Oh my god. My ex just called me and I didn't pick up. I'm not ready for this...

[Gravitycollapse]

No one's ever told me how to deal with this. She texted me and wants me to call her back.

WHAT THE FUCK AM I SUPPOSED TO DO? I have no idea what I'm doing. I don't even know what I want. What if she wants to get back together?

I just want her to leave me alone. But I want her back more than anything else. I'm so fucking confused.

[Denninmi]

1. Text her back. Be honest but not detailed.

Just say you really need time to be alone and think, please respect that, I'll get back to you when I've cleared my mind.

[kalisto2010]

2. Here's the best thing to do.

Act as friendly as possible. Even if it kills you to do so. Do not act like you miss her, do not act like you're hurt by her. Just treat her like you would treat any friend you haven't talked to in a while. Make it appear that you're extremely happy ( Even if you're depressed and bitter). This makes you a lot more interesting in her eyes. The worst thing you can do is act, sad, bitter, and depressed. It's imperative that you show strength during these times. If you do, the balance of power will swing back in your favor. Don't bring up anything about the Relationship, Feelings, Anything. Let her do it, if she still has feelings for you she eventually will bring up the subject. So call her back, and treat her just like she's any other friend.

P:S Don't take any relationship advice from a woman unless it's your mother or sister. What women say they want, and what they emotionally respond to are 2 vastly different things.

[4_TN_TITANS]

26. ^^^this post (#2)

Best advice, in my opinion. Contact her like you would any aquaintance, and make it brief - like you have more pressing things to do.

I sure don't miss the 'games'. After 26 yrs. with my wife, we are beyond it. But, this advice worked like a charm once years ago.

[Dash87]

28. Can he cast a spell to give me a trillion dollars,

or make me never gain weight? I expect both of these by tomorrow, and a new car!

[HeiressofBickworth]

3. Do not panic!

You are running full-speed into a brick wall of conclusions. You have no idea what moved her to contact you at this time. So don't go reading too much into it. She may just want her favorite pen back --- or not. But let HER be the one to bring up the reason why she contacted you. So, I guess I agree with another poster who said you should send her a message that you will contact her at another time. Dealing in emails or texts keeps things at arms-length and removes some of the emotion from the exchange so perhaps it isn't best to actually speak with her right now.

[Gravitycollapse]

5. She called me because she was having a panic attack over her failing academic performance.

Not sure why she called me. She said she had no one else to talk to and I'm not so sure that's the case.

She is panicking about the GRE she is taking next week. She says she's unprepared. And I believe her. I told her that as a last resort, I could help her prepare for the math portion.

But she's also having a lot of emotional problems right now that need to be addressed by a therapist. Which she cannot afford because she has no health insurance.

It's all fucked.

[a la izquierda]

8. If she's in school, there are counseling options available

Just a thought.

[magical thyme]

24. She called you in the middle of the night? Because she was having a panic attack?

You are not her therapist. She can get free help at her school.

Tell her you will not be taking her calls or emails any more and block both.

[cherokeeprogressive]

4. Wanting her back, and thinking she's pursuing you is the best feeling in the world...

Don't do anything.

[B Calm]

6. You owe her child support?

[raccoon]

7. I'd say don't respond. She wanted the breakup, right?

I've learned the hard way it's not good for one person to have way too much power in the
relationship.

[pipi_k]

10. Too much power...

Something I heard the other day...

The person who cares the least in a relationship usually has the most power.


I wondered why until it hit me...

that person has nothing to lose because s/he doesn't care as much. So it's like they're playing with "house money".

[pipi_k]

9. Like a couple

of others said already...

I would not respond in any way.

She can't afford therapy? There are free support groups out there for just about any problem imaginable.

You are not her therapist.


Granted, it's mostly cynicism that makes me think that way, but hell...I've been through enough relationships to know the crap people can pull.

And if there's ever a time if/when she realizes she has your (whatever possession) or you have her (whatever possession), I would seriously have a third party contact her to make the exchange.

You want to get over her fast? Whenever you get to thinking too much about the "good times" and how great it would be to get back together again, switch gears to how much you felt like a bus had run you over again and again when she left. And she didn't care.

Whenever someone broke up with me, that's what I used to do. Stop the pining and romanticizing. Bring out the anger. It always worked.

[HappyMe]

14. I agree.

I think it's kind of mean that's she's doing this. I don't like these kind of games.

