Christian beliefs vs Christian behaviors...

[Curmudgeoness]

I am going to a neighbor's house for Easter dinner tomorrow. She and her family make no indication that they are religious. They do not go to church, ever. Not even a dutiful Christmas visit. We have never discussed religion or beliefs, so I have no idea what, if any, beliefs they have.

Contrast this with several very religious people who I know. They all know that I have no family living close. They will all ask me Monday what I did for the day. Most times when they ask, I tell them that I just stayed home and it was like any day. So these people all know that I am usually alone on holidays. But they have never been asked to join their families for the day. I almost have the feeling that they get a sick pleasure from knowing that they are in a better position than I am, or why would they continue to rub it in by asking me what I did every time.

I may be reading more into their behavior than there is, but what I am not reading wrong is that this one person often invites me to join her family while others who should be more compassionate are not. I say "should be more compassionate" based on how much they proclaim their faith and belief in God.

I am writing this in hopes that the Christians who read this will think about people who are not as lucky, who are alone on holidays. If you tell everyone about your faith but do not put it into action, you may be giving the wrong impression to others. I have much more respect for the person who thinks of me at a time like this but never tells me her beliefs than I do for the people who try to convince me how good they are.

[xchrom]

1. The world is ... & will always be imperfect. Nt

[cbayer]

2. Curmudgeoness,

Do you say the things you say here around them? Do you give any indication of your disdain and sometimes open hostility towards religion? Perhaps they don't want to spend a holiday around people who mock or ridicule their beliefs?

Would you even be comfortable being around people who were celebrating Easter from a religious perspective? Based on what I know of you, I think you would not be.

I was raised in a tradition of always sharing special meals and holidays with all kinds of people no matter what they believed or didn't believe. My family actively sought out the most isolated, lonely or needy. And no one was expected to pretend they shared the beliefs being celebrated, but if they were hostile they might not be invited back.

Then again, they probably would be, but my house was pretty extreme in that regard (oh, the stories I could tell).

[Curmudgeoness]

5. Your family did just what I am talking about.

I do not criticize Christians who I know, and I listen to all of their pontifications without comment. I know that this is not a discussion that I want to have with people who I consider friends. I have told them that I do not believe in God, so they do know that much. But I have even referenced their beliefs when dealing with things like the death of a parent---I respect their choice to believe. I would bet that most of these people, if not all of them, would do nothing more for this holiday than a prayer before eating. And I have always been polite in those situations. But you are right, if they are going to re-enact the crucifixion or something else that really gets into the holiday, I would not want to be invited.

Yes, I do not believe in God, and yes, I do have a problem with organized religion (which was the first step toward atheism), but I am not an activist about it. I am apathetic. But maybe this holiday is not the one I should have chosen to ask people to be more compassionate....although I could have chosen any, like Memorial Day.

And I would like to hear some of those stories. I have a few myself from when I used to know so many people who had no family close to them, so we all had dinners together---like Christmas dinner with several people I knew who had no place to go, including an Israeli Jewish friend who I insisted should join us (he had a good time too).

[cbayer]

7. Have you thought about asking these people to share a celebration at your house?

[Curmudgeoness]

9. I have done that.

They all have plans with their families. One of the problems with where I live now is that the only thing that keeps people here is family, so they all have relatives to share the meals with. I was in Houston for a long time, and that was a city where too many of us had left our hometowns and relatives for jobs. It was easy there. I am now in an economically depressed area, and people stay here mostly to be near family. Here, even people who I didn't realize had family do have relatives around. Then again, I am quite sure there are plenty of people who have no place to go, I just don't know them.

[cbayer]

11. When I found myself in places where I knew few people and none of them ever

invited me over for a holiday celebration, I found comfort in going to places where there were people who had less than me. I have delivered meals, worked at soup kitchens - things like that.

And I met some likeminded souls there.

I hope you have a wonderful time tomorrow. No matter how you see the world, it is Spring, a time of renewal and hope.

[wandy]

3. I have had similar experiences. It is always those of subtle faith that....

invite me for holiday meals. Its the religious folk that ask me, after the holiday, why I don't remarry.
Go figure.

[Curmudgeoness]

6. Oh my, that is a question best left unasked!

I never married, so you can imagine what I went through----but at this point, no one expects it anymore.

[rug]

4. I think she's a good person, regardless of faith.

[Curmudgeoness]

8. Thank you, rug. My point

is not whether I am a good person or not. It is just to remind people to live their beliefs and remember all the people out there who are often left out and alone.

[rug]

10. It's a point worth repeating every day.

[dmallind]

12. Maybe you are reading too much into this though

My answers to similar questions sound very much like yours, but I would neither seek nor welcome nor accept invitations to staged whole-family events - religious or otherwise. Not everyone enjoys such things, and the tales of stressful repression and unfortunate outbursts at these things are cliches for a reason - they are frequently true.

I was mentioning to my friendly bartender last month that while I'm not an everyday drinker anyway the two days he would never ever see me for sure were St. Patrick's Day and New Year's Eve, both with too many unaccustomed drinkers getting too loose. He said the biggest take and rowdiest crowd is actually on the day before Thanksgiving, as people blow off the stress of being with their families in too-close circumstances. It had never occurred to me before as I pay as little attention to Thanksgiving as to most holidays (again religious or otherwise), but on reflection I did recall that I'd seen a few wild Wednesdays in November.

Nor subjecting you to that is not uncharitable exclusion - it's respectful concern.

[Curmudgeoness]

15. LOL, I get it.

You may be right, it may be a blessing in disguise to not be invited to family dinners. I have mostly good memories of all of our family's holidays, so I don't think about it in those terms. We had a very disfunctional family with lots of problems, but it seemed that holidays were a time of reprieve here. Or maybe I have a fuzzy memory and have blocked out the bad ones.

[PassingFair]

13. We have Thanksgiving and Christmas dinner for my extended family every year.

None of my siblings will step up and do it.

I invite ALL of them. Always.
Sometimes they make other plans with other in-laws.

Mostly, everyone comes.

16 to 21 people...

I do NOT say grace. Others can do as they please, but if the kids
want to snap their crackers during whatever observance they want
to do before the meal, I'm not telling them to shush.

Easter is a different story.

I have dinner here, for anyone who wants to come.

My mother (a believer) usually holds out to see if one
of my religious siblings (or their spouse) will invite her.

If one does, she goes there.

I don't have a problem with this.

My family is NOT invited to these dinners.

Probably for the reasons some believers here might fear.

But when I or my children accept an invitation to someone else's
house for THEIR celebration. They can be counted on to keep the
peace.

After all, they DO believe in ham. And they DO believe in dinner. And they DO believe in family.

I have my issues with religion, but I don't go into churches and
wave burning crosses around in the aisles, I don't protest at
funerals, and I wouldn't take a
verbal crap at someone else's dinner table if I was being invited to,
and had accepted, an invitation to a religious festivity.


(Although my children, when they were young, might have.)

[Curmudgeoness]

14. You are obviously a good person.

Giving and not asking anything in return is a virtue. It sounds like you enjoy these dinners. Family really is important, whether they will step up and take their turns with holiday dinners or not. Unfortunately, my family is spread all over, and there are few of us. We are in PA, TX and CA----lots of miles between all of us.