Women in Abusive Religions:Why Do People “Drink The Koolaid”

[SpartanDem]

Are they “drinking the Kool-Aid”? Brainwashed? Deceived? Have Quiverfull women been beaten into submission or bullied by fanatical, power-hungry male pastors? To outsiders, fundamentalist women often seem ignorant, ill-informed, illogical – perhaps even dim-witted or crazy.

Sure committed Christian women are choosing for themselves to live submissively and self-sacrificially – they are living martyrs willingly. But why?!

While I was never in Quiverfull, I did get into the shepherding/dominion movement back in my college years, as I have shared earlier on this blog. No, I wasn’t bullied into joining or “beaten into submission.” My initial choice was not made under duress at all, though later, the reasons I stayed certainly included fear of negative consequences (such as being disfellowshipped and having the friends I had made there become my enemies). But my own reasons for getting into a spiritually abusive Christian movement were like this:

1. It was cool to be part of a group that welcomed me. I had experienced a lot of rejection from my peers in the school system, and I desperately wanted to fit in somewhere. The people in this group were so warm and friendly when I went to their meetings, that I could hardly resist the feeling of belonging they gave me. (I later learned that this is called “love bombing”, and I was taught myself to do it to newcomers that came after me, in order to get them to join the movement).

http://www.patheos.com/blogs/nolongerquivering/2013/01/why-do-people-drink-the-koolaid/

[Manifestor_of_Light]

1. I couldn't handle a preacher telling me I was a worthless POS just because I was alive.

Original sin is an evil, abusive idea based on a fairy tale.
It took a lot of courage to leave but it was impossible to stay.

[deutsey]

5. I went to an Ash Wednesday service yesterday at the local Episcopal church

I'm not an Episcopalian (I'm a UU), but I was just interested in attending because I like the rector and sometimes I like being a part of the pageantry of traditional services.

The rector gave a wonderful homily that really resonated with me, but the service in general put me off when we read the traditional stuff from the Common Prayer Book or whatever it's called. All the stuff about how wretched and undeserving we are, etc.

As you say, it did feel abusive to me.

[dimbear]

2. Speaking strictly scientifically and statistically, men like porn and women like romance novels.

It's the same effect.

[sigmasix]

3. can you elaborate?

I'm interested; how are these issues related? Men seem to line-up for a fair amount of dehumanization and objectification in the name of fundamentalist dogma- whole sects exist that teach nothing but self flagellation for the sin of being human, in service to God. Some religions teach the poor and uneducated that God made them that way- and working towards justice and change for the better is sinful. The religions that feature a sinful and degraded view of mankind tend to be the most abusive towards the most defenseless. (Catholic anti-revolutionary teachings dovetail with centuries of child-rape, Hindu notions of untouchables and a lack of respect for justice, freedom and equality for women and the poor)
So I'm interested in the suggestion you have made- can you elaborate?

[dimbear]

9. That's a good summary. Porn is about control, that's the attractor. Romance novels are more

circuituous, they revolve around the heroine possessing secret knowledge about the otherwise strong male. Both genres evolved from millions of years of natural selection in mammalian brains, and neither should be ignored if we want to grow to be better human beings.

Every man should grit his teeth and read some romance novels, every woman should grit her teeth and read some porn. It's part of everyone's education. If necessary remember the old philospher's saying "nothing human disgusts me." If anyone wants a particular case to which to apply this learning, they should study the early years of the Mormon church.

[Daemonaquila]

4. The first paragraph covered it adequately.

... ignorant, ill-informed, illogical – perhaps even dim-witted or crazy.

Yup, that would cover it. The rest of the article is a series of excuses for the above. People do come from all walks of life, from families that run the gamut from great to abusive, etc., etc., etc. But nothing in the article rebuts the basic concepts of being weak willed and weak minded.

[cbayer]

7. Wow, that's some blaming the victim there.

Would you call a woman in an abusive relationship with a man that she was merely weak willed and weak minded?

[SpartanDem]

8. So emotionally vulnerable people who get taken advantage of are stupid?

I think that's a pretty callous view.

[cbayer]

6. Wow, what a brave and insightful article.

Thanks so much for posting this. I hope many see it.