Do Our Kids Get Off Too Easy?

[groovedaddy]

THE conventional wisdom these days is that kids come by everything too easily — stickers, praise, A’s, trophies. It’s outrageous, we’re told, that all kids on the field may get a thanks-for-playing token, in contrast to the good old days, when recognition was reserved for the conquering heroes.

Children are said to be indulged and overcelebrated, spared from having to confront the full impact of their inadequacy. There are ringing declarations about the benefits of frustration and the need for grit.

These themes are sounded with numbing regularity, yet those who sound them often adopt a self-congratulatory tone, as if it took extraordinary gumption to say pretty much what everyone else is saying. Indeed, this fundamentally conservative stance on children and parenting has become common even for people who are liberal on other issues.

But seriously, has any child who received a trinket after losing a contest walked away believing that he (or his team) won — or that achievement doesn’t matter? Giving trophies to all the kids is a well-meaning and mostly innocuous attempt to appreciate everyone’s effort.

http://www.nytimes.com/2014/05/04/opinion/sunday/do-our-kids-get-off-too-easy.html?emc=edit_th_20140504&nl=todaysheadlines&nlid=38945174

[JayhawkSD]

1. I think the argument deals with only one side of the argument.

"...it’s assumed that the best way to get children ready for the miserable “real world” that awaits them is to make sure they have plenty of miserable experiences while they’re young."

That's kind of a silly piece of hyperbole, and it isn't what anyone is arguing. The real argument is to ask how a child learns to deal with disappointment if he/she is never disappointed? How does a child learn to deal with adversity if he/she never has to face advesity? How does a child learn to deal with unfair treatment if he/she is never treated unfairly?

Adults are punished when they err, so how does a child learn to accept punishment if a child is never punished?

How do you teach a child to face life on life's terms by sheltering them from the attenuated version of life which they would otherwise face as children.

There often is a real problem with the degree to which adult and child penalyies differ in courts. A kid steals a car and gets a slap on the wrist. He does it again and gets another slap on the wrist. He does it one week after his 18th birthday and gets a five-year prison sentence.

I don't have the answers, but what we are doing is not working very well, given that we imprison a higher percentage of our people than any other nation in the world.

[OldEurope]

2. Children know very well.

There are studies about (very small!) children seeing exactly what is fair and what is not. But then, they learn what is accepted in their very society. If beeing strong is appreciated more than beeing friendly - the children will prefer being strong. So they start bullying, or they steal a car because they don't want to get bullied. If the bullied children don't get help, they will tend to beeing aggressive when older.

[TBF]

5. Maybe the high number of people imprisoned has

something to do with a for-profit prison system? Just a guess ...

[yurbud]

4. I teach community college and my students have to bust their asses

To make it through college because the way financial aid is given out makes it difficult to impassible for lower middle classed and working class kids to finish.

This talk of overly coddled kids is either intellectually lazy or cynical cover for screwing these kids.

[adirondacker]

6. +100%. I had to participate in the federal work study program to get by in a state college...

The rule of thumb then (90's) was that anything beyond 6-8 hours/week had an impact on your studies. I worked ten hours/week during a semester and my grades and ability to concentrate were significantly impacted. I was blessed with a paid internship in my senior year.

[yurbud]

7. I didn't get much more than pizza money from my family during college, but financial aid made it

possible to go to school full time and only work during the summer.

I know this isn't an option for my students.

[adirondacker]

8. I think your students are fortunate that they have someone like yourself that they can seek counsel

from.

[bemildred]

9. No. nt