General Discussion
Related: Editorials & Other Articles, Issue Forums, Alliance Forums, Region ForumsWas informed today that my mom has stomach cancer.
I am not with her because she lives in Texas with the majority of our blood family and I live in Kentucky. I am thankful that my older sisters are there to keep her company and see her to her doctor visits. It was said that surgery is definite and they will remove the entire stomach. We are also waiting on results to determine if there has been any spread. She is old and has lost weight so she is already in a high risk category. I do not know what to expect. What I should prepare myself for. Beside my wife and close relatives I do not have anyone to share this with. I decided to share this here because I know DU is a caring bunch of people.
How ever you may please think about her, her name is Gloria.
ScreamingMeemie
(68,918 posts)as will you... I will hope with all my heart that they caught it early.
peacebird
(14,195 posts)He was out of the hospital after a week, but is back in for fluid in chest cavity now. I am sorry to hear about your mom. My FIL is doing better than expected so far, but the situation is fluid.... How old is Gloria?
we will add Gloria to our chain of positive thoughts!
Puzzledtraveller
(5,937 posts)peacebird
(14,195 posts)We were lucky enough to be able to travel from Virginia to Washington state to be here for surgery and first three weeks of recovery. For that we are grateful!
It is hard to live so far away from the parents as we age......
Major Nikon
(36,818 posts)Go to see her as often as you can. Call often and talk about things that will lift her spirits.
CaliforniaPeggy
(149,516 posts)I hope for the best possible outcome.
And also that she may be pain-free and comfortable, no matter what.
Liberal_in_LA
(44,397 posts)malaise
(268,664 posts)Speak with her as often as you can and try and go and see her.
This is very serious.
Waldorf
(654 posts)Cancer sucks but I'm still giving it the middle finger.
Be strong Gloria!
Just helping out.
Mnemosyne
(21,363 posts)Welcome to DU!
niyad
(113,029 posts)many years to come!
stage left
(2,960 posts)And the strength to go on fighting.
ms liberty
(8,549 posts)And to you and your family!
Solly Mack
(90,758 posts)You'll both be in my thoughts.
dorkzilla
(5,141 posts)My mom had stage 4 Non-hodgkins lymphoma and beat it, even though initially theyd given her several months to live. Over 6 years now since her diagnosis and she scans cancer free for the past 5 years. One of my dearest friends was diagnosed with liver cancer 20 years ago...were going to dinner this weekend.
Good outcomes can and do happen.
flamingdem
(39,308 posts)My mom is doing really well after surviving the same cancer same stage. Years have gone by and I feel so lucky for the extra time that she didn't expect!
dorkzilla
(5,141 posts)I was recently diagnosed with MS and I get a weekly newsletter with all the clinical trials etc; it's amazing what medical science is able to do today that was impossible just a few years ago.
So glad our moms are still around and hopefully Gloria will be too!
Person 2713
(3,263 posts)if you can't be there. Good thoughts to you your family and of course Gloria
Puzzledtraveller
(5,937 posts)We are going to go down my wife and 17 month old daughter. I am not sure how. My daughter doesn't do well in the care for any length of time and I think a flight would be impossible with her. But we have to bring her with us. I'm her only son to have a child and her and I were both worried it would never happen but it did and thankfully while my mom is still with us.
Person 2713
(3,263 posts)safe trip
TBF
(32,000 posts)I used to give my son benadryl (normal dose) when we would fly when he was young. He'd be out like a light and stewardesses would just smile as they passed. The nice thing about bus or train is that it frees up you and wife to deal with child if she is awake. Will keep you all in my thoughts.
Puzzledtraveller
(5,937 posts)I think we will drive and just stay a long the way as needed. I believe we can make it with two overnight stays that would break the trip up into manageable segments for her.We will be coming from Louisville to San Antonio. Thank you again for your concern and kind words.
LNM
(1,077 posts)My daughter and son-in-law drove their 1 year old from the Twin Cities to Rapid City, SD. I think it's about 10 hours. On the way out they left at about 4 am and took several stops along the way. On the way back they left about 11pm and drove all night. Baby was fine both ways.
Best wishes for healing for your mom. I think an a poster above was right that she'd want to see the little one.
