How bad of a child am I?

[Justice wanted]

Okay some back ground. My mother has always been very hard on me. She might mean well but some of my friends say that her relationship with me is mentally Abusive.

She can say some mean things and I've always been fat all my life. I've tried diet after diet and failed. The last time I was on a diet my friend who is a nutritionist and had me on a great diet was shocked how I wasn't losing weight like I should.

She's like you need to find a doctor who will look past your weight and find out what's really wrong with you.

Long story short I ended up having a huge I umbilical hernia and had emengercy surgery to remove it last year ... (give you an idea of how big it was the surgery should have only taken 1 hour it took 3. I am right now between sizes)

Anyways while recoverying from the hernia operation I developed pneumoia and nearly died. While in the hospital I was seen by a lung specialist who has been watching me on and off for a year.

Fastforward to this year. When I went to the hospital being sick with pnuemoia they had me call my lung speicalist who wanted to see me the next day.

Mom took me to the appointment and was in the room with me when I saw the doctor.

She said too the doctor. I don't understand how she doesn't have high blood pressure or sugar with how fat she is.

Doctor explained my fat has nothing to do with me being healthy like she is thinking. It is the way my liver isn't processing fat and retaining fat.

It seemed everytime she tried to bring up an arguement to put me down he would slap down the arguement to keep her from putting me down and it felt AWESOME seeing this man in a sense put this woman down the way she did to me all my life.

And he really didn't demean her BUT would put her arguements and beliefs about how lazy and terrible I am down and it just was liberating and gave me a new lease.

I know I sound like a terrible child but I honestly think I needed to hear that and now I'm feeling guilty so could someone put this in perspective?

[Kali]

1. not bad at all

probably way too good if a doctor putting your mother's abusive "medical knowledge" bs in perspective for her makes YOU feel guilty.

be kind to yourself, it is OK to do that since your own mother won't.

[Mopar151]

2. My wife goes thru this with a couple of siblings

She has a weight issue - but the sibs have mental health issues, particularly her sister, who wants "to lock you up somewhere so you can lose weight". It's painful and funny to watch, all at once - because it happens at family functions, in front of everyone.

[Tuesday Afternoon]

3. vibes

[quakerboy]

4. Will all due respect

and with the disclaimer that I am basing it purely on what you have said here, without reference to anything outside it...

Your mother seems to be is the one at fault. By the OP, I am sure that is what you want to hear, and that is how you have created the scenario.

I don't do with people who tear you down, who are destructive. Be they related or not. Everyone seems to think that family is some holy grail, that you have to stick by them, right or wrong, through thick or thin, etc.

No. I love my family. But I do not choose to associate with people who are there to tear me down.

[Angry Dragon]

5. There is nothing for you to feel guilty about

there is nothing that you have done for your mother to treat you like this

I believe Skittles would be happy to kick her ass
or I could flame her ........ your choice ......... just say the word

[elleng]

6. PLEASE don't feel guilty!

I know that me saying it will have little effect, but I mean to say you SHOULD feel liberated, I'm pleased you and your mother heard this from the doctor. MAYBE your mother will change her behavior and thinking; she CERTAINLY should. You will always know the facts and that she's heard them.

My daughters have a somewhat similar relationship, one has been 'dumping' on the other forever with no cause. The 'dumpee' knows that I know this, we talk about it, but she often feels so oppressed that I think she suffers from depression as a result of the behavior of her sister. People are people, unfortunately sometimes.

In NO WAY do you sound like a terrible child; you are a whole person, with feelings, and thank goodness you've been liberated!

BEST of luck to you.

[nolabear]

7. Cher, your screen name says it all.

You know what you want and what you deserve. Justice. Just treatment. By everyone. You know in your heart who you are and how honest you are or aren't being with yourself. No one owns that but you, and you need to be free to do with it what you will.

I don't know how old you are, whether you're an adult or teen, but you seem to have good instincts about who's supporting you and who's not, even if they might believe they are (some people can be weird that way). Sometimes people attack someone else for something they don't like in themselves. None of this is relevent, though. What matters is how you treat yourself...justly, with respect and affection and hope.