Grandma’s Passing: A Humanist Funeral
April 28, 2016
Brianne Bilyeu
Humanist Celebrant, Humanist Funeral
Back at the beginning of April my Grandma De died. It was expected; she was ill and had achieved a respectable 83 years of life. I had actually spent a week down in Southern Illinois with her and my family two weeks prior because everyone, including her, knew that she was…
cue five minutes of typing and deleting and typing not trying to write poetry or be trite or robotic or grotesquely blunt and finally settling on
…dying. She was dying. And on April 3, 2016 she died at home in her sleep with my aunt by her side and her dog, Buddy, sleeping at her feet.
When my Dad died I was a mess. I felt hopeless and helpless. I was living and working in Minnesota while he was dying eight hours away in home hospice with my mother caring for him on her own.
cue unanticipated crying break
aaaand we’re back.
I came home for his funeral, but I could do nothing but grieve – which is a nice way of saying I stood around alternating between feeling numb, guilty, angry and fornlorn. It was my Dad, and he was too young, and he was gone. I was a mess on the ride home. I was a mess at the visitation, at the funeral, and during all of the in between times. I was a mess on the trip back to Minnesota, and for quite a while afterwards.
For many reasons I felt much more at peace with my Grandma’s passing and funeral. I have memories of her that were formed over family holidays and celebrations – and they are good and plentiful. But they are the simple, uncomplicated feelings of a granddaughter for a grandma who never lived closer than six hours from us. This was a woman who almost always put on her happy face for me. A woman who sent checks at Christmas and birthdays and gave hugs at parties and kisses at weddings. I know that she was so much more complex than that – and I enjoyed seeing glimpses of this more nuanced woman as I grew older – but the distance affords a bit of a buffer. I can consider her passing and think “Thanks for all the good times. I hope you had a good run, Grandma.”
http://the-orbit.net/biodork/2016/04/28/grandmas-passing/
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