Is grown women calling their fathers "Daddy" a sign of unconscious submission to patriarchy?

[Shankapotomus]

I've heard grown women talk like this before when referencing their fathers to non-family members, most recently on DU.

I'm a guy and I know it's none of my business but I always feel bad for the women I hear talk like that as if they aren't even joking but they say it as if it's just a fact.

Does not such language seem to implicitly accept the narrative that oneself is a child?

EDIT: As obviously, parents might have a selfish interest in seeing their offspring as children for as long as they can, I'd like to hear feedback from childless DUers.

[leftofcool]

1. Nope. I called my dad "Daddy" until the day he died.

Still refer to him that way now when talking about him with my sisters.

[msrizzo]

67. Me too...

...called him Daddy some of the time but mostly I called him papi or papito.

[840high]

138. me 3

[Mojorabbit]

157. Me 4

I called mine daddy, pop, and when joking, Father.

[Shankapotomus]

177. Wow

So you called him "daddy" in all seriousness and "father" as a joke? I would have thought it would be the other way around?

[Mojorabbit]

197. He had a wry sense of humor. If I said, "Father, I have a bone to pick with you"

it would crack him up. I miss him every day. He raised all us girls to be independent women with careers so we never would be dependent on a man. Both my parents stressed this repeatedly and they scrimped to put all 5 of their kids thru college(4 girls and a boy). He taught me how to work on my own car and to do basic plumbing. He raised five feminists. I called him daddy on the day he died and will always think of him that way and I will be 60 soon. I am a bit sad for you that you have this outlook on the word and I think that outlook is a bit warped but differences make the world go round.

[Shankapotomus]

199. Your Dad sounds like a great person

I should have made clear from the opening post there are, of course, many exceptions. Of course, I wasn't accusing even the non-exceptions of being in any way lesser people.

[jberryhill]

71. ...and then I turned the gun on Mommy

[sufrommich]

73. .........

[leftofcool]

152. LMAO

[TheBlackAdder]

116. What is really freakish: Spouses calling each other 'daddy' and 'mommy.' nt

.





.

[FreakinDJ]

155. Not really she earned the title

Even though biologically they were not hers

[LiberalArkie]

203. My parents called each other Mother and Father. When they did us kids ran

because something was about to happen otherwise it was Louise and Johnny. My mom saying Father was usually prefaced with give me your belt.

Now if Rosa our maid was there it was JEFFREY go get me a good switch. I knew it was going to be hard to sit for supper.

[peacebird]

179. I called mine daddy until he died. Except I called him grandaddy when my son was around.

[etherealtruth]

2. The only adult people I can recall doing that were men, from the south, referring to their "daddy"

It may be a regional appellation . I have no doubt that women use it as well.

i hear mother's referred to as "mama"/ "momma" as often.

[Shankapotomus]

9. I can understand "Dad"

But "Daddy" sounds like a little too much deference, imo.

I don't doubt that both genders can do it. I wonder if it is a sign of the level of control a male parent has on their child.

Older white men in the south, statistically, do tend to be conservatives and their sons seem to follow too obediently in that tradition.

[etherealtruth]

12. .. and Mama?

I know the minute my kids want or need something .. I am "mama" (the youngest of which is 19)

Both terms are likely familial/ cultural traditions (as are all the appellations given to parents)

my ex-husband has always referred to his parents as mummy and daddy .... he is not American by birth and the terms appear to imply affection

[sibelian]

21. Yeeeeah, I know what you mean

Friend of mine's brother married into a rich family and she (new wife) calls her parents Mummy and Daddy, which is self-diminutive to my ears, but it's a thing about rich people in the UK. They seem to hang on to the term. Might be other reasons behind it.

Also, I think we must be careful with cause and effect here, respect shown does not necessarily indicate control surrendered.

But, I don't know about the South.

It's not like that in Scotland. My dad calls me "prodigal son" when he's peeved with me, I call him "dear father" sarcastically. lol

[Shankapotomus]

172. I agree with you

I missed this post earlier.

I should have differentiated between those who still use "mommy" and "daddy" but with an implied wink, sort of like a sentimental but affectionate "running joke" and those adults who are deadly serious.

[sibelian]

178. It's awkward.

Cultural context is important. F'rexample, I would probably have thought something along the lines you did if I heard any grown adult use "Daddy" but if it IS ubiquitous in the South, well, I don't know if I can really assume it has the same meaning as everywhere else. For such folks, it might be "Daddy=Dad" with nothing else attached.

So if it was deadly serious... it might really just be as normal a signifier as "Dad" is to you and me. We need a Southerner to set us straight, basically. Seems there are few downthread who consider themselves well developed adults that are happy with Daddy. It sounds riduclulous to me, but there are plenty of people who would howl with laughter at the way me and BF talk to each other, we have cats and make cat noises at each other, were ridiculous.

All close relationships end up with a private language of some kind. It's very difficult to take the elements out of that and make judgements of them according to public standards or globally understood status percpetions because half the reason we have the private language is to dispense with public standards or globally understood status perceptions.

Words are crap, aren't they, Shank? You'd think we'd have got telepathy by now.

[Aerows]

188. I'm pretty sure that if you

attempt (poorly, I might add) to construct a narrative around how nefarious it is with regard to how kids refer to their parents ...

You have bigger issues than the people that lovingly have appellations for their parents.

I'm not upset in the slightest to say I call my father Daddy. Why should I be?

I'm way more weirded out by someone that attempts to make familial bonds sinister.

[TexasMommaWithAHat]

83. There's a difference between deference and affection

Last edited Sat Nov 21, 2015, 12:24 PM - Edit history (1)

Children who grew up calling their fathers "daddy," will often continue to call him that if they have a
good relationship.

