So they told my 86-year-old Mom she has lung cancer tonight

[Triana]

A visit with a pulmonary specialist to follow, then we'll know more about her prognosis.

At 86, they're not about to do any surgery, certainly.

I don't know how long she has - at 86, probably not much longer, lung cancer or none.

She's not been feeling well and has pain in her left side (cancer is in left lower lobe of lung).

There may be something they can to to stave it off, or it may (or may not be) a slow-growing type.

She just had x-rays and CT scans not too long ago and nothing was there. Now, there is a spot on one lung.

Yes. She's 86 and at this stage, it may be a non-event for her.

Either way, I'm so sad, near tears. You always hope they can go just because they're old. Not sick, or cancer-ridden, or in pain.

I feel sad. And - lost. And - cold.

We'll see what the pulmonary doc says.

Dad died in June of last year. Sister took care of him until the last and that was no small feat as he was an ornery old cuss. Mom, not so much. But sister is tired and across the effin' country with Mom and I'm on the lEast coast. Too far away and too tied down to do a lot of good. I don't want to be here. Yet, I'm not sure where I even am really. Or, why. Never have been and now, even moreso.

Mom says not to be sad about it because she's had a good long life and plenty of happy times. She's where she wants to be and will be buried in the place she always wanted. She seem resigned to it and I guess at that age, you get that way. Every additional day you get to live is a miracle (if you're not suffering too much).

Myself, however, am not resigned to it. That just doesn't happen.

She might be fine for a couple more years. Or, not. We just don't know yet. I hate not knowing. I hate knowing.

[kairos12]

1. Sorry to hear of your mom's diagnosis. I wish you and her continued strength.

[dixiegrrrrl]

2. Lost my Mom to lung cancer.

She was only 57.
I felt sad and lost and cold, too.
Losing a parent also makes you feel vunerable for awhile.

Everything you are feeling and will be feeling is all part of a long process, now and down the road.

You will know more afer you talk to doc about what type of lung cancer and what stage it is in, which will give you some idea of what to expect.
It may be that hospice care will make sense, if that is an option at some point.

I wish for you courage and strength.

[RebelOne]

16. So did I. My mother was 78.

She had been a smoker, and had quit for two years. But then the lung cancer popped up. It was inoperable and she only lived for about two months after the diagnosis.

[CaliforniaPeggy]

3. I'm so sorry, my dear Triana...

This is tough news, any way you look at it. And I hear you about hating knowing, or not knowing...

I would, I guess, take my cues from your mom. She has had a long mostly happy life. I'm not as old as she is (but old enough to understand what she's saying.)

You do tend to see each day or month or year as miraculous. And you try to live to the fullest, because you know you'll run out of days sometime, and nobody really knows when...

Take care of yourself!

And let us know what the pulmonary doc has to say, if you can, OK?

[TuxedoKat]

4. So sorry to hear this

and so sorry for the loss of your beloved dad too. I hope there is some good news for you and your mom. Perhaps catching it early like this there is a way to treat this. A second opinion might be in store too. Keeping good thoughts and sending prayers for you and your mom. (((HUGS)))

[applegrove]

5. So sorry for your news.

[countryjake]

6. Triana, you have all of my sympathies.

It was a year ago (April 22) that a doctor told my brother and I that very same thing about our 95 yr old mother. We couldn't believe it, refused to believe it, and still will never understand how a person lives healthy her entire life for all those years and then ends up with cancer. As it turned out, the primary was in her colon, but had spread up into her liver and on to her lung. We just didn't know.

Your mom sounds like a wonderful sweet woman. Mine was not; she was an ornery old cuss and the eight months that I spent (across this effin' country) trying to care for someone who did not want to be cared for and then, dealing with the aftermath, were probably some of the hardest times of my life. I was lucky, tho, to be able to put my life here on hold and go to her. For that, I am grateful.

I can tell you that this time right after the diagnosis may be the hardest, for your mom, you, and your sister. After a while, the resignation does become very real, but fear, the feelings of being lost, helpless, come first. I think that we draw a certain bravery, strength, from the warmth of family, having them close. While I don't believe in miracles, it was just short of amazing the way my dysfunctional bunch pulled together in the face of cancer.

I am truly sorry for you, and send you peace, a few of my own tears, and a good hug. Be strong, it's the best we can do. My tiny little old mother defied the doctors, hospice, everyone who had given her only a month to live; those of her generation sometimes have an imperturbable will, so please don't give up hope.

[shenmue]

7. I am sorry

[Tuesday Afternoon]

8. So sorry. Prayers and vibes for you Mother.

[cyberswede]

9. I'm sorry to hear about your mother.

Hang in there.

[BootinUp]

10. Pretty serious lounge material. Sorry to hear about your mom's

illness, and while I haven't experienced something like this, you did a fair job of expressing your thoughts which seem very normal in this kind of situation. Just follow your instincts, talk to your mom, she probably has more to say if she has the chance to do so.

[Triana]

11. Yea I'm often at a loss as to where to put such stuff.

It's hardly anything amusing or funny, yet GD seems like the wrong place too.

[BootinUp]

12. Not a criticism though.

Just an observation.

[Packerowner740]

13. My mom got lung cancer at 61.

They gave her 6 months, she made it 3 more years. Best wishes to you and her.

[DFW]

14. Make the most of the time you have

At least you know you have some. I got the news about my mom's stroke while she was in Virginia and I was in Germany. By the time I heard, it was already too late to grab the first plane and say good-bye. Just *poof* oops, no more mom.

You have the time to try to deal with this. And I do mean try, as that's about as close as you'll come. But make the most of it anyway. You'll be glad you did and kick yourself afterward for not doing more.

[Triana]

15. Thanks everyone...So the pulmonologist said...

....that her PCP should not have told her it was cancer. The specialist said it *may* not be cancer. They want to keep an eye on it - check again in a month or so. They said it may be some pneumonia.

So...she's relieved as am I but it still may be cancer. I hate - again - this not knowing and if it was for sure cancer - then I'd hate knowing.

Can't win with this though. Either way. Life - none of us will survive it. Ever.

[Kaleva]

17. I hope the best for your mom, you and your family.

[undeterred]

18. ...

[Solly Mack]

19. I'm so sorry, Triana

Wishing your Mom the best.

[Jenoch]

20. My paternal grandmother died on her 86th birthay at 4am

with my father (her youngest son) at her side. She had abdominal pain for a few months but did not tell anyone until shortly before her death. My oldest brother took her to her doctor, they did 'exploritory' surgery, saw the cancer and sewed her back up. She died two weeks later. In her case, that was the best way for her to go. My maternal grandmother spent nine years in a nursing home not recognizing her family.

I don't missy grsndmother's anymore, but I still miss my sisyer who dies 20 years ago and my mother who died 6 years ago. Mom never got over the death of my sister. I'm glad my father is still going strong at age 82. Tomorrow (this?) morning we're driving 280 miles to my brothers house and I still do not get to drive.

[intaglio]

21. I feel sorry for you loosing your mother

But ...

Your mother doesn't seem to feel that way. Talk to her, not about the emotional pain and regret you and other family members have, but about her feelings. Don't try to impose feelings on her.

I know when my mother entered her last illness, she loathed the discomfort but did not fear, indeed she was relieved she would not carry on for years with a body failing in ever more "interesting" ways or a mind slowly being eaten by dementia. Your mother will probably have had a growing awareness that her life would not continue on and on.

I repeat, talk to your mother; let her know how much you'll miss her and how you are frightened or angry about any pain or discomfort she might feel. Tell her you will support whatever choices she chooses about treatment or palliative care but above all listen to her.