General Discussion
Related: Editorials & Other Articles, Issue Forums, Alliance Forums, Region ForumsDear creepy heterosexual men guarding our bathrooms,
My entire life, I've been told to fear you in one way or another. I've been told to cover my body as to not distract you in school, to cover my body to help avoid unwanted advances or comments, to cover my body as to not tempt you to sexually assault me, to reject your unwanted advances politely as to not anger you. I've been taught to never walk alone at night, to hold my keys in my fist while walking in parking lots, to check the backseat of my car, to not drink too much because you might take advantage of me. I've been told what I should and shouldn't do with my body as to not jeopardize my relationships with you.
I've been warned not to emasculate you, to let "boys be boys", to protect your fragile ego and to not tread on your even more fragile masculinity. I've been taught to keep my emotions in check, to let you be the unit of measure for how much emotion is appropriate and to adjust my emotions accordingly. I've been taught that you're allowed to categorize women into mothers/sisters/girlfriends/wives/daughters but any woman outside of your protected categories is fair game.
So to those of you who think you're being helpful by "protecting" me and my fellow women, you're like a shark sitting in the Lifeguard chair. I wasn't uncomfortable until you showed up at the pool and the only potential predator I see is you.
Your mothers, sisters, girlfriends, wives and daughters don't need you to walk them to the bathroom for safety. Your fathers, brothers, friends and sons need to walk themselves away from their own double standards. Women are sexually harassed and sexually assaulted on school campuses, on the street, at their jobs, on the Internet, in their own homes, in ANY public place. And it has been excused or ignored for so long because of what you and I are taught from the first years of our interactions with each other: You, as a male, are not accountable for your own actions. It's MY responsibility, as a female, to not "provoke" you. But then you get to Knight-In-Shining-Armor your way through life for those in your protected categories and I am expected to applaud you. Why the outrage now over bathrooms? Why aren't you outraged every single day?
If you're telling me that there are high volumes of boys and men out there, in schools or in general, who are just waiting for a "loop hole" to sexually assault girls and women, we have bigger problems on our hands than bathrooms. The first problem would be your apparent lack of knowledge of how often it happens OUTSIDE of bathrooms, with no "loop holes" needed. This isn't about Transgender bathroom access. This is about you not trusting the boys and men in your communities and/or fearing that they're all secretly predators. Why do you have this fear? How many fathers have panicked when their daughters started dating because they "know how teenaged boys can be because they used to be one"? How many times have girls been warned "boys are only after one thing"? A mother can bring her young son into the women's restroom and that's fine but a father bringing his young daughter into the men's restroom is disturbing because men are assumed to be predators and "little girls" shouldn't be exposed to that.
So instead of picking up your sword and heading to Target or the girls' locker room to defend our "rights", why don't you start somewhere that could actually make a difference? Challenge your children's schools to end sexist dress codes and dress codes that sexualize girls as young as age 5. Advocate for proper (or any) sex education classes in all public schools by a certain grade level. Focus more on teaching your sons not to rape vs teaching your daughters how to avoid being raped. Stop asking "How would you feel if that was your mother or sister?" It shouldn't take the comparison to clue you in to what's right or wrong. Question why you're more worried about your daughter being around men than your son being around women in bathrooms and dressing rooms. Stop walking by Victoria's Secret with no problem but covering your son's eyes if a woman is breastfeeding in public. Stop treating your daughter's body as some fortress you're sworn to protect as if that's all she's got to offer the world.
LINK: https://www.facebook.com/anniepilbeam/posts/10154178316418839
Jackie Wilson Said
(4,176 posts)RKP5637
(67,107 posts)Oneironaut
(5,493 posts)There's something totally creepy about a guy who is watching who goes into the women's room. I would think such a person is the real threat. How long until they decide to "enact their divine punishment" on an innocent girl - trans or not?
niyad
(113,284 posts)and look at that quiverfull kim davis look-alike in target last week, as well. just two off the top of my head.
tonyt53
(5,737 posts)About 5-6 years ago, my wife and I left Anchorage, AK at about midnight. We had to changes planes in Twin Cities, MN. After landing there at about 6 AM, I had to go to the restroom (I'm old and long flights don't agree with my guts). As I was sitting there in the stall, the door of the stall next to me slammed shut. Then it hit me, that is the same airport that GOP Senator Larry Craig was busted at for hitting on men in the restroom. The guy next to me did nothing of the sort, but I had to get out of there. Hell, a "supposedly" hetero man just ruined a good bowel movement for me.
Monk06
(7,675 posts)cars
Public toilets are too dangerous for you
On the other hand this is humor and very subtle at that
world wide wally
(21,742 posts)It is purely a political wedge issue. Not an "actual" issue
Mister Ed
(5,930 posts)Thank you for posting this.