And not to shock you too much, but I know men who grew up in a very macho culture south of the border who still call their mother "mommy," although they don't refer to her as "mommy" when speaking of her!

[TM99]

84. My father was southern and black.

I called him 'daddy' or 'pops' until the day he died. So did my sisters.

I really think you are projecting way too much into it.

[narnian60]

89. Yes, indeed.

[Lizzie Poppet]

114. Same here, with my northern, white dad.

I use both words, too: "daddy" and "pop(s)." If you asked him if the former was due to some sort of deference, patriarchal or otherwise, he might just have a stroke over his outburst of laughter. I've been "correcting" him (even when he's right and I'm wrong, which is a lot) since I was about 10. One of his more common terms of affection (he claims...) is "my insufferable daughter." We have a genuinely great relationship...real friends and not just father/daughter.

[RobinA]

183. I'm From PA

57 years old and I call my father Daddy because that's what I've always called him. Pretty simple, really. No great ulterior motive.

[Marrah_G]

76. I still call my dad "daddy"

My adult son affectionate calls me "mumzy"

[etherealtruth]

78. Feeling love for one's parents (and expressing it) is a good thing

Not sure where the OPs offence comes from

[Aerows]

142. It's definitely a Southern thing

My sister and I both call him Daddy, and my mother is either "Mother" or "mama".

What should I call him if I don't call him that? I'm not going to disrespect them by calling them by their first names. That's just not something you do in this part of the country.

[etherealtruth]

143. Yeah .. we don't call our parents by their given names in the north, either

I have no idea what prompted this, but hope the OP has figured out that most people don't care what others call their parents

[Aerows]

144. I figured as much

and I was mostly speaking for myself, but I'm pretty sure everywhere in the US it is disrespectful as hell to call your parents by their first name. It's just respectful to honor their part in helping you become the person you are.

[RobinA]

184. No It's Not

I've known people who called their parents by their first names. It's just what they did. No disrespect intended. I'm from the north.

[Aerows]

186. Far be it from an outsider

to dictate how family members speak to one another.

Which is what this thread was proposing, and scorning those who refer to their family members in ways that somebody, somewhere, found inappropriate.

My family would find it disrespectful. I'm from the South. If I did so, I'd expect a group of little old ladies would usher me into the ladies room and wash my mouth out with soap.

Just not a thing you do. You are not disrespectful of your elders or your family members.

[whathehell]

196. Seriously?

I'm from the north as well, and the only times I've ever heard children, grown or not, call their parents by their

first names is when they were VERY pissed off at them and/or estranged.

[OriginalGeek]

217. When my step-sons are talking to me

they call me by my first name but that's what I've told them to do all their lives (well, that I've known them - since they were 6 and 11).

I take it as a matter of great pride that when they introduce me to other people, though, they call me Dad.

My daughter calls me daddy when she's talking to the dog about me (Oh you wanna go out? Maybe Daddy will take you out). (He won't.) Otherwise it's just dad.

I know women who say dad and women who say daddy but it never occurred to me even once that I should be concerned about either one.


I figured if they used anything nicer than what I call my stepfather then they probably are doing just fine without my concern.

[CTyankee]

154. My dad was daddy and my mom was mother till they both died...

[Aerows]

162. My father has always been "Daddy"

My mother is "Mother" or "Mama".

I do not feel as though I am a failed human being, or that my sister is a failed human being because we refer to them as such.

Honestly, if someone in real life decided to make mention of it, I'd tell them to mind their own business.

I can't even fathom how someone can take exception to the appellations one uses to refer to their family members.

This is about a -1 on the "things you should give a shit about" scale.

[bigwillq]

3. No (nt)

[hobbit709]

4. And what is it a sign of if grown men call their mothers "Mama"?

[Major Nikon]

210. For David Vitter it means his diaper is about to be changed

And the woman is getting paid.

[sufrommich]

5. My son is 41 years old,he calls my parents

Nana and Papa.

[Shankapotomus]

168. But isn't there an implied wink

when he calls them that?

The cases I'm talking about there was no sense of an implied wink. They were deadly serious.

[sufrommich]

169. No, there is no implied wink,why would there be? nt

[Shankapotomus]

171. Okay so if the word "father" on all kinds of forms and speech

as in, "Relation to the child: Father" or "Father of the bride"….was switched to "Daddy" that wouldn't sound oddly infantile to you?

[sufrommich]

173. You don't see "Mom" or "Dad on forms either. There's a difference between

formal and informal. What seems infantile is chiding people for what they call family members.

[RobinA]

185. Daddy

Is familiar. Father is just the relationship.

[enough]

6. No.

Is there an approved list of words to call your father that do not indicate unconscious submission to patriarchy?

[jberryhill]

69. "23 Chromosome Provider"

[treestar]

92. lol

[mythology]

150. I refer to mine as

Dickhead or sperm donor, or my mom's ex husband.

Pretty sure there's no deference to a guy I haven't spoken to in more than 16 years.

[JustAnotherGen]

7. Nope

My father - a black man from the South referred to his father as "Daddy" until the day he died.

My Daddy was a good man as was my Grand Daddy - and so was my moms dad who she still refers to as Pop and I refer to as Grampy.

This issue is a non starter compared to women not demanding a Paycheck Fairness Act tat removes the statute of limitations to sue our employers when they do us wrong.

[pintobean]

8. Wtf?

Sometimes people just try too hard to be outraged.

[-none]

35. You've come to the right place for that

[Quantess]

10. Are you serious?

Is this what DU has come to?

Who cares?!!

[sufrommich]

13. I think it's a silly jab at someone on DU.

When you're reduced to attacking someone for what they call their parents,you've failed spectacularly.

