Lance Armstrong Lets Down Single Person Who Still Believed Him
AUSTIN, TX—Following cyclist Lance Armstrong’s announcement last night that he was dropping his opposition to charges that he used performance-enhancing drugs, a sense of profound disappointment reportedly settled over the single individual left on Earth who still believed he was innocent.
Gary Osgood, a 32-year-old sales account executive, and the only person in the world who did not react to the news that Armstrong would be stripped of his seven Tour de France titles with a shrug of his shoulders and a knowing nod, told reporters he was devastated by the story.
Saying he felt “truly let down” by Armstrong, Osgood expressed a sense of anger and frustration that more than 300 million U.S. residents had already experienced and come to terms with at least three years ago.
“I still can’t believe it,” said Osgood, displaying a profound bewilderment and shock that was felt by no one else in the world. “You really stand behind an athlete and then something like this happens. Honestly, I don’t even know what to say.”
Read more: http://www.theonion.com/articles/lance-armstrong-lets-down-single-person-who-still,29313/
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