Donald Trump's super secret plan to defeat ISIS - REVEALED!
He's going to offer to pay each ISIS fighter $25,000 to not make any more attacks, but they have to report in person to get their money. When the ISIS fighters come to pick up their money, Trump will spring up from behind a rock with a bandana tied around his forehead and an M60 machine gun*** slung over each shoulder and - rat-a-tat-tat - ISIS will be no more.
Naturally, Hugh Shelton* and Peter Schoomaker** would think this plan (1) about as batshit insane as it's possible to get and (2) completely incapable of success, but what do they know?
* General Henry "Hugh" Shelton was a Special Forces officer who retired as Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff.
** General Peter Schoomaker was a Special Forces officer who retired from the Army then was brought back on active duty by Shrub to be Chief of Staff of the Army. He is very good.
*** An M60 machine gun is one of the worst pieces of shit the Army ever put in the field. They also weigh 23 pounds unloaded, so the odds of the Pillsbury Doughboy "springing" anywhere with two of these bastards attached to his corpulent carcass are somewhere between "none" and "worse than that."
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