[Shankapotomus]

15. It's not a jab

I don't even know the woman.

Use of language is a serious issue. Especially, when it reinforces a narrative of control.

[sufrommich]

22. I'm not going to play along with this.

[daleanime]

27. It makes no difference at all...,

But I prefer the bunny wearing a pancake one myself.

[sufrommich]

32. But do you agree that pancake bunny is

overused? I think cat pushing a watermelon is a refreshing change.

[pintobean]

40. Yes, but it would be much better

if the cat was all wet.

[MADem]

130. That is JESUS CAT--he walks on water!

[kiva]

123. I like it, but I think this has more gravitis.

[URL=.html][IMG][/IMG][/URL]

[sufrommich]

140. You win 5 internets.

I bow to your superior googling skills.

Also,I'm stealing that.

[MADem]

60. Paging Dr. Freud.

So you're expressing agita about YOUR uncomfortable feelings with regard to these words when you complain about someone else using them?

Sorry. I think it's you. You're the one with the problem.

Culture and tradition dictate what most people call their relatives. Pops, paw, babo, babu, abu, pater, etc...it just depends on where you're from and how your family approaches the matter.

I think you're getting spun up over an issue that's entirely of your own invention. And it's NOT a 'serious' issue, either--to anyone save yourself.

[redstateblues]

85. LOL- Great lead line-Reminded me of

"Best In Show". What a great movie.

[MADem]

112. I LOVE that movie! Jane Lynch--HILARIOUS!

The entire cast--pure genius....

[treestar]

91. yes, it's a class thing

mater, pater, the upper class twits used that!

[MH1]

65. Wait, is this just like the "Tr*pical" thread that was posted yesterday?

That one was hilarious. But you need to work on the subtle cues that signal sarcasm, if you want to eschew the sarcasm tag.

In the off chance that you really are serious - you do realize that in typical families that have reasonably healthy relationships, the parents do exercise some level of control over their kids' actions throughout life? Through emotional influence, not explicit "you will not do x" type of orders, of course. So why the hell wouldn't the kids continue to use whatever term they grew up with to address their parents?

"Daddy" sounds weird to me, but I can't remember ever calling my father anything but "Dad", and I would refer to him as "Dad", "my dad", or "my father" when talking to others. So why wouldn't someone who grew up using "daddy" use it in the same way as I do "dad"? It's a cultural thing. And even if there is some sinister element there in some cases, does this really come any where near the top of the list of things that are fucking up the world today? If so read this - http://www.cracked.com/personal-experiences-2024-when-religious-parents-kill-kids-inside-honor-killing.html

It's like you're worried about a fly landing on your child laying in the crib, when your house is on fire.

[Throd]

136. I hope my daughters never stop calling me "daddy."

This OP is one of the sillier ones of late. My 51 year old sister still calls our dad "daddy". I never new there were sinister forces at play.

[Shankapotomus]

14. Who cares?

I care.

Maybe it's time people grew up psychologically and stopped allowing the older generation to project infantilism upon them through speech.

[Thor_MN]

23. So it is your theory that arents are forcing their children to use certain names?

You are concerned by what name women call their father? And think it is an indication of something other than family traditions?

You are right, I think someone needs to grow up.

[Punkingal]

48. What rot!!!

I called mine Daddy until the day he died, and too bad he isn't still around to tell you he never controlled my life.

[narnian60]

93. Thank you.

[MH1]

68. Wow ... just wow.

I think you are shedding some light on who might need to "grow up psychologically". And it isn't the person using the word "Daddy".

[RobinA]

187. So How's This

My father (age 83), whom I call Daddy, calls his deceased father Daddy, as does his sister (age 79). As a family we all get along pretty well and lead reasonably successful lives. Go figure.

[TheFarS1de]

189. It's called fascism ...

when you judge everyone else to be of lower standard than you . Well done on projecting your own inner insecurities .

I have 4 Daughters , they all call me daddy and I hope that never changes . Terms of affection as opposed to a form of arrested development is just ignoring a few major facts .

[Shankapotomus]

192. Fascism?

Uh huh. Go on.

[TheFarS1de]

193. Sorry ...

I thought this was a place to make large , unsubstantiated claims and feign outrage . But you keep on looking for problems where there aren't any .

[Shankapotomus]

194. It's odd how often all the people outraged

at my question see outrage in it where there was none.

There's not an ounce of outrage in my opening post or my subsequent replies. In fact, my original post is almost clinical in its inquiry.

[jamzrockz]

11. I doubt it

Could also depend on what they call their father. See, we all called our father daddy and mother mummy. In fact my dad call my mother mummy and my mom call his daddy. They both call my grand parents grand ma/pa. Don't have any kids yet, but I think I am going to carry on the same tradition with my children.

Not sure what this one is a sign of, but I cannot stand it when married couples say "tell your mother/father xxx" when referring to their significant other. Its your wife/husband and not just some baby mama/daddy

[Itchinjim]

16. Pffft.

[Shankapotomus]

18. Obviously, a parent. (eom)

[muriel_volestrangler]

137. Pffft.

Not a parent.

[sibelian]

17. Hm. It's very easy to add together little things and put big labels on them.

I generally only talk about political structures that I can see have some direct bearing on the individual or community and the relationship between the structure and people can actually be described in terms of what it does or why it works, preferably both.

Dad's are nice. I'm a guy, I've got one. I'm very glad I've still got one. Maybe these ladies just like their dads.

"The narrative that oneself is a child" - well, these women ARE the children of these men. We should be able to respect and accept that men care for their children and that their children appreciate this, I think.

Need to distinguish between women treating MEN as fathers and women treating THEIR FATHERS as fathers.

