A Woman Stood Up The Man Who Bullied Her At School With This Incredible Note

[Xipe Totec]

When Louisa Manning was 12 years old, she was bullied about her weight and for being “hairy”, and was called a “manbeast” by other students. As a result, she spent several years eating very little, skipping dinner and suffering from a lack of confidence.

But last Friday, eight years later, something interesting happened: One of the boys who bullied her at school asked her out on a date....

... Manning arranged to meet him at a restaurant for dinner, but arrived slightly earlier so she could ask the waitress to hand this photo with a handwritten note on it to her date when he arrived.




http://www.buzzfeed.com/rossalynwarren/a-woman-stood-up-the-man-who-bullied-her-at-school-with-this#.qbDd92mZv

[benz380]

1. Deleted. You're right. nt

[NoJusticeNoPeace]

2. What a classless comment about a wonderful young, empowered WOMAN

I actually typed a different word than "classless" but i did a typo on it and it came back this way, better choice because the word I originally chose would have probably got me in trouble

[madamesilverspurs]

3. Way to miss the effing point.

Geeez.

[NoJusticeNoPeace]

10. Look at the posts down below, are we at Democratic Underground or Discussionist?

let me make sure

[tenderfoot]

12. Heartless Douche Underground

in this instance.

[NoJusticeNoPeace]

13. I wonder sometimes, I dont know a single liberal in my other message board world

that would respond the way I see lots of folk respond around here.

Not one

And not just on this topic, many others

[tenderfoot]

15. Most of the true progressives and liberals here have moved on...

which explains the right leaning opinions and disgusting comments.

[NoJusticeNoPeace]

18. I now some of my AfAm friends rarely venture out of their forum, not worth it anymore

Dear god, I hope the garbage we are seeing from people here isnt indicative of a nationwide trend

[ND-Dem]

159. Since the Party has moved to the right, so have its adherents. And those on the right aren't

known for their empathy.

[Jackpine Radical]

6. WTF?

[NoJusticeNoPeace]

8. Really disgusting thing to say, isnt it.

[pennylane100]

11. Well I find your comments disgusting,

but, you probably get that a lot.

[madamesilverspurs]

4. Good for her!

[Prism]

5. Eight years later?

Eh, I don't think praising her is the right thing here. Empathizing, sure. But shaming an adult for being an asshole as a kid? Ehhh.

I cringe at things I did as a teenager. I remember hurts that were done to me as a teenager. Bringing it up a decade later on a public forum as a kind of victory lap? Not the greatest sign of maturity or emotional health.

It's neat in a justice porn sort of way, though.

[benz380]

21. Justice porn? nt

[Prism]

46. A topic on the internet

Where the content is someone getting what's comin to them.

[Maedhros]

130. AKA Revenge Porn.

It's banned on a number of forums I visit.

Although I don't know if this quite qualifies...

[pnwmom]

179. How can this qualify? She's keeping his identity a secret, and there's no porn involved. n/t

[MADem]

229. "Porn?" What's pornographic about that? I thought "revenge porn" was when

a person broke up with another person and then posted those ill-advised nude pics they took of each other when they were madly in love?

I don't think "Hey, you jerk--you didn't realize who I was, but this was me and I'm standing you up for a date" qualifies as porn, and it barely could be called "revenge." More like a Late Lesson Learned.

[pnwmom]

39. She's still young enough that the wounds were fresh. I think people who were as mean

as this young man probably still have a bully inside them, even eight years later.

[Prism]

48. A lot happens from 14-22.

It's a third of their lives. I went from a shy, awkward freshman to an independent adult living abroad in that period.

I do empathize with her feelings, though, and have nothing harsh to say to her on account.

[NewJeffCT]

64. I have no problems with what she did to the guy

and, good for the guy for what seems to be a sincere apology.

but, I know a lot of people that were jerks in middle school and/or high school (boys and girls) that grew up to be perfectly fine people. Sometimes, it's just growing up/maturing. I remember the guy from my high school that may have been the biggest jerk towards me - I ran into him like 10 years later, and he turned into this really nice, humble person. No idea what happened - maybe he met the right woman who set him straight, maybe he found God, or maybe he just grew up. Or, maybe some combination of those things, or something else. I was almost stunned when I saw him, as I expected some sort of insult or razzing or similar, but it was a complete 180. I ran into him a few more times over the next several years and the guy was always super nice.

But, a few years later, I got some call to help plan my high school's 15th reunion, and for some reason, my then fiancee and now ex-wife decided it was a great idea to drag me there. However, same thing happened. Everybody there was very nice to me there. Maybe my barely 5 foot tall ex intimidated them into being nice to me, but I've stayed in touch with some of them over the years and they do seem genuinely decent people.

(Of course, I did hear reports of one guy from high school that was a big time a-hole in high school that still seems to be one - I remember seeing his Facebook page and he was a big fan of a lot of R/W politicians, like the 9/9/9 pizza guy from 2012...so, plenty of Biff Tannen types out there as well.)

[pnwmom]

65. I have wondered about my nemesis . . .

a snotty little kid who led others into making taunts about my hair. It was mostly on the bus, so I couldn't get away and the bus driver never did anything. It lasted for more than a year, till I changed schools.

The boy went on to become a college coach. I've often wondered if he's still a bully.

[1StrongBlackMan]

145. If he's a college coach ...

Yes, he's probably still a bully.

Just my guess, though ... from years and years of dealing with a bunch of coaches. My experience has it that the higher the level of the competition, the more likely the coach is a bully.

[pnwmom]

160. I googled him a few years ago. He was a swim coach in a top-ranked program.

It's been decades since it happened to me, and the sting is long gone, but I still remember his daily taunts of "hey, Brillo!" and "hey, S.O.S.!"

And I've never been able to imagine him growing up into a nice person.

[adigal]

58. I agree...too late, she needs to get some help,or she'll be bitter and angry forever

Many kids are cruel but to carry that for so long makes him win.

[pnwmom]

75. He taunted her for three years in front of friends. She embarrassed him one evening

in front of a waitress at a restaurant.

She doesn't need help. She just helped herself.

[adigal]

79. No, I don't agree...she needs to talk to someone about this

It caused an eating disorder. Being mean back doesn't heal you, it just makes you feel better temporarily. A good therapist would be a good idea.

[pnwmom]

86. She wasn't "mean back." She spoke loudly and clearly -- just not in person.

And there's no reason to expect her to ever want to see him again. Just because you personally would have preferred face to face contact doesn't mean that she would have wanted to risk a confrontation with a man she knew to be a bully. She just wanted to say her piece and be done with it.

[ND-Dem]

162. Oh for gods sake. The guy who'd taunted and mocked her for three years asked her out

years later, apparently not knowing who he was asking.

