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Christian Couples File For Divorce En-Masse To Defy Gay Marriage Ruling (satire)
http://unitedmediapublishing.com/christians-couples-file-for-divorce-en-masse-to-defy-gay-marriage-ruling/Thousands of Christian couples, some who have been married for decades, have vowed to file for divorce in the wake of the Supreme Court ruling which has legalized gay marriage nationwide.
Adam Cyrus is the founder of Christ in Family Services which provides bible-based counseling to married Christian couples throughout Topeka Kansas. Cyrus says he supports the wave of high-principled duos seeking divorce as an act of protest. “We are symbolically divorcing a government which no longer honors our culture and values. We have no desire to benefit from a system which characterizes us as the enemy and enables and rewards sin under the guise of holy matrimony. If they wish to reward and empower those who desire to make a mockery of our faith, and misrepresent our religion, then we intend to remove ourselves altogether from this bureaucracy so that we may practice our faith in accordance to our beliefs.”
Mary Lambert and her husband Jay were among the first to arrive at the courthouse in Topeka Kansas to file for divorce. Despite having been married for over 14 years, they chose to call it quits to avoid affiliation with a government that no longer respects their values. “I love my husband very much, but above all, I love my god, Jesus Christ. This is why we are moving forward in defiance of the Supreme Court ruling. If our government chooses to celebrate sin and spit on one of the most righteous ceremonies within our faith, then they are on their own. Marriage is about so much more than love. A family cannot grow together if they have no relationship with Christ. Anything else is just a sad parody. It’s unfortunate that even our president has made the choice to stoop so low and pander to Satan’s agenda.”
As hundreds of homosexual couples applied for marriage licenses on Monday morning, dozens of Christian couples simultaneously filed for divorce. Susan Hines, an employee at Calvin and Hayes Family Court in San Diego California commented on her observations since the ruling. “We have seen a noticeable uptick in couples calling in requesting information on the divorce process. Many of these couples have been married for decades and they seem to want to figuratively dissolve their union since the ruling because they disapprove of gay marriage. They don’t seem to care about the consequences and we’re legally obliged to fulfill their requests.”
Adam Cyrus is the founder of Christ in Family Services which provides bible-based counseling to married Christian couples throughout Topeka Kansas. Cyrus says he supports the wave of high-principled duos seeking divorce as an act of protest. “We are symbolically divorcing a government which no longer honors our culture and values. We have no desire to benefit from a system which characterizes us as the enemy and enables and rewards sin under the guise of holy matrimony. If they wish to reward and empower those who desire to make a mockery of our faith, and misrepresent our religion, then we intend to remove ourselves altogether from this bureaucracy so that we may practice our faith in accordance to our beliefs.”
Mary Lambert and her husband Jay were among the first to arrive at the courthouse in Topeka Kansas to file for divorce. Despite having been married for over 14 years, they chose to call it quits to avoid affiliation with a government that no longer respects their values. “I love my husband very much, but above all, I love my god, Jesus Christ. This is why we are moving forward in defiance of the Supreme Court ruling. If our government chooses to celebrate sin and spit on one of the most righteous ceremonies within our faith, then they are on their own. Marriage is about so much more than love. A family cannot grow together if they have no relationship with Christ. Anything else is just a sad parody. It’s unfortunate that even our president has made the choice to stoop so low and pander to Satan’s agenda.”
As hundreds of homosexual couples applied for marriage licenses on Monday morning, dozens of Christian couples simultaneously filed for divorce. Susan Hines, an employee at Calvin and Hayes Family Court in San Diego California commented on her observations since the ruling. “We have seen a noticeable uptick in couples calling in requesting information on the divorce process. Many of these couples have been married for decades and they seem to want to figuratively dissolve their union since the ruling because they disapprove of gay marriage. They don’t seem to care about the consequences and we’re legally obliged to fulfill their requests.”
Topeka? So will the members of Westboro Baptist be divorcing?
edit: Appears to be satire. Poe's Law strikes again.
34 replies
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= new reply since forum marked as read
Surely it won't be long. At least there will be something new on the evening news.
(BTW, I took OP as satire.)
You will have to supply the long sticks.
Fun for all the kiddies, though. A family outing. We'll need balloons, too.
Mein herr, balloon?
Their Divorces? WHAT ABOUT THE CHILDREN????
Honestly, if I didn't scroll down a little here on DU, I would have accepted that some church someplace was pulling this stunt.
Excellent find! 
I bet that statement would surprise all those (in no particular order) Atheist, Agnostic, Jewish, Hindu, Buddhist, Jain, Humanist, Shinto, Wiccan, Neopagan, Pantheistic families. (Apologies if I left out anyone.)
But it was good enough to get me, so it's earned its place here.
