Questionnaire for the MSM
Did you ever want to be a journalist, or did you always want to be – well, whatever it is you are now?
Do you ever investigate the facts behind a story – even once in a while, for shits and giggles?
Follow-up question: Do you know what a “fact” is?
Have you ever considered changing jobs and actually doing something useful for a living?
Do you fear that you have now been typecast as the “idiot newscaster”, and will never be offered any serious roles?
Besides Ted Baxter, who have been your role models?
Where do you source your news stories from:
(a) Twitter
(b) FaceBook
(c) Chit-chat at the office watercooler
(d) Gossip overheard on the bus to work
(e) Memos from corporate headquarters
(f) Your own ass
Do you ever peruse online blogs that are based on well-researched facts, just out of curiosity to see what real journalism looks like?
When was the last time you got a news story completely right?
(a) Covering an apple turnover sale at a local bakery
(b) Doing a piece about a kitten with a Hitler moustache
(c) An item on a streetlight that burned out around the corner from the studio
(d) A piece about – oh, nevermind. I got that one wrong, too
(e) I don’t understand the question. Who said we’re supposed to get it right?
When investigating a news story, do you:
(a) Contact the people involved to get statements
(b) Figure that if it’s on the internet, it must be true
(c) Ask your buds at the bar what they think
(d) What does “investigate” mean?
In your view, the best way to handle an interview with someone whose facts don’t jibe with your version of events is to:
(a) Simply interrupt and talk over them
(b) Intimate that you know more than they do because you have a TV show and they don’t
(c) Roll your eyes, giggle, and sigh repeatedly
(d) Announce that you’ve “run out of time”, and cut to a commercial
I believe that 100% accuracy in reporting the news is:
(a) Highly overrated
(b) Lacking the "spin factor" that most people tune-in for
(c) A losing proposition leading to low ratings/market share
(d) Above my pay grade
As a member of the MSM, what do you believe best qualifies you for the job of accurately reporting the news:
(a) I look good on camera
(b) I am able to spontaneously make shit up while on-air
(c) I have mastered the art of sounding like I know what I’m talking about
(d) I am an expert at saying what my bosses tell me to say
(e) Don’t ask me – I just work here
