Arctic Methane Release at Extinction Levels. Republicans Admit to Crisis, Formulate Plan for Masses

[Denninmi]

AMID MULTIPLE SHOCKING REPORTS OF MASSIVE RELEASES OF DEADLY METHANE GAS FROM SEAFLOOR DEPOSITS IN THE ARCTIC OCEAN:


Vast methane 'plumes' seen in Arctic ocean as sea ice retreats

STEVE CONNOR TUESDAY 13 DECEMBER 2011

Latest in Science

Dramatic and unprecedented plumes of methane - a greenhouse gas 20 times more potent than carbon dioxide - have been seen bubbling to the surface of the Arctic Ocean by scientists undertaking an extensive survey of the region.

The scale and volume of the methane release has astonished the head of the Russian research team who has been surveying the seabed of the East Siberian Arctic Shelf off northern Russia for nearly 20 years.

http://www.independent.co.uk/news/science/vast-methane-plumes-seen-in-arctic-ocean-as-sea-ice-retreats-6276278.html


Global Extinction within one Human Lifetime as a Result of a Spreading Atmospheric Arctic Methane Heat wave and Surface Firestorm

Abstract

Although the sudden high rate Arctic methane increase at Svalbard in late 2010 data set applies to only a short time interval, similar sudden methane concentration peaks also occur at Barrow point and the effects of a major methane build-up has been observed using all the major scientific observation systems. Giant fountains/torches/plumes of methane entering the atmosphere up to 1 km across have been seen on the East Siberian Shelf. This methane eruption data is so consistent and aerially extensive that when combined with methane gas warming potentials, Permian extinction event temperatures and methane lifetime data it paints a frightening picture of the beginning of the now uncontrollable global warming induced destabilization of the sub sea Arctic methane hydrates on the shelf and slope which started in late 2010. This process of methane release will accelerate exponentially, release huge quantities of methane into the atmosphere and lead to the demise of all life on earth before the middle of this century.

http://arctic-news.blogspot.com/p/global-extinction-within-one-human.html

TOP REPUBLICAN OFFICIALS TODAY SUDDENLY REVERSE COURSE, ADMIT THAT HUMANITY FACES A GRAVE ENVIRONMENTAL CRISIS OF EPIC PROPORTIONS, AND ANNOUNCE A DRAMATIC PLAN FORMULATED BY TOP REPUBLICAN MINDS DESIGNED TO ALLOW FRIGHTENED AMERICANS TO PREPARE FOR THE IMPENDING DISASTER.

Denn Inmi, Special Correspondent
08.12.2012. 22:18
Lolright 2012 DU Member News Inc.

In a shocking and dramatic reversal of its long-standing policy position, the Republican Party today announced that it has reviewed with the nation's leading climate scientists massive amounts of disturbing new data about the scope and nature of arctic seafloor methane release. Despite objection from certain prominent conservatives such as Rush Limbaugh and Ann Coulter, The Republican Party now admits that dangerous man-made climate change does exist, and has stated that the resulting impending release of stored Methane gas represents the single most dire threat to the survival of our species, and indeed to the continued existence of all life on Earth. The Republicans have further stated this threat is even greater than that posed by the world's arsenal of nuclear weapons.

In a hastily-called, emergency joint news conference presented at Republican National Commitee headquarters in Washington, D.C. by Republican National Committee Chairman Prince Riebus and Republican Presidential Candidate Mitt Romney, it was announced that, not only does the Republican Party now admit that man-made global warming threatens to kill all life on earth within a few short decades, but the Republicans have formulated a bold and daring last-minute plan, named in honor of principle author and Chairman Riebus, which is designed to calm panic and offer hope to the American people in the face of this grave, impending global environmental Armageddon.

At the press conference, Presidential Candidate Mitt Romney was quoted as saying, "The details of the so-called 'Prince Plan' are contained in a video which we have marked for immediate distribution, and which we have titled 'The Republican National Committee and Mitt Romney Present: 'The Prince Plan For the Impending Global Methane Release Disaster -- A Preparation Plan for the Average American'. This video guide to the Republican's daring plan for disaster preparation has been immediately released to all domestic and international media outlets and may be viewed directly on the World Wide Web at a Republican National Committee website address which will be distributed in printed form momentarily to all journalists assembled here today. And, I further wish to assure the American people, that, if elected their next President, I will show as much concern for the continued safe existence of every average American as I would for a member of my very own family, or, Heck, even for one of my beloved family pets, such as my late dog Seamus. Boy, I sure miss that old rascal, how he loved to jump into that crate for that long ride to the family cottage...."

At the conclusion of the joint news conference, Chairman Riebus and Presidential Candidate Romney issued the following joint statement to the frightened and terrified American people:

"Ordinary American citizens, we as Republicans have shown the our utmost possible personal level of concern for the safety and health of all of you people in the past, and we will continue to do so in the face of this horrific impending disaster. Please stay calm and pray often, and most of all, we encourage you people to very carefully study the 'Prince Plan' for the very best ideas our leading Republican thinkers could formulate as to how average citizens such as yourselves should prepare for this impending environmental disaster. May God bless and preserve the United States of America. Thank you."

EDITOR'S NOTE: As a convenience to our readers, we have printed a link to the Republican National Committee's website address below, where the 'Prince Plan' can be downloaded for redistribution, and we have also included a direct video link below to the 'Prince Plan', which will allow our readers to immediate view the video with either Windows Media Player for PC or the AirPlay video streaming to Apple TV Appfor iPad or Mac.

We suggest that all average Americans carefully study the 'Prince Plan' to see what the very best concerned Republicans minds would like them to do to face this oncoming disaster.

(NOTE: PLEASE SCROLL DOWN FOR WEBSITE ADDRESS AND DIRECT VIDEO LINK.)

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THE BEST IDEA FOR DISASTER PREPARATION THE REPUBLICANS COULD COME UP WITH, PRESENTED TO YOU, THE AMERICAN PEOPLE, WITH ALL OF THEIR LOVE AND RESPECT:

Download at:

http:// www.republicans.hate.us.dotcom/thekochbrothershavereallyscrewedthepoochthistime


or press the 'Play' icon in the center of the embedded video window to watch the 'Prince Plan' right now:

[Denninmi]

1. My attempt at writing an 'Onion' inspired satire piece.

Let me know if you like it.

[Kaleva]

4. I think the lead up to the joke is rather long.

The "Party Like its 1999" joke is funny but it took some reading to get to it. Overall pretty good though!

[Ptah]

2. For a minute there, I thought I was in the Lounge.

Oh wait, I am.

[Kaleva]

3. Sending Lounge Vibes to the Arctic!

[NYC_SKP]

5. This post is the Dog's Tits!

And that's as high as my praise can go...

[turtlerescue1]

6. YES!

okay I liked it, enough to want to share it, but it would have to be with a friend..