She stood him up and told him why. BFD.

She doesn't need therapy. He was an asshole and she let him know she didn't want to go out with the asshole.

[BeanMusical]

187. +1

[adigal]

203. I disagree...for God's sake. What bothers me about DU is that any opinion different than others'

is mocked and bullied. Don't be a schmuck.

[ND-Dem]

204. I mocked and bullied you -- where, exactly, in this post?

162. Oh for gods sake. The guy who'd taunted and mocked her for three years asked her out

years later, apparently not knowing who he was asking.

She stood him up and told him why. BFD.

She doesn't need therapy. He was an asshole and she let him know she didn't want to go out with the asshole.

[pennylane100]

225. I think that your post is a perfect example

of mocking and bullying. So because people have a different opinion, you can call them a schmuck. Does everyone have to agree with you in order for you to refrain from being called a "schmuck", also know in some dictionaries as

SHmək/
noun
North Americaninformal
noun: schmuck; plural noun: schmucks; noun: shmuck; plural noun: shmucks

a foolish or contemptible person.

[LanternWaste]

191. Where exactly, was the "mean" part of her note?

Where exactly, was the "mean" part of her note?

[Prism]

94. I hope they both take away good lessons from this

The guy in question seems changed and offered an earnest apology. Hopefully he takes away increased sensitivity to others from this.

For her, hopefully she'll learn that the world continues moving forward, and that holding on to the negative thoughts may be in error. Perhaps seeing the guy is contrite and changed will give her a kind of closure and allow her to move forward in a more positive manner.

[JI7]

110. sounds like CNN

[wellst0nev0ter]

251. It Depends

On the reaction the guy had taken if he still recognized her after 8 years.

But seriously, the woman did not owe the guy anything.

[rhett o rick]

73. I understand to a point. I do not believe in revenge but I don't really call this revenge.

Had she done something to shame him in public or worse, then I might agree with you, but not for standing him up for a date.

Granted, her actions still show that his actions still affect her but I don't blame her. In fact, I think her actions can provide her some closure.

[Prism]

97. Closure is good

Hopefully she achieves that.

If it had been a private thing, that's fine. Still not amazing, but I get the impulse. But the Facebook thing altered it. His name would get out, given the nature of Facebook. A bit too embracing the dark side, so to speak.

[rhett o rick]

140. I agree, the Facebook exposure was like revenge. nm

[pnwmom]

180. Except she didn't expose him in Facebook. Or anywhere else. He got off easy.

http://twentytwowords.com/bully-asks-victim-out-10-years-later-she-says-yes-then-takes-revenge-instead/2/

When asked who he was, Manning of course declined to comment so that he wouldn’t get harassed now that this story has gone viral. She says she wouldn’t support that kind of revenge, but…

I do, however, condone holding ten year long grudges and then getting sweet, perfectly timed revenge.

[rhett o rick]

195. He recognized himself on Facebook, I would expect others to also.

"Manning said she later uploaded the picture and note to Facebook and was surprised when she received an apology from the guy."

[pnwmom]

215. Of course he recognized himself -- he had gotten the note from her so he knew what happened.

But there's no reason to think his friends did, and she's kept his name from going public.

She hasn't acted as the bully, trying to shame him in front of others -- as he did to her for no reason except it brought him pleasure.

[rhett o rick]

232. I am neither condemning her nor excusing him. nm

[chervilant]

81. One can only hope that

you didn't spend three years relentlessly bullying one of your female classmates in a hateful, misogynistic manner...

[Prism]

92. Naturally, that is the case

If I don't agree with what she did, the only possible explanation is that I was an adolescent tyrant.

Actually, I was a shy gay kid with baby fat who was overly sensitive and easily given to deep depression. I developed an eating disorder, sometimes going an entire day on a bag of popcorn and a diet coke. I grew out of it. Joined track, lifted weights, became healthy. I eventually came out, dated, made better friends and better choices. In other words, I grew up.

As I said, I empathize with her feelings. I just don't agree with her actions. They are not a sign of emotional health. They seem a sign of bitterness and festering emotional wounds. Which is totally understandable! But people slapping her on the back for this expression of them is bit off to me.

[chervilant]

106. I don't think my post implied that YOU were an adolescent tyrant.

I was pointing out that the man she stood up was a relentlessly derisive bully to her, or--in your words--an adolescent tyrant.

We can all have differences of opinion about her response, but I find it difficult to understand those who are excusing this man's adolescent bullying--because he apologized?!?

I was sexually abused by an adult in-law when I was a child. No amount of apologizing by this vile child molester could EVER erase what he did to me. Have I forgiven him? Yes, because I don't want to carry around the resentment and anger I used to feel before I pursued personal recovery.

That said, my personal history with recovery is MY personal history. I came to understand that no other person could or should define or evaluate my recovery. This has been the cornerstone of my advocacy for survivors. I know that--since I'm not in this young woman's skin--I CANNOT condescend to evaluate her response, or call her "passive aggressive" or in any way suggest that she should have "done things differently." She did what was right for her, and the opinions of the keyboard jockeys herein are just that--their opinions. (And, some of those opinions are rather enlightening...)

[Prism]

109. Adolescence is often traumatizing

My concern with her is that her actions seem to indicate a great deal of current unresolved pain inside.

I'm not too worried about the young man. He'll be fine. She, on the other hand, is still very much dealing with things. Cheering on an unhealthy expression of it is a bit hmm.

[JI7]

113. you seem deeply offended at her calling out the bully

[Prism]

123. It affects me not at all n/t

[pnwmom]

165. There was nothing unhealthy about her sending him the message

through her absence, and her note.

[1StrongBlackMan]

141. +1 ...

That said, my personal history with recovery is MY personal history. I came to understand that no other person could or should define or evaluate my recovery. This has been the cornerstone of my advocacy for survivors. I know that--since I'm not in this young woman's skin--I CANNOT condescend to evaluate her response, or call her "passive aggressive" or in any way suggest that she should have "done things differently." She did what was right for her, and the opinions of the keyboard jockeys herein are just that--their opinions. (And, some of those opinions are rather enlightening...)

Now that response is a sign of healthy recovering ... rather than, shift the focus onto one's self, you live and let others live.

To me, there is little difference between many of these responses and the conservative's self-congratulatory "I was poor and I just sucked it up. I pulled myself up by my own boot straps, why can't they?" responses.

[JI7]

151. exactly what many of the responses remind me of

while i had people tease me, pick on me etc. i don't think i got anything as bad as the she did.

and all she did was remind him of what he did to her. it wasn't even something like "look at me now and you can't have this" type of bragging. it was letting him know exactly what he did to her. she didn't wish him harm or anything.

it was nothing more than calling him out on what he did. and people are offended by THAT ? and trying to equate that with what was done to her or even treating it like it's worse ?

and the age thing is bs also . most 12 year olds don't bully kids. most kids aren't bullies. teasing and picking on a few times is not what we are talking about here. this is a group of guys who bullied the same person for multiple years.