[Cal Carpenter]

19. If you know it is none of your business, as you say

then why are you worried about it?

But while we're at it, perhaps if you feel so bad when you hear such things, it has more to do with unconscious issues with your own father than the women who call their fathers 'daddy'? I mean, if we're gonna do armchair psychoanalysis of internet posters and all. Don't forget when you point a finger there are three fingers pointing right back at yourself.

I hope you work through those bad feelings. It must be pretty serious if you felt the need to share it here.

[Shankapotomus]

25. So the possibility someone has serious parent/child issues

is funny to you??? Someone could have serious family relationship issues and it's a big joke to you? Roll on the floor funny?

"It must be pretty serious if you felt the need to share it here." Ha ha ha.. Isn't that funny???

What are you? Some kind of a sicko?

You think I posted this thread to make fun of the language people use that shows deference to patriarchy???

Sounds like you're way more defensive than you should be.

[Cal Carpenter]

34. Perhaps I haven't had enough coffee this morning

But your OP reads more like satire, or a backhanded poke at a particular female DUer (as someone above postulated) than an intellectually honest question.

So I sorta lost it.

Forgive me if I was totally off-base.



And for the record, I have no kids and I don't think I've called my dad 'daddy' since I was about 10 years old so no, it isn't a matter of being defensive.

I don't think deep family issues are funny at all, and I don't think perpetuating systemic patriarchy through language is funny either. I just don't think either of those things are what you are really here to discuss. If you were, you wouldn't be framing it in this context, on this board.

[whathehell]

20. I think it's cultural, actually...Women from the South & Southwest use it much more

and I've heard more than a few MEN from those areas do it as well.

As a grown woman from the North, I myself have always found it strange since I, and everyone else I knew

switched from "Daddy" to "Dad" by about 8 years old.

Ever hear Elizabeth Warren recount her life story?...She repeatedly refers to her father as 'daddy',

and that is a big part of what's convinced me it's cultural. I'm a huge fan of Warren's and she

strikes me as quite NON-patriarchal, especially when taking on the 'boys club' of Wall St.

[Punkingal]

50. All of us in the south didn't live in a Tennessee Williams story...

There is nothing wrong with calling your father "Daddy." It is a term of affection.

[sufrommich]

53. This OP is aimed at a particular female DUer.

I'm not sure who the DUer is,but it's obvious and I don't doubt we'll soon find out.

[Punkingal]

55. What a ridiculous waste of time.

[sufrommich]

59. Well,if it makes any difference,

I thought your Tennessee Williams smack down was spot on.

[Punkingal]

62. Thank you!

[whathehell]

96. No kidding..I don't believe I either said or implied that you did

so I've no idea why you sound so defensive about the topic...I only offered

my observations based on experience -- If you have a problem concerning the

whole question, I think you should direct your comments to the OP.

[johnson_z]

24. No

Daddy is always Daddy.

[trumad]

26. God I hope my Daughter continues to call me Daddy the rest of her life.

She's 21 and still calls me Daddy. When she does I can feel the love.

Weird Op BTW.

[Shankapotomus]

30. Good

I like to keep things kooky.

[6chars]

43. Yes!

I hope so too.

[ScreamingMeemie]

108. Love

That's why women call their fathers Daddy. Plain and simple.

Hell, we call my dad "Poppy" and have for years. Even my children's friends called him Poppy.

[Renew Deal]

28. What about grown men calling their dads "Dad" or their moms "Mom"?

[Shankapotomus]

33. It's "Daddy" or "Mommy"

not "Dad" or "Mom".

The former pair sound like an unconscious pattern of infantilism.

[Renew Deal]

44. Could be nostalgia

Fondness for the old days, etc.

[ladjf]

119. If they didn't call them "Dad" or "Mom", what would they call them? Their first names?

A grown man is not a child but to his parents his relationship is still parent-child. They may well be friends but to call them by their first names doesn't accurately describe their relationship.

But, everyone is perfectly free to do as they wish.

[stage left]

29. Or it might be a southern thing.

To me Daddy sounds a lot less formal than Dad or Father, like you're closer to this first important man in your life. I called my mother, Momma except fot the times when, in her later years, I was exasperated with her. Then I called her Mother.

[treestar]

95. My sister's boys

now in their late teens call her "Mother" or even by her first name (when they really want to get a rise out of her). Or they make a diminutive of her first name! It's hilarious.

Oddly enough, my brother's daughters started using "Dad" as opposed to "Daddy" surprisingly early, like age 2 they were already saying "Dad" - maybe due to an older brother using that already.

[Renew Deal]

31. Why would "childless" DUers care how other people address their parents?

[Shankapotomus]

37. My point was

the replies of parents might be biased due to the parent/child relationship.

[Reter]

36. I can only speak for myself

I shortened it to Mom and Dad when I was about 11, because to me Mommy and Daddy sounded babyish.

[Shankapotomus]

39. Exactly

I hit a point at a certain age when I consciously dropped the use of "mommy" and "daddy" because it felt inauthentic and misrepresentative to me as a grown adult.

[smirkymonkey]

106. Same here.

But then once my parents became grandparents, my father started going by Poppy (to distinguish from the other grandfathers) and mom by Gemmi so I now call my dad Poppy, which I see as a term of affection. Mom is still Mom.

[Boomer]

38. What a self-centric perspective

What we call relatives is influenced by family tradition and culture. The meaning of those words resides in the users' understanding and doesn't necessarily reflect other people's perspectives.

"Daddy" is pretty common usage in Texas, where I grew up, and it doesn't make me cringe. When used by adult children I interpret it as a word of endearment, not submission.

[Shankapotomus]

42. Do you think it represents

your authentic adult self?

