Trump has me searching for a new religion- Garrison Keillor

[octoberlib]

And so the Boy President heads for Washington to be sworn into office, pumping his fist, mooning the media, giving the stinky finger to whomever irks him, doing his end-zone dance, promising to build the wall, cut taxes, create jobs, provide great health insurance for EVERYONE and send his son-in-law to the Middle East to solve that little problem, and the rest of us will sit in a barn and keep ourselves warm and hide our heads under our wings, poor things. Discouraging.

So I’ve been shopping around for a new religion to see me through the next four years. Too many of my fellow Christians voted for selfishness and for degradation of the beautiful world God created. I guess they figured that by the time the planet was a smoky wasteland, they’d be nice and comfy in heaven, so wotthehell. Anyhow, I’m looking around for other options.

Buddhism involves way too much sitting still for my taste; the Dalai Lama basically says, “Be gentle. Listen to the universe. Live in the moment. Let happiness flow through you.” And I think to myself, “This man has never had children.” Hinduism includes sacred cows, and my experience with cattle makes it impossible for me to revere them; they are stubborn and stupid, and letting them wander loose in the streets — why? Prime rib is their proper destiny.

Islam is great and so is Judaism but they’re so complicated! You can’t just walk into a temple and listen to a holy person and burst into tears and throw yourself down on the floor, as you can with Christianity, and say, “I believe!” and get dunked in water and, shazam, you’re in.

https://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/trump-has-me-searching-for-a-new-religion/2017/01/17/361d575e-dcf0-11e6-ad42-f3375f271c9c_story.html?hpid=hp_no-name_opinion-card-b%3Ahomepage%2Fstory&utm_term=.56ed74aae6ad

[HassleCat]

1. And there is another question.

If God allows this to happen, is he worthy of our worship?

[Warpy]

4. That's what happens when a god is all-good

He destroys faith in himself.

I like Keillor's final conclusion.

[Hekate]

7. That's what we get for having Free Will: we have to figure out these things for ourselves

...and don't get to blame a Deity for the resilts.

[dembotoz]

2. i feel his pain

if the topic of religion comes up i am more and more feeling that when i admit to being a christian i feel the need to add a disclaimer....as in i am not a crazy fundie, i am not an anti abortion zealot....etc

its bothersome

[democratisphere]

3. Paganism is always a great alternative.

[Angry Dragon]

5. Start your own religion

[NightWatcher]

8. Write your bad habits and dislikes into the dogma....

Establish your own religious holidays...
Avoid taxes...

Sounds good to me.

[Angry Dragon]

22. but to me you owe 10%

[tblue37]

15. That is what L. Ron Hubbard did. nt

[mopinko]

6. anybody that feeds the cow can milk the cow.

that's why.

[lindysalsagal]

9. "if you lied and cheated and didnt pay your bills and plastered your name on big buildings, beware."

"My religion would be a gentle faith that believed in the sacredness of leisure. Napping as a form of prayer. You worship the Lord by sitting on the porch and sipping iced tea and dozing off over a good book. Baseball is part of Reformed Zoroastrianism, and the number three, and Ferris wheels and deep-fried cheese curds. A tolerant religion, but it would come down hard on tailgaters and the writers of technical manuals and people who butt in when you’re busy working. “I’m sorry to disturb you,” they say. Well, then don’t, okay?

But then I stop and think about all the work involved in starting up a religion and deciding on dogma and having mystical visions, and proclaiming the truth to people who don’t care, and dealing with the oddballs and misfits who’d be attracted to the thing, and I think, “No way.”

So I am left with Confucianism, accepting the sacredness of confusion. Life is messy and it always has been. We work hard to earn money, we neglect our health and then we pay the money to restore our health, meanwhile we forgot how to enjoy life, so what good is health anyway, and now 80,000 people in three states have elected a president who can’t focus on anything for more than a couple of sentences and who contradicts himself every other day. So it goes. Have mercy."

[FarCenter]

10. Guess he didn't study Revelation -- all sorts of bad stuff happens.

Religious eschatology tends towards either an apocalypse or recurring cycles of birth and death.

The notion of an ever improving future seems to be a 19th century fit of optimism.

The current view that a steady state is the desired outcome and that conservation can make sustainability possible is a late 20th century invention.

Apocalypse is more likely.

[madokie]

11. I love the man

I'm not a religious person by any stretch of anyones imagination. No way am I going to start believing that there is a whatever wherever that controls or has anything to do with anything that has happened in the past or is going to happen in the future. As I've said so many times, I'm no different that the bug that hit my windshield, when I die I'll simply be dead, nothing more nothing less


religion is simply a way for a few to control the many. I truly believe that with my whole being.

Peace

Thanks Garrison, I love you man

[trof]

12. Pastafarianism is the One True Religion.

You could look it up.

[Solly Mack]

13. People can always worship me.

Don't pray to me because I can't hear you. Seriously...it's not possible for me to hear someone praying in the next room much less miles and miles away.

Don't bother sending me money because I don't have any miracle spring water - and even if I had some I'm certain tap water will not cure what ails you.

Don't call out to me during sex because that would be just plain weird. Unless we're having sex, which will never happen.

I won't be laying hands on anyone. There are laws against that sort of thing, and even if they were none...eew. Get your freak on somewhere else.

But if you embrace sarcasm, wry self-deprecation, and the occasional mean streak, I'm your god.

Oh, and the added bonus...

I'm not on Twitter.

[tblue37]

16. You win the internet today. nt

[Solly Mack]

18. Lucky me.

[tavalon]

14. I'm Wiccan, a Pagan

Have been for 30 years. I don't think there is a Pagan on the Goddesses green earth who voted for Trump.

[spanone]

17. K&R...

[Cha]

19. K&R!

[retread]

20. As the saying goes, "Everyone needs something to believe in!

I believe I'll have another beer!!"

[Achilleaze]

21. k n r