[hfojvt]

156. I think that most 12 year olds ARE bullies

at least at some point to somebody. It's very easy to jump on the bandwagon, particularly when there is a group of bullies. There tends to be a pecking order in grade school/junior high, and there's a certain amount of crap that rolls downhill. People at the bottom. like this girl apparently was, sometimes seem to get picked on by everybody. Or it may seem that way, if not directly, then by laughing when somebody else cut you down.

[pnwmom]

170. Many might do random mean things occasionally. But few pick a target and taunt that target

for years, leading others to do the same thing. That takes a special kind of bully.

[hfojvt]

201. I can remember a number of people who were targetted for years

Kurt B, Dan C, Bonita B, Audrey (or maybe Aubry was her name), Colleen S

And there is nothing that says that THIS guy was the ringleader, maybe just an occasional toady.

Some are no doubt worse than others, but probably very few are pure either.

[pnwmom]

214. I'm curious as to what you did, if anything.

Did you ever try to get any of the taunters to stop? I've always wondered about the "innocent bystanders" who do nothing. Why don't they tell their parents when they see bullying going on? Or a teacher?

[pnwmom]

169. Right. Most 12 year olds aren't bullies, and even fewer target victims over a period of years. n/t

[pnwmom]

167. +1

To me, there is little difference between many of these responses and the conservative's self-congratulatory "I was poor and I just sucked it up. I pulled myself up by my own boot straps, why can't they?" responses.

[pnwmom]

164. Best post here. Thanks, chervilant.

It isn't up to any of us to decide how this young woman should heal or how long is too long. I'm glad she was able to send the message she did, and I hope what she did helped her feel better.

[pnwmom]

163. What did she do that was so awful? She delivered a message to him that would make

an impression. She let him know how he had hurt her. His embarrassment in front of the waitress was TINY compared to the humiliation he put her through for three years. He got off easy.

[salin]

139. Disagree. Anecdote: I was the typical mean girl in 8th grade...

snarky comments for those under my social ring - and receiving the same from those over my social ring. The next year, One of those recipients of my snark (we called a group of girls "three dog night" within their hearing - repeatedly), took pity on my when I was locked out of the house after school - on a very frigid snowy day.

She took compassion - regardless of my short period of truly awfulness. In that afternoon, I had a serious look in the mirror. First with the question of why she would be compassionate to me - who had been horrid. Then with the question of who I would rather be - the snarky person (acting out of my own inferiority complex) or the person who would be caring. I opted the latter - and the lesson has been a bellwether for me for decades.

In working with adolescents over the years, I have at times held up that mirror... and asked: "who do you want to be" as you grow up?

I think this young lady asked the same question in a different way.

[chrisa]

7. This sounds really passive aggressive. Why agree to the date in the first place?

When the guy asked her out, it was the perfect opportunity to make him feel like a fool, and maybe even get an apology. This doesn't strike me as revenge, even though it was intended to be. It's seems kind of petty.

Also, maybe the guy changed over time, and was sorry for what he did? Maybe he wanted to make things right? This seems like an odd, and even mean spirited thing to do.

[Lex]

26. Yeah, I really feel sorry for the guy.

NOT. You reap what you sow, as he found out.

[Xipe Totec]

29. Why ask her out? That's adding insult to injury. He deserved to be slapped down. nt

[LisaL]

37. Well, he was 12 at the time.

Are you saying that if 12 year old isn't nice to girls, he should not be asking them out once he gets older?

[pnwmom]

49. I think if a 12 year old is a bully, he's more likely than other guys to still be a bully at 20.

He may have learned to cover it up, but that doesn't mean he developed into an empathic and kind young adult.

Most 12 year olds aren't bullies. He was. Hopefully he's learned something in the intervening years, but if not -- maybe he just did.

[Xipe Totec]

90. That could very well be the price.

He should have learned that lesson long before he turned 12.

By thine own rod ye shall be measured.

[JI7]

117. 12 is old enough to know what he was doing at the time was wrong

[TexasMommaWithAHat]

200. Yeah, twelve year olds also "know better" than to steal

and assault.

Let's just lock them all up and throw away the key.

[bravenak]

205. Or, we can do what she did, and tell him where he went wrong and how hurtful it was.

After starving herself t try to fit in and not get bullied by him anymore, I think the photo and explaination was perfect. He was forced to see himself. I remember people who bullied me. It was racial bullying. When I went back to that town years later, I saw the same people, and they wanted to be all hip hop so they started coming to my parties. I made sure to say snarky shit to each and every one of them. Things like ' I thought you didn't like ni@@ers?' And ' oh, look, it's the great white hype!' None of them apologized, but they did admit they were stupid and their parents were the ones like that, they were just repeating.

She's nicer than I would be.

[TexasMommaWithAHat]

207. Im sorry you had to go through that. :(

My kids have gone to such multi-ethnic, multi-racial schools that they they haven't seen racial stuff like this, but they have seen bullying of unpopular kids. (And my kids are far, far from the "popular" crowd.)

I was bullied for a bit in 9th grade, and it did affect my self-esteem. White kid on white kid bullying. "She" was the leader of a group of girls who made several other girls miserable for a while. It didn't last, and by tenth grade she apparently had outgrown it.

Years, later, this girl grew up to be a lovely, kind woman. Frankly, I think that as a teen she had lower self-esteem than I had and that's why she bullied me. Her father died in a mine collapse, and her mother never truly recovered. I think she had a rough childhood.

[bravenak]

209. You're right.

Many bullies are bullied at home. I have to remind myself of that sometimes. I usually tried to hang out with the friendless, help them make some buddies. It usually worked. Nerds have to stick together even if pokemon is involved.

[GeoWilliam750]

213. Indeed, we are bullied and then lash out at weaker people who will take it

And at those who love us, and will take it

Rather than fighting back against the wrong

Then there are the true sadists - mercifully few, but extraordinarily destructive

[ND-Dem]

166. he bullied her for three years.

[AtheistCrusader]

41. Since it sounds like she ended up with an eating disorder out of their bullying, and mistreatment

it is probable that he didn't recognize her at all.

[NewJeffCT]

44. I got the impression that the guy didn't know it was the same girl

Also, from his response, he seems to have changed for the better, but also understands why she did what she did and seems to be okay with her action. I hope it brought her a sense of closure for what happened to her in the past... though, it seemed like she was a victim of multiple bullies, and not just this one guy.