[FrodosPet]

66. Loving and respecting your parents is like, so, ughhhh, ya know?

These paternalistic Stockholm Syndrome victims should be placed into mandatory therapy until they recognize how terrible their fathers really are, so they can properly dismiss and alienate these terrible patriarchs.

(Better not forget the ).

[Erich Bloodaxe BSN]

41. Ok, as a childless DUer...

I don't see it as such, but then I've not really spent a lot of time thinking about it.

I suspect it hearken back more to what you called him as a child. If you called him Pop, you probably still do. If you called him Daddy, you probably still do. I called my own father 'Dad' and still do in my middle 40s.

Now women calling their boyfriends 'Daddy' might indeed be something to do with patriarchy, or possibly some particular paraphilia.

[Shankapotomus]

45. I think, at an early age,

we all start out using "Daddy" and some of us switch to "Dad" sooner than others.

[Boomer]

49. Who is this "we" you speak of?

You're taking your own experience and your own meaning of the terms "Daddy" and "Dad" and trying to force everyone else to accept your particular emotional connotations.

Sorry, not buying it.

This isn't fact, it's subjective reality. And based on your comments in this thread, you're apparently rather close-minded about the subject and unwilling to learn from other people's experiences. Like you, I also called my father "Dad" pretty early in childhood, but then I didn't really like my father and the word "Daddy" seemed to intimate. I wasn't escaping a term of submission, I was putting emotional distance between us. I envy women who actually like their father enough to still call him "Daddy" as a sign of fondness.

[narnian60]

97. Yes!

Well said.

[Shankapotomus]

195. I get the sign of fondness and

the sentimental and playful uses that seem to come with an implied wink. I understand using it as a nostalgic gesture because someone is really fond of their dad. I can see that it might take on a symbolism for some people and in that way it gets extended well beyond a certain age.

[Boomer]

47. Words have meaning

Words have meaning, but we don't always know what the meaning is for the people who use these terms with each other.

I originally wrote a few paragraphs of commentary on the usage of the term "Daddy" in the gay community, but after mulling over your "paraphilia" innuendo, I thought better of it. It's just not worth trying to explain to outsiders who view differences as sexual pathology.

[Erich Bloodaxe BSN]

52. Well, I don't consider paraphilias to be 'pathologies', merely predilections or choices.

Deviances from the norm, but then the norm is boring.

[Boomer]

58. Thanks for the clarification of your view

The definitions of the word tend to be much more prejudicial than your usage here, so thank you for clarifying that wasn't your intent.

When you look at how complicated the word is just when used between children and parents, and how rigid the OP is in his interpretations of its meaning, you can imagine how that misunderstanding would spiral out of control for "Daddy" usage among adult sexual partners.

[Erich Bloodaxe BSN]

64. I disagree personally with the DSM-IV on a number of subjects ;)

When I'm using medical terms in a non-medical situation, I'm also pretty much always using language in a more layman's way, rather than a strict academic interpretation as well.

I don't think there's a lot of substance to the notion that there's any deliberate attempt to bolster the patriarchy by the use of 'Daddy' by most people. There may be a subset of men out there who do indeed try to deliberately infantilize their daughters into adulthood (and I suspect such men also harbour more Oedipal thoughts), but I believe the vast majority of people who use the word do it for their own reasons.

[Boomer]

77. The use of the word "Mommy" is actually more intriguing

The use of the word Daddy is pretty common in the South/Southwest, but even there my impression is that the word Mommy is dropped sooner and more widely in favor of "Mom."

So why is that?

My own guess is that using Daddy is not as much of a threat to the adult ego, whereas using Mommy is much more closely associated with young dependent children. It's Mommy who takes cares of you, wiping your bottom, spoon feeding you, kissing your scrapes. There is more urgent need -- especially for boys -- to distance themselves from infantilism as embodied in their relationship with their mother.

For all that the OP is trying to associate "Daddy" with acts of submission and deference, I think the truly emotionally loaded term is "Mommy" instead. Apparently, adult children can more easily express vulnerability with their father than they can with their mother.

[Tanuki]

46. No. I am a grown woman, no kids, grew up in West Virginia.

I called my father "daddy" or "dad" until the day he died, and still refer to him the same way when speaking of him to my mother or siblings. He and his own siblings addressed and referred to their own father as "pop," but then they grew up in a different region (Pennsylvania's anthracite coal country Irish immigrant community). You have absolutely no reason to "feel bad for me," so take your condescension and projections elsewhere. From what another poster in this thread said, this seems to be a cheap shot at someone from another thread, so I can't know what your real issue is without more information.

[EV_Ares]

51. No, not at all.

[A Little Weird]

54. No

I hear both grown men and grown women refer to their parents as mommy and daddy frequently. Most people don't, but it is common enough that you hear it a lot. I live in the south so maybe it is a regional thing. It also seems to be a tradition that is changing - I hear it more frequently from my parents' generation than from my own. I think a lot of regional speech patterns are changing due to media influence.

[TheSarcastinator]

56. is this post a sign that you have too much free time?

If what grown women say of their own volition is a burning concern, the answer may be yes.

[Boomer]

61. I don't think free time is the problem

I see too much free bile.

The OP could have approached this topic with "This is what I've heard and how I interpret the use of the word Daddy. How do you see it?" and then actually listened to the answers and learned from other perspectives. Instead s/he is using the replies as a springboard for regurgitating the same opinion over and over again.

This isn't a discussion started in good faith.

[Shankapotomus]

147. Nonsense

I certainly am listening and reading.

I don't think I've heard a well reasoned refutation yet, however. Certainly, people in full control of themselves and their language can use the term "mommy" or "daddy" while having a full knowledge of their authentic adult selves. However, there have been times I've heard adults use those terms where there was something in the way they said it that made me question how well aquatinted they were with their own volitional independence.

