Having a hard time moving forward into job search mode
2 days ago I finished the last big cleaning task -- cleaning up the garage for the first time in 4 or 5 years. It's time to start moving forward. I was supposed to start filling out applications all week, but I started having severe insomnia Sunday night and didn't really recover until the week was nearly over. Now I'm sleeping ok (with meditation recordings playing all night).
Yesterday morning I realized I hadn't given myself a full day "off" in a bloody long time. Years? I don't know. There was always either work or some scheduled chore or other. So I gave myself yesterday off.
Today is the day. I must start filling applications. I'm just having a really hard time motivating myself for minimum wage retail jobs, which are about all that's available here.
I keep offering myself rewards to move forward, but no reward seems to cut it any more. And I'm sad and depressed.
2 days ago, Oaksley unexpectedly decided to join up with Neptune. There was no sign he was going to do it -- rather the opposite. He's been very shy about leaving the barn until I turn the horses out at noontime or so. And very, very loving. He would climb up my legs until I picked him up, and wrap his legs around my neck and nuzzle my face and neck and shoulders, purring. He followed me and the horses everywhere. Follow or watch me while cleaning the barn. Follow me while walking around the pasture. Follow me and the horses when I put them out. While I played with Dahli he would hang in the ring with us. The last time I lunged her, he stalked her from outside the circle and then, as she approached, would suddenly turn and sprint away. I videoed my last ride on Dahli -- he shows up in several spots on the video. Then I started the insomnia, and for a couple days spent less time with him because I was so tired and foggy. Still visiting, holding and playing with him several times a day, for for shorter time periods.
And then, the night after the afternoon I spotted Neptune at 4:30pm. I didn't sleep at all. At 2am the light on my front door came on. I ran to check -- when I put on the floodlights, I spotted Neptune trotting alongside the garden headed down to the barn. I went back to bed. A few minutes later, the light went on a 2nd time. And a few minutes after that, the light came on a 3rd time. I thought Neptune was walking back & forth in the front.
THe next morning, Oaksley was gone. I haven't seen him since. I had wondered if Neptune might be hanging out with that gray tiger that unexpected showed up when I first brought my kitties home. Now I'm thinking the 3 lights were the 3 of them.
I still put their food out at night and it's gone by morning. I checked last night at 9pm and most of it was gone. This morning, the remaining bit was gone. I can't believe Oaksley left me. 
Neptune, we expected. But not Oaksley.
I woke up at 3:45 or so this morning. A short time later the front lights came on. I ran to check, but didn't see anything for sure. I *may* have seen a light colored tail across the street headed into the dark, so maybe that was Oaksley and maybe the house light or something else startled him.
= new reply since forum marked as read
I'd guess that if you keep feeding them, sooner or later with the weather change, Oaksley will want to be back snug and warm.
I've lost two barn kitties this year after never losing one. It's really heartbreaking.
Good luck on the job search. I really hope you can find something interesting and inspiring
Big vibes coming your way
about 40 minutes away. They don't say how many hours they are, but worth applying anyway.
Thank you. Hadn't seen that list before! 