[MADem]

230. That is what I took away, too--but there's so much we don't know about this situation.

Bullying used to be a 'rite of passage'--a hellish rite for the victim, to be sure. Teachers never stepped in to stop it, and students were generally glad they weren't the target. Very little "bravery" where peer pressure stopped it, at least not way back in the day.

The fact that it is a topic of conversation, that schools are finally taking action, that people don't tolerate it anymore, is a good thing.

Maybe in future there will be very little of it, maybe none of it, and it will be as antiquated as dunce caps and paddling in schools.

[pnwmom]

51. This isn't passive aggressive. It's assertive and appropriate. n/t

[chrisa]

60. Leaving a note is textbook passive aggressive. She never really stood up to the guy.

Standing up to him would have been calling him out to his face, and demanding an apology. This is the equivalent to pretending nothing is wrong to someone's face, and then sending them an angry e-mail later.

Why would she agree to a date with someone she thinks is a bully in the first place? It was the perfect opportunity to call him out. Rather than leaving a note, why not even just stay, wait for him to come, and confront him?

[pnwmom]

62. Did you read the article? It explains why she did it this way. And what she put him through,

going to the restaurant and finding the note, was just a TINY fraction of the public pain and humiliation he put her through for three years.

[chrisa]

66. I did, and I understand what she was trying to do, but I think it should have been face to face.

The guy did apologize anyways, but I find internet communication meaningless. Anyone can type "I'm sorry." Getting an apology to your face is much more satisfying and meaningful.

[pnwmom]

69. Why? She didn't know how he'd react. It was safer to keep this bully at a distance.

She didn't know he'd turn out to be a nice guy.

And I don't think she cared about getting an apology. She just wanted to give him a message. And she did.

[chrisa]

80. I'd like to also ask, "why?" If not for an apology, isn't this a pointless act?

What message did she hope to send him? That he shouldn't do something he did when he was 12?

I think that things like this are best talked about face to face. I've very rarely seen anything good coming from blindsiding someone with an angry note. There is no indicator that he was aggressive or dangerous. It's highly possible that he hated what he was when he was 12, and was remorseful. She'll never know, because she never created an opportunity to talk.

[pnwmom]

84. No, it wasn't pointless. She wanted to let him know how much he had hurt her.

She wanted to educate him. She wanted to be HEARD. And she was. That doesn't mean she ever wanted anything to do with him again. The article said she was "shocked" when she heard back from him. That definitely wasn't the point.

[Dont call me Shirley]

88. She has PTSD from all the bullying trauma. Kudos to her just for writing the letter! She did tell

him how much he damaged her with his bullying. The trauma of bullying will last until treated with EMDR or other effective therapies. Negative affects from bullying often can last a lifetime.

She had courage, she had the bravery to commit an act of courageous self-honesty!

[LisaL]

9. That's a long time to hold a grudge.

[pennylane100]

14. I think it was more like an open wound than a grudge.

That incident still seems to hurt her eight years later and she finally gets a chance to let it go. Good for her.

[demwing]

185. Is she letting it go?

or is she basking in his comeuppance?

[pennylane100]

223. We can only assume at this point.

So why judge her. However, she should not be faulted for enjoying his comeuppance if his actions have caused her years of feeling inadequate. I am sure he will get over it a lot more quickly than she did. Again, good for her.

[demwing]

228. No need to judge her at all

negatively, or positively.

Most of the time, when people say "don't judge" they mean "don't judge harshly"

Sometimes though, we mistakenly judge people positively, and for all the wrong reasons.

[madamesilverspurs]

16. A grudge?

The things that happen to us when we are young shape our adulthood. We can hope that the young man will read that note and consider the part he took in making someone miserable; he might even raise his own children to be more respectful than he was.

As for the young woman, she took a step that is far more appropriate than anything he'd done. i say again, good for her.

[NoJusticeNoPeace]

19. Anyone who could read that and describe it as a "grudge" , well, never mind

Grudge

The harm done to young WOMEN in their teens by these kind of experiences, leading to suicide or permanently ruined lives, eating disorders, etc..

GRRRRRRRRRRRRR

Grudge? grrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

[phil89]

43. Of course it's a grudge

people can't be held responsible for stupid things they did when they were 12 for god's sake. Lot's of people go through worse and don't develop eating disorders or commit suicide. Each individual is responsible for their own emotional well being. Other people don't "cause" us to feel things.

[uppityperson]

52. Are you saying there is no such thing as bullying, that it is her own fault for feeling bullied?

[phil89]

104. No.

I'm saying people's beliefs about situations cause the disturbances, not external circumstances. I never said there's no such thing as bullying. Not sure where you're getting that. I'm saying it is her fault for having this grudge for 8 years. Not everyone holds on to pain like that.

[uppityperson]

112. last yr I found 2 old friends on fb. 1 was a great person, still is, an old crush. Other was

an old boyfriend who broke my nose and cracked my ribs. 40 yrs later, I still recall so much about each of them. I would dearly love to meet with the nice guy, the other? No. He immediately blocked me and made a new account. I wanted an apology for making him so mad so many years ago, for all his demeaning statements and actions.

Each individual is responsible for their own emotional well being. Other people don't "cause" us to feel things"

There is some truth to that, but a whole lot I disagree with.

[pnwmom]

173. If she had been physically attacked, and still had a "grudge," would you blame her

for holding onto the pain?

Emotional pain can be just as painful and just as damaging as a physical attack. And she went through this for 3 years, so it's not surprising that only 8 years later, as a young woman, she was still dealing with it.

[pnwmom]

55. Bullies think they can't be held responsible, and that's the problem.

I'm glad she felt strong enough to call him on his behavior. Most 12 year olds aren't bullies -- only a few. And if they're embarrassed some years later, so be it.

[marions ghost]

146. People can be held responsible for things

they did when they were 12. It can heal them too.

Other people absolutely can cause feelings of negativity and self-hatred that are hard to eradicate.

She is taking responsibility for her emotional well-being in writing the note.

[LisaL]

23. So how often do you think about people that were not nice to your 12 year old self?

At some point you have to let it go.

[Lex]

28. Maybe she wasn't thinking about him at all until he asked her out. nt

[AtheistCrusader]

42. And it's up to you to determine at what point the victim must 'let it go', huh?

Tell me more.

[LisaL]

47. You can hold on for as long as you like.

That's fine with me.

[pnwmom]

61. She wasn't thinking about him till he got her attention.

This time she handled him in a way she couldn't when she was 12. I doubt that she'll be thinking of him much from now on. It's an appropriate time to let it go.

[840high]

53. Never think of them.

[Duppers]

144. and you cast dispersions on those who do

?

[840high]

149. I can't imagine carrying that burden

for that many years. It must have eaten her up. That's not the way to seek healing and happiness.

