Breaking: James Comey awards Trump with honorary G-Man status.
FBI director Comey, giggling slightly, citing the spirit of Nixon/Presley meeting in which Elvis Presley sought and was granted G-Man status, said he was declaring Donald Trump Special Agent at Large. He said that Trumps deep connections with Russia and prominent mob figures would be an asset to his crimes, er ah, crime fighting. He further stated that he hoped Trump might run across that scheming she devil from the demonic party and using his newly vested powers, jail her.
Comey, in his press conference, acknowledged that while this was a first, it would not be the last of his deviant behavior. Saying that lately he had been on a tradition breaking tear. He hoped that he could find other worthy candidates for honorary G-Man status. He said the republican House of Representatives contained many potential candidates for the award. Frothing on, he said that the new award would be known as the American Sterling Status. (A)SS for short. That the award would be signified by a pair of lightning bolts on an American flag background. Comey said that there was no truth to the rumor that this (A)SS status came with command authority over the newly formed Americaners for Americaners movement.
Trump, glimmering orangely, said that this award was "yugggeee" and that he accepted it in the spirit in which it was offered. He promptly ordered the disappearance of all demonics and people he disproved of. He also requested a pack of pit bulls to bring in the chief demon, in one piece or many. Flailing his tiny fingers at the enthralled crowd of the poorly educated, he tottered off the stage.
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