Republicans Pleading for Atheist Vote

[rug]

By James Kirk Wall, today at 7:24 am

In a startling turn of events, Republican presidential candidates are now catering to the rapidly growing atheist vote to achieve victory in November. The muddied and bruised Presidential contenders desperate to beat Obama are pulling out all the stops.

Newt Gingrich recently stated that he was just kidding about a trust issue with people who don’t pray. He also denied any comparisons made between atheists and radical Islamists. Newt humbly recognized that Thomas Jefferson was not a divine prophet and that individual liberties come from the greatest moral reason of mankind with absolutely nothing to do with god.

Distancing himself from religion, Mitt Romney admitted that he followed Mormonism as a cool club with Darwinian advantages and dismissed any divine claims. He stated that upon inauguration he would immediately replace “In God We Trust” with “We the Entrepreneurs” on U.S. currency.

In an attempt to align himself closer with the atheists and 99% of the U.S. population, Rick Santorum admitted that he did occasionally have sex just for fun and giggles and that contraception was more of an issue of adult responsibility than morality. He vowed that as President he would sign a law forcing Catholic churches to teach evolution and to tax all religious income.

http://www.chicagonow.com/an-agnostic-in-wheaton/2012/02/republicans-pleading-for-atheist-vote/

[LeftishBrit]

1. I thought this must be from the Onion...

It wasn't but it still contained flying pigs!

[Lost-in-FL]

2. I can already see Faux News speaking of the "Atheist moms".

[saras]

3. Spoiler alert...

Filed under: atheist, Religion, Republican
Tags: 2012 election, humor, Mitt Romney, Newt Gingrich, President, Rick Santorum, Ron Paul, satire

The problem with saying shit like this is that one of them is ACTUALLY LIKELY TO DO IT. It's like you can't joke about right-wing hate speech or violence, because no matter how extreme or sarcastic you are, someone will TAKE YOU SERIOUSLY.

This, for example, is entirely believable: "Distancing himself from religion, Mitt Romney admitted that he followed Mormonism as a cool club with Darwinian advantages and dismissed any divine claims."

You can only tell it's satire because they all do it at once. In real life, it would be something else for them to knife each other in the balls over.