Puzzledtraveller
(5,937 posts)I know she wants to see all of us but I know seeing her granddaughter will really lift her spirits. She only got to see her when she was born when she came up from Texas. That was April last year. Thank you for the kind words and advice.
shenmue
(38,506 posts)vankuria
(904 posts)but please try and stay positive, especially when you are around your mom. I'm glad your mom has the immediate support of your sisters, to keep her company and see to her medical needs. You should also make it a point to be in close touch with your mom, family and her Dr.'s. I wish I could help more, but it's tough when our parents get old and start dealing with all kinds of health issues. Please stay strong, prayers and healing thoughts for you and your sweet mom Gloria.
Puzzledtraveller
(5,937 posts)PMR808
(2 posts)positive vibes are coming your way. Take one day at a time, cancer treatment is very tiring and exhausting, and most cancer centers/hospitals have support groups for family members and children whose family members are living with cancer. Stay positive and have her watch something that makes her laugh. Be there for her, it is going to be a journey, get as much information about her treatment plan and talk to doctors/nurses if you can, it makes the whole thing a tad bit less threatening
riderinthestorm
(23,272 posts)Vibes for peace and wisdom during these hard times for you and your sisters...
Stay strong. There's so much they can do these days.
Demeter
(85,373 posts)We are here for you, truly.
Siwsan
(26,241 posts)And deep empathy. I have had to deal with cancer, in my family, more than I care to remember. I hope you will keep us posted and maybe joint the DU Cancer Support group. I joined it when my sister was diagnosed with cancer, for the 3rd time. People were a great help, both with advice and also with with words of comfort.
I will keep Gloria in my highest thoughts and wish her and your family all of the strength that they will need.
livetohike
(22,118 posts)strength, comfort and peace as you all face this health challenge .
yardwork
(61,533 posts)840high
(17,196 posts)SoapBox
(18,791 posts)Stay strong...I know it's hard but everyone needs everyone in these situations.
I miss my Mom terribly...please give yours all the support you can.
Puzzledtraveller
(5,937 posts)to see your reply's and well wishes, the advice.
madokie
(51,076 posts)madokie healing thoughts headed her, you and your families way.
babylonsister
(171,029 posts)Tab
(11,093 posts)visit us over in the Cancer forum.
I'll be thinking and wishing the best for your mother and you as well.
irisblue
(32,916 posts)positive energy for your mother & her caregivers
roguevalley
(40,656 posts)hard way with my dad's three cancers. Your mama is in my prayers. So are you. just wait as best you can for the results. Keep your spirits up. If you can go, make a trip. HOWEVER. If things prevent you from going, finances and the like, DON'T BLAME YOURSELF no matter what happens. Sometimes life sucks that much. Call her a lot. Send her little things in the mail that she likes. Keep up communication among the siblings. Until you have data, its all a waiting game. I will pray for your mama, Gloria, and send her and you all healing thoughts.
Puzzledtraveller
(5,937 posts)your words really helped.
Warpy
(111,124 posts)but if she's over 85, have her ask about palliative care. That means keeping her comfortable without heroics to extend her life. It can include things like radiation to shrink the tumor but generally doesn't include high risk surgery.
She might want everything done, in which case you can expect her to have a long convalescence, probably in a skilled nursing facility where they will work to get her nutrition set up and her activity increased.
Having our parents get old and ill is tough to deal with, especially at a distance. Been there, done that, and I was an only so it was all on me.
Puzzledtraveller
(5,937 posts)She is 78, and the major concern voiced by the doctor is her weight and then the weight loss that will come with the surgery. She is able to take care of herself at this point as far as moving around unassisted, drive short distances if need be and is active to the point she still mows her own lawn. Thank you for sharing a little of your experience. I can't imagine going through this alone.
Warpy
(111,124 posts)especially since she's otherwise healthy and very active. They might bring her in a few days early for IV nutrition to try to build her up a bit. She might also need transfusions to improve her chances. This is if the cancer isn't terribly aggressive.
brer cat
(24,514 posts)for Gloria as well as for you and your family. I think the best preparation is to be ready to accept what your mother decides because ultimately this is about her life and how she chooses to live it now. She may be mentally and physically strong enough to aggressively fight this horrible disease, or she may choose the quality of life that pain management can bring. Both are legitimate alternatives that she is best able to select.
Call often, visit if you possibly can, and be sure to hug and thank your sisters.
cherokeeprogressive
(24,853 posts)DrBulldog
(841 posts)The years of heavily drinking it slowly created acidosis and corroded my stomach lining to the point of feeling pain.
If I had continued, the condition would have become pre-cancerous. This is how many stomach cancers begin: from the diet.