[Duppers]

143. Depends on how deep a person's emotional scars are.

There have been threads and post after post here on DU about emotional scars from childhood. It's rather snide and hurtful to tell people to just get over it. Sorry you cannot identify with such pain.

[tenderfoot]

22. Oh, I know. You'd think Jews would be over the holocaust by now....

[LisaL]

24. Yea, cause clearly this is the exact same situation here.

[tenderfoot]

31. It's been over 60 years....

shouldn't bygones be bygones?



Shouldn't black Americans get over slavery?

How about Vietnam veterans forgiving Jane Fonda?

[pnwmom]

74. He taunted her for THREE YEARS, calling her "man beast" in front of their friends

and getting other kids to join in.

It wasn't just one incident. It went on for 3 years; so 8 years later it was still affecting her. I'm not surprised.

[Curmudgeoness]

131. I am 61. I still remember

all the names of the people who bullied me all through junior high school. Every one of them. It is not a grudge, but I will never forget. I think that there are a lot of people who have no idea how difficult it was for some of us.

[Oklahoma_Liberal]

20. Tables are turned, she is the bully now.

Here is the classy response from the gentleman:

Hey... For what it's worth, I was actually here to meet up looking for a chance to meet up looking to make friends, not because you are very good looking. I guess I had it coming though, and certainly don't blame you for standing me up.

I can't change who I was 8 years ago, and I won't insult your intelligence by pretending that it didn't happen, but I hope you believe me when I say I'm a completely different person now. I can only apologise and wish you the very best. I guess I won't hear from you again but I mean it when I say that I hope you have every success you deserve."

News flash: lots of people do horrible things when they're kids; most grow up and change into good, decent folks.

[tenderfoot]

27. Oh? Explain Mitt Romney, George W. Bush, Dick Cheney....

did those bullies grow up to be better people?

[madinmaryland]

33. They represent 1% of the population in this country. nt

[tenderfoot]

34. So 99% of all bullies grow up to be great people.

If only you had solid proof.

[Oklahoma_Liberal]

36. Did I stutter?

Pretty sure 'most' and 'all' aren't interchangeable. You can thank me later; this life lesson will serve you over and over again.

[tenderfoot]

91. Your defense of bullying a girl for three years straight has been duly noted.

eom

[Oklahoma_Liberal]

118. Your preference to use straw men instead of substance has been duly noted.

[tenderfoot]

128. Accusing her of being a bully isn't substance either...

as brilliantly pointed out by the others that responded to you.

[Oklahoma_Liberal]

132. She put him down to lift herself up.

Made him feel like dogshit just because she could. That's bullying. The difference is he did it when he was a 12-14 year old kid. She did it as a grown, adult woman.

[tenderfoot]

133. At least she didn't need an audience to mete out justice - unlike the bully.

Nor do we on the internet know who he is, his name or what he looks like.

Unlike the crowd of bullies that tortured her for three straight years.

[benz380]

196. Looks like she got her audience on Facebook. n/t

[tenderfoot]

198. And she still doesn't reveal who the bully was.

eom

[Maedhros]

134. Your posts in this thread could be considered to be "bullying" in tone.

Your posts are antagonistic, provocative, and lacking in substantive content. This give the appearance of spoiling for a fight, rather than engaging in debate. It could be construed as a means to shout down those posters' opinions rather than address them.

[tenderfoot]

136. The posters seem to think that the subject is a bully

When in reality she isn't at all.

At no point does she state his nae. We don't know what he looks like. She simply relays a story of getting pay back for past abuse. That people find the need to condemn her for doing so is rather infuriating.

I am so sorry that you find that lacking.

[Maedhros]

182. I see concern, not condemnation. [n/t]

[tenderfoot]

188. Yes. A lot of concern trolling for sure.

nt

[Maedhros]

211. Accusing others of trolling is not part of a reasoned debate.

It's an attack on their character.

Bye, now.

[ND-Dem]

168. i don't see that.

[uppityperson]

30. calling someone on their hateful behavior, even yrs later, makes her the bully?

[adigal]

63. Yes, I think she was gleeful to do this

Like a bully.

[pnwmom]

175. She kept his identity a secret. So what did she do that was bullying? n/t

[tenderfoot]

190. She had the audacity to fight back. Oh but alas, the bullying statute of limitations had expired...

Last edited Tue Feb 3, 2015, 11:34 AM - Edit history (1)

drawing ire from DU's heartless conservatives.

[GitRDun]

70. With that context, thank you bye the way for posting it

I guess I hope she would give him a chance and maybe they could be friends.

I don't think holding onto anger long term helps anyone.

[pnwmom]

78. She's not a bully. He taunted her for three years, mocking her facial and leg hair

and her weight in front of their friends. He's the bully.

All she did was stand him up in a restaurant, embarrassing him in front of a waitress. He got off easy.

[marions ghost]

147. Agree

he got off easy.

[MADem]

231. If she was the bully, she would have shown up, ordered the most expensive stuff on the menu,

the best booze, eaten the meal, then told him off, and stuck him with the bill!

We don't know the details, here--I think she's not ready to have a give-and-take conversation with him, but I am sure he knows how to get a hold of her (they had a date, after all) so he can still reach out if he wants.

[WinkyDink]

248. WTH?! You have an interesting dick-tionary, if you think one note constitutes "bullying."

[uppityperson]

25. good for her, and for him for apologizing.

[Xipe Totec]

32. Agree on both counts. nt

[riderinthestorm]

153. +1 nt

[Dreamer Tatum]

35. So the kid who bullied her couldn't have been much more than 12 at the time

But on DU, once a bully, FUCKING ALWAYS EVERY DAY FOREVER a bully no matter what.

[G_j]

38. what was done was hateful, and had deep lasting effects on the young woman

she let him know about it. Sounds completely acceptable to me.

[adigal]

67. Here's the thing...I was bullied horribly, even physically as a kid

Kids chased me and threw ink on my uniform, they chased me and stuck pins in my ass, called a carpenter's dream, a flat board, etc. While I am still defensive and quick to fight back, I never developed anything as serious as an eating disorder, as she did. She obviously had some other things going on: dysfunctional family, emotional issues, to react that strongly to being called fat.

99% of us were bullied and while it sucked, we didnt kill ourselves or get anorexia. And that she was affected so strongly, I pray she's working with a good therapist, and not just playing games with people who called her a name 8 years ago.

[pnwmom]

82. So what if she had other things going on? All the more reason parents should teach their kids

never to bully. And they can start by not being bullies themselves.

It isn't true that most kids are bullied to the degree that she was -- for three years -- or that most kids are bullies. I am very very sorry about what happened to you, but that doesn't lessen the seriousness of what happened to her. Neither of you should be have been treated that way, and there is no excuse for those who did it.

