Do some parents give their children sweets just to make them smile?

[Puzzledtraveller]

I'm asking this for a very specific reason. I tried several searches to see if their was any discussion on how sweets and desserts are used as forms of affection and to basically make loved ones happy. My fiance used to be considerably overweight. She taken many steps to improve her health and reduce her weight and I am amazed at what she has accomplished. I support her efforts to stay fit both by exercising with her and helping to make healthy meals and keep her encouraged. She just completed graduate school and during that time she was living in her parents home to help her with her son and to save on expenses while she studied.
During my visits I noticed that both her mother and father would frequently bring home sweets and desserts after work and from their routine trips to the grocery store. My fiance admitted having a sever weakness to sweets and sugar and that it bothered her that they continued to bring these foods home. My fiance has the most amazing smile and it is nearly impossible not to be lifted by it. I can be in the worst of moods and her smile brings me right up.
I have noticed that the occasional treat makes her happy and elicits a beaming smile that brightens the room. I began to wonder if perhaps her parents did this, perhaps unconsciously just to make her happy, to make her smile. I recall how her mom had commented on a childhood photo of my fiance on Facebook that she had the prettiest smile and how it made her happy to see it. I don't want to end up doing the same thing to her either.

[ginnyinWI]

1. yes and it might well be subconscious

Parents of adult children still want to be relevant to their children--to brighten their day or lift their load. They don't see the potential harm it can cause, having sweets and desserts around all the time for someone who is trying to keep weight off. Sugar can be a very addicting thing, and I've just been reading how it is metabolically active: that is, the sugar keeps a lot of insulin circulating which stimulates the appetite, suppresses satiety hormones, and puts on pounds. It's more than just the calories--it works against weight loss big time.

Long time dieters know how food= love so often, and meet a lot of resistance from family members who want to keep on giving that "love". Better to give hugs and kisses, right? From little on, we reward kids with food or make them feel better when they scrape their knee with a sweet. Hard habit to break.

[handmade34]

2. "Salt, Sugar, Fat"

by Michael Moss... read the Sugar part and it will give your answer...


http://www.doctoroz.com/videos/salt-sugar-and-fat-real-reason-youre-addicted-junk-food-pt-1

[LauraNb]

3. Food and emotions...

I think there is a huge emotional link to food. Lots of people 'reward' themselves with food, not usually healthy food either and I think parents reward kids with sweets etc too, which is a bad habit to get into.
Maybe people who were rewarded with sweets as a child associate that kind of food with getting attention and equate it with love?

[MissMillie]

4. I don't think there's anything wrong w/ that

so long as parents also do other things to make their kids smile--specifically spending quality time with them, bolstering their self-esteem.

I defeated obesity.... lost 148 lbs to do so.

But even now a bite of chocolate or a cookie can make me smile. It's not the only thing that makes me smile, but it still can make me smile.

[laundry_queen]

5. you said what I was thinking

I grew up in a home where the only time my parents were being nice was when they were giving us food. It was the only thing they gave freely - everything else had strings attached, including their affection. My mom was of the opinion that parents must feed their kids no matter what, so food was her primary way of caring for us. The rest of it she deeply resented, but not feeding us. It was also the only times she was mostly nice to us and showed some caring and selflessness. The rest of the time, my mom (a narcissist) was very selfish - with her time, money, affection...my dad too. They only cared about each other (very co-dependent) so mealtimes were the only times we were a 'family'. She also used treats to reward us or to bribe us - the rest of the time treats were severely restricted.
Then I became a teenager and she stopped using treats to make me happy and began to shame me for eating them instead. She was always obsessed with everyone's weight and so as a teen, I was bigger than her (she's small boned, and I'm not, my shoulders were always very wide compared to hers, and I'm very muscular) and she was horrified and began to shame me.

I guess it was around that time when I had a job and I could afford all kinds of junk food I began to 'treat' myself (in private to avoid shaming) to make myself feel better. On some level, eating junk food must've reminded me of being cared for as a child.

I struggle with this all the time. I can suppress it for months or even years, and then it rears up during times of stress. I'll eat healthy for years and then I spend 6 months 'treating' myself several times a week and I gain a ton of weight back. Very frustrating. I really need some counselling regarding this.

As for my own children - we have treats together, but we spend a lot of time together having fun and doing other things. I don't just 'care' for them at mealtimes, I 'care' for them all of the time. In fact, I think I've subconsciously made mealtimes very matter-of-fact so as not to make my kids link food with love. I spend a lot more time just listening to them, snuggling, hearing about their day, talking about their wants, needs, dreams...we are a family together, we are not 'parent' and 'kids' at different levels. Not to say I'm their 'friend' - I'm clearly their parent, but I don't make it so I elevate myself as a parent and make the kids feel like crap so I can control them (like my parents did).

The really bizarre and funny thing is my parents continued this way of treating children with my kids. And now my kids only associate time with grandma and grandpa with the foods they tend to serve. If I say we're going for a visit, they'll ask, "are we having wings or steak? Can we have a pop?" As soon as they are done eating, they want to go home, because my parents don't make them feel valued unless they are feeding them...just like they did with my brother and I. It's bizarre to see it from a distance.