I stopped in time. Today the only beverage I drink is tea, take melatonin daily, and my stomach is completely healthy.
Half-Century Man
(5,279 posts)I was devastated financially.
Protect whatever assets she has, get it into trust funds and such ASAP.
A very common side issue in cancer patients is depression. Make sure she get visitors. If she has a circle of friends, reach out to them and encourage visitations. If/when she gets outings, gather family and do something.
She will be facing a lot of changes in her eating habits. Find her recipes to put variety into what will be a blander diet.
Cancer is the biggest scariest medical monster out there, but it is beaten all the time. She has to believe she can beat it. She has to be able to "play through the pain".
I'm not going to bullshit you, this will be a fight.
Hope and strength to Gloria.
bkkyosemite
(5,792 posts)your mother Gloria and for you.
Dustlawyer
(10,494 posts)but I have a huge respect for the ones at MD Anderson. There isn't a better place to be in the country if you have cancer! There are a lot of things wrong with my state as everyone knows, but top notch hospitals are usually not one of them.
MADem
(135,425 posts)Reach out, communicate, stay close.
I hope she comes through OK. I had a relative that had a large portion of the stomach removed (this was eons ago, in the dark ages of medicine) and she lived for another forty years. Don't give up hope.
spanone
(135,781 posts)MsMAC
(91 posts)are able to see her.
mia
(8,358 posts)I know that it's a hard time for you, Puzzledtraveler. Best wishes to you and your family.
renate
(13,776 posts)What a shock that must have been.
She will be in my thoughts--and my prayers, if you want them --and so will you, because this is hard on you too.
Best wishes to you all.
Puzzledtraveller
(5,937 posts)I do pray and my faith does provide comfort and my family gladly accepts yours.
niyad
(113,029 posts)please continue to let us know how she, and you, are doing.
tavernier
(12,368 posts)to all the kindness I received from DU when my dad was ill last year and passed days before Christmas.
First of all, my wishes go out to you and your mother for the very best to come to you both!! I picture a Merry-go-round and you are both riding it, all smiles and laughter. I don't know why I see this, but you must have a very strong circle of love.
💖💖💖
Puzzledtraveller
(5,937 posts)stage left
(2,960 posts)And to you.
Omaha Steve
(99,488 posts)My mom was in and out of the hospital her last two years. I got a lot of support.
They didn't figure out her cancer until her last two weeks. That was all the time she had in hospice.
I wish your mom Gloria the best care and lot of chimney sweep luck with a little that rubs off on you.
OS
retrowire
(10,345 posts)passiveporcupine
(8,175 posts)When you are that old, surgery can be totally debilitating. Even if she survives the cancer with surgery, it may just take too much out of her. It may depend a lot on how mobile, fit and active she was up to now.
I know that being at a distance is tough too.
Glimmer of Hope
(5,823 posts)I am currently fighting cancer myself and think one of the most important things is to find a medical team that is confident and caring. My team of doctors and nurses have made the process more manageable and stress free than I ever thought it would be. I hope your mother's treatment goes smoothly!
niyad
(113,029 posts)Glimmer of Hope
(5,823 posts)Samantha
(9,314 posts)If I were you, I would focus on the fact that you have had a mom in your life for so many years. You are very lucky in that regard. Try to keep a positive mindset. I don't know if you jog, if not, perhaps you can take long walks to keep your spirits up. Some days are going to be harder than others, so be prepared for that. I think those that suggested you join DU's cancer support group gave you great advice. This website has a wonderful way of picking people up when things are so hard.
Good luck to you, and I hope you keep us posted.
Sam
lpbk2713
(42,736 posts)Please remember your fellow DUers are with you on this.
WillowTree
(5,325 posts)They call it a "silent cancer" because often it's in fairly advanced stages before there are symptoms that would cause medics to go looking for it. Also, it usually doesn't start in the stomach, but has traveled there from somewhere else. They traced my Mother's back to her liver as the original source.
All of that said, there is so much that they can do for the various cancers now. I would be surprised if there weren't numerous new treatments for this cancer that weren't out there for us when we went through it. One good thing is that MD Anderson is one of the leaders in cancer treatment and, even if your Mother can't get there, hopefully she can get hooked up with an oncologist connected to them.
Will be praying for your family. Meanwhile, be sure that you and your sisters take good care of yourselves, too, so you can do the things that need to be done for her and everyone around her.