I told my three kids that it wasn't important to me that they be popular -- just that they had good friends, and behaved as good friends. And that the only thing I'd feel bad about is if one of my kids were ever mean to another child. That would have greatly disappointed me.

[adigal]

124. That's why it old my kids that bein kind was the most important quality

Not being cool or popular or even smart. Be kind.

[G_j]

83. And some just seem to be more resilient

than others. I agree there are many factors in growing up. I think she was justified in telling him the truth, and she was honest about it.

[tenderfoot]

96. You obviously have an issue with the bullied fighting back.

Unless it's you.

[adigal]

126. You telling me what I have issues with is being a bully - congratulations!

You don't have any idea what I have an issue with. I said that she obviously still has issues and anger and if she wants to live a reasonably content life, she should probably get some counseling. She went to a whole lot of trouble for an 8 year old incident.

[tenderfoot]

127. What she did doesn't involve you, nor does it deserve your condemnation.

eom

[adigal]

202. This is a news story, and I can't comment on it on a discussion forum? You are being silly nt

[tenderfoot]

206. If you find buzzfeed a news source, by all means, knock yourself out.

Have a nice day.

[ND-Dem]

171. no it's not.

[tenderfoot]

40. Bully

eom

[WinkyDink]

249. Oh, brother.

[uppityperson]

54. No. On DU, props for standing up for yourself and calling others on their past shitty actions.

[Spider Jerusalem]

148. I have PTSD thanks to bullying.

If I met the kids who did it now? I wouldn't forgive them, either. Despite the lapse of 20-plus years. I'd probably want to beat the shit out of them, and it still wouldn't cause them a tenth of the pain I've experienced. I certainly wouldn't be friendly to them, or let bygones be bygones.

[ChosenUnWisely]

45. Revenge is a dish best served cold! Good For Her!

[alphafemale]

50. So the answer to having been bullied and embarrassed is embarrassment and bullying.

On the Internet.

Got it.

[840high]

56. Go figure.

[alphafemale]

93. Passive Aggressive to the max power.

Yikes.

lmao.

[pnwmom]

178. Yeah, it's so much better to be an outright nasty bully.

[Sheldon Cooper]

57. Do you know the guy's name, where he lives, what he looks like? Because I don't.

None of us have any idea who he is. His name was never mentioned in the article. So how can he possibly be "embarrassed and bullied"? He may indeed feel ashamed, as well he should, but embarrassed and bullied? Nah.

[alphafemale]

98. Still a very lame ass way to deal with it.

I absolutely adore some people now that were mean as hell askids.

Because you know what?

They were frigging kids.

Suck it up and grow up.

[G_j]

111. she told the truth

pretty simple really. She did him a favor.

[alphafemale]

114. He was probably teased too

Nearly everyone was.

[G_j]

120. there are many degrees

as we all know. I have seen a few individuals nearly destroyed by cruel, relentless, bullying. That's not the same as teasing.

[pnwmom]

176. I was teased and I never ever would have teased anyone else. Being teased is NO excuse. n/t

[pnwmom]

59. She did nothing to deserve his bullying, which was in front of their classmates at a tender age.

And his name isn't in this story. He got off easy.

[alphafemale]

101. Whatever. That was still way passive aggressive.

I would not want to know her.

She should have just rejected the date and told him to his face why rather than that horseshit drama.

[pnwmom]

121. "Horseshit drama?" She safely sent him a strong message. Not everyone is an alpha female.

And she had a very good reason for not wanting to be around the bully again.

[alphafemale]

142. Definition of passive aggressive

Why accept the date and do that drama?

Hate that kind of shit.

[pnwmom]

158. He contacted her over the internet; she wasn't looking for contact with him.

But then she decided to use the opportunity to send him a message. I think not seeing him in person was a wise idea, since she had no way of knowing how this bully -- the person who made her life miserable for three years -- would react to her talking to him in person.

[ND-Dem]

174. she told him directly in a letter. there was nothing passive aggressive about it.

Saying something in a letter isn't passive aggressive.


Passive-aggressive behavior is the indirect expression of hostility, such as through procrastination, sarcasm, stubbornness, sullenness, or deliberate or repeated failure to accomplish requested tasks for which one is (often explicitly) responsible.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Passive-aggressive_behavior

[WinkyDink]

250. I think she had had her fill of "she should haves".

[JI7]

100. what she did was not bullying and she didn't post his personal info

[alphafemale]

102. It is classic passive aggressive.

I fucking hate passive aggressive.

Even more than I hate ventriloquist clowns.

[JI7]

105. if you hate this than imagine being attacked over how one looks for over 3 years

[pnwmom]

161. Some people have little empathy -- especially the bullies themselves. nt

[G_j]

116. and we should care about your personal preferences

for dealing with traumatic life situations...why? everyone is different

[tenderfoot]

129. You can dine on the internet?

eom

[ND-Dem]

172. that's not bullying.

Bullying is the use of force, threat, or coercion to abuse, intimidate, or aggressively dominate others. The behavior is often repeated and habitual. One essential prerequisite is the perception, by the bully or by others, of an imbalance of social or physical power.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bullying

[Egnever]

68. seems petty to me

The bullying was wrong to be sure but not sure how this is any better.

Hope she feels better because of it.

[pnwmom]

72. He bullied her for three years, making fun of the hair on her face and legs

and her weight. For THREE YEARS, and led others to do the same thing, in front of their friends. Think about it. How would a young girl feel about being taunted with the phrase "man beast" for three years???

All she did was embarrass him one evening, in front of a waitress at a restaurant. He got off very easy by comparison.

[Egnever]

138. Kids are cruel

They haven't learned social responsibility yet.

What you are saying sounds to me like if your toddler poops on the floor you should film it and yell at them 12 years later about it.

I get it was hard time in her life but anyone that thinks people are the same in their childhood as they are in their adult life is a fool. We have different rules for children and adults for a reason.

Like I said I hope she feels better after this but you will have to excuse me if I don't find it anything other than petty.

[JI7]

152. most kids are not cruel as to bully someone for years over physical appearance

and reading about how this bully went on to become a coach i wouldn't be surprised if he is still a bully .

[pnwmom]

181. He led other kids in taunting her for three years! This wasn't run of the mill mean-kid stuff.

And there is no particular reason to think this bully grew up into a nice young man.

[thesquanderer]

71. “It really made me angry that now I’m attractive, he instantly wants to jump into bed with me.”

Her self-esteem seems to have made a full recovery. She seems pretty full of herself.

And you know, men do ask women out without necessarily wanting to instantly jump into bed with them.

Not defending the bullying by any means. But judging by the two letters, at their current ages, he's the more grown-up one.