[ms liberty]

57. I am 56, married and have no children. The answer is no.

I called my father daddy right up until the monitors quit showing signs of life, and I still call him daddy when I discuss him with family. Publicly, to aquaintances or casual friends, he is usually my father or my dad. He was and is daddy to me despite the fact that my mother (who was and is always momma) and he divorced when I was a preteen. He was not a part of my daily life after that but was an intermittent presence only. Our relationship went through good times and bad, but he never tried to be the patriarch more than once, when my answer was that he lost the right to tell me what I could or could not do; I was in the 7th grade at the time. My mother was antiauthoritarian (as was my father), and my mother was also a feminist who would not describe herself as one - she thought of herself as equal or better than any man, and didn't think it needed a label. She raised my sister and I to be skeptical and wary of everyone, regardless of their sex.
My father was daddy because to me and my sister that was his name; a sign of affection and love, not patriarchy.
While you might be correct in some certain instances, you are generalizing way too broadly.

[ryan_cats]

63. Are

Are they all this guy's daughters?

[tblue37]

70. No. My father died in 1992, but I always called him Daddy because that is what we

called him all through my childhood. My brother Sam was named after him, so everyone called him Sammy, partly because he was a kid, but also to differentiate him from our father, Sam. As an adult my brother goes by Sam, but old habits die hard. He is 67; I am 65. But I still automatically call him Sammy.

[sufrommich]

79. I have a cousin named after her mom,we still call her

"little Nancy" even though her mom (big Nancy) is long gone, and we're all in our fifties now.

[Sunlei]

72. what did you call your Mom and Dad?, it's always been 'Mom & Dad' for me, and for some people it's

"Daddy" "Mommy", Mother, Father, Mama, Poppy,....or some variation of those names of love.

[Marrah_G]

74. Oh for fucks sake

Are there not enough things in the world to be pissed about without creating new ones?

[Shankapotomus]

159. I'm not pissed

I observe things and question them.

[Warren DeMontague]

207. Pfffffffft.

WELL SAID!!!!!!!



Of course, "creating new things to be pissed about" is like a cottage industry in some parts.

[karynnj]

75. nope it's just the word they have always used

I grew up with mom and dad and still use those words st age 65. I know people who use papa. Once a "name" is given it may stick.

[giftedgirl77]

80. My sister always did it. I found it stupid & annoying

but that's it. But then again when he was being a dick or a racist redneck or ignorant republican I called him by his first name so there's other sides to the coin.

[JanMichael]

81. i think calling parents mommy & daddy when over 12 years old is freaking weird.

for men and women.

mom or dad sure but adding the y is infantile sounding to me. i come in contact with adults that say mommy and daddy in reference to their parents or a regular basis and the majority if them are what i would call overly dependent and failed adults.

just my observation though. obviously i am wrong and mean and just nasty.

[Punkingal]

94. No, not mean and nasty...

Just wrong. It is a ridiculous reach to say people are failed adults because of what they call their parents. I called mine Daddy and I am not a failed adult. It was a term of affection.

[Mariana]

99. I know what you mean.

It's one thing to call my father "Daddy" when I'm talking TO him (which I occasionally do, but usually I say "Dad&quot . It would be another thing altogether to call him "Daddy" when I'm talking ABOUT him to someone else, especially to someone outside the family. If I'm talking about him to someone else, he's "my dad" or "my father".

I never call my mother "Mommy" in any context.

[ScreamingMeemie]

121. My daughter only begins conversations with Mommy/Mama when something has gone horribly

wrong in her life. It's become something that almost makes me reflexively cringe with instant worry.

[MineralMan]

82. No, but paying any attention to such personal names for parents

is sort of strange. Who cares what people call their parents and why on Earth does it matter to anyone?

[DFW]

86. My girls use it, but only in writing.

When speaking to me, they still use the German "Papi." Their native language is German, after all, Americanized as they may sound when they speak English. They are completely bi-lingual in both. They speak to me in English and to my wife in German, switching in mid-sentence if talking to both of us, depending on which one of us they are looking at.

[Buns_of_Fire]

87. I don't think so. It beats "materialistic running dog capitalist swine."

I get "Tsk... DAAAD!" if I've managed to do something particularly stupid, or "Dad/Daddy" the rest of the time. I've honestly never given any thought to it other than that.

[treestar]

88. No it's just a family/regional thing

a lot of southerners said "Daddy" and "Mama" including the guys.

My mother's family used to use it when referring to her father.

It sounds a little fonder, is all, not like "Dad" does anything to decrease the patriarchy.

[TipTok]

98. Stop at the 'not your business' part...

Nosy...

[EX500rider]

100. Are grown men calling their mother "mommy" a sign of unconscious submission to matriarchy?

[Shankapotomus]

148. Good point

Maybe the issue is not patriarchy or matriarchy but infantilism?

[ismnotwasm]

101. No.

[randys1]

102. My kids call me ATM

[trumad]

117. Ha ha

Or Cha Ching

[Agnosticsherbet]

103. I would call it a cultural attitude expressed in language nt

[ileus]

104. FFS....

Here's a hint.....her Dad....is her DADDY.

[tularetom]

105. Yo mama!

My daughter called me daddy until she became a mommy herself, then at some point I became "dad". Although for awhile there I was still "daddy" when she wanted something.

My son has always called me "pop".

[erpowers]

107. No

Other than father, or dad I do not see what else, other than daddy, a woman would call her father. I am not a supporter of children calling their parents by their first names. I also think it is too stuffy and formal for a child to call their parent Mr. parent's last name.