I think that if he has a 'block' feature on the phone, her number should be put in there. It's time to heal.

[pipi_k]

17. Definitely

mean, even if she doesn't realize it.

Or maybe even sort of passive aggressive, or whatever that sort of thing is called.

I agree 100% with the phone number block.

And...if email is involved, I would find some way of blocking that too. Maybe set up a separate folder for "trash" where her emails would go. Or get a program that bounces them back as undeliverable.

[HappyMe]

19. Yup.

Time to take some harsh measures with her.

[warrior1]

11. keep in mind that she broke up with you

If you're not ready for this, then don't talk with her, don't text, nothing.


You need time to take care of yourself.

If you do speak with her, you will again be at this point of confusion again. You need to move on.

[pipi_k]

12. Couldn't

agree more.

This whole thing is like getting a broken bone and only allowing it to heal to a certain point before injuring it again.

And again. And again.

And each time it gets re-injured makes it that much more difficult for it to heal properly.

[warrior1]

13. I speak from experience

the second breakup is the worst and you feel like a fool for taking a second chance with people.

I know this sounds harsh, but if your seeing red flags, pay attention.

[pipi_k]

16. Yep...

me too.

The only person I ever took back after a breakup (he left me) was my first husband.

I was no more than a kid, really, so I didn't know anything about life.

When he left me the second time, stayed away for a while, then wanted to come back a third time I told him NO.

That's the last time I ever gave anyone a second chance (in 1974), and I swore never again, and I meant it.

When they're gone, they're gone, and they had better not even think about messing with my head by contacting me.

[Tuesday Afternoon]

15. >>>WHAT THE FUCK AM I SUPPOSED TO DO?<<< DON'T DO ANYTHING!!!

Leave her alone.

[Kaleva]

18. If she broke up with you, I'd advise that you not respond.

But that depends. Can you handle being dumped, taken back, dumped and taken back repeatedly? Does the good of being with her far outweigh whatever bad has happened and will continue to happen?

Unless she has changed and you go back to her now, it will be entirely on her terms and not yours.

[DFW]

20. Maybe someone died and left you a million bucks, and only left her number with the estate lawyer?

If not, you can always hang up again, right?

[Lady Freedom Returns]

21. I can understand.

Your mind and your heart is fighting it out. Part of your heart is on the mind's side and that hurts too.

Two things to think HARD! on...

1) who did the breaking up?
A) If it was her, why does she want back and do I really want to go through this again if she changes her mind?

2) If it was you that did the breaking up? Why?
A) If you get back together the problems will still be there.

[WolverineDG]

22. I would advise you not to respond

It appears the only reason she contacted you is that she's in a panic. Once that is over, she'll dump you again. If you think that's too harsh, You could text back something like "sorry, I'm super busy right now, but I know you'll do just fine!" Then the ball is back in her court & she knows you're not wrapped around her finger ready to dump everything else to rush to her side when she beckons.

[Squinch]

23. Gravity, you're getting a lot of illogical advice here.

You want her back more than anything else. Yet everyone here is telling you to ignore her, in order to get some kind of leg up on the power in the relationship. Which, of course, will shut down the communication between you.

I would text or email. Find out why she called you. If it is just to be a shoulder to cry on, she should find someone else, since she broke up with you and it doesn't seem like a friendship between the two of you would be to your interests. I'd be honest about this and tell her that you aren't interested in being an ear or a buddy for her.

But find out why she called. You want something to happen here at some point. After you know what you are dealing with, you can decide whether to tell her to go away entirely, or give you time to figure out what you want, or whatever you decide. But don't shut down the communication to show her who's boss, because that would rule out what you ultimately want.

[pipi_k]

25. "Find out why she called you"...

5. She called me because she was having a panic attack over her failing academic performance.

Not sure why she called me. She said she had no one else to talk to and I'm not so sure that's the case.

Post number 5. She called him because she was having a panic attack over her academic performance.

I'm not sure that's a basis upon which to open up any lines of communication.

Sounds like she just wants to use him for whatever comfort he can give her. Then when she feels better, he'll be kicked to the curb again.

And who knows if maybe that could have been the dynamics of the relationship all along...her being the needy little victim...him being the rescuer.

So he already knows why she called.

And it's not illogical to ask him whether repeating the pattern a second (or third, or fourth) time is what he wants to do.

I forget why she left in the first place, but she apparently either doesn't know, or doesn't care, that contacting him again and again is torture for him.