[840high]

150. He matured. Not sure she has.

[Xipe Totec]

212. A girl that was bullied for three years has trouble maturing but the bully doesn't. Go figure. nt

[840high]

217. I was bullied all through Jr. High - did

not spend years of thinking of revenge - life went on.

[Xipe Totec]

218. Bully for you. nt

[840high]

220. Thank you - I think for me I did the right thing. Also

survived WW2 in Europe and did not let it destroy my life.

[Xipe Totec]

221. The girl is at Oxford now. I don't think she was 'destroyed'

Hurt deeply, yes. But destroyed? No, I don't think so.

And I don't think she spent eight years plotting revenge either. An opportunity came to balance the books and she did.

[LiberalLovinLug]

76. I think it would have been more courageous of her to attend the date

And confront him in person.

That also would have given him a chance to apologize in person. And if he truly was a changed person, which it sounds like, then they would have had a good healing moment with a discussion of how that kind of teasing abuse can hurt for a long time. It would have been a good thing for both of them.

I speak as someone bullied in school. I did meet a few of either the bullies or their silent hangers-on years later and they had all changed for the better. Sure there may be a few psychopaths that will never change, but its possible that most, if they thought about it, would feel a little guilty about how they acted when they were younger.

[pnwmom]

87. She didn't want an apology and she didn't want contact. She just wanted to send him a message

that she knew he would get.

And she did.

[Xipe Totec]

135. A private apology for three years of public humiliation? I don't think so. nt

[Skittles]

183. CORRECT

[benz380]

197. But then she wouldn't have been able to post the note she wrote on her Facebook. n/t

[Beaverhausen]

77. Pretty clear from the responses in this thread who was bullied...

...and who was a bully or who stood by laughing while someone else was bullied.

Yep.


Very clear.

[chervilant]

85. I was thinking the same thing...

I actually had to stop reading the responses. I often wonder now: what is happening to our species?!?

[Beaverhausen]

125. Personally, it was many years in therapy to 'get over' what I dealt with at that age

I'm over it thank goddess, but it wasn't easy.

[tenderfoot]

89. Isn't it?

Unbelievable!

[JI7]

95. probably the type who think it's cute if their kid behaves like an ass towards others

but that's one reason what she did was a good thing. that they don't view things like this as just kids being kids .

[tenderfoot]

103. You know what else is alarming about the responses? Is how many excoriating the girl are women.

Women being their own worst enemy.... Way to go ladies! Keep up the disgusting work!

[JI7]

115. at least one has posted stuff attacking poor people for buying certain things

[pennylane100]

233. I think that both sexes should be held to the same standard.

Yes some of the responses are disgusting, but they are coming from both sexes.

[tenderfoot]

238. So what the woman did was exactly the same as what was done to her?

Sure it was...

[pennylane100]

241. Not even close.

[tenderfoot]

242. I misunderstood your post at first...

now that I let it sink in...

I disagree that I have to hold both genders to the same standards in this instance. Because the responses and attitudes from the women are disturbing.

That some women here are unsympathetic to her experience and most likely think that she's responsible for her own misery is maddening. And rather Randian in a lot of ways. So hateful of weaklings and of being weak and having weak moments and such. That they would throw her under the bus, especially after reading the kinds of abuse (attacks about her attractiveness, etc...) she suffered for three straight years at hands of that guy and his minions. Ages 12-15. Essentially throughout Middle school when your identity is coming to be.

I was treated much like her at that age - lot of my tormentors were other girls - perhaps that's why I'm disappointed in some of the women here in response to this.

[pennylane100]

244. Well I do agree that it is always puzzlling when and women fail to empathize

with female victims of gender harassment. I think it is a way of trying to insulate themselves from such treatment. Of course that never works.

I am sorry you were treated so badly and I agree you have every right to feel angry at the betrayal of members of your own sex.

[jeff47]

119. Was about to post the same thing.

Very clear who was actually bullied at a young age and who was not.

[JHB]

99. One of my sister's frineds did something like that...

No note or anything, just laughed in his face and reminded his 20-something self of how he had treated her when they were in junior high.

[valerief]

107. Terrific move! nt

[yuiyoshida]

108. The guy apologized but only after

She stood him up. She said he should have apologized when they bumped into each other.. yeah..do the right thing..

good for her!

[2naSalit]

137. Five Gold Stars for Her!!!

I don't care what the guy said on FB after the fact. He was a third class toad to her for years and she suffered for it, dearly. Regardless of whether he has changed, which really is questionable, he was what he was then and that's what she was finally able to address in what I consider an appropriate fashion.

The guy's apology may only be a way to try and save face on FB knowing that others might know his identity on FB.

For those over psychoanalyzing her action... I have two words, Mitt Romney. Remember what he did to that kid with the bangs? I don't think an apology years later that is pretty ambiguous exonerates the actions that terrorized another person for no other reason than entertainment and ego-petting.

Good on her and kudos for the manner in which she dealt with what could have tuned out to be yet another humiliating event for her. She seems to think that all he wanted was to "do" her so there's that. Since none of the psychojudges here were there on any of these occasions, you're jsut feeding your own judgmental sensibilities.

[Skittles]

154. she sounds like a real joy

hope she gets over her bitterness

[Inkfreak]

186. Indeed. (nt)

[cemaphonic]

157. Damn, obnoxious childish behavior from a 12-year-old is one thing.

College students should know better.

[pnwmom]

177. A 12-15 year old, since he did it for 3 years. And she didn't do anything obnoxious.

She merely sent him a message that he would understand. And now she is keeping his identity a secret because she's not the bully he was.

[whopis01]

184. To all the people accusing her of being a bully or passive aggressive

Do you not realize that the way this guy (and others) treated her when she was younger had a traumatic, lasting effect on her?

I see people saying things like "that's a long time to hold a grudge" or "just get over it". I am sure it would be better for her if she could have just gotten over it - but some injuries just don't go away like that for some people.

Does that mean "once a bully, always a bully"? No. It doesn't mean that someone should be held responsible for their actions at 12 for the rest of their life. But that in turn doesn't mean that those actions won't have a lasting effect on someone.

A friend of mine was bullied about her weight and appearance for years around this age. Not by everyone. She had friends who treated normally. But she also had tormentors. Years later, in college, she killed herself. I have no doubt that the torment she was put through years previously was a major contributing factor to that decision. I am not saying she killed herself because she was bullied in school. I am saying that the bullying caused a lasting mental injury that made it difficult or impossible for her to deal with other things later in life.

To me, the point of this story isn't "yay, she got revenge" or "she showed him" or "way to hold a grudge" or "what a passive-aggressive person". It is about how serious and damaging bullying is.

