I got cursed by a fundy

[frogmarch]

Or maybe I got blessed. I dunno.

He said he hoped that when I die, my remains will nourish a tree whose wood will be made into paper upon which bibles will be printed.

Oh, nooooos!

[JNelson6563]

1. I reckon that's spreading the love of god, right there.

Bible god is one vindictive bastard so it makes sense the worshippers of such being would be too. Whatcha gonna do? They're assholes, plain and simple.

Julie

[frogmarch]

2. I told him

to be careful what he wished for. Even dead I might have a thing or two to say about a thing or two, and those bibles could come in handy. He harrumphed and walked away.

Yeah, this god character sure is, and some of his toadies are too.

[AtheistCrusader]

3. I let rip into a fundy on Memorial Day.

Every time I go to the baseball game, with my wife and kid, there's 4-10 jackalopes in front of the main entrance to the stadium with huge signs, and a damn megaphone, screeching about 'sin' and 'jebus' and burning in hell and all that crap. Seriously loud.

Basically they have the yelly guy in the back and these friendly skirmishers that walk up to you and ask you if you've found jesus, like change under your couch cushions or something, and they try to hand out these tiny one-sheet pamphlets. I paused for my kid to get out of earshot, and man, I had some pent-up anger to release, holy shit. I won't repeat it here, but suffice to say, apparently I was upset.

I've never seen a smile vanish so fast.

[Warpy]

7. "Why? Did you lose him?"

Honestly, the answers to fundy nutjobs just write themselves most of the time.

I've been known to go up to the fire and brimstone types who tell me I'm going to hell and give them a hearty handshake that's firm enough they can't escape and tell them I knew god was dead, but I'd been unaware they'd gotten his job, congratulations!

It's fun watching them try to reboot.

[frogmarch]

9. They just don't get that

their in-your-face proselytizing turns most people off, even many Christians.

Good for you giving them an earful.

[ChairmanAgnostic]

4. except for the printing bit, the rest of it was nice.

But why publish more crap? There is enough poor writing (see generally, Harlequin novels, Robert Parker's last decade, Joe Scar, and any of the Palinesque purported books) in the world already.

[frogmarch]

10. ha, yep!

I'm going to use what you said the next time I need a snappy comeback to one of these people.

Yes, the tree part was nice. And it was good of him to not mention worms.

[Arugula Latte]

5. Sidenote: "Feed the tree" is a synonym for dying in the South.

Last edited Tue Jul 1, 2014, 10:22 AM - Edit history (1)

I like that one. It's better than "become a toxic mess of chemicals in a non-biodegradable sealed case."

But the Bible part -- yech.

[frogmarch]

11. I like it too.

Thanks for posting the video. Nice! I really like it now that I looked up the lyrics.

[pokerfan]

6. Was it Dane Cook?

[frogmarch]

12. Hahahahaha!

My fundy curser couldn't even write his own material! I can't wait to see him again so I let him know I'm onto him.

[progressoid]

29. Ugh. I loath that guy.

And that little clip cements my loathing.

[Act_of_Reparation]

8. A curse lifted from Dane Cook?

Christ, what a hackjob.

[frogmarch]

13. No kidding!

He makes me wanna give him a good bop alongside his head.

[Rob H.]

14. I wouldn't mind nourishing a tree after I'm gone

There's a thing called a Bios Urn that your ashes and a tree seed can be placed in and planted. You can even choose the kind of tree, if you like.

(Gerald Moline's) Bios Urn is a biodegradable urn made from coconut shell, compacted peat and cellulose and inside it contains the seed of a tree. Once your remains have been placed into the urn, it can be planted and then the seed germinates and begins to grow. You even have the choice to pick the type of plant you would like to become, depending on what kind of planting space you prefer.

I can think of worse things happening to my ashes than being under the roots a tree whose branches children climb in, birds and squirrels nest in, and weary hikers could enjoy the shade beneath. Better than being interred in some crypt or buried in a cemetery somewhere.

[frogmarch]

15. I like that.

Thanks!

[defacto7]

21. I want that!

[F4lconF16]

22. I would just like to recommend

that you consider being an organ/body donor. You never know who your body might save, and bodies can be very useful in the science and research community. It's what I am planning to have done with me, as I have no particular attachment to my dead body (that, and I figure my other plan for shooting my ashes into a black hole or something equivalently awesome was unfeasible).

[Warren Stupidity]

16. no smiting?

I long for the good old days when the psycho-god smote people.

[frogmarch]

17. He must have quit smoting.

Now he contracts it out.

[Lordquinton]

23. So the angels now have second hand smotes?

[TxDemChem]

18. Lol that's a new one

[Curmudgeoness]

19. I can't stop laughing at that "curse".

I am sure that I would have laughed so hard at him that he would have been afraid.

[Delmette]

20. A tree is good.

I have told my sons to bury my ashes under a tree. Then every time they go by the tree they can wave and say "Hi, Mom!" Or sit in the shade and talk to me.

[LostOne4Ever]

24. Maybeeeeeeee

They will be Satanic Bibles

[DetlefK]

25. Damn, that's a good one. :D

[kairos12]

26. If that was the case for me, i'd hate to spend all of my time stuck in a motel desk drawer.

[sirkseetsalot]

27. My witty response to him would of been.

And when you die, send me all your bibles, so I have fresh toilet paper to last the rest of my life.

[Arugula Latte]

28. Haha!

Welcome to DU!

[theHandpuppet]

30. Why not a Sears catalog?

At least we know those were put to some good, practical use.