audience. Such executions are a small price to pay to ensure that millions of Americans are safe from language of a vulgar or sexually provocative nature. Wheeler added that the FCC was 100 percent fine with the airing of the graphic violence and bloodshed that resulted from its snipers actions.
http://www.theonion.com/articles/fcc-sniper-takes-out-matthew-mcconaughey-to-preven,37729/
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FCC Sniper Takes Out Matthew McConaughey To Prevent Live Broadcast Of Profanity (Original Post)
Katashi_itto
Jan 2015
OP
Archae
(46,337 posts)1. The Onion.
I figured it would be something like that.
BUT...
Poe's Law is still in effect.
A-Schwarzenegger
(15,596 posts)2. Is there some context that would make this funny?
Losing my sense of humor in old age.
Katashi_itto
(10,175 posts)3. You could scream "get off my lawn" maybe
That could be cathartic perhaps.
A-Schwarzenegger
(15,596 posts)4. Get Off My Lawn, Onion!
Yeah, I feel better, thanks.
Katashi_itto
(10,175 posts)5. Anytime :)