(To the OP: I am not really responding to your posting as much as to others on the thread. There are just so many responders complaining about her behavior I didn't know where to place this)

[tenderfoot]

189. Excellent post

And the people condemning her were and probably still are bullies.

[Iggo]

192. He got off easy.

[LWolf]

193. Good lord.

Only at DU.

Where some bullies, and some kinds of bullying, are attacked while others are supported...

Where people get angry about the idea that "she asked for it," but are not supportive of a woman who stands up to a bully and calls him on his behavior.

Too many years ago? Is there someone here who thinks teenage bullying is not remembered, does not follow the victim, and has no effect further down the line?

We want our young people to be able to stand up to bullies in the moment; the reality is that they don't often have the skill set or support to do so. If they figure it out somewhere down the line, that's a good thing. Calling a bully on his behavior is not bullying. It's what should happen each and every time.

I'm glad to see that this young man has grown enough to offer a sincere apology when confronted with his own behavior. I hope, if he has children of his own, he'll teach them to treat people well from the very beginning.

[Shankapotomus]

194. I think his "crime" is not that he bullied her at 12

but more that, when older and supposedly more mature, he had forgotten who he had bullied and then asked her out. That's the real insult.

I think if he had opened with "hey, I know I was jerk when we were younger but I've changed..." she might have been more forgiving. Maybe she still would have said "No" to the date but perhaps she wouldn't have set him up.

[DesertDiamond]

208. She was beautiful then! And still is now, obviously!

[Catherine Vincent]

210. Awesome!

I did like his classy apology. I think others would have been a d*ck about it.

[OldRedneck]

216. Mixed feelings.

My first response was "You go, girl!! About time he got what was coming to him!!"

Then I thought, what if the guy felt bad about what he did as a 12-yr-old? What if his 12-yr-old antics put him into therapy? What if he is contacting people to whom he was "mean" and apologizing to them?

I guess we'll never know.

[Iggo]

224. Read the article.

[shanti]

219. yes, it's trite

but revenge is a dish best served cold!

[Xipe Totec]

222. Actually, this revenge was served hot and sexy.

[MineralMan]

226. This reminded me of something from my own life.

One of my friends in high school was a girl who got a lot of bullying. She was very nice, and quite pretty, but her mother was a very strict person with a strong religious belief. She dressed her daughter, even in high school, in out-of-style clothing that looked just like women's clothing from the 1940s. We were in school in the early 1960s. She also did her daughter's hair in a style from that period. As a result, this very nice girl was subjected to nearly constant ridicule from a small number of fellow students.

I knew her because she had a beautiful alto voice and was part of a number of musical groups I also sang in. She was not allowed to date or do any after school hours activities, but we were friends. With high school graduation, everyone went their own way, and she went off to some Bible college, so I didn't see her any more.

I returned for my class's 15th reunion (the only one I attended until my 50th). Sitting at a table there with my wife and sister and her husband, we were approached by a beautiful, stylish woman. After a second, I recognized her as my friend and greeted her. She joined us at the table. In the 15 years since I had last seen her, she had shed her out-dated styles and hair and had become the person she wanted to be. The change was drastic and dramatic. I mentioned it to her and she explained that once she left her home town she had transformed herself, switched colleges, and was now working at an advertising agency.

What she said next was fascinating. She told me that I was one of the very few people she remembered in a positive way from those high school days. Then she mentioned that she had been hit on several times at the reunion by now-divorced guys who had been among those who teased and ridiculed her. They didn't recognize her, and just saw an attractive woman attending the reunion alone. She told me that each of those people approached her now and tried to flirt with her. She said that she just told them her name and told them, "No, thanks. You didn't see me in high school, except as someone to ridicule. Now, you find me attractive. I am the same person I was then. No, thanks."

I was not surprised. Anyhow, we had a nice chat, remembered some times singing in the same group, and stuff like that. She wasn't at our 50th reunion, and I found out that she had died a couple of years before. What a shame that she had to go through that, but what a good thing that she had found a way to become who she wanted to be once she left her home town.

[Xipe Totec]

227. Awesome post! You hit it out of the park as usual. nt

[MineralMan]

234. It's a strong memory for me.

I remember how bad I felt for her, and how glad I was that she found her own path.

[Augustus]

235. This is nothing to cheer. In fact it is incredibly obnoxious

At 22 years of age, this woman has clearly not yet matured enough to learn how to properly forgive and forget the past indiscretions of people from her childhood. Her actions here are incredibly obnoxious and immature, and there are no excuses for them. She was bullied as a child by another child.

Say what you will about the very real emotional scars left by childhood bullying. The proper healing process for those scars is not to become the bully as an adult in an incredibly misguided attempt at "revenge". In fact, this is the worst kind of thing for her to do, as it only reinforces her insecurities which have clearly not abated after all these years, and is counter productive to the healing process from the abuse she faced from this man when he, himself, was a child.

What she should have done is to politely remind this man, upon his asking her out, that she remembers the abuse he inflicted on her as a child and that it would probably be inappropriate for her to accept his request, and to give him the chance to make a sincere apology for his past behavior. That is the adult thing to do.

What she did here was childish, hurtful, and wrong.

[Xipe Totec]

236. Cry me a river. nt

[Augustus]

237. You think it acceptable for a 22 year old to act this way?

When she was bullied, her bully was 12 years old. She is currently 22 years old. There are no excuses.

[Xipe Totec]

246. How old are you to think your opinion is so damned important?

Talk about childish? Look in the mirror.

[840high]

240. Yes.

[bettyellen]

243. So being a bit immature but telling it like it is, is worse than being cruel for years?

Not in reality, not by a longshot. No one else- including you- should be telling anyone they do not have a right to express their feelings when the chance arises if they need to. Nope.

[Augustus]

247. I said nothing of the sort

Reread my post. I said she absolutely should have expressed her feelings. Accepting his offer and then standing him up? That was a childish reaction. You're forgetting that the bully in this story was also a child at the time. Apparently, he grew up.

[Puglover]

245. As someone said. Only at DU.

Looks to me like a good ending. She said what she wanted to say. Did what she wanted to do and is moving on. And the gentleman seems to have grown up into a reasonably okay person. He apologized, explained that he has matured and regrets his past behavior.

But it just seems so necessary for some here to declare one or the other a monster and then dig in and write post after post after post after post after post about it.

Thank God in my 60 years on this earth I have learned that people can and do change. Sadly some don't.

BTW I was bullied in Jr. High and High School. It wasn't fun. Unfortunately the old saying is somewhat true. "Childhood and adolescence is something you survive and spend the rest of your life recovering from."

[wellst0nev0ter]

253. Looking At The Number of DUers

Actually defending the bully, I have to say this site has really changed over the years. If it changed for the better is of course up to discussion...