Ohio Replaces Lethal Injection With Humane New Head-Ripping-Off Machine

[Katashi_itto]

[Suich]

1. Love the Onion!!!

[Xipe Totec]

2. Ahead of its time...

[Suich]

3. In the "old days,"

I could almost always spot an Onion story. These days, it's a lot harder!

[Xipe Totec]

12. Subtle sarcasm too, is hard to spot. nt

[The Velveteen Ocelot]

4. OMG! The Onion strikes again!

The blood-spattered press conference was a nice touch.

[NYC_SKP]

6. I think the large meat-tenderizing hammer device was a nice touch.

Thoughtful of them to include that.

[tblue]

8. Yes, I love their little subtle-but-not-subtle touches

God bless The Onion!

[MrMickeysMom]

13. Exactly...

[tclambert]

5. Why don't executioners just use the same methods as slaughterhouses?

They have plenty of experience making things dead. And I'm sure they have worked hard to find the most humane way to make the transformation as gentle as possible.

(Note: I am not saying eat the condemned prisoners afterward. I know it would waste over 80,000 calories of perfectly good meat, but it just seems wrong to make peopleburgers out of convicted murderers.)

[MillennialDem]

9. Because it's humane for the prison guards / families etc not the inmate

Beheading (with a guillotine, lol, not this thing) is about as quick and painless and sure fire way you can use that is neither cost prohibitive or dangerous to the executioner.

The only thing quicker would be making the prisoner straddle a giant bomb.

[tclambert]

11. Oh, they don't want the spectators to suffer. Gotta please the audience.

So it's all a show, a disturbed kind of theater. Sadly, that makes perfect sense.

[tblue]

7. Had me for about 8 seconds!

And the Texas' Machinator! HAHAHHAHAAAAAA!!!!

[Marie Marie]

10. The blood spatter...