[ScreamingMeemie]

109. Re Edit: I have kids, but neither refer to their father as "Daddy" when we talk about him...

...but, if they did, that would be okay with me because it signifies nothing but love and affection. To think otherwise is to be trying way, way (no, I mean WAY) too hard.

I think you should not worry about what other people call their parents, steep a cup of tea and move on.

[Matariki]

110. Reagan called his wife "mommy"

always found that extremely creepy.

[LiberalElite]

111. No. Whose narrative are you talking about? eom

[Shankapotomus]

175. The underlying and unquestioned cultural narrative (eom)

[LiberalElite]

176. ????

[Orrex]

113. Yes. Anything more affectionate than "sperm donor" is obeisance to the patriarchy

Good call.

[Vinca]

115. I'm a 66 year old, childless woman.

If my father was still alive, I'd love to call him "daddy." I left home at 18 and never went back so I don't think "submission to patriarchy" is an issue. I think it's more that we just love our dads.

[WinkyDink]

125. I'm a 66-year-old childless woman, too! Howdy!

[Vinca]

139. I trust you have no "daddy" issues either. LOL.

It's surprising what some people worry about.

[ladjf]

118. My poppa was always and even after his death my "poppa".

He was and still is my hero. If that's submitting to patriarchy, then I'm guilty.

[951-Riverside]

120. "I'm a guy and I know it's none of my business"

[cherokeeprogressive]

122. My Wife calls me Daddy...

but only sometimes.

[WinkyDink]

124. What utter bilge. I'm as independent as Annie Oakley, and I called my late father "Daddy."

[Initech]

126. Does anybody have any butter? I'm out.

[Chitown Kev]

127. Nope...not when it's their own father

[GoneOffShore]

128. I think, in order to eliminate all vestiges of the patriarchy that, in the future

We should no longer use gender specific names and titles, give everyone a number and address each other as 'Comrade' or 'Citizen', even in private in our most intimate moments.

I'm sure that the authoritarians here would totes approve.

Oh yes, and all encryption would be banned as well.

[elleng]

129. No

[LostOne4Ever]

131. No. nt

[Kalidurga]

132. Good job

I have filtered out most supporters signs so I don't know for sure. But, it looks like you have brought DU together to pile on this lame attempt at shaming someone for how they refer to a male parent.

[Katashi_itto]

133. Lots of time on your hands eh?

[Initech]

200. People have no shortage of things to complain about do they?

Eh... pass the butter.

[NOLALady]

134. My Daddy is 90.

He has always been called Daddy by all of his kids. He will be Daddy until he close his eyes or we close our eyes. His daughters have been called many things, but no one has ever accused them of being submissive.

Hubby calls him Daddy also.

[Prism]

135. I'm called daddy all the time

Of course, I don't have kids, so . . .

And I'm not even that old!

[Aerows]

141. I've been calling him Daddy

since I could talk, so I'm not sure why I'd want to call him something else now. I'm not about to disrespect him or my Mama by calling them by their first names - that's just not something you do.

[Kali]

145. Could be.

Depends on the individual situation. I confess that I notice when it happens. I wonder more about the individual relationships, rather than the bigger picture.

Mostly the reality is all good. Occasionally something is not quite right.

I had a roommate in college who called her father "Daddy." I eventually had to call him something too, as she was such a problem and I needed to get her bills paid. She was a piece of work. He actually seemed pretty reasonable to be the parent of such an idiotic flake.

[fizzgig]

146. i'm in my mid-30s and still call him daddy

i am lucky to have a very close relationship with my dad and love him very much. the father-daughter bond can run very deep and it's a sign of a special relationship.

why do you feel bad for me?

[Shankapotomus]

149. I not saying everyone

who uses the term is doing it without any grasp of their authentic adult self. But other times I've heard people and they've given me a different impression.

[Chan790]

151. I don't know.

I had a romantic partner that called me "Daddy" in bed (more than once!) which completely squicked me out. Part of that was patriarchy, part of it was the creepy incestuous vibe and part of it was that I really really hate the idea of ever being a parent.

As a child-free person, that's the only input I have to offer.

[CTyankee]

153. Isn't that a Southern thing? I'm a Texan and I thought it was common and everyone did it.

I never called my father anything else but daddy.

[ladyVet]

156. I am 57 years old. I still say Mama and Daddy.

That's what they are to me. What they've always been. What else should I call them? Father? Mother? George and Linda? Mr. or Mrs. Jones? (Not their real names.)

I am a liberated, liberal, feminist white female from the South. While I recognize that patriarchy is the scourge of humanity, I don't see why my calling him Daddy means anything at all to anyone but me.

My seventy-something mother still talks about her Mama and Daddy, both sadly passed on. So does my father, in his mid-eighties, also of his diseased parents. I call them Granny and Grandpa on my mother's side, and Grandma {Last name} and Grandpa {Last Name}, because he died before I was born, and I wasn't that close to her, for my father's parents.

Lawsy, talk about first world problems.

[kwassa]

158. The proper term is "Parental Unit".

Anything else is patriarchal and sexist crap.

[Shankapotomus]

166. A refreshing stance

The thread responders are almost unanimously against.

[SwissTony]

160. My three adult daughters call me "Dad"

and their mother "Mum".

Sometimes they call me "Dickhead" but that might be an Australian influence.

They've never called me "Daddy" or my wife "Mummy" because we've never used those terms.

If those are the terms used in your part of the world, I see no problem.

[Adrahil]

214. Okay, now you've done it.

Now I am imagining what "dickhead" sounds like in an Australian accent.

[SwissTony]

216. There's a whole film on the subject

(posted a month or so ago on DU)

Australian humour.

[yuiyoshida]

161. HE made me call him "otosama!"

kidding,... I call him chichi. It means daddy in Japanese.

