Lawyer: Apple Should Protect Me From My Porn Addiction

[onager]

Techdirt posted this mind-boggling story yesterday. Has nothing to do with atheism/religion, you say? Oh, sure it does!

A Nashville lawyer, Chris Sevier, has filed a 50-page complaint in Federal court seeking damages and injunctive relief against Apple. That complaint is a masterpiece of misogyny, weird religious appeals, bizarre attempts to evade personal responsibility, historical revisionism and just general lulz.

Sevier wants Apple to sell all its devices with a filter completely blocking all internet porn. Users would then have to contact Apple and sign a form acknowledging "the evils of pornography."

Why? Because porn ruined his life. You can real his entire Federal complaint at Techdirt, link below, so no need for me to copypasta it here.

But I can't resist posting a couple of gems from the complaint. And remember, this thing was actually filed in Federal court:

"In the 1950s, before there was in the internet and the ACLU, we had prayer in school, males were not flaming out academically, there was no need for viagra commercials to clog up our televisions late at not, homosexuals were substantially fewer in number, sex trafficking was virtually nonexistent, prostitution was way down, and child porn was unheard of. Why are things different – easily accessible pornography accessible through high speed internet and devices like Apple products is one contributing factor in that complex answer."

Of course, it was NEVER his fault that pr0n reached out of the internet and grabbed him by the...throat. It was all just a simple mistake:

"In using safari, the Plaintiff accidentally misspelled “facebook.com” which lead him to “fuckbook.com” and a host of web sites that caused him to see pornographic images that appealed to his biological sensibilities as a male and lead to an unwanted addiction with adverse consequences..."

ROFL! I hope he never searches the net for car repair advice, using the term "blown tranny."

http://www.techdirt.com/articles/20130712/13065523783/lawyer-apple-should-protect-me-my-porn-addiction.shtml

[NYC_SKP]

1. fuckbook.com gonna have to check that out. I blame DU.

Seriously, all the things claimed to have ruined his life have existed forever. Viagra in the form of 'herbal remedies' or rhino horn, prostitution, all sorts of porn and, dare I say, teh gays.

Too funny.

[EvolveOrConvolve]

2. In a little experiment, I did a Google image search for "blown tranny" with SafeSearch turned off

And can confirm that it does indeed, NOT return any results relating to cars.

[mbperrin]

3. He should have filed in Iowa! The Supreme Court there has ruled that women who

are too pretty can be fired before their bosses feel tempted to have an affair!

No reason the same wackos wouldn't find that Apple allows some weirdo to be tempted to find porn!


The Onion may as well close the doors. Satire is obsolete in the current world.

[Locut0s]

4. Ahh religion. 2000+ years of passing the buck...

It's never my fault. I'm not the reason I'm addicted to porn, it's teh gays, and teh womenz, ahh stop it I can't look, take them away!!

[dimbear]

5. Someone who spells that badly should be playing with alphabet blocks,

not a computer. Either that or find out about Freudian slips.

[Brainstormy]

7. it's the porn

which obviously caused him to "flame out academically."

[TxDemChem]

6. Wow. Not only does he not take responsibility for his actions, but

He also has some Leave It To Beaver bullshit memories going on.

[SwissTony]

8. Yeah, 'a' and 'u', and 'e' and 'k'...

I mean they are right next to each other on the keyboard, aren't they.

[deucemagnet]

10. It's about time somebody addressed this problem.

I can't tell you how many times I tried to go to twitter.com and accidentally typed http: //www.pornhub.com/video/search?search=hot%2Bamateur%2Bmilf.

[SwissTony]

11. I have the same problem. I try and type in

http://www.sesamestreet.org/

but always get sites with horny soccer moms. Those keys are just too close together. It's an understandable mistake!!

[muriel_volestrangler]

9. 'unregulated internet porn is hurting brick and mortar or “mom and pop” porn shops'

Won't someone think of Hugh Heffner?

[progressoid]

12. Wow.

Just....wow.

[AlbertCat]

13. "In the 1950s, before there was in the internet and the ACLU...."

All he did was watch TV....obviously. But not the news.

[JNelson6563]

14. Too many lolz!

and that "blown tranny" closing was priceless!



Julie

[0zone]

15. He's putting the blame in the wrong place.

Bill Gates is to blame for this! Steve Jobs is an angle in heaven now!