Puzzledtraveller
(5,937 posts)workinclasszero
(28,270 posts)I hope and pray she can recover.
mahina
(17,612 posts)Medicine has come a long way lately. Hoping she is comfortable.
etherealtruth
(22,165 posts)This is very, very hard and i am sorry. I also am hopeful
madamvlb
(495 posts)magical thyme
(14,881 posts)glinda
(14,807 posts)bullwinkle428
(20,628 posts)for the most part over the years, but with each passing year, I become more and more aware of her own mortality.
hedgehog
(36,286 posts)are going through this with such distance between you.
TygrBright
(20,753 posts)bearssoapbox
(1,408 posts)Don't forget to take care of yourself too.
Xyzse
(8,217 posts)Prayers/Positive vibes are sent.
trusty elf
(7,380 posts)wendylaroux
(2,925 posts)I wish you and your wonderful Mother,love,peace, and all the best!
LongTomH
(8,636 posts)femmocrat
(28,394 posts)No Vested Interest
(5,163 posts)You've received a lot of good thoughts and advice here already.
There is a Prayer Circle on DU, if you wish that help.
May you have a safe and easy trip to be with your Mom, Gloria, and your sisters.
They will welcome your support, as you welcome theirs.
Be not afraid.
Peace.
joanbarnes
(1,721 posts)PasadenaTrudy
(3,998 posts)to a message board that really helped me when my sister had pancreatic cancer. I'm posting the stomach cancer link:
http://www.cancercompass.com/message-board/cancers/stomach-cancer/1,0,119,9.htm
I'll be thinking of your mom
a kennedy
(29,606 posts)Puzzledtraveller
(5,937 posts)this is all very helpful.
Oldtimeralso
(1,935 posts)and you stay strong as I know your mom wants especially for that little one. Remember, she is our future.
JDPriestly
(57,936 posts)clamshells
(57 posts)had most of her stomach removed due to cancer and lived quite a few years after that, traveling around the country in an rv. She was always thin and frail looking, her whole life, so I would not assume that we old ladies are not tough birds.
LoisB
(7,173 posts)ProfessorGAC
(64,827 posts)My MiL had that too. They removed part of the stomach. She lived another few years, but she had many GI issues over the years and she just kind of broke down after the surgery. Per the doctors, the surgery was a complete success and she did get a few years she wouldn't otherwise have had.
secondwind
(16,903 posts)keep her pain-free, and that if she has to go, that He takes her softly and gently. We are dealing with a similar situation, an inoperable malignant brain tumor -- my wonderful, always positive, always smiling sister-in-law.. I know what you are going through
Puzzledtraveller
(5,937 posts)Your prayers are very welcome and I pray for peace in your family too.
Puzzledtraveller
(5,937 posts)I really value the well wishes, thoughts, prayers and advice. I read every one of them. I woke today hoping yesterday didn't happen. This really helped.
DFW
(54,268 posts)Both my parents and ALL their siblings had cancer. So with me, it's probably not a question of "if," but "when."
I have great sympathy and solidarity with everyone who has to go through this, or has a family member or friend who does.
joeybee12
(56,177 posts)and it doesn't spread.
Eleanors38
(18,318 posts)penndragon69
(788 posts)luckily, they caught it early and i only had to endure 6 rounds of CHEMO.
However, later recurring incidents of gastric bleeding led to several more
surgeries. I got lucky and the surgeons were able to repair my stomach
so that no gastric bypass was needed.
It was rough as hell for me and my heart goes out for your mother and
what she must now go through. Keep your faith and she can pull through
this difficult time !
Puzzledtraveller
(5,937 posts)I don't know what we will be doing and I know every ones experience is different but it helps to hear others stories.
rhett o rick
(55,981 posts)Dont call me Shirley
(10,998 posts)ohheckyeah
(9,314 posts)are with your mother, you and your family.
Spend as much time with her as you can - it will help both of you.
kairos12
(12,841 posts)sarisataka
(18,472 posts)To you and yours.
ancianita
(35,926 posts)Remember the best things, talk about them, cry together and hug even more.
Hoping you have some comforts in this hard time.
Jack Rabbit
(45,984 posts)Response to Puzzledtraveller (Original post)
Name removed Message auto-removed
Puzzledtraveller
(5,937 posts)My sister who is closely monitoring our mothers condition had heard of this organization and recommended I take a look. Thank You very much.
DFW
(54,268 posts)Best wishes to you (and for a better outcome).