[Shankapotomus]

163. HaHa <-Get it?

I thought "chichi" meant strictly father in Japanese, though.

And I can't vouch for the source but I found this on Yahoo answers:

"Japanese kids usually call their father using the International word for father "papa", but this word is considered to be very childish. As Japanese kids grow up and become more mature, they start calling their father "otoosan". When they are talking about him however, they refer to him "chichi"."

[yuiyoshida]

164. otosan is used for some one else's father

but for my dad, I call him "chichi". And, Yes, my mom, I call "haha". Someone else's mother is Okasan.

[mikehiggins]

165. No. It is a sign of affection, not submission.

If you knew my daughter you'd know submission is not in her wheelhouse.

[Shankapotomus]

167. I should have said in the OP

Not every case is the word going to be used in total seriousness.

I think many of those who use "daddy" who are mentally authentic adults know to do it in sort of a semi-serious manner like a joke and with an implied wink. But I've encountered a few adult women who have been deadly serious.

[TexasMommaWithAHat]

182. No, not "semi serious manner like a joke

and with an implied wink."

And what do you mean by "deadly serious?"

I called my father "daddy" until the day he died, because I loved him and that was the name which expressed that affection between us.

My brothers also called him "daddy."

[Zing Zing Zingbah]

170. No, I don't think so.

People can call their parents whatever they want as long as the parents are also OK with it. I think that is between the adult child and their parents. I wouldn't pass judgement on anyone for how they choose to address their parents.

[Iggo]

174. "...I know it's none of my business..."

Shoulda stopped right about there.

[Aerows]

190. Bingo.

You hit the jackpot, Iggo!

[loyalsister]

180. It's a personal preference

Although I know of one instance where I think it's very sad. One family I know refers to their dad as daddy as if it is a way to remember him when they were young children, before they discovered what an abusive monster he was.
A way to force fond memories of him on themselves in order to avoid the reality of him.

[Drale]

181. No I don't believe so but

calling her boyfriend/husband Daddy? Yes and also very very creepy.

[pnwmom]

191. I think it's cultural and familial. You use the word people around you use. nt

[LWolf]

198. Well,

I can't really weigh in on that, because there was never anyone I called "daddy" or even "dad."

I am an only child raised by a single parent who left all family behind, and the only men in our lives during my childhood were not father figures, but abusers.

So I have a deeply embedded antipathy to any form of male dominance or patriarchy. That, and my lack of experience with father figures means that I'm simply not objective when it comes to grown women calling their fathers "Daddy;" it makes me shudder.

I have 2 grown sons. They haven't called me "Mommy" or "Mama" since they were 2 or 3.

[RandySF]

201. .

[alphafemale]

202. Mom. Mum. Mommy!

[cheapdate]

204. No. It's just a way of referring to one's father.

My wife -- who is as far removed from patriarchy as one gets -- called her father "daddy."

I'm a grown man. I occasionally call my 78-year old father "daddy."

[Person 2713]

205. Who's your daddy?

[Major Nikon]

211. The Yankees

http://m.mlb.com/video/topic/6479266/v7097699/pedro-martinez-calls-the-yankees-his-daddy

[AngryAmish]

206. If I had a nickle for every Mexican woman who called me papi...

[Blasphemer]

208. I'm more stunned by how many people are unaware that there are cultural differences at play.

Or if they do they say, "I know it's a cultural thing but it's still SO WEIRD!!!!" I just can't relate to that. But I grew up in New York City so cultural aptitude is like required reading.

[countryjake]

209. All three of us kids (two female, one male) called our daddy "Daddy"...

til the day we buried him (and still do, all these years later, when referring to him). The man had absolutely no control over that moniker, nor any effective control over any of us. Our mother ruled the roost, always. He was an abused husband at the mercy of our mean mother (who, coincidentally, we always called "Mother&quot .

As the youngest daughter, who had no say-so whatsoever in what our parents might have been called, I sometimes wonder if he was "Daddy" simply because of the torment that we all suffered at the hands of his wife and the role he'd always played in our family as peacemaker. She hated to hear us call him that and sometimes just saying the word could set her off on a brutish rampage.

So, in answer to your question, no, I don't believe there was ever any dormant patriarchy involved in my family's choice of what to call our folks. We were from Northern Ohio, with no Southern influences at all, so it wasn't a regional thing, either.

My fast-approaching middle-aged daughter still calls me "Mama". Wanna make something of it?

[WillowTree]

212. Far from submission, I was Daddy's favorite because I would stand up to him.

My love for my father is nothing short of hero worship. He was the wisest, kindest, strongest, funniest, hardest working, most giving man I will ever know in life. He raised his daughters to be strong and independent and self-sufficient at a time when it was hardly fashionable. We all called him Daddy until the day he died and beyond because we adore him and all had, and still have, the tenderest love for him imaginable.

I would venture that in most cases, when an adult woman calls her father Daddy, it is a sign of doting affection, not subjugation nor infantilization.

[Shankapotomus]

213. Thank you for sharing

I wouldn't begin to argue against your specific case and many others. Of course, I never meant to imply such exceptions contrary to my interpretation couldn't exist.

[ScreamingMeemie]

215. I truly think the exceptions are actually the rule.

Every single woman I have known who has called her father "Daddy" has done it with a deep sense of love and affection. I already told you what my father is called in my family but:

Without him, I would easily have died right along with my husband. Poppy was the one who wasn't afraid to come over and sit with me. To yell at me to snap out of it when I needed to. To have the guts to shout,"I hate him for doing this to you..." To cry for the loss of a man that great... When my mother, brothers and so many other friends and family did their duty and then went on their way, he was a constant.

Yeah, it's affection in most cases.