47of74
(18,470 posts)DirkGently
(12,151 posts)ismnotwasm
(41,976 posts)Ineeda
(3,626 posts)"...Women are sexually harassed and sexually assaulted on school campuses, on the street, at their jobs, on the Internet, in their own homes, in ANY public place", one of the most shameful examples of this is in our military. The sexual abuse statistics are staggering, and the lack of support from fellow soldiers/sailors and higher-ups is mind-blowing. There is almost always retribution against the victims instead of disciplinary action against the perpetrator. Where's the outrage there? Where is the prominent prime time media coverage of that?
Triana
(22,666 posts)(bytheway I didn't write the piece, someone on Facebook did - can't take any credit for it!)
NBachers
(17,108 posts)Thank you, Triana, for helping me experience again why I value this site so much. Way better than the petty sniping and snarling I have to wade through here these days.
malaise
(268,968 posts)Rec
Initech
(100,068 posts)They're not going to actually find anything, but they believe in the boogeyman so much that they're going out of their way to defend against it. Plus it gives them any excuse to show off their precious (by that I mean their gun).
Deadshot
(384 posts)LuckyLib
(6,819 posts)niyad
(113,284 posts)Triana
(22,666 posts)zentrum
(9,865 posts)
for this post. Cuts through all the bull s%#t about this bathroom brouhaha and names exactly what we women wish men would really deal with.
The only reason women need protection at all is because of the aggression (cultural, economic, political, and physical) from heterosexual men. Feel no need at all for protection from LGBT people.
DesertRat
(27,995 posts)secondwind
(16,903 posts)Boudica the Lyoness
(2,899 posts)Bad Dog
(2,025 posts)Most British people know that.
Triana
(22,666 posts)Is evidently a rabid anti-feminist/anti "sjw" type person judging by other posts here (and elsewhere).
Bad Dog
(2,025 posts)There's something very ersatz about "her."
demigoddess
(6,640 posts)Bad Dog
(2,025 posts)Aluminium, scheduled, oregano and a host of other words. Place names especially, Edinburgh in particular.
BlancheSplanchnik
(20,219 posts)I'm always trying to analyze or explain the many levels is a problem that, to WOMEN, is as clear as Logic; but for men, it seems the most impossible thing to describe.
It doesn't help that very few men actually have any interest in trying to empathize.
myrna minx
(22,772 posts)ms liberty
(8,573 posts)Bad Dog
(2,025 posts)This is not a problem, it is however a sign that society, even in America, is becoming more accepting of people who are different. That flies in the face of puritanical idiots who want to inflict their values on everyone else. This isn't a problem over here, it's not even talked about. Sorry, I can't call them bathrooms, they don't have baths, they're toilets.
IronLionZion
(45,433 posts)for some reason. Conservatives also have an unhealthy obsession with restrooms.
And since many women are apparently unaware, there are often highly visible cameras in many men's rooms and locker rooms to prevent sexual misconduct and probably other stuff like assault or theft. You know, since Republican US senators tend to get aroused in toilets and can't control themselves.
It's a strange feeling to know that someone is watching.
But then there are guys like this asshole who will follow you right into the women's room and question your womanhood. Conservatives encourage the see something say something behavior.
ReasonableToo
(505 posts)I just wish they'd use their powers of persuasion for issues worthy of outrage like rape, global warming, fracking, degradation of the educational system, prison for profit, war for profit, deportation of children to war zones, murder of civilians by drone, the joke that is our election process, etc, etc.
mountain grammy
(26,620 posts)FourScore
(9,704 posts)chervilant
(8,267 posts)I cannot get to the button to link it to my FB page. It's very frustrating.
I would have said:
Ask yourself: are you a rape apologist because it's just too scary to address the patriarchy within which we are ALL socialized?
if I could have posted it....
annabanana
(52,791 posts)The button you have to hit to "post to wall" is hidden by the bottom of the OP frame.
chervilant
(8,267 posts)I determined a way to cross-post on Facebook, and I hope more people see it. I know entirely too many men who objectify women, and then play the "knight in shining armor" role like it absolves them.
I was raised in the patriarchy, just like them. I wish they could get a clue.
Francis Booth
(162 posts)not be beneath putting on women's clothing to gain access to a ladies room. Is that so far-fetched?
After all, some creepy heterosexual men do some pretty creepy things, like putting cameras on their shoes to get upskirt pictures of ladies in crowds and on escalators. Other creepy heterosexual men have hacked into the laptops of young ladies so they can use their webcams to spy on them in their dorm rooms. Still others have been known to drill holes in walls and ceilings to spy on women.
So maybe it's *not* trans folk that the bathroom guardians fear, but just other creepy heterosexual men. I personally don't have any daughters, but I can understand not wanting a creepy heterosexual guy playing with his dick just 2 feet from where my young daughter may be relieving herself.
Dark n Stormy Knight
(9,760 posts)rape in the military? Where the problem is real, and massive, and destructive to countless women's lives. Funny, those same guys don't seem to have a problem with that.